A Jane Austen Heroine

In my post Re-Reading Jane I talked about the new book I was reading and how much I loved it... well I just finished it and I still love it. I have learned Austen's novels are not just love stories they are life lessons. William Deresiewics talks about how in each book we learn life lessons. In Emma the life lesson was not to take the small moments for granted, in Pride & Prejudice we learn that we will make mistakes it is a part of growing up but we have to admit we make mistakes and learn from them.

Then he goes further how in Northanger Abbey we learn how to learn, not just to answer questions but to experience life and he challenged us that we can still learn to love things. I will admit Northanger Abbey is not my favorite book so that chapter didn't really resonate with me as the chapters on Emma and Pride & Prejudice did. But at the end he captured me with this sentence We can never reach the end of what's inside us, never know the limit of our own potential. I am still mulling it over what that means for me. But I remember in high school my guidance counselor always telling me I had great potential. I wanted to laugh in her face because I could not see much potential in me. But I like this line because we don't know what potential we have, we can stop our potential if we stop trying to be better selves or just think we are only good at one thing and that's it. But I think we all have more potential in us if we are willing just to risk a bit more. I don't know if Jane Austen wants us to risk things but I know she wanted us to keep learning. William wrote that in Northanger Abbey, the heroine Catherine learned to love a food, and we can learn to love something too we just have to try.

The next chapter was on Mansfield Park. When I first read Mansfield Park I didn't like it because the heroine was too mousy, she was quiet for most of the book the only time she got attention was when her cousins went away and Henry Crawford is only paying attention to her as a game for himself. Then there is Mary Crawford who is opinionated, passionate, and attractive. But we aren't really suppose to like her because she seems to care little for the people around her (if they aren't doing things her way) and she is unwilling to marry the man she loves because he wants to be a simple clergy man. But you also don't like her because she and most of the characters in the book are only out to seek their amusement. Fanny Price is different she is always serving her aunts, even when no one notices and holds on to her values even when it is not popular. Austen makes her the heroine of the story because she is good to all those around her even when no one notices. Choosing Fanny-ness over Mary-ness does not come naturally and is not particularly pleasant, but, Austen was telling us, it is what we deed to do. 

Then he discussed Persuasion, a novel I have always thought was one of Austen's darker novels. The novel's heroine Anne, is at the end of her bloom at the age of 27, she is basically an out cast from her family as she does not think like them, and she seems to miss the chance of her love when she rejected Captain Wentworth eight years earlier. Of course when she rejected Captain Wentworth she was was persuaded wrongly because her family and family friends thought she could do better than him. But in the novel Anne discovers that family might be the people we are born into but friends are the family we choose. While in some ways I feel myself as an outcast from my family as I have chosen to live in Boston while most of my family lives still in the mid-west, I sometimes feel I don't fit in to that world... but I am luckier Anne, as while I might feel like I don't fit into my family I still feel their love and I don't think Anne felt the love of her family. I am also lucky that I have made a great group of friends out here in Boston, some I call my second family. I have a great friend who is not that much older than me, but I call her my Boston mom, as she is protective of me and when I need to cry I go to her and she is there with open arms but also there to give advice. But Anne is the heroine of the story because she learns not listen to her family's negativity and because close friends with Mrs. Smith, a woman who needs Anne but her family doesn't understand her friendship.

William reading Persuasion learns that being a true friend means not just making sure your friends are happy all the time. To be a true friend it means admitting when you're wrong, but more importantly it means being willing to tell your friend when they are.True friendship to in our world is described by William as being about unconditional acceptance and support. The true friend validates your feelings,, takes your side at all times, helps you feel good about yourself at all times, and never judges you. But that is not the idea of true happiness to Austen for her, being happy means becoming a better person, and becoming a better person means having your mistakes pointed out to you in a way that you can't ignore. In that way it seems that a friend is like a mentor or in the Christian world we call that an accountability partner. In way a good friend is not only there to point out your mistakes but they are to help you through your errors and trials, looking back on the story of Northanger Abbey, I can see Anne sticking by her friends and family even when they are not perfect (and in reality who is ever perfect?)

