Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Monday, November 9, 2015

NaNoWriMo... Check in


Hello Lovely Readers,

Okay I will admit I am kind of cheating on NaNoWriMo as I am using this time to continue work on my story and type up parts I haven't or maybe write scenes I need to get through. I know this chunk of the story will not make sense but this is the scene where I keep getting stuck.  I know what I want to happen by the end of this scene... I want Leopold to surprise her by visiting her and then somehow on impulse just kiss her. I want Kelby to catch them and he calls Mattie on it but she admit that she loves Kelby. But I don't know how to transition to it. Please read and if you have any suggestions let me know. I really want to get this scene done (at least mentally) and be able to move on.

Thanks,

{Catherine Morland}
The whole dinner was in silence Lord Welford felt no need to ask any of them any questions and without any direct questions Daphne and Mattie had no opportunity to speak. Mattie wondered during the meal if she would be ordered to leave in the middle of the night similar to Catherine Morland had been in Northanger Abbey. If anyone was General Tilney in this narrative it would be Lord Welford, tight, rigid, and border line obsessive. Lord Welford did look down on the Harrington by not being of noble birth or heiresses such as his own wife and he not condone his wife's friendship with that child, that child who bore a marking resemblance to Aurora if Aurora had had the chance to grow into maturity.  It pained him to see the same hazel eyes with a sparkle of emerald in them to look at him, and while some would soften with that pain Lord Welford only grew more severe. The matter only grew worse as Parker discussed the many attributes of Miss Daphne, the eldest daughter, and Lord Parker feared his son would make a horrible match with a woman who only had pleasing looks to recommend her.

            "I am sorry for my father's rude  behavior," Parker softly spoke to Daphne after dinner.
            "It is all right Lord Parker. I understand, I am sure it was a shock for him to have us here, we are practically strangers to him."
            "Still there is no excuse."
            "We will leave tomorrow," Daphne lowered her gaze.
            "I wish that wasn't the best option. I know my mother's desire to have your sister be with her, and I swear as soon as he leaves I will welcome you both to this house."
            "You are so considerate Lord Parker."
            Parker took her hands "I wish you didn't feel the need to be so formal with me."
            Daphne stepped back removing her hands from his grip "Please we are not in London. I cannot do this her, what if someone sees us."

            "You mean what if he sees us. Don't look at me so puzzled. I know Daphne, I know all about you and Shane Foster. He can give you nothing. My father won't let me dismiss him as his family has served us well for years, but he is a servant none the less. He can give you nothing, I can give you everything."

            Daphne would never be sure what triggered her or how she even did it but she suddenly felt her hand slap Parker's face. Then she took off running down the hall. He did not come after her. 

            Mattie was sitting by the window when Daphne came in still shaken from what she had just done. In a swift movement Mattie crossed the floor seeing Daphne look so ill. Mattie asked if she was all right and Daphne just trembled in answer. Mattie would never know what transpired that evening, nevertheless, she wrapped Daphne into her arms and guided her to the bed. Finally Daphne cried out "We have to leave."

            "What tonight?"
            "Yes if we can."
            "What happened Daphne? Did Lord Parker say anything?"
            Daphne just repeated that they should leave tonight. 

            After a little while of Daphne crying Mattie got Daphne into bed, still in her dinner gown but trembling far less and her tears had turned into a whimper. Mattie then snuck out to the stable. Kelby was right where he was suppose to be, reading the thickest book had seen besides the family Bible and studying it intensely. He hadn't seen her come in and did not even she was there until she was nearly upon him.

            "Miss Mattie, what is it?" He could tell she was distressed.
            "Daphne thinks it is best we leave tonight."

            He didn't ask her why, he knew if she wanted to say she would have. He simply said "It is not very safe at night.  I do not think Lady Welford would be at ease knowing her guest had left in the middle of the night. Come calm yourself with a cup of tea."
            "Thank you, no. I have to tend to my sister."
            "Is she ill?" 

