Wrong ladder?

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I was talking to my dad and we got to an awkward part of the conversation about my student loans and my work life. He never wants to put his nose in my business (unless I let him) but as I am his child he is concerned about me. But he knows I am struggling after being done with school with looking for a job and trying to make ends meet (which is true for a lot of fresh graduates). Any way, he said something "I just don't want you climbing up the wrong ladder only to discover it is the wrong ladder."

I wrote that last paragraph on Tuesday and if I continued it his post probably be a "woe is me" post and I have written enough of those lately. While I want this blog to be true to my feelings I don't need to keep writing "boo poor me" post. (Sometimes I am really way to self involved and think only of myself. But there is a whole big world beyond myself and this computer.)
I went to grad-school and got my Master's in Library Science and Master's in History. There were moments when I felt I was going to drop out, not because it was too hard but because I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted to do with my life. I have now finished my degree and I am happy to now have my masters under my belt but it doesn't help me know what to do with my life. I went into Library Science because I wanted to work for the Library of Congress and while that would still be awesome I am not sure if that is my life goal. So I changed my mind I wanted to become a reference archivist. I wanted to help people with their research. Now I have a job as a researcher for a start-up company and it is a good job and often when I leave my desk I know I have helped my boss.

Today, I read the verses:

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to us... If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously... (Romans 12:6-8 NIV)

I have a bright teal post-it in that page that I wrote years ago saying:

I really like reading that verse because I often beat myself up for "not being good enough" that just hurts my self-esteem and I cut down on God's creation. I'm not perfect but God made me beautiful work and I shouldn't be so negative. 

 I think I listen to my negative voices more than anything else. I even told my dad on Monday night that I kept him out of certain areas of my life because I didn't want to disappoint him. He told me that I would never disappoint him. But it is still hard to let go of the voice of disappointment.

I think I am more disappointed in myself (I write that very carefully knowing my mom is a loyal reader of my blog). In high school and college I had a plan for my life... Once I got out of high school I had planned out my life in detail and now I feel like none of those dreams or aspirations are true anymore. And the truth is I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't write that in the "boo hoo" kind of way but just in a very matter of fact kind of way.

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Going back to the verses I read this morning, we all have different gifts that we should use to help improve our little corner of the world. The little notes in my bible said we can't change the whole world by ourselves but the body of Christ can.  

I wrote all that before I wrote my post, Not Forsaken pt.4

Lately I have been feeling passionless and I think its because I have not felt God's presence in my life. I believe God is using this time to help me grow in my patience as I wait till what comes next. I think He is also using this time to see if I will truly trust His guidance. I know I have quoted this friend before but the words keep coming back to me about God wanting our best. But I don't think He is just going to give it to us. He is going to make us wait, struggle and keep hoping for it. I say this not because I think God is cruel... not at all.

But imagine if we got everything we wanted the moment you wanted it. While that sounds great at first I think we wouldn't value the things we had, and we wouldn't appreciate the things we got. I know for example when I got my very first pay check and realized when I wanted to buy something how many hours I had to work to pay for it. It started to put things in perspective and if I really wanted something expensive I would save and wait for it. Then when I got it, it was worth the wait. Sometimes I would want a nice bag (for example) so I would save and wait. While I was saving and waiting I would find an opportunity to go visit my sister (a plane ticket). To me the visit to see my sister was more important than the bag and I could buy both so I would switch my priorities.

I think God is using this time for me to wait and save and to hold out for something better then just temporarily filling my life what might be good and waiting for the best.

I have more thoughts but I feel this post has become quite a tangent. I think I need to refocus my thoughts.

Don't forget what makes you happy

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Hello Lovely Readers,

I feel I have fallen into a trap.

I am attempting to write a historical novel, set during WWI. The only problem is minus a few books, watching Downton Abbey and following the blog Edwardian Promenade that frequently has post on WWI on Wednesdays... I know very little about WWI. It is not something they focus on here in America as much as they focus on WWII. And even though I was a history student I never took a class on the subject so I feel I am coming to my story with very little information.

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Any way, I am trying to read a lot on WWI but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by information. I want my story to sound historically accurate but I want it to feel like a novel and not some history paper. I am taking some artistic license having a girl fall for a servant (thanks Sybil and Branson for that inspiration)... which I know would probably never happen in real life. As Dowager Countess says "it is better in novels than in real life" (not the exact quote).

But while I am trying to learn so much I feel I have lost my motivation. I feel like someone has already written the story, some will do it better than me, or what if I get it wrong then I will be a fraud. Oh my goodness do these thoughts create other frustrations in writers?

So while I still love WWI and I know I NEED to read more about it and do some research I am going to take a little break and just enjoy writing. My brain is a little overwhelmed at the minute with trying to do research and with life thing, so I decided at least for my next few books I am going to read things that are a little light and fluffy.

I am recently finished Keeping the Castle, it is my 5th book in my 26 book challenge and I picked it because of its cover. But the story is suppose to be good for those who love Pride and Prejudice and I Capture the Castle both of those are on my favorite list.

I think as a writer we can research as much as we want but sometimes we just need to read a novel just for some fun and lightheartedness.

I also know as a previous history student you will never be able to tell the whole story of WWI (as it was pretty big thing) so I need to keep focus on my writing and the reason I was motivated to write this story.

