Thursday, July 31, 2014

Book blurb... Fangirl

To continue my summer I just finished the book Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I picked it up because lately I have caught myself having some fangirl moments and I thought maybe this book would help me understand the obsession some of get into.  Okay I am a fangirl but I don't write fanfiction but the main character Cath does. She writes fanfiction about the Simon Snow books (which seems kind of like Harry Potter to me) and while this seems crazy to her college roommate her writing is actually her escape from the world (which I understand). 
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The book takes place in Cath's freshman year of college. She and her twin Wren go to the same college but Wren seems to have no interest in being with her sister anymore and this leaves Cath feeling a bit abandoned and instead of embracing college and all its new experiences she kind of holds up in her room. This pushes her into the presence of Levi (who is always hanging out in their room). Cath tries to ignore her growing crush on him as she thinks he is her roommate's boyfriend... but her crush grows and so does their friendship. On the other side her world is feeling like it is more and more falling apart with no Wren and her dad is struggling back home... That is all I will say about the plot because I don't want to give Spoilers. 

I don't know why, but this summer I felt I have read more YA books than any other, and I have loved them. I think this is my first YA book that is set in present time (not like Hunger Games or Divergent) and it felt natural and true in her thoughts and the conversation. This book is full of college crushes, angst about finding who you are, and first loves. There were so many passages of the book I felt like I knew exactly what she was going through. And on multiple occasions I would be reading and pull the book close to my chest as to give her hug (I am sure it looked weird on the T). I also like the fact though Cath and her roommate, Reagan, didn't get along at first eventually they got into their own rhythm and they grew to like each other and there was a few moments that Reagan even stood up for Cath. 

What I didn't like was occasionally an F-bomb would be dropped... it only threw me off once then it just felt normal for the tone of the book (so if you are sensitive to that I wouldn't recommend it).  
Illustrations of the main characters
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Monday, July 28, 2014