            Mattie just shook her head not knowing how to truly respond. Something had happened that night though she didn't know what? She worried that Lord Welford had dismissed them in the night as she feared and Daphne was too kind to say. However, she didn't want to question Daphne as  Mattie feared that would only distress Daphne so Mattie didn't know what had happened. Mattie wondered if Daphne had seen Shane since they arrived, it seemed unlikely as she spent most of her time indoors and with Lord Parke around so much she would certainly not seek Shane out. Perhaps she had run into Shane and they had an argument. Mattie didn’t know much about their relationship and how much they had seen of each other and the strain that must be caused by hiding their relationship, and Mattie wondered if this had grown to alter their love. Love is not love with alterations find, no it is an ever fixed mark.  Mattie pushed these thoughts out of her mind, Shakespeare was hardly needed now. 

            "I am sorry we did not get our ride in," she breathed.
            "I will always be here waiting."
            "Thank you Kelby."

           With that she turned and returned to Daphne who had managed to change out of her own dress and into her night gown and was fast asleep. Mattie stayed up waiting staring out the window to watch when Kelby turned out his lantern in the stable.

           The girls left Cranston just after breakfast. Lord Welford did not come to see them off. Mattie felt she had done something horrible wrong and worried if she would ever be back at Cranston Court again. Daphne hardly made eye contact with anyone that morning and felt to be holding her breath until they were in the carriage. "Well I am glad we have left, I have never felt a place so altered as Cranston has become," Daphne said stoically but in truth it was just an act in front of Mattie. She would never let her younger sister know what had passed the previous night and how she felt the weight of that press on her chest.

             Mattie did not question Daphne's act as she was lost in her own thoughts of why Lord Welford had responded so harshly to her friendship with Lady Adelaide. Last night Parker said it was not for him to understand the thoughts and words, but he must have known something. Mattie had seen him discuss things with Daphne maybe he had told her the reasons Lord Welford had acted the way he did and that made her nervous.

           "Thank you Kelby," Mattie said taking his hand as he assisted her from the carriage.
            "My pleasure Miss Mathilda."
            Daphne was already inside and they held hands a little longer than necessary but both did not want to let go.
            "Please write to me if Lady Welford gets worse."
            "I will come for you the moment I can."

            Mattie shook her head "no don't, I know I am not welcomed while Lord Welford is at Cranston."

