Questions while being stuck

Hello Lovely Readers,

I have been excited to post as much as I have done lately, though I feel they have been kind of frivolous. I am all for frivolity but I need to get something off my chest.

I have been feeling rather distant from God lately, actually I can't remember when I felt close to Him.

I am a weird mix of feeling and wanting formulas. I base a lot of my life how I feel about things and how I want people to feel about me. But when it comes to my faith I would love a formula, like if I did A and B then I get C. And that is not how God works. I also pray frequently "God I just want follow you more, but I am not sure what that looks like." In that I am saying I wish I had a model a list of "to dos" to follow. But that is not what faith is about.

Right now I feel stuck, in wanting to move but not knowing the next step.

{pic}

I just finished The Chance by Karen Kingsbury, it is a cute story of best friends Nolan and Ellie who on the night before Ellie moves to San Diego they write letters to each other to read 11 years in the future. Over time Nolan gets exactly what he has wanted playing for NBA, but yet he is still full of pain with losing his best friend and his father (shortly after Ellie moves away). At the same time Ellie has stopped believing in God and questions rather He exist and if He does why did He let bad thing happen to her.

I read it because it fulfills my requirement of "reading a book you own but hadn't read." And while reading it I thought it was a cute story with a good message of forgiveness, hope and second chances. It was a quick read which I liked, but nothing really hit me. Until the end.

Through out the book various characters hear God telling them something. I know it is fiction, however I began to wonder does God really speak. If He does, He doesn't speak to me.

I have friends who speak to me and I feel it is God's truth. The best example I can give is I was questioning somethings in my life and I had prayed about them but I hadn't told anyone about my thinking. And then my friend just brought it up in random conversation. I thought that had to be God, there was no other way to explain it. But that hasn't happened in awhile. So I began to blame myself because I know I haven't really been opening myself to God.

{pic}

I have used my faith like a checklist. I did my bible time, but then I would get out of bed and it was almost as if nothing changed. I feel my heart with mindless things and I sought completeness or an identity in temporal ideas. This is a pattern I have gotten used to. But when I read The Chance I wanted to hear God.

I am not sure how to listen. I am not sure if I want to hear God, just for some reassurance that I am doing okay, or if I want to hear from Him because I want to know what He wants from me. I would love a formula from Him to tell me what do with my life.

Probably not to live life?

After reading The Chance, I thought I should read some more Christian Lit (maybe if I read enough books I will understand what to do). Also reading Searching For God Know What by Donald Miller fulfills the requirement of "reading a book you began but never finished." But this book has hit me more than I thought. I am 4 chapters in and I have underlined so much. I even begun to write some prayers in it. I also know I will be re-reading it because I know my reading on the T I can't get as deep as I like. So far the book talks a lot about how we seek formulas from God, we want the Bible to be a self help book, and how this is not what God intended. God wanted us to be in a relationship with Him, to know Him personally, and to know who we are in Him. To be honest I have been a Christian since I was twelve though probably not following it until after high school (long story). Anyway, I am still not sure what what knowing God personally means. I am hoping Miller will lay it out... but I doubt he will because writes:

I bring this up because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a dew steps is rather silly. -pg.14

And if he laid out what it meant to know God personally he would be writing a formula. So I am sure I will finish this book with more questions than answers.

I am not looking for to-do list or formulas but if you have any advice and or Bible passages that have helped you please pass them a long.

Thanks-

P.S.- I am going to be taking a little break from blogging as I am going on vacation with my mom... will post pictures later.

My mom in Florence (almost 9 years ago).

Story time Saturday... "Yours Faithfully"

 Hello lovely readers,

I know I should be nothing but happy with my up coming vacation but I have fallen into a little funk. So I am taking time to do some escapism writing. This is my continuing re-working of Wives and Daughters, hope you enjoy.

The following is letter #6 to read past letters

Dearest Aunt,

I know you cannot hear me now. Oh I wish you were how anxious I am to tell you all my thoughts. Of course if you could hear me, I do not know if I would say a word. You being awake would be enough.  

Before I write another word I must tell you Ozzie is home. I know you so wanted to wanted to see him again. I hope when you wake, for I know you will wake up, he will be by your side. I know how much joy that will give you. He is just as handsome as I remember, he has such kind eyes that make me know he is a truly generous spirit. He has a fine gentle face with graceful features, and when he smiles he reminds me of you. Oh Aunt if only he didn't look so lonely as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. No matter what uncle says I know that Ozzie carries the great disappointment of failing this semester. He talks about leaving school all together and going to California. Surely there does not need to be a whole continent between him and uncle, no matter what trouble he is in. If only you were awake I know you would you would not let uncle speak such abuse to Ozzie. I do not blame you. 