The last chapter is about Sense and Sensibility and falling in love. In Sense and Sensibility there are two love stories the one between Elinor and Edward Ferras and Marianne and Mr. Willoughby. Elinor's love story is very modest and quiet but Marianne's is passionate and kind of in your face. I think if Marianne and Mr. Willoughby lived today you would be disgusted by their PDA. Marianne wants a passionate love story and doesn't think there is any other kind of love to have than the ones that exist in novels or plays (she sites Romeo and Juliet) but Austen points out that those passionate loves also die out quickly. Marianne was quick to believe that Willoughby was her soul mate (sometimes an idea I think I put too much hope in) but Austen had no use for things like fate or soul mats, second selves or other halves...or any other mythical idea which we try to turn love into something cosmic. A relationship is dependent, at least in it inception, not on destiny but on it very opposite--chance. But it William also notes for Austen love is not something that happens to you suddenly or otherwise; it's something you have to prepare yourself for... For Austen, before you fall in love with someone else, you have to know yourself.  

I am ready to say I want to be a Jane Austen heroine, I know a lot of girls say that and they mean they want to have a Jane Austen love story... well that might be true but I want to be is an Austen heroine who spends some of her life living in an ideal world with big dreams but then learns through mistakes and errors the life she really wants. I want to be a little bit of all the heroines serving generously and loving softly like Fanny Price, being a hopeful romantic who is not afraid to speak her mind and dream big like Emma Woodhouse and Marianne Dashwood but also know when to hold my tongue like Elinor Dashwood. I want to stick up for what I see is right like Anne Elliot but admit when I have made an error like Elizabeth Bennett. But over all I think I want to keep a little idealistic side to me, one that will always see the good in people like Catherine Morland.

There are two more quotes I want to share that really struck me near the end of the book, they fall in the chapter on Sense and Sensibility but I thought they were good over all lessons.The key to happiness is letting life surprise you. I love to plain out my life and have an idea where I am going to be in the next five years but I look back at the moments and the ones I hold closest to my heart are the ones that catch me off guard and shake up my life. The last quote I loved was true love takes you by surprise, and if it is really worth something, it continues to take you by surprise. I can't wait to feel that.

A little road mapping

I will admit I look back at my life a lot. I am sure a lot of us do. Sometimes we look back and we see happy times with family and loved ones. Sometimes we see pain heart breaks and challenges. I think we can all agree that that is the mix of life. I know many times I look back over my life (which hasn't been that long) and see things that didn't make sense in the present but now I know they have made me who I am. For example when I was 10 my Nana passed away. She was the first death I ever really experienced and I wasn't happy that she was gone but with in a year of her passing away my mom moved us out to the west coast. My mom made me repeat the 5th grade, all these events I didn't understand but now I see how shaping they were. If I hadn't moved to the west coast, I don't know if I would have ever been brave enough to move myself to the east coast, and it is here I have found my own little home. And living on the west coast where people didn't know me my whole life most people assumed my pesky speech impediment was an accent, and I no longer got teased for it. After my repeat of the 5th grade my grades got better and I took some time to just get in the flow of it. Also my 5th grade year I had an awesome teacher, Mr. Bacon, who besides my parents encouraged me to write. But in the moment my Nana's death, the move, the repeating 5th grade none of it made sense... but I think how puzzle pieces fit together to make me me.

I don't know about you but sometimes I look back and I can only see the mistakes I have made and I hold on to those tighter than I hold on to my accomplishments. I know there are a lot of motivational quotes that say don't let mistakes define you but it is hard for me. Even when all the world is telling me "I am good" I feel myself criticizing myself ( I am my worst critic). You might be thinking I am in a low place in my life again, and actually that's not true I am just over thinking things and just writing it out helps.

