Thankful for

If you have been reading my "Dear Anne" letters you will know I have been in a kind of negative place. Well at the advice of my dear friend who I call my "Boston Mom" she reminds me of the things I am thankful for... So to share them with you I wanted to make a collage. I couldn't post all the pictures I wanted but this is a good reminder....

1. My family: They have always been supportive of me and it wasn't until I moved to Boston that I realized how much I need them. 

2. My friends: The random dance parties, our trips together, going to the movies, and being a shoulder to cry on.

3. My older sister: Who has always been looking out for me. 

4. My relationship with my dad: We weren't that close during my teen years but now I feel I can turn to him for everything.

5. My relationship with my mom: We have our ups and downs but I know she loves me and is always supporting my dreams wherever they can take me.

6. Being an aunt: I love being an aunt to my sister's kids and my best friend's baby. I have been told I will love my kids more than my niece and nephew but I love them so much and they have brighten up my life. 

7. Hope: No matter how dark things might get there is always hope. 

No fight left

No Fight Left

By: JJ Heller.

Dear Anne,

I am sorry it has been so long since I have written. I could easily blame Grad-School but considering I have had no motivation to do anything in school, I cannot really say that. The last couple of weeks I have felt my life going down hill. I even wrote you about how I was focusing on the good things in my life, I thought that letter would keep me up-beat. I am sad to say that it has not. I have even reached out to my "support team" (close family/friends) for them to pray for me and the response I have gotten has been so heart warming, I have felt truly loved but some how my heart an mind keep dwelling on the bad and I just see my life as a downward spiral (as much as I smile and pretend to be all right). I even questioned if I belonged to him since I kept having these times in my life where I was low and discouraged.


Well over the past couple of weeks my church has been going through the book of Jonah. He is mostly known for Jonah and the Whale but that is so little part of the story. When Jonah goes to Nineveh (the bad guys) and after little convincing they repent and our saved from destruction. The story goes further but I am going to stop right there. Both Jonah and the people of Nineveh had turned away from God and both were saved by God's never ending grace. At the end of the sermon my pastor said "there is nothing you can do to out run God's grace". As awesome as that statement is I will admit I didn't go right home and immediately go to God (as I should have done) but later Sunday night as I was brushing my teeth I read the verse taped near my mirror.

"Find rest O my soul in God; my hope alone comes from Him" (Psalm 62:5)

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And I thought, "how little do I consider God my hope." I have this verse written in multiple places and I never really consider God my Hope. I know God has saved me and I know God wants the best for me but how little do I actually think about God's hope and grace. Then as I was sitting and \
praying, I realized I keep underestimating God's grace. God's majestic saving and healing powers. 

I wrote that first part and then during my weekly phone date with my dad, I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He was just talking about how I was doing so well, I was climbing Mount Everest (in Grad-School) and I am at the last 10% and this is the hard part. I told him I didn't feel I was climbing Mount Everest I felt I was going a downward spiral to no where. I hate standing some days and I just want to hide and cry. 

I realize I am much like Jonah in the whale. I am going through a hard time and as easy as it would be for me to just retreat and sulking in my distress. I need to turn to God and  find my hope in him. Right now this is easier said than done.

Today I read Psalm 86 and it was exactly what I need to read. So while I am still in this low place, I need to remember God is with me. I just wish I felt Him more. 

I liked verse 5-7
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Sorry this letter is a bit scattered... it reflects my state of being right now. 

Thanks for reading.

Yours,

Blaire
P.S. Is it bad that I just want to spend the day eating chocolate and staying in my PJ's?

Some descriptive writing

"A desire to write grows with writing"-Desiderius Erasmus 

In my last post about my story (which is still untitled) I wrote sharing my story with you my loyal readers it kept me inspired me to continue writing my story. So I hope to continue sharing bits of my story with you. I may not be able do to so regularly as I find I write better when I write with my hand and then I type it up. It is a very long process but it is so far the only way it works for me.

