Girl Power in film

I am bringing you some empowering women first Coco Before Chanel

Okay guys I am back to the period dramas... I think minus all the convinces of electricity I much rather live in the past... too many sentimental ideals.

Why I watched- I don't know much about Coco Chanel minus her awesome quotes that pop up on Pinterest and the perfume I wear. I actually didn't know much about her life and actually but I love the Edwardian time period or as in French called La Belle Epoque era. And so in some Pinterest searching I saw this...


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it had the quote... 

Audrey Tautou in Coco Avant Chanel. Chanel pioneered a change in fashion away from La Belle Époque era. She criticized women for wearing excessive lace, jewelry and feathers and admired men's clothing for its simplicity and elegance. Many of her designs were inspired by her lovers' wardrobes.

So I was intrigued to watch the film. Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel and her sister were left at an orphanage when they were children, so she had a hard life and that made her a little tough. But then through a twist of fate she meets Balsan and lives a "grand" life but is not in love or very happy till she meets Arthur 'Boy' Capel. (He was the only actor I recognized as Henry Crawford from Mansfield Park (1999). They have a passionate love story. However, the story has an ending kind of like Becoming Jane where she is successful but she does not have a romantic ending... I guess that is real life.


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What I love- It was beautiful all the costuming was wonderful and there were so many extras it was all very elaborate and beautiful. Everything looked like the pins I have posted on my Edwardian Eloquence board. So for this Edwardian lover it was perfect.  For example the picture from above was from a scene at the races and it reminded me of this picture...

What I didn't like- It was hard to like Coco because she was harsh but I guess that was Coco so I guess Audrey Tautou played it well.

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Over all- I think I liked the costuming more than the plot. The movie was all in French so some times it was hard to follow. Because it was in French with English subtitles it is a film you have to pay attention to....it is worth it though.

Coco and Boy dancing
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Now for an independent modern day woman Ellen Page playing Bliss in Whip It... with the subtitle "be your own hero" (as a librarian you learn to love subtitles).

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Why I watched- It was another film I wanted to watch when it came out but didn't get around to it. It has a great cast (Ellen Page, Kristen Wiig, Drew Barrymore, Juliette Lewis, and Jimmy Fallon). Bliss is from a small but is dying to get out and she finds Roller Derby to be her ticket out.

What I liked- She follows her dreams. There is a part of the story where she is being selfish because she thinks her parents just don't understand her. But then she wises up and even though she is not pageant girl she agrees to do a pageant because it is what her mom wants. But her mom lets her follow her dream.

What I didn't like- I thought the story was good and I was glad it based off a book but I don't feel like there is a depth. I like Bliss but I didn't fall in love with her and I wish I had.

Overall- good for a girls night but probably not a must run out and buy.

Waiting for one day

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Dear Anne,

In my last letter I wrote about my obsessions and how I am obsessed with my niece and nephew. Over Christmas my step-mom told me that as much as I love H and E I will love my own kids a thousand times. I don't know how that is possible since I would give my life for them but I am sure I will love my kids more so. I am just so far away from having that in my life and sometimes it hurts. Lately me having a baby has been a trend. A couple of weeks ago I had a bad day at work and to get some peace I watched a video of H dancing around. I told my co-worker this and she said I just need to have a baby. Then I was talking to another co-worker and he said I would make such a good mom. As great as a compliment this is... it also hurts. I know I want to have a baby so bad but there are a few things I need first. The most important thing would be a husband and I am not even in a relationship. So I feel like having a baby is still leaps and bounds away from me. 

I know this might be kind of silly but sometimes when I see pregnant women I feel a little empty because I feel my body is not doing what it is suppose to. I know God's timing is perfect but this is the one area I doubt God. I feel God has put this desire in me to be a wife and mother but for some reason it is not happening to me. So I wonder if God really wants me to be a wife and mother and if He doesn't want me to fill this role what am I to do with my life? I know it is wrong for me to doubt God so I have to remind myself that God's will is perfect and I hope I am not clinging to my desires too much I am not letting Him have His way. 

I know I am in grad-school and it is silly for me to think about having family but I would seriously give it all up if it meant I could be a wife and mother. 

Just having a low a moment. Thanks for listening. 

Yours,
Blaire

Dear Anne,

Maybe someday
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I wrote that top part when I was having a low moment but I didn't send it because it sounded like a "woe-is-me" letter so I am sorry for not writing sooner. After I had written the top part I have had some good quiet times. I am going to share parts of my prayers as I know you will be worried about my heart and I want to be completely honest with you. 