            Kelby didn't understand what she meant, he let her hand go after that and her walk. It had barely been a week since she returned and already he felt the distance between her.

~~~
            Two weeks passed before Mattie heard any word from Cranston, it did not come from Kelby or Mrs. Banks as she suspected but from Lord Parker. He wrote briefly to Daphne saying his mother's health was on the mend and Lord Welford continues is residence. It was not much news, Mattie replied when Daphne concluded the not though she was happy to hear that Lord Parker was paying so much care to his mother's health. By the time Lord Parker had written  Leopold Brashware had already wrote to Mrs. Harrington and she passed his letter onto Mattie.

Miss Mathilda,
            How has it only been three weeks since I have seen you, it feels such an age ago. The memories of our brief time in London keep me going as I have to handle business here. I long to see you and talk to you again. I know you must be out of sorts with your dear friend ill, but I have faith she will be well soon. I have only met Lady Welford a handful of times in my time of knowing Parker but I recognized a certain strength in her that tells me she is a fighter. The same strength I see in you, though you try to hide it.
            I am promised daily by my father's managers that business should wrap up shortly. I pray for it more than believe their words. Managers are paid whether the work hands show up or not and without the workers they have less stress, so it might be in their best interest to keep the strike going. However, it is not in ours and I can tell the delay in work stresses my father.
            I do hope though that work will resume again and I might be so bold as to make a detour to Derbyshire on my way back to London. I will wait for your approval on that notion.
Your friend,
Leopold 

            It wasn't overly affectionate,  probably because Leopold knew this letter would be read by Mrs. Harrington and all things must remain in check under the rules of propriety. Of course this was good since Mattie only asked for friendship from him. She had been silly in London, to think he could care for her in any such ways, she thought it had been the London air that got to her. Life in London had been quite fast pace almost dizzying. She was certain because of it she had lost focus on any true reality.

            She had not replied to his letter until after she heard from Lord Parker. Mattie told him how Lord Parker believed Lady Welford's health was on the mend, although she couldn't confirm  or deny it. She stopped herself from reporting to him what had happened in their short stay at Cranston Court. She advised Brashware that a trip at this moment would be fruitless. Even with Lady Welford being on the mend she was hardly healthy enough to have guest. With the news she heard from Kelby about Dr. Gibson believing it was Lady Adelaide's heart and how she should go to a specialist Mattie didn't think Cranston would not likely host anyone for another year. Mattie did not write that part, fearing that if she expressed those words would make them come true, and it pained her to think of Lady Adelaide so ill. Daphne was right Cranston had altered dramatically, Lady Adelaide was the heart and soul of Cranston and Cranston reflected her ill health.
{Leopold Brashware}

            After Mattie sent off her reply to Leopold she thought life could return to normal. Deep down she thought he would forget her, she felt that she had written a clear but respectful letter of rejection. She didn't state that she wanted to see him and paid no mind to his longing to see her. Mattie wrote wishing him the best in business and in life and stated that she did not know when they would see him again. Though she had little familiarity of how to write to a gentleman she felt her knowledge with literature gave her inspiration enough to write her letter of refusal. Though as she wandered back to Southerton from the post office she examined herself and thought she had been too harsh and she didn't want to reject his friendship and maybe he would read her letter and think that. No he must not think that, but if friendship is all he wanted then he would certainly read it that way. She wondered if she should follow up her letter with a note stating that she was thankful for his friendship. Why does mind go to such thoughts?  When it came to Leopold Brashware Mattie recognized she questioned herself far more than she did with other people. With others she knew where she stood but with him she felt oddly confused by his words and his actions and as much as she didn't want to admit it, it intrigued her, just a bit.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

A Deeper Update

Hello Lovely Readers,

I have wanted to write a more in depth update on my life... as I felt my last post was a little light and didn't tell you what was actually going on in my life. Most of this is just a tangent.
Last post

To be honest I have been sulking a lot lately. I am going through some changes in my life and I am not exactly sure how to go through them. I don't know how comfortable I am sharing this all on social media... so why am I writing this post? Trust me I have been thinking that as well. As much as I want to share my thoughts, happenings and other things on this blog... I feel sometimes I have to be vague because I don't want my personal life all over the Internet. Okay maybe I am over dramatizing that... I mean I am not that sure how many people actually read this blog. So I come back to this question why am I writing this post?

