Turning 40: 40 fun facts about me (part 5)

Now that it is the final facts, I will say this has been a fun and interesting reflection on my life. 

33. First country I ever visited outside the U.S.? France, well, technically Spain, but all I did was get off the plane, get in a car, and drive on the highway to the cruise boat. So I am sticking with France. 

In a town where I got to see Roman ruins outside of Marseille
(Sorry, can't remember name)

34. Most random anecdote: I have been licked by a giraffe... my best friend in high school, Karen, and I were visiting Six Flags Marine World, and they had this opportunity to take a picture with a giraffe. Well, from what I remember, my friend held the salt stick to get the giraffe to come over to us, but she held it closer to me, and it licked me. Not sure why, but I freaked out, and somehow their telling me it was good luck to be licked by a giraffe calmed me down (I wasn't a Christian yet, so maybe that really did calm me down).

35. Favorite Boston memory: Going to John Lester’s no-hitter on my 23rd birthday or doing the Freedom Trail with visitors and stopping for some cannoli. 

At John Lester's no-hitter

But in all honesty, I mostly just hung out with my friends and watched movies at their apartments.  It was here I lived life, grew in my faith, and found a support system. 

36. Favorite Houston memory (not family related): Seeing Reba McEntire at the Houston Rodeo

But I would not have gone to the Rodeo if it weren't for the wonderful friends I have made at PLI... so I should give them a little shout-out. 

37. Favorite comfort food on a bad day: This is going to sound random, but when I am feeling really crummy, I like to make rice and eat it with butter and sugar. We ate a lot of rice when I was growing up because it was cheap and easy to make. 

38. What has been the hardest season of your life, and what did it teach you? I have struggled with depression on and off since my junior year of high school. The time that stands out most was after grad school, when I searched for a job, and nothing happened. Whenever friends asked about it, I wanted to cry or shout—I felt useless, disappointed, discouraged. Other friends seemed to get job offers right away. I cried out to God, “Why?” My quiet time became a checklist. I remember walking home from the train and wishing a bus would hit me and end it all.

I felt like dirt—worse than dirt.

Moving to Houston didn’t magically fix things; my problems followed me. I still scrambled and called out to God. One day, driving to a babysitting job, I thought a pickup truck would merge into me. I swerved into an 18-wheeler. Somehow, I only damaged my bumper and had a headache. I walked away knowing God must have a purpose for me. I’m still living in that truth.

39. Do you have any irrational fears or phobias? Yes, ants, and my roommate thinks it is hilarious that I love Ant-Man. 

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And falling out of a roller coaster. 

40. Favorite role in life (thus far): Being "Aunt Blaire," if you spend any time around me in real life, you will know my niece and nephews are my favorite subject to speak about (after Jesus). I'm always so proud of them; they hold my heart, and watching them grow up has been one of the biggest blessings in my life.

After putting all of this together, I'm already thinking about what comes next. A friend in Boston had a beautiful birthday tradition... every year, she would ask two questions: What was your favorite thing about the last year? And what is one thing you want to accomplish in the next year? I love that. Simple, intentional, and worth sitting with.

I think that deserves its own post... Stay tuned. 🎂

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Turning 40: 40 fun facts about me (part 4)

The big day has come and gone — and honestly? I wouldn't change a thing. I was busy visiting my boy in Tennessee, soaking up the good stuff, and I decided that working on a blog post could wait.

24. Ever since I was a child, I have always had a close friend with a "K" in her name. It started with Katie, my very first friend. Then came Karen in high school, two different Kates in college, and in adulthood — the Kates are still going strong, plus my last roommate in Boston was named Kyra. (I also had wonderful friends named Caroline, Liz, and Sarah along the way, but the K's are clearly a pattern.) Maybe "B" and "K" just go well together. I'm not questioning it — I'm just collecting them.

The Kates and I 

25. One truly stupid thing I did as a kid was staple my own thumb. In my defense, I had just received the most adorable Noah's Ark desk set, and the stapler was shaped like a hippopotamus. Naturally, the only logical way to test whether it had staples in it was to press my thumb down on it. It did. I pulled it out myself — without crying, I might add — because I didn't want to frighten my younger sister. I then went to find my parents via my older sister, who, unfortunately, cannot stand the sight of blood. Let's just say her reaction was... dramatic. (Or at least, that's how I remember it. 😄)

26. The first book I remember loving: Ella Enchanted... it is a retelling of Cinderella, but don't judge a book by its movie because the book is so much better. 