(from 2/7-2/9)
Dear Lord,
Oh Lord I am sorry for holding to this doubt I wrestle with. Lord I am your ways are better than my ways, I know your timing is perfect and complete. Lord I know all that but yet I question you. Lord I question if you really will provide me for me a husband and children. I know I look to that so much to much I let it define me too much. Lord I see that as my absolute fulfillment and you oh Lord are the only one who can truly fulfill me. Lord that I thank you for. 

Lord I know your will is perfect. I pray for patience. Lord I know as much as I want a relationship I am not ready for one. Lord I know I would put that first because I put that desire first. Lord I prepare my heart. Mold me to be what you desire. Lord I know your will is perfect and I know I hold on to the details too much. Lord help me let go of the details so I can cling to you...Lord I think what I need is a change of mindset. I feel if I submit to you, I think I won't get my family I have been longing for. And I see that as the ultimate fulfillment. The ultimate way to say "I am good enough". Lord you are the ultimate fulfillment help me to rely on you. Lord my God you have blessed me and I know letting go of this you will continue to bless me.

Lord my God help me submit to your ways. Help me be part of the change you desire. Lord my God I know your ways are perfect and I know your truths are abounding. I pray I keep steadfast in you. Lord mold me for how you long me to be. Oh Lord my God walk with me on this path.

I do not write this because I am strong I write this because I am weak and wrestling.


Yours faithfully,
Blaire

Always the hopeful romantic
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Letting go of the "but"

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Hello Lovely Readers,

A few hours ago I got back from a wonderful retreat and I come back with one BIG take away. I have written many times on this blog that I have wanted to be a wife and mother but that feels very  far away from distant from me. For awhile I walked around a little depressed because I thought if that is the purpose of my life why is it not happening. Then I wondered is this really God's desire? So I began praying "Lord please change my desires if they are not yours" quickly followed by "but I really want to be a wife and mother." Up until this weekend I thought this was a good prayer. I mean I couldn't lie to God and pretend that I didn't want my desires but I knew His desires were more important so I thought this prayer was a good compromise. 

This weekend during one of my prayer times I wrote...

Dear Lord, 

I don't know why I am sulking over the thing I don't have. Lord as much as I want to be a wife and mother I am not there yet, I am not sure when (or if) it will happen. Lord I am fine being single but I feel I am missing something. Lord I know you are he only one that can fill that spot. So Lord I to change me. Search me and find what I need to change. Lord if marriage and motherhood is not your desire please change my desires, not but this time. 

Match my desires to yours. I know day in and day out I know may not work will perfectly, but at the end of the day I want your desires to be mine. So Lord what you desire in my life? 

You know my heart, you know brain, I don't need to list what I want, you know that. So Lord help my wants line up to your wants.

Then this morning I wrote...

I am sick of that feeling where I am missing something. Lord it is just not true. I need to cling to the knowledge you (Lord) have given me all I need. There might be more I want but Lord if those wants line up with your wants then I know they will work out in your timing. But Lord right now I need to cling to the knowledge you are providing everything I need. 

...

Lord you know all my wants and desires, you them all. I have spent countless hours, and 100s of pages tell you what I want. I feel that is selfish because I have never once asked you what do you truly want in my life. I have never asked what you desire. So Lord what do you want in my life? What do you desire?

I then sat quietly and waited for a bit. While, it would have been cool/weird if God spoke in that moment and told me what he wanted; that didn't happen. This will be a continuous on going prayer. However, I think it is the first step in actually getting to the heart of what God desires. When I not only verbally let go of the clause and actually let go of it (in my heart and mind) then God will direct me to where he wants me. So right now I am letting go of the "but". 

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith,

having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience

and having our bodies washed with pure water. 

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,

for he who promised is faithful. 

-Hebrews 10:22-23 (NIV)

View from the home of our retreat. 

Ugly Betty is my Hero

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Since school has ended I have become obsessed with the show Ugly Betty. I don't know how I missed it when it was originally on TV because it is the kind of TV I love, a mix of over dramatics, a great sense of humor and at the end of the show a heroine any girl should look up to. Very basic plot Betty Saurez who is not the typical beauty with her big glasses, her braces, and her own sense of fashion. Betty works at a high end, trendy fashion magazine where she is the assistant to the Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Meade, and dreams of one day being an editor and having her magazine. Basically she does not fit into this world of high end fashion and her "friends" Marc and Amanda frequently tease her for her fashion and her "large" size. 