My story Monday

Dear Lovely Readers,

Thank you for reading my blog. I am still working through my story so I wanted to share it with you. However, I have decided I need to go back and do some correcting. I know grammar is not my biggest talent, but beyond that I need to make some historical corrections. Also the more I plot and write my story I have become less satisfied with my title. So I hope to get through these corrections and start sharing my story again. I do so love sharing it as it gives me inspiration to continue writing. 

Have a good day.

 Daphne and Mattie followed Parker up the back stair case from the kitchen to the third floor. Mattie was puzzled where they were going to find dresses for her and Daphne for Lady Welford only had one son. Amongst the splendor of Cranston Court Mattie began to feel the shabbiness of their attire even if they didn't have any mud stains on them. She felt certain that she would never fit into the grandness of a place in this and she felt certain that whatever she did would bring shame to Lady Welford, and she did not want to do that after all Lady Welford was already being so generous to them. Even Daphne who far outweighed Mattie in beauty looked a bit faded against the grandeur of Cranston. After passing through a long corridor that took them to the end of the house and into a wing that was barely touched, Parker stopped at a door.  

   

            He didn't open the door but spoke in hushed by very firm voice. "This was my sister, Aurora's room. I am sure my mother, Lady Welford, would like it to be left they way you found it. Get dressed quickly. Food will be in the nursery shortly."

            When Parker opened the room, the creamy pink color that covered the wall almost made it shine against the dark interior of the hall. The room was so dainty  and sweet with comforter, the curtains, and the pillow all matching in a cheery flower print. Mattie quickly noticed the little doll with curly brown ringlets sitting in a high chair in the corner with a bassinet in the middle of the room all the perfect size for the doll. And in the bassinet there was light pink blanket that matched the colors of the with the initials APW stitched on it. The one thing Mattie noticed the most was the lack of dust, which seemed astonishing for the corridor looked as if no one ever touched this part of the house. Everything though in this room looked as if it had been cleaned all the time. 

            "Mathilda! Don't touch anything," Daphne snapped at her as she was staring at the doll.

 

            For the story to be accurate it must be noted that even though no one was listening the girls spoke in a whisper as if someone was.

            "I wasn't, I was just looking. Don't you find it a bit curious that we have known the Welford family all our lives, at least Parker, and we have never heard of this Aurora Welford. I always thought Parker was an only child."

            "No Mattie, it was not curious at all. You only make things curious because you don't occupy your time with more important things. You read too many novels and it has affected your sensibilities. Now we have to find something to wear, we don't want to keep them waiting."

            Mattie didn't care what Daphne said she still found the revelation of an unknown daughter rather mysterious. She had thousands of questions and though she wanted to ask them all at once she felt it would not be appropriate to ask any further. It was clearly kept a secret, for an unknown reason, and Mattie felt asking them would bring humiliation to Parker and through him Lady Welford and Mattie did not want that. 

To read more click here

Modern stories with Jane Austen Twist

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Hello Lovely Readers,

I have just done a huge accomplishment reading 2 books in one week... I never have done that. It helps that one story wasn't that big and the other as so intriguing I couldn't put it down. I am partaking in a "26 Books in 2015 Challenge". And the first couple of books were really deep so I went with something light and fluffy.

The first one was called Keeping the Castle by Patrice Kindl. The story is simple Althea Crawley is penniless with a large house that is crumbling around her that she wants to keep intact for your younger brother to inherit. She is beautiful and she trying to find  a wealthy man to marry. She originally thinks that she will fall for Lord Boring (her new neighbor) but she finds his friend Mr. Fredricks annoying. And she even says no matter what she would never been tempted to marry Mr. Fredricks no matter how much money he had... that is the kiss of death.

I liked the story was simple and very light read and it was good to read a teen book that was set in Jane Austen times, but was clearly for a modern day audience. I loved the banter between Althea and Mr. Fredricks.  What I didn't like was Althea was kind of a basic character. She had her flaws of not holding he tongue (when it would have been correctly to do) but she is just labeled as pretty. Not much else is given about her personality. So it was hard to get swept up in the cute moments.

The second book was First Impressions by Charlie Lovett, which was a great bibliophile mystery. Basically imagine you discovered that Jane Austen plagiarized Pride and Prejudice what would you do? It is a dual story one of Jane Austen and her friendship with Richard Mansfield who was also an author. The other is in modern day England where Sophie has begun work in an Antique Book store. Two customers come in asking for a rare copy of a second book she can't even find if it exist. But through digging around she comes to the knowledge Pride and Prejudice or how it was originally know as First Impressions might have written by someone else. Now to protect Jane Austen's legacy and keep herself alive.

The pace of the story was good, it switched back from Jane to Sophie every other chapters. Sometimes Sophie's story got so intense I wanted to skip the Jane chapter and go to the next Sophie chapter. I love the little "Easter eggs" Lovett threw into the book such as Sophie's favorite uncle was Bertram... like in Mansfield Park. I also love how Sophie uses her whits of doing research to help solve her mysteries. It was an intriguing story and I felt Lovett did a good job with his Jane Austen knowledge.

I would recommend this book to any one who loves Jane Austen. However, I give caution there were two mild sex scenes (but nothing that made me blush) and the end a few curse words though if I was fighting someone to save my life I might cuss too. If this should ever get made into a movie it would hard not to see Anne Hathaway in the role of Jane Austen as I love Becoming Jane. 

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