Holding on to words

I'm not sure why but I am a little timid to post this one... I post a lot about myself, some things are far more personal than this post, but I am still timid. However, as I have written I want to share my ups and downs on this blog... this is neither an up or down just something I have been pondering over.

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Some people think I am quiet (even if my friends or family don't believe it). I am quiet I think it is because I spend so much time in my own head... I am hoping this is typical for authors. I am good at writing out conversations but not so good in actually having them on my own. In high school my friend and I watched Dawson's Creek (well I watched the re-runs because I was late to the Dawson's Creek fan club). But one time we joked that Dawson's Creek was good at saying things you wanted to say but couldn't.

Clear example of what I mean
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I am not good at saying things I want to because I am nervous or I am afraid. Sometimes the words I want to say I know will leave me vulnerable and potentially show off my weakness. And I can't say them. So I write my characters... usually they are heroines who everyone sees as quiet and maybe a bit plain looking but they dream of adventure and deep passion. By adventure, I don't mean going to explore the distant shores (though that would be cool) they mostly just follow their dreams wherever they might lead them no matter what. I feel in some ways they are a bit of me but in some ways they are the best of me. 

Some people think I am quiet, I feel I express myself better on paper than I can in person.

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I started thinking about this post on a Friday as I was leaving my therapy session. At first it was going to be a letter to my crush... I don't currently have a crush but it was more to the idea of a crush. It was to say just because I don't say "I like you" doesn't mean I don't, I just have a hard time putting myself out there. I have a hard time letting myself be vulnerable; I guess that is normal people like to be seen as strong, as having it all together but for me think it goes deeper. I know I want a deep passionate love like my characters but I feel trapped inside my mind. I want something but I can't open myself up and either express it or allow myself to feel it (does that make any sense?) So I stay quiet still longing for love and not exactly sure how to get it. I have been told most of my life through the church that the guy is too pursue the girl, but for that to happen the guy has to know if the girl is interested in him, right? So how does this introverted girl, this girl who rather write than talk, find this love? I don't know... still on the path of figuring that out.

However, I don't want people to think that just because I don't talk doesn't mean I don't like you... I am just unsure of what to say. 

Changes are a comin'

Hello loyal readers,

The Old North Church
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I think only my loyal readers will recognize some changes are happening. This summer I have tried to post on Monday, Wednesday, Friday as those were my lighter days. Well now I have taken a second job working at the Old North Church gift shop (at least until the end of October) and now working 6 days a week not giving much time to write or notify my lovely Facebook followers that I have blogged.* So I am still going to post but now my post might be on Tuesdays and Thursdays as those are my late days.

Then everything is going to change again come September when I start classes. So changes are a coming for better or worse I am just trying to roll with the punches.

One change coming is I am moving... not far just another apartment. But it feels like a big change I will have 2 roommates and additional pets (I hope Darcy is okay with this transition). Another change I will be doing an internship over the fall semester. I have filled out my student profile and now waiting for placement from my school. I am also taking a children's librarian class. It is totally not in my track as I am a History/Archives, but a lot people have told me I should work with children, so I thought this would be interesting. I am seriously hoping that the internship and the children's librarian class will help give me more insight in what I want to do with my life... after last semester I am completely drained and feel somewhat passionless for library science.

I will keep you posted on any other life changes.


*-In case you are worried for me. I am making ends meet by working my current job, I am just trying to save more money. Also I want a job somewhat related to my interest. 

Happy Birthday E!

Big sis looking on little brother... she loves him so much.

My Nephew "E" is turning 1 and to celebrate this great day I am posting some pictures up. 

At Christmas the first time I met him... Instant Love

"E" in the Boston T-shirt I gave him for Christmas

"E" when I saw him in April. 

I love my little E.

Link

I know for us in America, the season 4 premiere date in January seems like such a long time... so I thought I would post it. It is Mary and Matthew highlights. While the video is good I liked the song so I searched for it in order to add it to my library. The song is "Never Far From Me" by John Garrison.

They are very simple but the song is sweet:

Never far from me
Any time I feel low
I just don't know how you know
You are never far from me
You are never far from me

Once again, there goes the phone
How could you possibly know

You are never far from me
You are never far from me

Before the time that you go
There is something you should know
You will always be in me
You are never far from me