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So why is Betty my hero? Well that is easy in a world where she is teased constantly and pushed around she always has an up-beat, go getter attitude, and she always the gentle heart person you can't help but love. She doesn't let the negativity of the world get to her and no matter what she keeps pushing through. I love that she doesn't get absorbed into the fashion world and she still stands on her own two feet. She has dreams and pursues them with a great passion.

Even though she does not always fit into the world around her she makes friends, Christina, a true friend who helps Betty through the world of Mode. Amanda and Marc who have a love/hate relationship with her but at the end of the show are her dear friends. Also through the show she has five love interest. Walter, who is safe and secure but Betty realizes she wants more than her safe and secure life. Then comes Henry, who is an accountant of Mode, the cute adorable geek, who is the love of Betty's life.

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Like any melodramatic show, the producers will not let the pair of lovers come together with out a few trials one being a pregnant ex-girl friend, the other being a more daring love interest Gio. So Betty and Henry come together then fall apart and then he comes back during critical moments, or what is known in the TV world "sweeps". The next love interest is Matt Hartley, who are cute together, can never work things out and eventually he moves to Africa.

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But then comes Daniel. Through out the seasons, Betty and Daniel have some tender moments, the producers don't make this plot line a "will they or won't they." Daniel starts off the show as a womanizer and while he has swings of wanting to settle down he frequently goes back to his womanizing ways when things go bad in his life. Also Betty is so different then his typical woman I think it takes him awhile to see the beautiful woman she truly is. 

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While Betty does ultimately get a physical make over, her spirit and passion stay the same and that is what I love about her. 

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This post has been a lot about her love interest, and while that helps good TV, it is not those story lines that make Betty a hero of mine it is her view on life. She doesn't let the negativity of the world get her down, she makes mistakes and sometimes she gets her priorities messed up but at then end of it she still the go-getter Betty which is what I loved about her.

As I was thinking about this post, I was watching the last season on YouTube. There is this episode  "All the world's a stage" where Betty is dating this play-write but they have to hide their relationship. At the end of it she is kind of down on herself, she feels like she is the dork with glasses and braces. She has that her identity and all the negative connotations that go a long with it. In this moment she can't even see herself as beautiful.

Go to minute 4 and watch her and her sister's conversation.

It is a nice moment. To see this positive up-beat girl have a really tender moment where she admits her fear of being "ugly" but she wants to change her view point not only on the world around her but also on her own life. 

I think what I got most out of Ugly Betty was not to let the negative things in your life get you down you have to still go after your dreams. Then to realize if the negativity is coming from with in you have to change your story. (Easier said then done, I know.) Any way if this summer you are looking for a good woman role model look to Betty Saurez. (You can find most episodes on YouTube.)

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Building barns

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On Wednesday night my bible study and I discussed the verses Luke 12:13-21 it is called the "Parable of the Rich Fool" and in the story the "rich man" has so many crops can't store them all so he decides to tear down his barnes and build new ones. God then calls him out and says "you fool tonight your life will be demanded from you, then who will inherit this." While it is good to work hard, this man seems to only thinks about himself and how he is going to benefit from his work. Growing up in the church I have heard this story a lot. One time I heard a pastor say that if this man had been connected with his community he would have given his extra crop to the poor and would not have stored it up. And while these moral stories are good sometimes they are hard to sink in and after hearing the story a lot it is even harder for the story to make an impact. But then my friend said something to the group... he said "in our own way we all build barnes, we all think, oh if I could just get married, or if I could just have a kid, or if I could just __(fill in the blank)_then it will be just righ" but will it be just right? And how long do we have to we keep striving for "just right"; one day God will call us home and then we won't have time to do all the the things we should have done or we won't have time to do what is most important to us and the world. Sorry not trying to be a Debby Downer.

I just know I fall into the trap of thinking "when I get married or when I have kids my life is going to be all set." I remember with my only serious boyfriend that once we got married everything would be fine, I saw marriage as a finish line, not a start line. Any one who is married knows that. So I will admit foolishly I have been building up my barnes waiting for the day when I become a wife and mother. I enjoy being single, doing whatever I want (within reason) being on my own time schedule and not to sound bad but being a little selfish. But their are times I spend  a lot of time and energy waiting for "my dream" to come true. And sadly I think I sometimes miss out on the great time I am in.

