Spiritual Jealousy

Dear Anne,
Is it okay to be jealous of some one because you wish you were  where they are spiritually, I mean? 

As you probably know from my lack of letters I have taken some time off from life to focus on finishing my semester. This meant not going to my usual Bible study and not really reading the Bible on my own. (Which, I know is not good but in the moment it felt like what was needed). Before the craziness of April I felt I was really growing (see Discovering my Mountain) but now I feel stunted again as if no growth happened and I am not happy about it. I mean I am not surprised because you can't walk away from any relationship for a month and expect it to be the same after that time. But I guess in some way I was naive and thought I would be in the same growing spot. I am not. I feel my relationship with God is kind of lifeless. 

What is worse, is when I finally came back to my Bible study, some of the girls I was closest too...seemed changed, better even. Better may not be the right word but they definitely seemed like they were growing in their relationship, they were desiring God more, and they were obeying God willingly. And though I know it is not right to be jealous of them, I was. The next day when I was having my quiet time I prayed saying "I wish I was them." Then through that I realized I look up to them one for her complete obedience to God, one for how strong they were and never seeming to doubt God's timing, and one for her genuine and generous love. So maybe I shouldn't be jealous of them maybe I should strive to be like them. And I do. I think God has given me these three in particular because he wants me to use them as models of how I want my life to be. The real question is how do I it? 

This is an a question I don't have an answer to. I do my quiet time, I go to church, and I go to Bible study but it doesn't seem to making a difference in my growing the other times in my life I don't feel changed by God. How sad is that? I know he is here, I know in some way he is guiding me but I don't really feel changed. I wrote this in "Discovering my Mountain": 

As much as I write about hope... I still don't know what it means to hope in the Lord and in that I don't know what it means to truly trust in the Lord.  I know to trust in the Lord in the grand scheme of things. I know that the Lord has a perfect plan for me and in that I trust. I also know when I try to take control over my life it feels like it falls apart. But on a day to day basis, I don't know what it means to Trust in the Lord, so I keep circling this mountain. 

I am still at the same point and I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to venture further then where I am right now, and I don't really like where I am (in this lukewarm relationship with God, where I could take it or leave it and more often then not leave it). I don't like it and I am pretty sure God doesn't like it so how can I move beyond this? 

I don't expect you to have the answer but now that I am done for the summer this is something I would like to work on. 

I hope to write more later,
-Blaire

I don't know why but I like this picture. The tree stump was from a tree taken down in Hurricane Irene (2 years ago) and now these daffodils bloom here. Daffodils have become my favorite flower as they are one of the first to bloom and that means we have made it through the winter...a great sign of hope.

Finished My Semester

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Yes it is from the Lizzie Bennet Diaries

I am happy to report that I am done with my finals! 

Over this last month I have taken a break from blogging and in some aspects life. I hope once life gets back to normal and I have more mental energy I will be able to write more blog posts. I have these thoughts of giving up on this blog as I don't feel I have much to say or I don't have the mental energy to write. But I went to an event from my almmater and my old adviser told me she read my blog; I was very touched and for that reason I hope I can keep up with it. It is always nice to know something you have taken time to write has been read by others.

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I sadly do not have much to catch you guys up on. I feel I have spent most of my month researching and writing papers. One paper was turn of the century fashion, I hope to use that paper to begin my thesis. As you probably know from my post about Downton Abbey, the stories I have been writing, or if you follow me on Pinterest I have fallen head over heels with the Edwardian time period. So I knew I wanted to do a paper on the turn of the century. I thought about doing my thesis on women's professionalism (like what careers became the more feminine careers and what not) but after sitting through a thesis proposal workshop where one adviser said "chose your own Hell" I had a change of heart. I have always loved fashion, I think it is so much more than what people wear, but what they value and what society values. So I turned my mind towards turn of the century fashion. As I began researching my paper I discovered that single working girls had more of a disposable income and used their fashion to get away from the strict uniforms of their jobs and possibly move up in the world. I would really like to talk about that. Of course I know I need a good argument for my thesis... so this summer I will be researching it. Wish me luck.