As much as I love writing plot, I love more the moment where I can get out a few good sentences of descriptive writing and make my characters or my setting seem more real. I am just at the beginning of my story so I am really working on some descriptive parts so my characters come to life for me and for my readers. So I wanted to share those parts with you...

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This wasn't a journey this was a new beginning.

            Parts of this narrative I remember as if they were yesterday even though they happened years ago. Some parts of this story I have conjured up out of my imagination to make sense of the outcomes. Therefore, I cannot call this a true account of my family but it is the truest account you ever hear.

           

            There was a time when we were all joyful and innocent to ever changing. Before the war and the destruction that followed in its wake. The war had changed our family in so many ways as it had for so many others. Before the war it didn't matter that Parker was heir to Cranston Court and best friends with Shane Gray, who was the oldest son of Cranston's head cook. Daphne would be happy to wear a daisy chain necklace and Marcus dreamt of exploring the deep jungles of Africa. Back when we were children we would spend our summer afternoons in the Back Woods wading in the creek that divided Cranston Court from Southerton Greens. I remember her we could be a thousand miles away from everything and everyone with only our dreams to play out. But that was before the Great War. The Great War that had killed Shane and made our poverty known. It was all due to the war. It was the reason our lives had changed forever.

Summer 1909

Those were the grand days for us children at Southerton. Without mother and father there we were under the care of Nanny Alba. Every day after lunch she took a long nap  and expected us to do the same. Instead as soon as the weather turned warm we would run all the way to the Back Woods not stopping for any breath. It was here we all plotted out the grand adventures we desired for our lives. I wasn't old enough to plan a grand escape. I still loved our home. It had been a part of our family since King Charles II. It wasn't grand compared to Cranston Court but it was a prized estate. I was still finding nooks and crannies when to hide in for hours. My ancestors took Southerton Green from a simple hunt lodge to its grand scale built in the a modern architecture in the Georgian style. My grandfather used to tell me of the grand days of Southerton when they would throw lavish parties on the scale of a Duke and Duchess. I promised him I would recapture those grand day and bring them back to Southerton.

~~~~~~

Dress Inspiration #1
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Lady Welford was perfection itself. She had delicate features from her ivory skin, her gentle hazel eyes and her fair auburn hair that seemed properly placed as a crown on her head with no strand out of a place. Her dress was done in the stylish 'Empire' revival fashion that was coming back into style with lots of subtle lace and beading on the top, then a large cherry silk ribbon that had a large flower pin on in it, fading to a soft pink with deep inverted pleats at the back which went down to a little train. One would think that the dress being so subtle in would wash her out but it didn't. Lady Welford was true beauty. Her figure was particularly graceful and it was a style in which elegance reigned. A beauty like I had never seen before in such a way that one could tell the outside was due to reflect the inside. She looked down and saw little Georgiana looking almost lifeless and had overwhelming compassion.

            "Oh my goodness is all right?" Lady Welford asked with watery eyes.

            "Yes your lady. She is fine now thanks to Mrs. Gray, she probably just needs some rest," Marcus said.

            "Well of course. We have several guest rooms she can stay in. Mrs. Banks," she called the house keeper over. "Will you make sure to find the little girl a place to rest and get some food for the children and have them take it into the nursery. Then when we are done with our guest in the library."

            "Elizabeth!" Lord Welford stunned by her.

            "And maybe some dry clothes for the young ladies."I did feel a little embarrassed by my outfit. "Also Mrs. Banks we might want to fetch the doctor. And all of you will stay here till your sister is all better. Mrs. Banks make sure to also write Southerton we would not want Mr. Harrington to worry."

            "Our mother is not home your lady," Marcus said.

            "Well then it is settled, you shall all stay the night," it was almost as she could feel her husband getting mad. "Now Welford, I want you to smile and remember we need votes."

Dress Inspiration #2
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            All what Lady Welford asked to be done was done in an orderly fashion. Her manners reflected her charming beauty for they were winning and never commanding and she show complete empathy to those around her.