I can't do everything I want to do right now because I am kind of stuck in grad school for the next two years. So maybe right now all I can do is build some potential barnes as I wait for the "real world" but I shouldn't pass up on opprotunities that I can take advantage of. For example this summer I am hoping to go down to Honduras and dig wells with living water. But after grad school I would actually love to take some time work on staff with Living Water, so I can go to Africa or India  with them. But after my trip to Denver, I kind of want to move there so I can be closer to my sister and her growing family. (I am of course still praying about these things).

Basically, we only get one life and we can't waste time waitng for things to be just right.

Happy Hearts

Who Put the Bomp-Barry Mann

It is a really old school song but I thought it was great for welcoming in the month of February. Especially a February that starts at 58 degrees. I know I am single and I don't have a Valentine but I am such a hopeful romantic that I get caught up in the idea of Valentine's day. The day when you get to express your feelings. In a very corny way I think it would be sweet for the guy I like to use Valentine's day as a reason to tell me he liked me too. But that is probably something that only happens in a movie. Oh well I can dream right?

 Hope you all have a wonderful February!

To my future Valentine

My Christmas letter

This is kind of long.

I love Christmas but sadly this year has not felt much like Christmas. First I will blame the weather. The weather here in Boston has been unusually warm (I mean like 40s to almost 50s) which is great because I don't have to bundle up but it is sad because it doesn't have the feeling of Christmas in the air. No Jack Frost nipping at the nose and no real reason to climb under the blankets and drink hot coco. It is kind of sad because come February I will be complaining about the cold weather but now I kind of long for it to get the Christmas feeling. Second I will blame grad school/ full time job. I haven't had much energy to decorate my apartment and prepare for Christmas. But I have to say my office looks very Christmasy which feels nice and as finishing up the semester I am listening to Christmas music. So I get some Christmas feelings. I just wish I felt Christmasy on the inside.

One thing I love about Christmas is getting Christmas cards and sending Christmas cards. But I don't think this year I will get my Christmas cards out on time before Christmas is here so I am going to type a long post instead as if was a traditional Christmas card letter. This will be fun reflecting on the year past...

For me personally I don't feel like much has happened in my life (well I feel that no big event in my life has changed it). Last January I started my first semester in grad school. I took two classes one in Reference Library and one in Slave History. I only took two classes as I worked a full time job in Membership Accounting. In January my little nephew Jayden came into this world on January 14th, 2011.

During that semester I went to my first Boston Celtics game. It took me back to all basketball games I used to go to with my mom and step-dad when we cheered on the Seattle Sonics. I am happy to report the Celtics won. But I felt I spent most of the semester studying. So I will skip ahead to the summer.

In May, my month off before summer school. I went down to Cape Cod. I had only been there once before with my dad and step-mom but it was in November and I am sad I don't remember much of it. But this was a nice trip. Tried to dip my toe in the water but it was far too cold to get in any further than my toe. Also during May I celebrated my 25th birthday in a three day event. My birthday was on Thursday and originally I had nothing planned because it was on a work day, but then my co-worker had tickets to the Red Sox game he wasn't able to go to. So I bought them from him and went to the game. Red Sox won it was a great way to celebrate. Then on Friday night some of my co-workers and I went out for drinks to celebrate my birthday. Also almost all my co-workers wore pink for my birthday and threw me a little party with my favorite things (harvest cheddar sun chips, Dr. Pepper, and German chocolate cake) I love my co-workers. Then on Saturday as a gift to myself I got my hair cut and treated myself to a pedicure. My hair cut was a big deal because I had been growing it out since August for my younger sister's wedding but then she told me I could cut it. And I did really short. Also on Saturday my friends went out for Karaoke. I wanted to do something I had never done before for this big birthday and loved it. My friends and I sung "Baby" by Justin Beiber, attempted to sing "Telephone" by Lady Gaga and we did one Spice Girls song. It was lots of fun. I wonder how I will top it for my 26th. For other post on my birthday click here.

My friend and I singing.

Next on my fast pace moving May was a trip down to Atlanta to see one of my best friends. We didn't do anything too touristy as I kind of wanted to see her life. I had never really been to Atlanta so it was lots of fun getting away from Boston for the Memorial Day holiday and just hang out. I loved Atlanta and if I was to move south of the Mason Dixon line I could see myself living there. It had its southern charm but where my friend lived it had a good indie vibe. I am not indie but I like to pretend to be sometimes. I am happy to say I will be going back there soon when I watch my friend become a Mrs.