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27. Continuing my book theme- Favorite author (besides God), Kate Morton, Jane Austen. I have liked Susanna Kearsley, Fredrik Backman, Ann Vosscamp, and others. 

28. If I could meet a fictional character: Emma M. Lion, Katniss Everdeen (though she would probably think I was weak), Mr. Knightley. 

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29. Submitted by a friend: What is your favorite book from the last 10 years? This is hard to answer... 1) because I can't remember every book I have read over the last 10 years, and 2) it is hard for me to choose a favorite. 

Audio Book: Homecoming by Kate Morton, because it is narrated by Claire Foy, and she has a really great voice.  

Christian non-fiction: Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund, The Broken Way by Ann Vosskamp, Seeking Allah Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi. 

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Fiction: hmmm? That is hard. 

30. Favorite books of the Bible (if you are allowed to have favorites): John, Ephesians, Deuteronomy, Psalms (I mean, it just covers the wide range of emotions). 

31. What Bible verse has shaped your life most? Can I list a few? 

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. - Ephesians 2:10 (NJKV)

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. -2 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

And what does the LORD require of you, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? - Micah 6:8b 

For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness. -Psalm 26:3 (ESV)

32. A favorite line from a TV show that I quote a lot:  "Life's tough. Get a helmet." - Boy Meets World. 

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"God gave you Something Special"... Music for Frivolous Friday

 Hello Lovely Readers,

While I don't watch ABC's Nashville as much as I used too I have a Nashville playlist on my Pandora (mostly because I like country music). Listening to Pandora (on my shuffle) I have heard this song come up a couple times and fell in love with it and was honestly surprised it came from Nashville (I can't really explain why). But I thought for this "Frivolous Friday" post I would share some music with you all...

Link

Lyrics: 

That same road that brought you here
Will sure as hell take you home
The life you left behind will have you back
You're tired of paying dues in worn out shoes
and Broadway blues
And any fool will tell you
the damn ol' deck is stacked

What if you're just a vessel
And God gave you something special

It ain't yours to throw away
It ain't yours to throw away
Every time you open up your mouth
Diamonds come rolling out
It ain't yours to throw away
Oh ...

And all of the players, the movers, and shakers
The star maker suits have gone home
You drew the last slot
You thought it was your shot
But now it's just one more chance blown

What if you're just a vessel
And God gave you something special

It ain't yours to throw away
It ain't yours to throw away
Every time you open up your mouth
Diamonds come rolling out
It ain't yours to throw away
No ...

I would also like to give a shout out to my friends who are celebrating their anniversary this weekend... 

Photo by: Deborah Zoe Photography

Finding my passion

I want to blog more, I do I really do but right now I feel I am stuck and I feel I have written the same post over and over.

Today in my quiet time I read Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.. I know I have talked about this book before and yet again I am amazed that in reading it that chapters hit me and speak to me in certain ways. I believe there is almost like a power behind reading a book, article or blog post at just the right time. This chapter was about "love" not romantic love but about loving God and others. The greatest commandment is "Love the Lord God with all your heart and all your mind" the second follows "Love your neighbor as yourself." These two ideas sum up the entire ten commandments.

The chapter focuses on we show our love by our time. When I type it out it sounds simple but is it? I am the first one to admit when I am overwhelmed by life I back away from my relationships and just want to focus on my work. Last semester when I was finishing my thesis I felt I had no life besides my thesis and my relationships with my friends and family took a back seat. I thought this was necessary to get through things. But when I finished my thesis I realized how miserably isolated I had become. I also realized I had true friends and family who supported me through all of it and were so ready to rejoice when I was done.

Some of my support team 

When I first started writing this post I thought about saying I was going on hiatus from blogging while I figure things out. Hence, the "under construction" sign because I feel like my life is under construction... being newly graduated and thinking about what to do with my life.

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Going back to love: I keep saying I want to make a difference in this world. If you have read my blog long enough you are probably getting annoyed with this phrase. Anyway, as much as I say it... I don't do anything. Which, when typing that out seems ridiculous. If I want to do something I should just start. I guess my question is where?

I have a few friends going through job searches and when they say "I don't know what to do with my life," I ask them "what are you passionate about?" I think I need to turn the question on myself and figure out what I am passionate about and turn that into action. 

If my time is my love then I am showing a great amount of love towards Pinterest, TV, and other mindless things. And why? These things are not eternal. They are hardly life giving. So what is eternal? What is life giving?  