Because sometimes I feel I get my thoughts out better out in this blog than I do in person. Sometimes I feel more comfortable sharing what I am going through on this blog, where I can assume all my readers are strangers than actually tell people what is going on in my mind... Sounds crazy? I blame being a writer for this. I have always thought I could express myself better in writing than out loud (even if my grammar sucks...sorry).


Lately I have felt like just wanting to escape, life isn't all that bad but I have felt stuck and I also feel like doors are closing around me and I am not sure which way to turn and sometimes it is just easier to give into these feelings than to keep getting out of bed and trying to hold my head up. So maybe that is why is I have gone through so many TV shows because escaping into their reality is easier than dealing with mine.

The idea of escaping or running away is very common for me, so please don't worry about me, it is just a defense mechanism I have. In high school, my school didn't have a lot of windows so I remember the classes in which  I did have windows I would sit and stare out them looking over to the East Bay (maybe I should state I went to high school on the peninsula of San Fransisco and we had a good view of the East Bay). Anyway, I would think about taking Amtrak out of Oakland and head anywhere but where I was... I never did that, I think I was too practical. So with this in my background I find it easier to just want to run away or escape into fictional worlds (either in book, TV, or movies).

I will admit, sadly my walk with God has not been that strong lately, and that is probably the main reason I feel so low. While it would be great to just buck up and get my life together, I am just feeling lost right now. Also I don't know how much desire my heart and mind have to change my circumstances, maybe if they had the desire I would be able to change? Or maybe I should put the words "fake it till you make it?" into play.

I want to act like everything is fine but that is all it is, it is just an act and I am so tired of acting. I am so tired of trying and coming up with nothing.

I feel like a lot of people are telling me how great I am, or how smart I am, or how everything will be okay. I know they are just trying to encourage me but I keep thinking if I am "great" or "smart" why isn't it working out for me. I feel like I am going to let all those people down and that probably hurts me more than anything.

As I was typing this up "Hopeless Wander" by Mumford and Sons came on and I thought the lyrics were actually expressing a little bit was I was feeling
"Hopeless Wanderer"
By: Mumford and Sons
(Not Official Video) 

Love you guys for reading this and sticking with me. Sorry this was kind of a bummer for post in November. I don't know if I will post more or not this month as I am par taking in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) but I hope to have more to share more with of my story. 



Monday, October 26, 2015

A Quick Little Update

Hello lovely readers,

Since it has been a while since I have updated this I thought I would give a fun update on my life...

Visiting 

The biggest news is my life is that my mom and step-dad have moved up to Burlington, VT!
My step-dad has a new job up in Burlington which is awesome because we haven't been physically close to each other in ten years. I don't know if I expressed this but over the summer I was feeling a major amount of homesickness and a major urge to be close to my family (even thought they are spread out)... I even thought about moving away from Boston that I love to be close to them. While, that may happen one day I am so happy for now I can stay up here. 
Any way the weekend was lots of fun... We went to Stowe, VT which is a picturesque New England town and we experienced the first snow of the season, and yes at this point it was exciting. 
Snow up in the mountains over Smuggles Notch Junction

A very picturesque church
Trying to get a picture with the church sadly the power lines got in too
Event though seeing Burlington and Stowe was fun, I liked seeing my parents and it is nice to know they are so close. 

Reading 
I feel I have not read much lately... I have been using my usual reading time (my commute to work) to get some writing done. It has been beneficial to my writing life but not to my reading. However I have finished my 25th book in my reading challenge... A book about "A lion, witch or Wardrobe" 
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I don't usually read "magic realism" novels... so I thought if I am going to read a novel about witches, Halloween season would be a good time. Besides I found a book about the Edwardian/WWI time period so I felt it would fit nicely into my repertoire. For more about the book, click here.
 I was reading the book Fever Tree about a girl who goes to South Africa in 1890, for the requirement a book about a place you have always wanted to go. However, I found parts of the book too sexual and I thought it best to move on. 
I am on the waiting list at the BPL for the book Circling the Sun about Kenya in the 1930s. I have wanted to go to Africa (well South Africa, Kenya, Egypt, and maybe Morocco) but I understand they are unstable and I cannot afford to pay for that yet. So I am reading about it. 
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While I am waiting for this book... I just picked up Chronicle of Youth at the library and can already tell I want to buy a copy as there are so many passages I want to underline. 
Over the winter I read Vera Brittan's Testament of Youth, her autobiography of her time in WWI. And while the book was great for facts and  some thoughts it is not very feeling. I think she was trying to sound like a scholar and not like an emotional woman. So reading her diary will be an interesting view of her life.