I had a relationship with a guy, over a year ago, but he was the man I thought I was going to get married to. I have a deep desire to be a wife (as you can probably tell from my other blog posts) so when I thought I was going to marry this guy I put all my hope into that relationship. I felt I gave it my all and when it ended I had nothing left. Now of course I had great friends who held on to me and lifted me up. But it took me a really long time to get over him. And I still work on it but there is a deep part of me that knows I need to move on and a really anxious (anxious because I want to be in love again) that is telling me I want to move on. But some how deeper down I worry... I worry about making the same mistakes all over again, I worry about being crushed all over again. I guess those all factors of life.

As I was writing that last part I remembered the quote "if you're not willing to sound stupid, you don't deserve to be in love" so I googled it and found out it was from the movie "A Lot Like Love" but as I was googling the quote google was showing me this other quote "If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough" - Unknown. So maybe I just need the reminder if I want something bad enough I will have to face the idea I will make mistakes (we all do) but I can't hold on to my mistakes I have made in the past. I just need to let them teach me and not define me. 

I looked up the word "risk" on Pinterest and got some interesting quotes, here are my favorites...

So maybe I shouldn't be so timid by my past mistakes and take a little bit of risk... I know the Lord has blessed me so far and not matter what happens next he will use it to shape my future.

A Sap at Heart (part 2)

Hello Lovely Readers,

In my last edition of a Sap at Heart I wrote about how "...deep down I believe in soul mates, I believe you can find some one that compliments you so well it was as if you were made for each other..."

You know how in movies you see a guy do a romantic gesture... that makes your heart flutter and wish would happen to you and it never does. Take for example Heath Ledger in "10 Things I Hate about You" singing to Julia Stiles the song "Can't take my eyes off of you" (originally recorded by Frankie Valli). Now that is a big romantic gesture and while they are cool in movies... they might be embarrassing in real life. But even small romantic gestures... do guys realize how great they make the girl feel?As a single girl I am going to hope not because I feel like if they did, they would do them more often.

Take for example flowers...



I have a co-worker (not mentioning names) who had a birthday a bit ago and was so happy to get flowers from her boyfriend. From the little bit I gathered it seemed he didn't send her flowers very much but when she got them, she was over the moon. I had a guy co-worker who found out his girl friends favorite flowers were sun flowers and sent her a little vase of them to her when she was sick. And I remember being very much like "aw how cute." And I even liked my ex-boyfriend sent me flowers when I was having a horrible week and it made a big impression on me. 

But maybe I am just a sap and I like romantic gestures, but I don't think I am the only one. Actually the reason for this blog post is on Thursday night (a kind of warm night... warmish for Boston) I was walking home from work and I had this image that the guy I had a crush on was sitting on the steps of my apartment with a bouquet of flowers in his hands waiting for me to get home and ask me out. I realized this wouldn't happen at least not in real life. But I wanted it happen. I think it's because I watch too many romantic movies because even just while writing this I find myself thinking, even though I like the idea of romantic gestures, what I love most of all is having some one who will just hold my hand.

So if any guy is reading this find out what your girl wants/needs deep down to let her know you find her special and just do it. I think that is the most romantic gesture. 

Bitten by the bug

What bug you ask? The Downton Abbey Bug that is.

If you have not seen it... oh you are missing out. In my post on Weekend Loves I wrote how I discovered this show. Well over the weekend I watched most of the first season on PBS.com but sadly they were off line before I could finish the season. So I sought out a copy and found a good price copy on Amazon.com. I was quite impressed with Amazon as I ordered a copy on Tuesday and when I got home on Thursday I had discovered it had arrived. YEAH!!! Also because I am impatient I have found some links that got me to the second season. See what a little googling can do.

The Sisters (Lady Edith, Lady Sybil, Lady Mary)

It is hard to explain the greatness of this beautiful costume drama but I have got swept up in it all.

If you haven't watched it... well you should. But to explain it starts in 1912 right after the sinking of Titanic and we quickly learn that Lord Grantham's only heir (his nephew) was on the ship and died. Now the property and title will be left to his third cousin Matthew Crawley (my latest hollywood crush). And at first no one can except him... I mean he is an upper class lawyer not a gentleman.

