A casual gaze

While I have been writing this blog I have thought of a few things about myself. Maybe in a way to explain my writing or just therapy for myself; either way I won’t be too mushy (I hope but I am emotional so I might not be able to resist).

One thing as previously discussed I am a hopeful romantic but I am not very experienced in the world of “romance.” I have only had four boyfriends and I have only kissed two boys. The first was my first real boyfriend in high school and I was nineteen years old.To be honest after watching plenty of teen soap operas ranging from Gilmore Girls and Dawson’s Creeks I felt I was the only girl who had not had a first kiss and also just to be honest I really wanted my first kiss. Sadly (no offense to him) no sparks flew and definitely no fireworks went off (not like you see in movies.) Then we broke up mostly because I was moving to Boston, three thousand miles away from him and we no longer talk minus maybe a “happy birthday” on Facebook. But I felt he had a part of me, a part I could never get back and I didn’t like it. I then set a standard for myself that I wouldn’t kiss a boy till I said “I love you.” In this day I am guessing that moving at a glacier pace but that explains why I have kissed one other boy because I loved him and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. But it didn’t work out because of factors I won’t get into. So besides losing myself in what might seem like silly novels (check out Love of Reading) I have not had much experience in the world of romance but I am hopeful that one day I will meet Mr. Right but until that day I keep practicing being Mrs. Right (as a good friend once told me).

Another thing about myself is that I consider myself a plain Jane. Now I don’t say this as a way to be pitiful. I will say it honestly I just don’t look at myself and see myself as this knock out girl. Though as an author I would writer I had gold red hair that looked like the sunset and blue eyes that sparkled like the sea. To me that sounds like a fairy tale princess but I am far from feeling like a fairy tale princess. Maybe every woman feels like this after looking at themselves day in and day out. Or maybe women take more time putting themselves together. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t walk around with my hair disheveled or my clothes stained. I comb my hair but usually that it I don’t curl, flat iron or anything like that. And I will admit until high school I didn’t really use a hair dryer and however my hair looks that is how it will be. Then in college I started wearing make up but I still working on it. And honestly, I am not knocking women who take lots of time with their looks because they look great, I just don’t care. I’d rather sleep in. I’d rather slip my skirt on (except when it’s too cold) and my cardigan and leave my house then spend my money on the newest fashion. That’s just me. I am plain Jane and I am okay with that. But it might be why I write about plain Janes and hope in my stories like in real life that someone will see beyond the plain Janeness and see me. I think thats what will happen to my character Emmy.

There might be more later... but for right now I wanted to post this gaze into my life