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Writing
My work in progress cover

As I said above I have been getting a lot of writing in, but I am gearing up for National Novel Writing Month... where you try to write 50,000 words in a month. This is my first time that I am not in school since I first learned of this. I am going to bend a rule that I want to continue working on my current story. I really feel my story is coming into focus and shape so I want to continue writing it. I have read some blog post about this and it seems really intense... so I don't know if I will actually be able to write 50,000 words but as this my first time trying I am going to do the best I can but won't beat myself up if I don't get there. 
Getting my November calendar ready

Watching
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Before I went up to visit my parents I went through a major binge watch of Glee. When the show was on I watched the first season, half of the second season, and then just watched episodes occasionally of the 3rd and 4th season but nothing really of the 5th season (minus The Quarterback episode) and none of the 6th season. But YouTube clearly tracking my interest (cheesy musical numbers) kept suggesting videos... finally I got hooked and decided to go through the show on Netflix. 
Song: "Don't Go Breaking my Heart" 
Link 
 Okay I will admit that sometimes the performances are a little cheesy and maybe a little over the top (I noticed this more in the 4th season) but hey who doesn't want to go to school where you get to perform a music video walking down the hall...
Song: "Wanna be Starting Something"
And not only did they cover classic songs they had a few original songs 
 Song: "Loser like me" 

Yes there were moments of annoyance where I couldn't stand Rachel and her need to popular, and there were moments when I thought "come on let them be happy," and thought "this is so not logical" but over all I liked it. They fought, they sometimes had pointless breakups, but they still came together as a team to support each other, and they embraced their differences.
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 The only thing that made me truly upset is they way they acted like everyone in high school was having sex and if a character didn't have sex it was a fault of theirs. 
And even though I knew it was going to happen I did cry during The Quarterback episode, where they deal with the death of Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) because it wasn't just them writing off a character he actually died and as a cast they had to deal with that pain. 
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 Recently I started re-watching Gilmore Girls. Yes I am excited for the revamp of it on Netflix (whenever that happens) but lately I have been feeling like life is not going the way I want and I have been trying to decide what to do with my life. And whenever get in this mood Gilmore Girls always cheers me up. Because this is just great life advice:
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Right now the only show I am watching in real time is Reign. 
(Historical Spoiler):
Sadly, they have already announced that Francis is going to die this season, though I don' t know what episode. I mean I know in history Francis died a year after becoming King, but last season took place almost entirely in the winter, and they have changed so many historical things why do they have to stick with this. Also (Season 2 Spoiler) last season Mary and Francis spent so much time apart that now they are together and happy it hurts to know soon they will be forever apart. 
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Other Things in My Life
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 I have been actively volunteering with Horizons for Homeless Children. It is probably my saving grace every week as being able to play and interact with the children is my biggest stress reliever. I can't take photos of the kids but they are some of the cutest kids.

Looking Forward To
I know it might be silly but one thing I am really looking forward to is Mockingjay part 2 coming out.

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Okay I think this was a good update on my life but before I go just wanted to share one more song from Glee... there were so many good performances but this was probably one of my favorites. 
Song- Mashup: "Rumor Has It/Someone Like You"
The last 30 seconds probably won't make sense unless you have seen the show. 

Monday, October 5, 2015

The Possibilities were Boundless...

 Hello Lovely Readers,

A few weeks a go I posted "He waited for her..." where I mentioned one way of getting over writers block was to change the point of view of the author. I really enjoyed that exercise and sharing that part of my writing with you. Another piece of advice I have heard is skip to a new scene. Right now in my outline I have my book in 3 parts- the last part is mainly set after WWI with flashbacks to the war. So I began writing about November 1918- I always think of the end of the war being this great moment... but what if it wasn't so great. Earlier this year I read After the War is Over and the character talks about how lonely she feels at the moment that peace is declared. This gave me a new perspective on a way to slant my story...
{Celebrating End of the War}

November, 1918