Besides finishing up school, I did go and visit my sister, niece and nephew. I know it was in the middle of the craziness of finals but I REALLY needed a break to go see them. I had a great time being Auntie Blaire and even though we didn't do anything overly big being with them was awesome. Also, my dad and step-mom surprised me with a day trip to see me... which was sweet to see them.

The only picture I took while I was there of my nephew crawling

But now school is over and I have the summer to look forward to. I know I need to be researching for my thesis... so I will probably be hanging out in some archives. I do hope to get some fun reading in (aka books without footnotes). I have been watching a lot of mindless TV but now I can't wait to cross some books off my reading list.

Hope to post more later.

Blogging break

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Hello my loyal readers,

I feel like I just got back in the swing in of blogging and now I have to take a hiatus because it is Finals month. I don't have any test to study for just a lot of work to finish off this semester and work to start preparing for my thesis, I will be writing next semester. So I kind of have to take a break from blogging. Sorry.

I know there is a lot going on but if you could pray for my stress level. As much as school should be my only my focus, I feel I have a lot on my plate for one I have to find a new place to live for the fall and some other personal stuff I am trying to juggle.  Also pray for my focus to finish this semester hopefully with no all nighters.

As busy as I am, I am eagerly looking forward to going to Denver to see my sister, H and E.

Love you guys and I will be back in May.

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Jane Austen and the modern girl

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I have been Jane Austen fan for over 11 years. I can't say if it started when I actually read the books on my own or when I finally enjoyed all 5 hours of the BBC Pride and Prejudice and falling head over heels for Collin Firth. Needless to say Jane Austen has filled a great majority of my life. In high school though I felt I was the only girl my age who read Jane Austen and it was a little lonely being in love with characters that existed only in books. So when I started meeting girls in college I probably got overly excited to share my love with others. I am also happy when new movies or books help people discover the awesomeness of Jane. So yes I have read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies... and I would actually recommend it. But the thing I love most about Jane is that while her stories are great as period drama's to watch on a rainy day with a cup tea, her stories are so universal they can be updated and still be relevant to today. My favorite modern adaptations have been Bridget Jones' Diary, Clueless (an adaptation of Emma) and Bride and Prejudice.

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While I can watch these movies over and over I have lately become obsessed with the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. In short they are vlogs (video blogs) retelling of a modern Pride and Prejudice. But they are also so much more with multiple layers of communication through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. And like every good Jane Austen update they capture your heart.

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Not only do you hear the story from Lizzie's point of view you all get to watch the Lydia drama unfold.

And you get to watch Gigi and Darcy save the day.

These are just the first episodes from the three intertwining story lines... that come into use at different times to tell the complete story line of Pride and Prejudice.

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If you have read the novel or seen any of the movies you know the plot, and if you love the book or the movies you might be skeptical about a modern update on a classic. Well let me just say I was there. I love Jane and sometimes I feel Hollywood does not do her justice. So I was skeptical when YouTube kept suggesting I watch these videos. But after catching up and watching about 50 episodes in a weekend I was addicted and then in Episode 60 we FINALLY get to meet Darcy.


Seriously they did good with the casting of Darcy. Though Colin Firth, will always be THE MR. DARCY... I think the actor Daniel Gordh does a wonderful job being Darcy.

All the Darcys
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I will always love the British accent but thanks to this retelling I also love the Newies cap and bow tie (I know it might be a bit hipster... but I cannot help it). 

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Anyway, now after today's episode (ep. 98) and only 2 more left... my heart is all a flutter. 

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If Tumblr and Facebook can be trusted I hear there is word that Emma might also become a vlog... oh I can't wait to see who will be cast as Mr. Knightley. He is another favorite Jane Austen hero of mine. 

from Emma

I do not think Jane could have ever realized what an impact she has made on the world. And how her six novels could forever be causing ripples through the lives of her readers. 

Now, I must move on with my day. Thanks for reading my nonsensical post. 

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P.S. Thanks YouTube for knowing what I would like. And a specially big thanks to my friend who shares my obsession with Jane Austen... you always make me smile.