Sister Saturday

I have been trying to find a picture that captured some of the sentiment of the following scene from my story... but I could not. However, since this scene is about sisters finally bonding together I thought I would share some of my favorite pictures of my sisters and I (okay the middle one is not my sisters but Edwardian appropriate).

I have two lovely sisters both who inspire me probably more than they know. 

For Pic in middle 

So here is the first part of my edition "The sisters and the engagements"

Once dinner was over Emmy politely excused herself to Laurel's room. Laurel was not awake but Emmy didn't care she undid her shoes and let down her hair and pulled up close to her sister.

            The next part was all said in a soft whisper as to not disturb her sleeping sister. "Oh Laurel I have not been a good sister, I don't know what happened to us we used to be as thick as thieves. You were always my best friend the one I told everything and sometimes I miss you. I guess you grow up after father died making sure our family kept above water. You were always there for us, always the head strong, common sense one, that we depend up to get things right and I was the non-sensible, foolishly idealistic one and after father died I just wanted to escape into a dreamy world of fantasy. It was a world of fantasy. It was a world we once shared but then you faced reality and I never could. Oh Laurel, I am sorry for any of my foolishness that I caused you pain, I am sorry I am not more dependable like you, I wish I could be?"

            "Don't be," Emmy looked and saw Laurel looking at her.

            "I am sorry Laurel, I didn't mean to wake you."

            "I am glad you did. Emmy don't be like me I am too structured and everyone thinks I am too unfeeling. I am sure that is what drove Ethan away."

            "What do you mean?"
            "I could not express my feelings to Ethan Foster not to him, not even to my sister or my mother because I am so structured I couldn't let someone know my heart. When I saw you gave your heart so openly to Mr. James I admit I was a little jealous of your spirit and heart."

            "Really?"

            "Yes, while sometimes you don't always think before you talk and you act as if everything was novel, you have such a passionate spirit."

            "Don't wish that, it sometimes causes more regrets than happiness."

            "We just need to figure out how I can be a little bit more like you and for you to be a little bit more like me then we will be the perfect puzzle piece."

            Emmy looked into Laurel's eyes and saw a happy tenderness she had not seen in a long time. The girls curled up next to each other for the night and the morning Laurel was able to come down for breakfast. Aunt Iris was so happy to see some color in her niece's cheeks she made sure to serve them an extra large helping. Though Laurel's color had returned she felt tired after breakfast and went back to bed.

            "Aunt, we have to figure out if what Caleb told me about Mr. Foster being engaged is true or not."

            "How are we going to do that? Spy on him."

            "No, I don't know."

            "Sweet heart I think we should stay out of Mr. Foster and Laurel's business."

            "I wish I could but she is my sister, I cannot risk seeing her potentially having her heart broken."

            "Emmy dear I know you mean well but I hate to admit it but broken hearts are a part of growing up. As much you like to live in a hopeful romantic world sometimes relationships do not work out and Mr. Foster and Laurel might not work out," Aunt Iris saw Emmy's face go sad. "Then again they could live happily ever after and if they are meant to be together they will be without our meddling."

            "All right Aunt Iris."

            "You promise Emmy you will not interfere."

            "Yes aunt I promise," Aunt Iris lifted Emmy's chin to look into her eyes.

           

            "Eyes never lie," was an expression Fiona was always telling Emmy and whenever she wanted to know whether Emmy was lying she looked her square in the eyes.

            Emmy was not lying this time she promised her aunt that she would not meddle and she would not meddle no matter what her romantic heart told her to do.

To read about the surprise engagement that is to follow... click here

Hopeful Thursday

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Outside my quiet time I am reading verses that have the word hope in them... here is the first verse...

No one whose hope is you

will ever be put to shame, 

but they will be put to shame

who are treacherous with out cause.