They declared peace, Armistice, but it didn't feel like peace to Mattie's heart. Marcus had been missing in action for three months, Lord Parker had used all of his influence to help them out and that is all they knew. The whole country stood in silence as the King commanded and Mattie couldn't help but wonder how could something so longed for feel so empty? Marcus was missing and she hadn't heard from Kelby in over a month, she felt it in her heart that one or both men she loved would not come back. It was awful to think such a way when all of the world was finally breathing a sigh of relief , of joy, of hope. The quiet moment passed and then the people rejoiced. 

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 ~~~~
I wrote this scene out but then I got stuck again not knowing where to take this scene...Then I attended a writing workshop where we had to take a character, with the questions our writing partner ask really form that character and what they wanted. The twist was not give the character what they wanted. My whole story is a love story between Mattie and Kelby... so the thing Mattie probably most wants is Kelby. My writing partner suggested that maybe Kelby gets engaged... WHOA! As writer I didn't want to put Mattie though that pain, but to go with the workshop I did write out the scene... at the time I did not know how to include it in my story. Here is the scene:

She hadn't heard from him in over a month, she had tried not to let her imagination go crazy with all the possibilities that could have happened to him, but this was war, the possibilities were boundless. Kelby had known that her beloved brother had been missing in action for three months, and Kelby would surely know the terror that was bringing her heart. Kelby would not drag her through more pain id he could prevent it, so why did he not write?

Julia had told Mattie that she was certain Kelby's letters got lost in the mail, he was on the front lines after all in France and with thousands of letters coming back and forth one was bound to be lost. Mattie told Julia, she was right, hoping that if she spoke those words her heart and mind would believe them. She couldn't though, Julia was the typical hopeless romantic who got lost in the fantasy of love never wanting to face the realities. Mattie never told Julia that her parent had forbidden Kelby and her relationship and because of that she clung more to every letter he wrote. All they had were words, stolen glances, and moments together that were too short for either of them. Mattie hadn't even meant to tell Julia about Kelby not writing, but one night Julia caught her crying as Mattie was washing out bed pans and Mattie came clean about the whole thing. 

It was hard at that moment to breathe and think what could have happened to Kelby. She couldn't assume the worse, had the worse happened surely Mrs. Foster would have written her, or she would find his name on the list. The ever growing list in the newspaper that haunted her dreams. Mattie combed over that list everyday in hopes of not seeing Marcus or Kelby's name. "After this war I am never reading a newspaper again," she told herself everyday.

{Lily Elise}
Mattie hated every moment she wasn't in the hospital, in the hospital she could pull her mind away from the strain of her thoughts. Sister Bennett had insisted Mattie to take a half day, when she realized that Mattie had worked fourteen day straight. However, Mattie had to work it was the only thing that kept her sane even that was becoming impossible as she heard Kelby's name even if no one said it.

Last week while she was taking tea she heard two volunteers talking about their Tommies both trying to out do each other. Then Gwendolyn Howard spoke how she gotten engaged to a man over in France though it was all a secret. Gwendolyn Howard, had the look of Lily Elise being both striking and classically beautiful all at same time. Mattie predicted had the war not come Gwendolyn would have pursued the stage as well, for every girl felt coarse and ordinary next to her. Even Sister Bennett liked Gwendolyn and Sister Bennett usually disdained pretty volunteers as she saw them more of a distraction. Even Mattie couldn't judge her on this front as Gwendolyn had a strong work ethic and she had been to France and served in a field hospital. Apparently she had gotten engaged to a man air in France, Gwendolyn told that to another volunteer. She spoke of him being a medic and that he wanted to be a doctor when the war was over. 

 Mattie was clinging on her every word at this point, all these descriptions made her think of Kelby. 

"And his name?" the other girl asked. 

Mattie didn't hear Gwendolyn response for just as she was about to whisper it Sister Bennett called for her. Mattie couldn't admit that she was ease dropping and ask Gwendolyn to repeat herself.

What if Kelby did get engaged? He had pledged himself so faithfully the last time she saw him but even more than six months ago. Perhaps absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, perhaps it makes the hear forget. How could he forget her though, they had known each other their whole lives. Maybe in war that didn't matter? Gwendolyn had been to the front and seen his world, Mattie could never compete with that. She had felt so distant from him in their letters, he talked about life and death, about rats nibbling at his toes, and mud that couldn't be cleaned off his hands. What did she write about? The newest sheet music she had learned, the war fund event she had persuaded to go to so another volunteer could see one of her suitors, and tirelessly cleaning pots. He had inisted she write of life and he told her the talk of the hospital depressed him as he hoped to never end up there. He wrote her he only wanted to survive but if he should be injured he wanted a quick death. These were not thoughts of romance and true love. Maybe Gwendolyn knowing the world he had been in could give him what he needed. A tear rolled down her cheek at this thought. 
 
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