Sadly in June my grandma, on my dad's side passed away. It is sad but it is also really great now she is up in heaven. We pulled out all her photo albums and filled up a ping pong table and 2 card tables with all the photo albums she had. We were able to go through them and take the pictures we wanted. I got a lot of pics from my childhood that I didn't even knew existed. For other post on my grandma click here.

Then I had to start summer school where I took Technology for the Information Professional. I learned about HTML, CSS, and other geeky things. But June was also a good month as I watched my younger sister get married.  Weddings are another time I love. It is great watching two people who are so in love with each other commit their lives together. I also loved when my sister told her husband that he will always be her number 2 in her life as God is her number 1. And I loved when her husband put on chap stick before kissing her (it was so him). For other post on my sister's wedding click here.



My cat hiding

Most of July was spent at work and at school. I was writing more on this blog, which was nice then by August I was a full out blogger. I was also getting ready for my move. I grabbed boxes from my job or if I saw them sitting on the street. My cat was starting too get worried so she started hiding in the boxes.

I also attended another friend's wedding in August in upstate New York. I must say I like going to weddings where I am not busy doing other things so I can just kick off my shoes and just dance the night away. I did dance the night away and it was lots of fun. For other post on that wedding click here. (I love having this blog to sort of remind me what I did through out my year).



My cat blocking my reading

Then September 1st I moved. The move all went very well even with Hurricane Irene hitting the weekend before. I had some really good friends that came over in the storm and helped me pack. I spent labor day weekend unpacking and getting everything ready before school started this semester. This semester I am taking an Introduction to Cataloging and Historical Methods and still working my job. Next semester I will be going in as a full time student where I will be taking my last two core requirement Library Science classes (Evaluation and Management) and I will be taking my first Archiving class in which I will have an internship to do. It is not set up yet but I am really looking forward to being a full time student.

I am getting ahead of myself... back to this semester. I have tried to be better at juggling work and school but still remembering to take care of myself by taking naps even if they are for 20 minutes, hanging out with my friends even if all we do is crash on the couch and watch a movie. The big news of this semester is that my really close friends (practically family) had their little baby girl Brianna on Oct. 20th. I was so happy when I saw the first picture of her I began to cry. Then when I got to hold her I was over joyed. (If you haven't figured it our I love babies).

Some other big happenings in my life is if you have been following this blog you might have seen some changes in my life. In October I was kind of going through an identity crisis (more of a purpose crisis). I was wondering what I was suppose to be doing with my life. I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother and that felt so far away from me. That I honestly didn't know what to do. Of course this has a long back story of being upset at God. But some where in between my A Page from my Diary (Sept 28) to my Thought for Thursday (Oct. 20th) and even now my life has really changed. I still don't know what I am suppose to be doing but I lean a lot more on God to remind me to live in the moment and He has a beautiful future for me. I am also reminded on a constant basis that I have been blessed so much that I need not worry about the future for it too will be blessed. I am also letting go of my past (mostly my mistakes) so I can move on to a bright future.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. I hope even with all the stress comes from this Christmas time that you are able to remember the real reason for the season. It is not about presents, decorations and parities. It is about getting together with loved ones (friends and family) and celebrating the greatest gift of all when God gave us his son to live and then die for our sins. I was just told about this article from the Huffington Post on the Real War on Christmas a good little reminder.

Linus explaining what Christmas is all about.

I was talking to a married couple in my bible study and the wife was telling me she was worried about her kids having a good Christmas. She wasn't worried about the gifts necessarily she just wanted he kids to have a great Christmas. It reminded me why I love Christmas so much. I can't tell you everything I have gotten. But the memories that stick out to me was spending the night at my Mema and Grangran's house waking up on Christmas morning with all my family there. Then after eating a huge meal my mema would ask if any of us wanted dessert but we were too stuffed to say anything. Then when I got older I remember two years I made my dad cry (good cry) over the gifts I gave him. One year it was picture of me sitting on his lap resting my head on his shoulder the other year was I wrote him a poem about how I needed him. Other Christmas memories are my uncles fighting over Oklahoma State and Oklahoma University football and my mema who was as mild as a mouse usually but when we played chicken foot she was the most competitive woman. None of these memories cost much money and have little to do with the gifts it is more about the time we have had together.

Now the one thing I am looking forward to is getting home and when I land I know my dad will be there and he will give me one of his big hugs all of which will tell me I am home and loved. (I guess I am getting a little homesick in eager anticipation for Christmas).

So there is my Christmas, year in review, letter. I hope you enjoyed.

-Blaire