I feel like an Edith

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If you have watched the season finale of Downton Abbey you have seen this scene. 

You see how desperate she is for love and when I first watched this scene I thought, how pathetic for Edith to say "If you think I am going to give up on some one who says I am lovely." But I can't get this scene out of my head, I think I am like Lady Edith. Through out of the seasons we have watched Edith fall for any guy who gives her attention. First it was Matthew when she pathetically shows him around the churches, then she tries to capture the boring man's attention, and worst of all she kisses that married man this season. I have never gone that far but I feel I am too much like Edith. We have a lot of things in common both of us have sisters who are married and we are the middle daughters and I feel we both do things behind the scenes that no one really notices. And some times comparatively I feel myself the plain Jane, just like Edith is compared to her sisters and we have the red head thing going on. (But no worries I am not the back stabbing girl like Edith). 

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Back to my point, I can see where Edith is coming from when she says the line "if you think I am going to give up some one who says I am lovely". I think Edith does the things she does to get noticed rather good or bad she seems desperate for attention. I have lately noticed how "desperate" I am for love. In my my post "A little bit of light" I wrote about how I felt unworthy for love. But it is not the love you see in fairy tales or the love God has for us but the desperate feeling of acceptance. I think deep down I am desperate for acceptance and worthiness. I seek that from the world but the truth is true acceptance only comes from God. And what's amazing God already accepts me, He calls me worthy. So why do I seek it?

I am reading Beth Moore's book, Praying God's Word. And she has a chapter on unbelief. It is not that I don't believe in him. I have a hard time believing God truly accepts me and truly finds me worthy. That is something I need to pray through. Beth Moore writes out prayers to say in her chapter the one I liked the most.

Father, I pray that the eyes of the heart may be enlightened

in order that I may know the hope to which You have called me, 

the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints, and 

Your incomparably great power for us who believe! (Eph. 1:18-19) 

I realize that my seeking acceptance from the world might be a struggle all my life, but I have to work on my belief that God called me and continuously calls me worthy. And that is bigger and grander than any earthly acceptance. 

I found this today in my quiet time...

If the Lord delights in a man's way,

he makes his steps firm;

though he stumble, he will not fall,

for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

Psalm 37:23,24