The basic and really hard answer is LOVE. 

So I leave this post with more questions than answers but I think I know my next step... find my passion. 

Just checking in

Hello Lovely Readers,

I am sorry I have not posted much lately. I feel my life is hectically busy as I try to juggle what it means to be done with school. I think in December I had all these grand allusions I was going to have all this free time and be able to enjoy some laziness. Well I guess in someways that's true. I work and then come home and crash (usually in front of TV), which feels better than doing a quick power nap and then working on school stuff through the night. And when I enjoy being lazy on a Sunday afternoon I don't feel guilty about it anymore... So that all feels good. But I am learning I have to start prioritizing my time and life better in order to get done the things I want done.

In December and January I wrote about post with some new years resolutions and it is almost March, this is usually the time people have given up on their resolutions, so I thought I would just do a little check-in and report of how I am doing.

1. Invest or re-invest in the relationships I have- This is still a work in progress. I am trying to make deeper connection and started going to a new Bible Study group, which is good. But still feel myself holding back and not letting people in. I was talking about my blog with someone and they said their is "no risk" in a blog because you can type whatever you like and you are not sure who is going to read it... so you can risk putting yourself out there but you are still safe sitting behind the computer. (I am not sure if those were his exact words, but that's the idea). And that's very true about my life and why I love this blog so much I can express myself but never truly be vulnerable. But I have come to realize some of my relationships are very fluffy and not deep connections and I want to re-invest in those.

2. Work on transforming my mind in order to understand what God wants for me- Major work in progress. I have felt a little lost lately and almost like I am floating around waiting to attach to anything. But nothing has really felt like my true path. I spent many prayer times praying for God to be my guidance.

Click here for story

I don't feel like nothing's left but I wish I felt God's presence more in my life, and I want to feel he is truly molding me into the woman he wants me to be. My ever wise friend once told me "God desires our best." But I am not even sure what that looks like? I wonder if I will ever know or if it is a constant process of figuring things out. I think that is a process, and I am okay with that but sometimes a glimmer of "the best" would be nice.

I think that why Hebrews 10:23 has become one of my favorite... "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess because he who promised is faithful." I keep reminding myself whatever happens God is faithful.

3. Get some more writing done- This is probably one of my successes (thus far). I am writing more, I carry a note book with me everywhere and have started getting some writing done on the T on my way to and from work (if I can get a seat). It has helped we have had a few snow days here in order to get some writing done. I am also trying to sit aside time to get some writing in. I have also felt like a bolt of lighting has struck me with inspiration and I have been doing lots of plotting done... which feels good. Also I have set aside a blog space to share my story. I have a plan to post every 2 weeks on Monday.

4. One thing that was not mentioned in these blog post but I am trying to do is a "26 books in 2015" challenge, I am on my 4th book. So far all my books have been rather long... I think I will have to choose shorter books in order to complete this. Even though I am happy if I don't complete this because I am enjoying the bookish challenge. Follow my progress on my page "Book Challenge".

Hope you all have a wonderful day.

Happy belated New Years... time to move on.

 Happy New Years!

Sorry I am writing that a bit late... but better late than never right?


Yes!
That is Benedict Cumberbatch in the background.

I have been on visiting family for Christmas and I have not looked at my computer. I went to Oklahoma to see my Dad's family and for a few days there were 5 children under 5... needles to say it very chaotic and loud at points but also wonderful. Then I went to visit my mom's house (in Southern California) and enjoyed some relaxation and sun. I also got to attend the Palm Springs International Film Gala (and thanks to my step-dad's connections got to stand with the press and see some stars up close)...probably the highlight of 2015. Besides Benedict Cumberbatch, I got to see Allen Leech (Tom Branson from Downton), Eddie Redmayne (Les Mis, Theory of Everything), Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carell, Patrick Stewart, Julianne Moore and many others. It was a great night...one I hope to never forget.

Left to right: Patrick Stewart, Eddie Redmayne, Allen Leech, Reese Witherspoon
Steve Carell. 

But now I am back in cold Boston. I am done with grad school (odd to say and realize) and will have to soon face the reality of looking for a real "adult" job... However, there are some things I would like to accomplish in 2015. In my "looking back thinking ahead" post I wrote I want to:

"1) Invest or re-invest in the friendships I have"... Last semester I was felt very isolated, I mean minus my roommate and cat I really didn't feel to be connected to anyone. I haven't gone to community group (or Bible study) in months and I think that drained me a bit. I tried to keep up with friends but it was an effort and I didn't like the feeling of "scheduling" fun time. But I had too.