-Psalm 25:3

For all of Psalm 25 click here

Things I'm afraid to tell you

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The idea for this post was originally inspired by this blogging trend that went around a few weeks ago. I found it through one of my favorite bloggers Sarah at Well and Cheaply  she found it through another blogger Creature Comforts the idea behind these post are for bloggers to become more vulnerable "in an effort to make the bigger blogging community a better place" to read more click here.  I started writing this post but I felt like all I was doing was whining so I never published it. But now I am more inspired by a series my church is doing called Undone for those messages click here. I have been thinking lately a lot about things that have been holding me back in my life and in my faith. On Monday after my quiet time I wrote this poem... it is still in its infancy phase but I wanted to share it.*

I hear a voice

I know it well

   it tells me over and over

I am unworthy

I am unable to be loved

and when I look in the mirror

   it tells me 

I am ugly.

This voice is closer to me

   than a friend

and been around me 

   since I was a little girl. 

I hide my face 

   admit defeat

and walk with shame.

I hope no one else 

  can see these failings

I hope today my mask

  of goodness stays in place. 

When I am strong

   I pick myself up

and tell the voice "no"

  I am worthy

  I am loved

  and I will prove it. 

So I do my best

   on my own 

   to fight against it

   but I fail.

I hear the voice

I know it well.

It mocks me for trying

it points out my scars

   and my pain

it points out the wrongs 

   I commit 

   and how I will always keep failing.

Because of these

it tells me over and over 

I am unworthy 

I am unable to be loved 

and when I look in the mirror

    it tells me

I am ugly.

So I continue with my mask 

    of goodness 

always adjusting it 

so people see 

what they want to see. 

They see a smile

   and that's what I want

because who loves a girl 

   who curls up in bed and cries

who loves a girl that is 

   falling apart

   lonely,

   and scared. 

They see a smile

   and that's what I want. 

But I hear a voice 

    and I know it well

a voice that is quick to cut

a voice that is louder than all others 

and a voice I would die to silence.

I hear it

bury my head in shame

admit defeat

and curl up in a dark spot.

There I sit

but there I hear a whisper 

it is very soft

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

"You must have me wrong"

I tell the whisper.

But it repeats

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

I open my eyes

see nothing there

so I doubt its existence.

"My child","my love"

"I am here for you

in darkness to be your light,

to be your hope

when you feel hopeless,

and to be your strength 

when you can't pick yourself up.

Remain in me 

and I will remain in you."

When I cling to that whisper 

the voice softens 

when I concentrate on that whisper

the shame of my failings 

    go away

and when I take in that whisper 

I feel blessed and loved.

But the voice is always there

always quick to cut

and some times louder 

   than a battle cry.

But so is the whisper

it remains too.

I have to listen harder

  to hear it 

  but it is there

it calls to me over and over again.

"My child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation"

"I am here for you

I am here with you

   and I love you." 

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* to my mom I know you read my post sometimes and worry about me please don't worry I am clinging to the whisper.

A tune for Tuesday

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I don't remember when I first listened to The Civil Wars but since then I have been in love with them. Their voices beautifully blend together making some great music. Most of there music makes me want to curl up with a good cup of coffee and let the world melt away. When I was trying to find music for this post I came across this song on YouTube that I had never heard before. Their music is so simple but yet not and like most of their songs this song captured me. Hope you enjoy.

Song: I've got this friend

by: The Civil Wars

Lyrics found at lyricsty.com

I've got this friend
I don't think you know him
He's not much for words
He's hidden his heart away

Oh I've got this friend
A loveless romantic
All that he really wants
Is someone to want him back

Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, If the right one came, along

I've got this friend
I don't think you know her
She sings a simple song
It sounds a lot like his
[ Lyrics from: http://wwwlyricsty.com/the-civil-wars-ive-got-this-friend-lyrics.html ]
Oh I've got this friend
Holding onto her heart
Like it's a little secret
Like it's all she's got to give

Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, if the right one came, along

It'd be such a shame
(If they never meet)
She sounds lovely
(He sounds right out of a dream)
If only
(If only)
If only

Ohh
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, (I've got this friend) if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, (I've got this friend)
If the right one came, along