Some frivolous-ness

HAPPY MAY! 

I am celebrating being done with this semester, with some frivolous YouTube time... 

Song: A Thousand Years

By: Christina Perri

Made by: Silver Vintage Videos

I don't know all the films and TV shows but the ones I recommend ...

Pride and Prejudice (1995)

Little Dorrit

Downton Abbey

Kate and Leopold

Ever After

North and South

Becoming Jane

The Paradise

The Sound of Music

Emma

Mansfield Park

Sense and Sensibility

Lark Rise to Candleford

Wives and Daughters

Writing is a puzzle

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Classes are over, and I know I have to work on my thesis, but I'd rather be working on my story, but I believe writing as always kept me sane so I feel like that justifies me spending some time getting in some fun writing.

As I wrote on my last post I find inspiration for my story on Pinterest. Over the last couple of months when I have not been wanting to work on my thesis I have been working on re-writing my story of Mattie Harrington. I have shared the first paragraphs of this story in my "Beginning Again". However, right now I am jumping ahead...

One of the changes I have made in this story is changing it from a first person perspective story to a third person perspective. Through this I have been adding little details and also remembering details. One detail of my story is that Southerton does not keep horses so whenever Mattie wants to go riding she has to go to Cranston Court, which allows for lots interactions with Kelby. However, when I was originally writing this story I had written that Mattie had snuck out of the house early and went for a ride and in that she has an accident. I realize how can she get in a horse accident when she doesn't own a horse. If she went to Cranston to borrow a horse, Kelby would have gone out riding with her and this would prevent the accident... so I was stuck. What to do?

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Then a few days ago I found this picture on pinterest and it was like a light bulb came on... she can easily crash a bike. Now I have to figure out the details of how to get the bike into the story. (I think Daphne will bring it back from London). I also have to figure out why Mattie goes for a bike ride, usually when she wants to clear her head she goes for a walk, why would she chose a bike that day?

Here is a few lines I have written for Kelby and Mattie in 1921, I will have to see how to fit into my story... 

"Do you remember the day you got this," he stroked the side of her forehead feeling the scar beneath his thumb

"Yes I fell from that blasted bicycle."

"I knew then. As soon as I saw you fell, and thought you could have ded. I knew then, I ran to you faster than I had ever ran. I came to you and I called out, 'Mattie, Mattie, sweetheart'. It was foolish but then again it wasn't. You are my sweetheart and I felt from that day on I could not do without you."

He kissed her scar and she wanted to melt in his arms. "I guess I owe that blasted bike to letting me know of my affections," he whispered. Mattie giggled at joy in this moment. 

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Sometimes these moments of inspiration are like a puzzle that you have to put together. 

To follow the progress of my story just follow the label "Grand Days" (that is my working title of my story)

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Yes it is Joey and Pacey from Dawson's Creek but I thought it was good for Mattie and Kelby.
Sorry link no longer works but this pic was too good to pass up on.

Pin of the week

If you hang out with me for any given amount of time you will learn I love Pinterest. My friends make fun of me saying they I know it is my pin without even seeing who pinned it... usually because it is an old fashion dress. And while I love pinning old fashion dresses and I have found inspirations for my stories there, I love finding great quotes as well (and sharing them with you).

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As I posted in my Happy Easter ! post that my church is going through a series "I AM", when Jesus says "I am..." and on the first week we talked about how Jesus calls himself the Good Shepard and he referenced Psalm 23 and though this chapter is frequently referenced and because of that it is easy to skim through it and not take in what it really means. But my pastor challenged us to really try to memorize it. So I wrote it out and posted it to my mirror, that I look into when I am doing my make-up. During my prayer time I have been reflecting what it really means to have God as my Good Shepard.

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Lately, I have been feeling a lack of God's presence in my life and while I have not doubted God and I know He is here. I have been questioning why do I not feel him, then I look at my life and realize I do a lot to block him out. I feel I have some put up so many barriers around me that it is like a wall around my heart. Yesterday, I read James 4:15 "Instead, you ought to say 'if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'." And that got me thinking... what is the Lord's will. My dad and I were talking that sometimes we think of God's will as being a tightrope that we get nervous about falling off. And I thought, how true but I think God's will is wide enough to take our imperfections and make them perfect in Him. Which, personally find really awesome because God is not limited to a narrow pathway and we are not limited by fear of falling off.  We can make mistakes, wrong turns, detours, and U turns and God can work with it. 

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Today I read Psalm 51:10-12...

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit away from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I read the NIV Life Application Bible and it has awesome footnotes, the footnote for this passage said "God wants us to be close to him and to experience his full and complete life. But sin that remains unconfessed makes such intimacy impossible." 

I prayed to God about my pride, my doubts, blocking Him out. I have prayed forgiveness of these things before, and I keep asking for God to be able to feel His presence, but the thing is no matter how many times I asked it is hard to change my habits. I know they say it takes 21 days to change your habits... well I think today is day 1. Instead of turning on the TV right after my quiet time, I turned on some Christian music (yes I am still addicted to noise, but at least this send a positive message) and while listening to music I can do other things (like write this post) instead of wasting hours in a mindless TV show. I am not expecting a miracle overnight but I feel I have to start sometime. 

So what does this have to do with God being the Good Shepard? Well instead of listening to my thoughts "that I can handle this all..." or that "I got this..." I am going to try to find comfort in the knowledge that God is with me and leading me no matter what. I am going to try to put in practice more and more leaning on His hope. I am going to try to stop listening to my doubts and listen to my faith... and maybe one day I can stop saying "I am going to try" and it will actually be true. 

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Happy Easter!

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Happy Easter everyone!

When I was a kid I loved Easter, we got pretty new dresses, we got free candy, and it meant a nice family meal. However as I am now in grad-school unfortunately Easter gets lost in the craziness of end of the semester and I don't get time to really reflect on what Easter means and sometimes I even forget it is Easter till I see kids in nice suites and pretty dresses.

My dad and I one Easter

My church is going through a series about who Jesus says he is... the "I AM". Last week my pastor talked about how Jesus calls himself the "good Shepard" and referred to the passage Psalm 23 "The Lord is my Shepard, I will not be in want.." I know this chapter is highly used and might be over uses that you can kind of just scan through it without taking in the meaning. However, my pastor brought an interesting fact about sheep though they are ignorant animals they know their Shepard's call from a great distance and respond to the call. He mentioned that sometimes that a God's calling can be as soft as a whisper and how can we hear him when so much of our lives is crowded with noise. When he said that it made me remember this poem I wrote two years ago in my post Things I am Afraid to tell you.

.... just a bit of my poem... 

There I sit

but there I hear a whisper 

it is very soft

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

"You must have me wrong"

I tell the whisper.

But it repeats

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

I open my eyes

see nothing there

so I doubt its existence.

"My child","my love"

"I am here for you

in darkness to be your light,

to be your hope

when you feel hopeless,

and to be your strength 

when you can't pick yourself up.

Remain in me 

and I will remain in you."

I admit I surround myself with noise to an addicting level and then in my quiet times I wonder why I can't hear God, and why I can't feel God's presence in my life. I know He is here, but I wish I was in better place spiritually that I could feel His presence, His comfort, and His guidance. Right now I am holding on to the reassurance of knowing that God is with me even though I cannot feel him. Just writing that sentence just reminded me of the verse "being confident in this that he who began good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"- Philippians 1:6. I am confident that God is with me and will always be with me.

Just cute little sheep
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