Pics from night of celebrating... in December

So happy to celebrate end of thesis

"2)Work on transforming my mind in order to understand God's purpose in my life"... I am not sure how I am going to this. I think going back to Bible study will help, even just to pull me out of thinking only about myself. Also making quiet time a priority... I usually do it first thing in the morning while enjoying a cup of coffee but sometimes I feel it makes little impact on the rest of my day.

At church on Sunday we are going through a series called Fray about about how our lives have been torn because of our separation from God. It also has a little bit of typical New Years Resolution. For example last week they talked about "diets and health" but how we make we can make the strive for dieting and health our idol (I missed that week but I got the gist). This week had been about relationships and how we have gotten distracted from what we really matter. I know I fall pray to this A LOT. Beyond relationships I say I want to write more but after work I come home and I watch mindless television. I keep saying I want to change but I feel stuck a lot of the time... I don't think it has to do with just being done with grad-school.

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I have noticed in my life that sometimes when things come along that are challenging instead of taking on the challenge I just give up. I know my mom will read this and remind me that I have written a thesis, moved across country, and other things. And I know those details too but sometimes I feel I give up to easily. I mean I can't ride a bike because it was too hard to ride without training wheels and not that is a huge regret but I feel sometime scared by other moments and other situations I have walked away from because they are just too hard and I sit back and think if I had just tried a little harder would things have been differently? I know lots of people sit back and reflect on their lives and see if there was a point in which things could have changed, especially at this time of the year when we have the whole year in front of us to make changes, to set goals, to feel we can accomplish things we didn't do last year.

One thing my pastor said is a lot of times we tell ourselves "when I do this then I can do this" the example he gave is "when I graduate then I will be able to do ___(fill in blank)___." I have probably said this more than a few times even if not out loud. I have written here that have felt stuck in grad-school waiting for my life to begin. Well now it can begin. Not only is this a new year it is a new time in my life. I don't have to keep putting my life on hold because of school and it feels awesome. I want to do things with my life... I want to begin on making a difference in the world around me. I am not for sure what that looks like, I have though about doing some volunteer work or something. I just know I don't want to be writing a post on Jan. 13, 2016 looking back with regrets wishing I had done something, or wishing I hadn't said that thing I said. I want my 2015 to mean something.

So there you go that is my resolution for 2015, for it to mean something. I will keep you posted on the journey.

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Looking Back, Thinking Ahead

Done with my thesis 

Hello lovely readers,

It is Christmas time and I feel this a curious time of year, at least for me. It is a time of reflecting about the year that shortly ending and it is a time that we are preparing for the year to come. 

Looking back at this year I feel this year has been filled a lot with my thesis...and maybe thats how it should have been but lately I have felt I spent so much energy, so much time, and devotion to it that I kind of lost focus on what the most important things are in my life. On mentally preparing this post I began to look through my photos (on Facebook) to remember all that has happened over this year. Some of the highlights have been getting to spend so much time with my family; I spent some time with my family in May, August, October and just recently when my parents came up here to see me present my thesis. If you don't know I live in Boston and my family lives all over so I usually see them only twice a year (minus skype dates) so I feel that has been really neat this year. Another highlight this year has been moving in with my current roommate and friend. Last year (until end of August) it was a struggle with my apartment. I never felt like my last place was home. Moving into my new place has felt like home the moment I started unpacking my boxes.

with niece and nephew in May

So as I began to think about 2014 and everything that happened, there have some parts of it I wish I could put behind me and never think about them again, but I know those moments have shaped me. And instead of looking at them with regret I am going to try to give them over to God and let him use them as moments of development. While 2014 has been a mix of both of ups and downs (as years are) it is what 2015 brings that I am most interested in.

Lately, I have been praying a lot to hear God's voice to feel his guidance but in reality I have felt distant from God. I know He is with me and He is the hope I have anchored my life to. Hebrews 10:23- Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful- has been a verse I have had to repeat to myself a lot through the year. I think it is more true lately as I am coming to terms with the fact I am done with school.

Birthday celebrations 

For 23 some odd years, I have been a student and I have almost placed my identity in the fact I am a student. Especially in undergrad and grad school my life has been about the next homework assignment, the next chapter to read, and the next paper to write. In grad school I felt life was on hold until I finished school and sometimes I felt angry I couldn't do things because I was in school.