            I would find out years later as perfect as her world seemed she terrible lonesome. Her husband would spend months away at a time her some was away at school, and while Lord Welford brought her back a nice broche or a new necklace it never replaced her heart's cry. By the time I learned this would be too late for me to do anything about it. I put this now so you would know the whole story and it will impact future events of this narrative.

            Cranston Court stood as a relic to the Tudor years with a lookout tower and lots of outset windows and it always had a feeling that a knight on white horse would be coming about any moment. Though it was a Tudor relic on the outside on the inside it looked more like a French Chateau done highly in the Rococo style that was ever so popular at the end of the last century. Lady Welford was an American Heiress through and through coming from a family who had their money from mill factories and investments in both railroad and a shipping industry. She had insisted for many modern improvements to be done to the house including new pipes, fitting windows, and dumb waiters so the food would be warm when it reached the dinner table. Most importantly she had the money to back up her insistence.

Painting of Derbyshire
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Side note: I have changed the date from 1906 to 1909 to bring them a little closer to WWI. I also changed my heroine's name to Rose... I couldn't really get attached to the name Esther.

In need of some light-heartedness

Dear Anne,

When I started writing these letters to you I made a promise to you that I would not write any "fluff" post but right now I need some "fluff." Lots of things in my life seem to be crumbling around me and I cannot think of how to phrase them all. But I didn't want to not write this week so if you will pardon me... I am going to write some fluff. 

Reading the book on the T.

I just got done reading my friend Katharine Grubb's book Falling for Your Madness, which I highly recommend as a great read on the beach over the summer or when you are stuck inside due to a blizzard or like me and just don't want to think about grad-school. I started it on Thursday afternoon and finished it by Sunday and I got swept up in the chivalry of the story. It is great to have such chivalrous character like David to fall for and you know me I am a sucker for a chivalrous hero. 

Any way this letter is not to write you a book report but I wanted to write that blurb so you understand this part. In one of their dinners they discuss what five things they love and five things they hate. I will only share my five loves in this letter (as I need some time to remember the good things in my life). 

my nephew wearing the T-shirt
I got him for Christmas

1. I am going to break David's rule of not saying my family... he thinks it is virtuous to say but doesn't say anything about us (p. 37). I am sorry but I think if you want to know me you must know I have a deep love of my family. They shape me so much and  while I am at least a thousand miles away from them they are a constant in my life. And lately I have seen how important they are for me as a support team in my life. But more specifically you have probably seen from my other letters I do have a sort of addiction to my niece and nephew. Last week I was feeling lonely so I made sure to spend some time with kids. I skyped with my sister and through that I drew pictures of princesses with my niece. Then on Friday I spent the afternoon with my best friend's baby. It was what I needed. So I love kids. 

2. I love getting lost in a good a book. Even though I am in grad-school I try to make time to read a fun book on the side. I love when a story can completely take me away from all that is going on in my life and I can disappear into another world. I usually find this true about historical fictions but last year I read the Hunger Games and could not put them down. 

3. My first cup of coffee. I sometimes get up, switch my coffee pot on, and then climb back in bed and wait for it to finish brewing. My first cup always wakes me up. The picture is of my favorite mug. My best friend gave it to me for Christmas and it is absolutely my favorite. This picture is not good but it says "Creative Fuel" and I love my days off when I can sip out of it and actually do some fun writing, which leads me to my number 4. 

4. Getting time to write. It doesn't happen much from going to grad-school, working, and doing life but I love when I find a few minutes to "work" on my story. I put the word work in "" because it is not really work it is a pleasure.  Like my getting lost in a good book I also like getting lost in  my own stories. 

5. Umm... last thing. This is hard because I feel there are many things I love. But I would say this city of Boston. Since the first time I came here I felt like this place was home. While, I love going back home to Oklahoma for the nostalgic aspects. I think Boston was the first place I ever felt like I truly fit in. And even in the cold I still love it here. I also feel God has blessed me here with my school, my friends I have made that have become a second family to me, my church, and most importantly my walk with Him.  

Boston gets more snow. 

Okay thanks for listening to my "fluff" it was good to write this down and remind myself all the goodness in my life. There are more than five things I love but I want to follow David's rule. 

- Blaire