Matthew Crawley 

Dowager Lady Grantham 

There is a great scene when he first comes to town where he explains he will get a job, and Lord Grantham asks says he will need to learn the property and he says I can do that on the weekend and Maggie Smith (Lord Grantham's mother) asks "what are weekends?"
But eventually Matthew Crawley gets into the hearts of the people at Downton Abbey especially Lady Mary (Lord Grantham's oldest daughter). But there is so much more than this love story. That is one plot line I love. I do hope Lady Mary and Matthew will get together in the end but it is so complicated and Lady Mary with all her snobbery and stubbornness is a great heroine in the making.

Mr. Bates

Then there is the downstairs plot line I love with Mr. Bates and Anna. Mr. Bates is Lord Grantham's valet and Anna is a house maid. And their love is quiet and tender for each other but it makes my heart flutter when ever they are in the same scene.

Anna 

And there is Daisy, a young girl in the kitchen who repeatedly abused by the head cook. She loves Thomas, a footman, and William, another footman watches in vain to love her. But Carson, the butler, is probably my favorite downstairs character. He has such honor and pride in how the house of Downton Abbey is run and he makes sure the house runs properly. But he does have a soft spot for the family and the staff he over sees.I feel like I am leaving things out.

Lady Sybil

Back upstairs there is Lady Sybil, the youngest daughter, who is going to change the world. She has a voice on politics, mostly concerning women's rights and she is determined to see one of the house maids hired to be secretary. And when the war comes she goes to help the war movement she becomes a nurse.

Here Sybil is learning how to cook

All the drama (both upstairs and downstairs) is so wonderful to get swept up along in and some times watching it I wish I could go back and live in this world. But I guess I am highly romanticizing it. If you haven't watched yet and are going to seek it out now I recommend you set aside an afternoon to watch and enjoy it because like a good book you can get swept up into it...and one episode is not enough.

Lost in Cinema (Part 2)

Lost in Cinema (Part 1)

Tonight I saw a good romantic comedy in Crazy Stupid Love if you only see one movie this summer see this one. I know there are lots of blockbuster films out there but seriously see this one. I won't give away the plot but the first thing you learn about the Steve Carrell and Julianne Moore is that she wants a divorce and you have seen this through

commercials that his son gives him advice to fight for his soul mate Emily played by Julianne Moore and that is wonderful advice.

My friend and I discussed that in this day and age people get to divorce to quickly. I have heard enough to know love isn't a feeling its a choice to love every day. As Steve Carrell said "I love you when I hate you" that's choice to love some one even when you don't want to. As we discussed this I remember an article from Elle Magazine called "Till Whatever Do Us Part" from September 2010.

I don't remember many articles I read but I remember Brad Pitt being

quoted on his divorce to Jennifer Anniston saying that couples evolve and grow apart and that the idea of marriage is to last for all time but Rachel Combe wrote (the author) "In fact, that is the essence of marriage-a lifetime commitment. Without that, its just legally sanctioned dating." I loved reading an article that supported marriage and I loved this movie that they fight for love.

But back to the movie besides the married couple that fight for love. There is the young couple of Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. As a girl I liked seeing Ryan Gosling take off shirt. Emma Stone and him have good chemistry in the beginning and then as they develop they just seem good together. And Ryan Gosling though he is a womanizer at the beginning admits he is a screw up but he tries to better himself to be with her.

Over all great movie lots of comedic moments out side what you see in commercials and sweet moments. I can't wait to own this one.

Lost in Cinema

I am not just about books I also love movies and not just costume dramas though those are my favorite. This weekend I saw 4 new movies (1 in theaters and 3 rented at Blockbuster Express) and I wanted to share my thoughts on them.