I have been praying for God to use me in such a way that I would make an impact in this world for Him.  I have also been praying to hear God's voice and feel His guidance.  But I have felt stuck and sometimes useless. I am not blaming Him for this... actually I am holding myself responsible. Because I know I have filled my life with clutter, I sought fulfillment from temporary things. So one thing I really hope for 2015 that He prune and cut things out of my life that are not from Him. This is going to take work on my end, because it is easy for me to turn on the TV, go on Facebook or Pinterest, listen to Spotify and block Him out. But I don't want to do that anymore.

Being a bride's maid in my friends wedding, in July.

On Monday I prayed:

Lord I pray you lead me. Lord there are so many big questions on my mind now. What do I do for a job? Where do I go from here? Lord I need your guidance with these questions. Lord, you are the only one that makes my life make sense and I pray oh Lord I pray you lead me on. 

Then on Tuesday morning I read the passage: 

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will. -Romans 12:2. 

Visiting my sister's family in August...
Sadly my nephew was in the hospital.

With nephew in hospital I got to spend a lot
of time with niece... blessing in disguise 

These things may not seem immediately linked but they are in my mind. I think one thing I really need in upcoming year is to renew my mind and heart in God. In that I believe I will be able to truly know what God wants from me. However, I have no idea what that looks like. 

Over the fall my church went through a series called "Resistance" and it was about remembering why we have the Sabbath, a time of rest, a time of remembering what is important to us, and a time to remember what God has done for us, I think over the last year and especially this last fall I have kind of forgotten that.  I say my faith, my friends and family are the most important things in my life... but I felt distant from those things. I have felt very much like I have been drifting through life, not really making connections. So, another thing I would like in 2015 is to really invest or reinvest in things that are important to me. 

Here I want to say I am sorry to anyone that I was not there for over the last year...even if you understood why I am sorry I got so blocked by other things I could not see what was important. 

Fancy night with roommate. 

On the job front I will take my time to figure things out. Fortunately this year I have been blessed with two part time jobs that have really been relief when I have been stressed about money. I think it is important right now to get things worked out in my relationship with God... so I am not going to dwell on that.

I am thankful for this year I have had the support system (friends and family) that I have had. I don't know how I would have been able to get through the struggles I have gone through... and I promise I will not forget it.

I am excited to see what 2015 has in store for me and I am already starting to shape my New Year's resolutions.

1. Invest or re-invest in the relationships I have
2. Work on transforming my mind in order to understand God's purpose for my life.

Those are 2 pretty big things so I will leave it at that for now... if I fail I will (with God) pick back up and try again.

There are other things I am looking forward to as well in 2015.

1. My sister and brother-in-law are expecting their third baby... from the pics above you can see they make cuties so I am excited for this new little one. 

their birth announcement.

2. My mom and I have been dreaming about and plotting a trip to Paris and now done with school, we have been planning one for May. 

Mom and I from recent trip to Boston 

3. Also I have been thinking about going on another short-term missions trip. I remember how impacting my trip to Honduras was and my church does a trip to the Dominican Republic every year and watching the videos of the trips have made me want to go.

4. I am also looking forward to getting back into doing some of my own fun writing. Though I might be writing more with pen and paper than typing... my eyes are getting tired looking at word document. 

"Mary did you know"-Pentatonix

This has been my favorite song this year. 

Merry Christmas!

Lots of Love

YouTube Link

I can't exactly explain it but for some reason the summer I met one of my best friends this was our jam. I remember a few times we would just walk up to each other with a completely straight face and say "What is love? Baby don't hurt me." That was a great summer and I have been blessed to know my dear friend these seven years. So in honor of her wedding day here is our song and pictures.

Probably our 1st picture together. Camping in Acadia National Park

And you know what they say about camping... It-Tents

Probably my favorite pic of us 

and we were probably dancing to this song.

Up in Hampton Beach

Trying to figure out what to buy for the group dinner... 

Probably not the best idea to send the 2 girls who didn't cook to pick out food.

Before my first Red Sox game

After my first Red Sox game... excited to see Lester's no hitter but very cold

Seeing Legally Blonde

Celebrating birthdays... she was a good sport to karaoke with me. 

The first time I met her future husband when he was just an interest.

When she asked me to be a bride's maid... it was very special. 

So excited to be apart of her special day.