Not forsaken pt. 1

#Notforsaken

Have you ever heard something that even though it wasn't directed at you, you feel it is meant directed at you. Well this Sunday I had that moment. My church had a sermon today on the words Jesus cries out on the cross: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46 or Mark 15:14)

I know on this blog I  have spoken about some of the harder times I am going through right now in my life and I have often wondered "why is this happening to me?", "why am I going through this pain?",  "what is this all for?".

Before I get to the sermon (part 2). I have wanted to share this prayer I wrote the other day... then I will get to the sermon (and I will explain the picture).

Read Psalm 88

Dear Lord, 

I know you have not rejected me or left me in a pit. You are here with me. You have have not hidden yourself from me. I have turned from you. I have pushed you out so far I cannot feel you. Oh Lord my God I know you will not abandon me. I know you hold me close. Lord, I am suffering and I feel my world is falling apart and I can't get anything right... Lord, I am sorry for my doubts. Oh Lord as much as I know your ways are perfect and as much I know your for me. Lord I felt you placed certain desires in my life and those desires are so far from me. Lord and the thought that they may not come has left me in this pit of questioning the point of my life. Lord, I know you make no mistakes, you created me almost 27 years ago for a reason. you had a design and a goal for my life but I have no clue what that is... Lord and having no clue has left wandering and feeling helpless. Lord in all this I have pushed you out. I have pushed you far away from me. I have taken all these negatives and tried to fix them on my own... I keep thinking I can fix things but I am so far from able. Lord I need you.

Lord I need your light and your presence to guide my feet. I need strength to hold on to me when I am weak. Lord I need your love to remind me I am not alone. All those aspects you have in abundance. Oh Lord my God save me. I do not want  to walk through pain. Lord my God, save me from my doubts, save me from my loneliness. Lord you are perfect. Shape me and mold me. 

Lord thank you for all the blessings you have given me. Thank you for all the support and love you have given me. Lord I know I am not ever truly alone. 

Amen

God is Near

By: Rend Collective Experiment 

I have been listening to this song a lot and it is a great reminder of how God will never leave me.

Delight yourself in the Lord

{Pic}

Hello Lovely Readers,

It is another cloudy day in Boston and on cloudy days there is nothing I love more than sitting on my bed, sipping on coffee and getting some writing done. I find cloudy/rainy days to be so inspiring. Fortunately today my morning class was cancelled so I could sleep in a bit and then wake up slowly, do my quiet time, and now sit here and write this post. 

Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

-Psalm 37:4

I know that verse is used a lot. At first reading it should seem like that God should give you whatever you desire/want. So many times we do not get what we want. Does that mean this verse is a lie? No. I think this verse tells us there is a process (a process I am still learning).

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart- Jeremiah 29:13. The most important part in these verses is the Lord. When we seek God with all our hearts, we will find God. When we delight ourselves in the Lord that is when we get the desires of our hearts. Often times I pray "I want this and I want that" and when I don't get I give up and usually pout and complain. That is not where prayer should stop. 

{pic}

I have written about this in other posts that this summer that I heard the phrase "God always has the best for me in mind" and this has really changed my thinking. I know God has the best for me, but what is my best? It is His best. This means I won't always get my way and I won't always get what I want but at the end of the day His best will come through (if I follow Him) and it will be better than I ever could imagine. My best is not wealth, success, or a comfortable life; it is His will being done through me. 

Right now, I still have about a year and half till I finish school and then I don't know what is going to happen after I graduate. So I am not going to wait until the last minute to pray to God for His decision I am beginning to pray right now. I have told God countless times what I want, so I don't need to lay that out any more because he knows. What I am asking Him now that if my desires don't match His desires that He changes my heart. Then I ask if my desires do match His desires that He gives me patience to wait in Him. Then I realized it is not just about being patient, I want God to use this time to prepare my heart and mind for what is next. I know God is using this time that I am single and in school to prepare me for what is next in my life... whatever that may be.

Delight yourself in the Lord  I think really means putting what He wants for/from me as my first goal. I am still learning what that means. The more I put His desires first the more my heart will change; then my desires will completely line up with His desires; and that is when I will get the desires of my heart. This is a process and will always be a process because we are more inclined to seek after what we want instead of submitting to God for what he wants.

I know this post might seem like a lot of rambling, and it is a bit, mostly because I am still figuring out what all this means. But there are two things I want to express in this post that I am learning: first God has provided everything I need for this moment, if He hasn't given it to me then I don't need it; second it is not about what I want it is about what He want for/from me.

I read this today in my quiet time, I had highlighted it years ago but I loved how true it was for all what I am praying about...

 I’ll make them of one mind and heart, always honoring me, so that they can live good and whole lives, they and their children after them. What’s more, I’ll make a covenant with them that will last forever, a covenant to stick with them no matter what, and work for their good. I’ll fill their hearts with a deep respect for me so they’ll not even think of turning away from me.“‘Oh how I’ll rejoice in them! Oh how I’ll delight in doing good things for them! Heart and soul, I’ll plant them in this country and keep them here!’- Jeremiah 32: 39-41 (The Message)