The first movie I saw was “Friends with Benefits” when I told people I was going to go see it this weekend they said they heard it was better than “No Strings Attached” I never saw that because it looked kind of lame. But that’s okay Natalie Portman everyone needs a bad movie after such an Oscar worthy movie look at Gwenth Paltrow and that Flight Attendant movie after “Shakespeare in Love”. Any way back to my original thought. First funny side note, I turned 25 this May and I feel like since then I have been carded less and less when I go out to eat and have a drink (which is cool for me) but at the movie theater I get carded to see a rated R movie. Secondly I will say that it was a little awkward for me to sit through a movie that was about sex and it wasn’t just about sex they went into some detail of what the characters do or do not like in bed. So if you don’t like the awkwardness of hearing about sex I wouldn’t watch it. But over all it was a cute/ funny movie that shows how people can’t just hook up with out feelings involved. I would like to insert a big DUH! here. But actually I was pleased with how well Justin Timberlake could act and I liked the parts he was a little bit musical. I also like Mila Kunis character who though she has had heartache and doesn't even know who her father is wants to still have a fairy tale it just needs to be updated (as her mother says). I just wish that they could make romantic comedies with out using the “F” word every few minutes.

This brings me to my next movie another romantic comedy “Letters to Juliet” rated PG. This movie is cute and sweet and a bit corny at times. Its about a girl Amanda Seyfried (from Mama Mia) who goes to Verona with her fiance they go on a pre-honeymoon trip because when they get married he fiance has a restaurant opening that will leave no time for a honeymoon. But you can quickly tell he cares more about the restaurant than his girl (not cool). Amanda plays a fact checker for the New Yorker but really wants to be a writer. She goes to the House of Juliet (found out from the making of the movie there is a Juliet museum made in the 1930s) and women (or so the movie portrays only women) write letters to Juliet seeking help with love, life and other things. Then the Juliet secretaries come get the letters and write back if you have a returned address (this happens in real life... almost makes me want to fly to Verona leave a note just to see what they would say...from a deleted scene I watched the secretaries don’t tell the writers what to do, they advise and then leave the writer with a question). So back to the movie, Sophie (Amanda) get involved with the sectaries and they found a letter that has been hidden for 50 years. The letter is from a woman Claire (Vanessa Redgrave) who didn’t run away with her Italian boyfriend and married the sensible English man and now 50 years later after getting Sophie’s letter Claire, Sophie and Claire’s grand son (Charlie played by Christopher Egan who looks a little bit like Logan Hutzenburger from Gilmore Girls) go looking for Lorenzo Bartolini (Claire’s love). Mean while we know Sophie’s fiance is off in another part of the country at a wine auction, I was thinking why aren’t they together? I won’t give the whole plot away, it was cute romantic comedy that I when I watched the end my heart was a little bit a pater. But I love the corny cute movies. Also the fact that it was shot in Italy was so cool to see the Tuscan country side and the city of Verona, I loved that!

The next movie I watched with my friend, who is anti-romantic movies and with her I watch movies that get me out of my comfort zone of the romantic movies. We watched “Limitless” with Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper plays Eddie Morra who is this out of work grungy author who has a book contract but nothing written. Then due to a run in with his ex brother in law who was a drug dealer gets a drug who allows people to use more than the 20% of their brain they use regularly so he writes his book and gets involved in the stock market and makes lots of money. But this drug is so addicting you have to keep taking it or you basically a slug. Also if you don’t take it you can end up in a comma and die. Yeah not good. It is a good almost conspiracy film. The thing I loved most about it was the lighting or cinematography because when ever he was on the drug the colors were so vibrant and when he wasn’t the colors were so grey. Definitely a movie good to watch on an HD tv. The thing I didn't like about it was that at the end it makes it seem its okay to take drugs.

At my friend’s suggestion I also watched the movie “The Brother’s Bloom” (seriously got to love Blockbuster Express) it stars Adrian Broody and Mark Ruffalo (who I love from 13 going on 30) they are brothers who grow up in foster care with multitude of parents and through that really only have each other. Mark Ruffalo the older brother is really the brains but he uses his brother Bloom (Adrian Broody) to set up the con. It seems after every job they pull Adrian Broody wants to get out but can’t because Steve (Ruffalo) is all he has. So there next mark is Rachel Weiz who is the sole inheritor of large multi million dollar estate. She lives by herself and is bored so find these brothers’ exciting and together they pool a big con. I loved that even though it takes place in modern day it has a vintage feel. I mean from America to Europe they take a boat and when they are in Europe they take a train, no planes, I thought hey this movie could be set in 1930s almost and Mark Ruffalo and Adrian Broody play the bad guys you love like the mob movies of the 1930s. And the costuming is so unique. Definitely a movie I would like to own and put in my collection.