we can be alone together

Christa stood up and helped Ginny on to her feet. Christa knew Ginny would want to hide away when she really just needed someone's shoulder to cry on. However, Christa believed no pain couldn't be healed when eating cheesecake, if only temporarily. And just as if they were kids again they climbed out the window and down the tree and ran as fast as they could through the lawn. Ginny couldn't help but give a little giggle as they jumped into the car. This action took her back to happier memories and right then that is what Ginny needed.

~~~~~~A Month Later~~~~~~

"Ginny, you want to go to Essie's house, I have some cleaning I have to do?"
"No thanks," Ginny responded without taking her attention off the TV. 
"Come on Ginny, I could really us your help, Essie wouldn't want you just sitting around."
"I am not just sitting around."
"I'll buy you a milkshake." 

Ginny rolled her eyes, that trick hadn't worked since Ginny was a child but she knew if her mom used that line she was desperate. 

"Oh alright," Ginny faked grumbled. 
"Thanks Gin bean." Her mom was over dramatic.

Ginny didn't know what to expect going to Essie's house without Essie being there. She hadn't gone back since she and Christa snuck out of the funeral. Her mom had gone back a few times always to do cleaning. Essie had kept the house so pristine, with the excuse that the Queen might drop by, that Ginny really couldn't tell what her mom had to do. Dad and her uncles decided to keep the house at least for the time being. Even though her extended family had moved  out of town they still came back to Essie's house for Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, and other important gatherings. It held so many memories for everyone no one could imagine getting rid of it, but Essie was the true soul of the house. Even just looking up at the house it felt empty.

"Take your time Gin bean," her mother said seeing the deep breath she took.
"I'm fine," she said defensively.

Her mom reassuring put her hand on Ginny's knee. "It's okay not to be fine. Essie was a wonderful, loving, and irreplaceable woman. It is understandable to miss her." 

Ginny took deep breath and got out of the car all the while playing with the cross between her fingers.

"Good day Mrs. Camden," his voice called out over the lawn.
"Hello Alex, good to see you. How is your mother?"
"Oh she is fine, a little busy with my niece and nephew staying with them for a week."
"I am sure she loves it."
"Yes m'am she does it." Then he looked at Ginny. "Hello Ginny, it is nice to see you."
"Hi Alex," her tone was short.

Her mom nudged her in the rib cage telling her to be nice.

Alex Panswick, had been working for Essie for the last three or four years (Ginny couldn't remember exactly) but he had always been around. He was close friends with her cousins and every one kind of accepted him as family. Though he was considered family his high school crush on Ginny was wildly teased about. He used to leave roses for her outside on her window ledge, slip copied poems in her locker, and always bought her a gift for her birthday. Ginny just found it pathetic. He was not her type at all being a minor computer geek, president of the Purity Club, and he even sung in the church choir (without being forced to). While Ginny was away at college he bulked up a bit and got some muscle, which you would think would add to his appeal but Ginny just saw him as the annoying boy from high school.

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That was until the night after Essie's death. Ginny couldn't remember all the details of that night, she just remembers sitting in the large oak tree that was in the middle of the wheat field. Ginny came there whenever needed solace. Essie had told her that her grandmother wouldn't let her grandfather chop it down even though it was in the middle of the field, she had said it was the most beautiful tree she had seen and she felt it was a special gift to them. Since then it had become more of a family treasure. There Ginny was sitting watching the sunset. She hadn't cried yet and could not be surrounded by all the tears of her mom and aunts. It must of been later than she imagined for she heard her mom's call out to her but she didn't want to get out of the tree. She kept searching the sky for the first star.

Then she heard his voice. "Hello Ginny."

Ginny wouldn't admit it, but his voice was always sweet to her.

"Did my mom send you out to look for me? I am adult you know."
"No, I came on my own. But she is just worried about you."
"Tell her not to worry."
"I think she rather see you for herself. Moms are like that."
"Thanks Alex, but I just want to be left alone."
"All right."

But he did not leave her, he actually climbed up the tree and sat next to her.

"I said I wanted to be alone."
"I know. I want to be alone too and this is my favorite spot." He frequently said corny lines like that even if they were truly sincere Ginny only heard them as cheesey. "You think we can be alone together."

"Fine, just don't say anything."
"Fair enough."

Then without her realizing it his hand were on top of hers. She didn't know if she was angry at him being so bold or comforted because he was there. But she started crying right then. He put his arm around her and she buried her face in his shoulders and he didn't flinch with her crying on his shoulder. When she calmed herself down she looked up at him, he took his thumb to graze away a tear and then held her chin. He acted like he wanted to kiss her and she was about to let him. He abruptly pulled away as if he saw something, someone that disgusted him. Without saying a word he slid off the tree and walked away.

He hadn't said anything to her since that evening and when ever she looked at him she still had flashes of that moment. And she was confused why she cared so much if he didn't like her.

beautiful picture of a tree
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Saturday, July 26, 2014

The Only Promise that Remains


I know this song is suppose to be a love song but I think the words can be applied to faith as well. 
God has always been the truest constant in my life. When I feel hopeless He is my hope. When I am lost He is there with me.  

Hope you enjoy... 


"The Only Promise That Remains"
(with Justin Timberlake)
lyrics:

[Reba:]
When the ground beneath you starts a shaking
Shaking
And you forget the place we came from
Came from
When your lost and looking for a way home
Your way home to me
I'll come out and find you
When the world around you starts a moving
Moving
And you should wonder if I still love you
Love you
If you feel a darkness coming
Rising inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home

[Together:]
And after all the sky is falling down
And after all the waters washed away
My love's the only promise that remains

[Reba:]
When your doubts have got you thinking
Thinking
Nothings ever really sacred
Sacred
[Together:] and you're afraid you might believe it

Believe in me
And I'll give you a region
Cause the world around us keeps on moving
Moving
[Reba:] and there's no doubt that
[Together:] I still love you
Love you
So when you feel a darkness coming
Rising inside
I'll make a light to guide you back home

[Together:]
And after all the sky is falling down
And after all the waters washed away
My love's the only promise that remains

[Reba:]
And after all the sky is falling down
[Justin:]
After all the sky is falling down
[Reba:]
And after all the waters washed away
[Justin:] after all the waters washed away
[Together:]
My love's the only promise that remains
Remains

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Passions and Impact (pt.2)


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I have been thinking and writing about my passion. I think as I face hopefully my last semester it has somewhat been haunting me. I have basically been in school for the last 23 years minus the year I took off in between undergrad and graduate school. When I went from undergraduate to graduate school I was on a plan that I thought about my sophomore year of college. I knew then me majoring in history was not going to get me a career so still following my dream of being Abigail Chase (the girl from National Treasure...read Adulthood Angst) I looked into Library Science school and that was the plan.
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Since then things really haven't changed... but my thoughts have changed on life. One that year I had planned to take off became a year and half and during that year and a half I probably faced the hardest heart ache I have had to face. And while I struggled on this side of it I have felt a lot of growth in my life and my faith.
Library of Congress
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Well when I started Library School I had my heart set on working in the Library of Congress, I had visited after my senior year of school, and it was just an incredible place of books... and the geek in me could not help but falling in love with it. But over time I discovered that the Library of Congress in all its big and grandness I probably wouldn't be able to interact with people as much as I would like to. Yes some librarian actually want to talk to people. I have had my mind set on being a reference archivist because I figured it would be a nice blend of handling old documents, interacting with people, and helping with research (which I actually like to do). 

Maybe I am just feeling burnt out by school, but while my mind has been set on being a reference archivist, my heart has been longing for something else. Well generically I am passionate about my friends, family and my faith. But yep its pretty generic.  Since I have been thinking, praying and posting about my want of passion, I have been thinking:  When was the last time I was truly passionate about something?  During my prayer time my answer came to me: Honduras, Living Water, those children.
I know I have probably over used this picture but I love it

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I have always had a heart for children from my nieces and nephews (biological and the friend's kids I have "adopted") and for a long time it has been on my heart to adopt. I don't want any kid to go through life feeling un-special or unloved. And if I can provide that love and that feeling of special-ness... then what do I care if they look like me or not. That is a long term dream and passion of mine... but what about the present?

We are still going through the book of James in my church. If you know anything about the book of James he is really about doing your faith and not just saying you have faith. My pastor said something that struck me that "we create the kingdom of God here on earth." I had never thought of it that way. I mean I knew "our goal" as Christians was to bring heaven to Earth (typing that out...sounds like weird wording) maybe better to say to represent the Kingdom of God here on Earth. But I never thought about creating that... as a wanna-be-writer I think about creating a lot. So I liked the analogy of creating the kingdom of God here on Earth.

I think that is what I need to do more in my life... doing my faith not just reading my Bible, praying and talking about my faith. Not that those are bad but I don't think they are enough. I am not for sure what that looks like right now so I am just praying about it. But I know being open to God and what He wants will lead me down the right path.