The one bright light in this whole house is Hugh, your step-son. Hugh has played a vital role in going between Ozzie and uncle. Ozzie confides in him in everything and uncle enjoys taking long walks with him in the day and enjoying a pipe with him after night. I would never say this to you for I know how much you care for Ozzie, but Hugh truly seems to be the perfect son. He enjoys the countryside a great deal taking great detail in the plants, trees, and animals that roam it and yet he has a kindness towards man kind I have never seen. I am afraid on our first meeting I made a bad impression. Mama made me pack my dress and I wore it to dinner, upon entering the dinning room I could see it was quite a mistake to dress so ostentatiously. He must have thought me quite frivolous to dress in such a manner with your health being as such and then through the night I could not complete a sentence with stumbling over my words. I also could not remember any passages of books I had been reading to you that very day. I felt to be completely ignorant. 

Since then we have gotten to know each other, he said yesterday that I could read such knowledgeable books with out being bored; he has never met a girl who took such interest in history. I must say uncle's library is so well rounded in ancient history. I cannot help but devour the details of the Egyptian Empire. When uncle desires to sit with you, Hugh is good to take me on walks around the garden and point out the different flowers, I never had a thought of botany but with him speaking I feel it is more of a story than just scientific studies. He does not say it but I know he would miss you as much as Ozzie, as you have been his mother for all the life he can remember.

Oh aunt if you could hear me, I would want you to hear how much you are loved and how much we all need you here. 

Please do not leave us.

Yours faithfully,
Molly

Remember your character... Part 2

When I wrote "Remember your Character"I did not think that I would be writing a part two... but I have done a lot of thinking about my story.

In reading the book Testament of Youth she writes a great line about how her dream and what she wanted to do with her life, she said everyone that really mattered to her had died in the war and yet she still had her dream of being a writer. I underlined that line and thought what is Mattie's dream? At that point I didn't know, which is sad to admit as her story teller and not to know her dream.

I feel I have cast Mattie a lot like me, she doesn't mind going unnoticed and wants to make people around her happy no matter what it cost her. Through out the story she learns to step out of her comfort zone and wants to make a difference in the world.

I found this picture (on right) on Pinterest and read the article and I was captured by the post, there was a great quote:

{pic}

It’s crucial for your hero to have a goal. If he doesn’t, you have no story. “Well why not?” you ask?
Because your hero’s goal is what drives the story. It’s the story’s purpose. Like a ripple effect, it influences your entire plot.

And I thought, while I know Mattie intimately and I know what her dreams and goals are (because they are almost the same as mine), but I don't know if I have expressed it. And then I thought, why would someone read my story if they didn't know her dreams. Because her dreams of being of use is what drives her story. But do I have to spell it out or can it just be obvious. The post states:

Be sure to make it clear as soon as possible what your character’s goal is. Of course you’ll spend time in the beginning setting up your characters and plot, but don’t wait until halfway through your story to clue readers in to your hero’s goal.

But I have never read a book where it says... "My goal is this(Fill in the blank)" unless they are trying to escape a situation. So I am wondering how to weave this into my story?--If you have any thoughts let me know.

Mattie {pic}

(To read article Click Here)

Creating a Villain

{pic}

Last Wednesday I attended a writing workshop and we had to structure a villain and I will admit I will never admit that I have never been good writing a villain, I never really thought about it in my writing only because I think of the super villains like Darth Vader or even Moriarty (from Sherlock).

But the "leader" of the workshop tells us villains for the story are people who see the world similar to the protagonist but slightly different. He also says for villains to be good they need to be

• Sympathetic
• Have motivations
• Needs and Desires
• Changes over time 

Then we had to construct a villain with one characteristic we chose at random mine was: "Has a crippled sibling".

I am currently reading The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult and I just read The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, both of these stories about WWII and both of them have made an impact on my mind. Both these stories have been really intriguing and they have slipped into my head. This kind of slipped into my thinking when I was thinking of a villain.

So here is my villain (at least a bit of his back story):

"Come on Laura," Rudy shook his young sister awake. "Come on time to get up."

In truth Rudy had already been up for hours, checking his traps for any prizes, getting milk and collecting eggs. All resources were drying up it was as if the animals know there was a war going on. He tried to quietly make breakfast as not to disturb father, who had been at work all night. Then helped Laura braid her hair into two pigtails. He had been teased mercilessly when the kids at school know he did his sisters hair, but he had to. Laura could a lot on her own but she couldn't braid her hair with only one arm.

After breakfast they made their long trek to school. Rudy hated school, not just because he was fifteen years old and that what fifteen year old boys did, no he hated school because every day he had to sit next to Alexander, as they had to sit in alphabetical order. Alexander Janson then Rudy Jenkins.

Alexander was tall with muscles that had only appeared recently, but since then Greta Adler only had eyes for him. Everything was perfect for Alexander. His father owned the factory in town that supported most of the town's employment. Most but not Rudy's father who had been let go six months ago and now Rudy's father had to work odd jobs making inconsistent wages, and never enough to pay for rent, food, and doctor's bills.

Rudy knew deep down it wasn't Alexander's fault, but he felt it was. Everyone knew Rudy should have won the race, the only thing Rudy had going for him was his speed, as he had to run away from boys who started fights with him. That day the whole school including Greta Adler, had been out to watch the race. Rudy had a good lead but somehow Alexander caught up and tripped him. The next day Rudy's father announced the factory had to let him go. It could have all be a coincidence but Rudy had a hard time believing in coincidence. 

Another article I found on Villains