My recommendations are for Letters to Juliet for a sweet kind of corny romantic comedy and The Brothers Bloom for an original story and vintage feel movie.

Tonight I am going to see”Crazy Stupid Love” with another friend of mine. I will let you know how it is.

More thoughts from A Hopeful Romantic

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.”

I like this quote from the movie Juno and as a single woman I guess that’s still what I am looking for. I am looking for some one who will love me no matter what. I like the way Carrie Bradshaw said it in Sex and the City show “I'm someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient,consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.”

But lately I have wondered if my pursuit of love is actually wise. I have fallen into a pit many times I meet a guy we talk and I find out he is a christian and he is cute and I start to imagine myself in a relationship with him. I say “its just hard being single.” I am sure many single christian girls can relate, we see people in relationships and it just seems great and we want that. We want to be in a relationship and we want to get married. I also know as a girl we are told to let the guy pursue us so why we wait for the guy to pursue us we read christian dating book, articles on line, pray that the Lord will bring a guy in our lives, and probably the thing we do most is we talk to our girl friends not understanding why are still single. I am not writing that I have an answer I just know it has to be on God’s timing. And while God’s timing is perfect we often hate waiting for it. Then we get handed article that make it seem like if we did these 5 things we will get married and as my much wiser friend (who is married) is reminding me its not a formula its not A+B+C=husband. While that would be nice I know it doesn’t work that way. So I don’t have an answer to the “why I am still single?” question. If I did I would write a book and become a millionaire.

The only thing I can say is from experience and what my wiser friends have taught me. 1) Pray for your future husband, I like to write my prayers out and one day I can’t wait to show him all the prayers I prayed for him. 2) Don’t look at a Christian guy as a potential mate look at him as a brother in Christ (having this mind set as really helped me have long friendship with guys I look to as a brother). 3) Don’t make your pursuit of a relationship above all else. This is the reason I write this article. I am the first to admit it I watch sappy romance movies and read novels with a romantic plot line from Jane Austen to Jennifer Donnelly and Lori Wick ( I won’t say romance novels because that makes me think of novels in the grocery store that have men showing their chest and half naked women...these I won’t read). I have read the books“I kissed dating goodbye,” and “Boy meets girl” (both spoke to me in the time) I have also read “Captivating” and “Boundaries in Dating.” So I feel well read on both the secular and Christian side of dating. But that’s not the point. I am just saying with all that reading and watching that I would be ready for love. But deep down if I think about it I am not (no matter how badly I want to be). I am not ready because I put that pursuit as a first priority in my life. I mean I go to work and school, I am not just spending all day at a singles bar looking for a mate but mentally I do (even in writing this). I some times feel if I was in a relationship I would feel complete and that’s ridiculous. Mostly because any one who I date would be flawed and how can I expect a flawed person complete me, the only one who can complete me is the one who is un-flawed. And there is only one who fits that description. And right now I need to focus on following His will and doing what he says. And one day if He wants to He will bring a man into my life. I look forward to that day. But I first I need to put my completion in what He says and how He thinks and not in an idea of a relationship. So my advice to other single girls while you might feel your life will be complete as soon as you get a ring on your finger it won’t and it has taken me a while to admit that to myself. And even harder for me to live in that mindset. But I keep praying every time I feel I am close to that pit fall.

I am not even sure I am right in my thinking or how things will turn out. I will keep you posted.

So while I am still a very hopeful romantic I am in the waiting phase of life and while I wait I am going to try to do “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need” (Matthew 6:33 NLT). And in this I will hand over my love life to the Lord and know he will guide me in the ways he want me to live. I will rest in these verses...

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...” Jer. 29:11.

I am not writing as if I have the answers, I don’t I just have a clue into how my life should be.

More personal blogs from me From a Hopeful Romantic and A Casual Gaze .