Writing is a puzzle

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Classes are over, and I know I have to work on my thesis, but I'd rather be working on my story, but I believe writing as always kept me sane so I feel like that justifies me spending some time getting in some fun writing.

As I wrote on my last post I find inspiration for my story on Pinterest. Over the last couple of months when I have not been wanting to work on my thesis I have been working on re-writing my story of Mattie Harrington. I have shared the first paragraphs of this story in my "Beginning Again". However, right now I am jumping ahead...

One of the changes I have made in this story is changing it from a first person perspective story to a third person perspective. Through this I have been adding little details and also remembering details. One detail of my story is that Southerton does not keep horses so whenever Mattie wants to go riding she has to go to Cranston Court, which allows for lots interactions with Kelby. However, when I was originally writing this story I had written that Mattie had snuck out of the house early and went for a ride and in that she has an accident. I realize how can she get in a horse accident when she doesn't own a horse. If she went to Cranston to borrow a horse, Kelby would have gone out riding with her and this would prevent the accident... so I was stuck. What to do?

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Then a few days ago I found this picture on pinterest and it was like a light bulb came on... she can easily crash a bike. Now I have to figure out the details of how to get the bike into the story. (I think Daphne will bring it back from London). I also have to figure out why Mattie goes for a bike ride, usually when she wants to clear her head she goes for a walk, why would she chose a bike that day?

Here is a few lines I have written for Kelby and Mattie in 1921, I will have to see how to fit into my story... 

"Do you remember the day you got this," he stroked the side of her forehead feeling the scar beneath his thumb

"Yes I fell from that blasted bicycle."

"I knew then. As soon as I saw you fell, and thought you could have ded. I knew then, I ran to you faster than I had ever ran. I came to you and I called out, 'Mattie, Mattie, sweetheart'. It was foolish but then again it wasn't. You are my sweetheart and I felt from that day on I could not do without you."

He kissed her scar and she wanted to melt in his arms. "I guess I owe that blasted bike to letting me know of my affections," he whispered. Mattie giggled at joy in this moment. 

~~~~~~~~

Sometimes these moments of inspiration are like a puzzle that you have to put together. 

To follow the progress of my story just follow the label "Grand Days" (that is my working title of my story)

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Yes it is Joey and Pacey from Dawson's Creek but I thought it was good for Mattie and Kelby.
Sorry link no longer works but this pic was too good to pass up on.

Pin of the week

If you hang out with me for any given amount of time you will learn I love Pinterest. My friends make fun of me saying they I know it is my pin without even seeing who pinned it... usually because it is an old fashion dress. And while I love pinning old fashion dresses and I have found inspirations for my stories there, I love finding great quotes as well (and sharing them with you).

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As I posted in my Happy Easter ! post that my church is going through a series "I AM", when Jesus says "I am..." and on the first week we talked about how Jesus calls himself the Good Shepard and he referenced Psalm 23 and though this chapter is frequently referenced and because of that it is easy to skim through it and not take in what it really means. But my pastor challenged us to really try to memorize it. So I wrote it out and posted it to my mirror, that I look into when I am doing my make-up. During my prayer time I have been reflecting what it really means to have God as my Good Shepard.

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Lately, I have been feeling a lack of God's presence in my life and while I have not doubted God and I know He is here. I have been questioning why do I not feel him, then I look at my life and realize I do a lot to block him out. I feel I have some put up so many barriers around me that it is like a wall around my heart. Yesterday, I read James 4:15 "Instead, you ought to say 'if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'." And that got me thinking... what is the Lord's will. My dad and I were talking that sometimes we think of God's will as being a tightrope that we get nervous about falling off. And I thought, how true but I think God's will is wide enough to take our imperfections and make them perfect in Him. Which, personally find really awesome because God is not limited to a narrow pathway and we are not limited by fear of falling off.  We can make mistakes, wrong turns, detours, and U turns and God can work with it. 

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Today I read Psalm 51:10-12...

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit away from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I read the NIV Life Application Bible and it has awesome footnotes, the footnote for this passage said "God wants us to be close to him and to experience his full and complete life. But sin that remains unconfessed makes such intimacy impossible." 

I prayed to God about my pride, my doubts, blocking Him out. I have prayed forgiveness of these things before, and I keep asking for God to be able to feel His presence, but the thing is no matter how many times I asked it is hard to change my habits. I know they say it takes 21 days to change your habits... well I think today is day 1. Instead of turning on the TV right after my quiet time, I turned on some Christian music (yes I am still addicted to noise, but at least this send a positive message) and while listening to music I can do other things (like write this post) instead of wasting hours in a mindless TV show. I am not expecting a miracle overnight but I feel I have to start sometime. 

So what does this have to do with God being the Good Shepard? Well instead of listening to my thoughts "that I can handle this all..." or that "I got this..." I am going to try to find comfort in the knowledge that God is with me and leading me no matter what. I am going to try to put in practice more and more leaning on His hope. I am going to try to stop listening to my doubts and listen to my faith... and maybe one day I can stop saying "I am going to try" and it will actually be true. 

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Happy Easter!

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Happy Easter everyone!

When I was a kid I loved Easter, we got pretty new dresses, we got free candy, and it meant a nice family meal. However as I am now in grad-school unfortunately Easter gets lost in the craziness of end of the semester and I don't get time to really reflect on what Easter means and sometimes I even forget it is Easter till I see kids in nice suites and pretty dresses.

My dad and I one Easter

My church is going through a series about who Jesus says he is... the "I AM". Last week my pastor talked about how Jesus calls himself the "good Shepard" and referred to the passage Psalm 23 "The Lord is my Shepard, I will not be in want.." I know this chapter is highly used and might be over uses that you can kind of just scan through it without taking in the meaning. However, my pastor brought an interesting fact about sheep though they are ignorant animals they know their Shepard's call from a great distance and respond to the call. He mentioned that sometimes that a God's calling can be as soft as a whisper and how can we hear him when so much of our lives is crowded with noise. When he said that it made me remember this poem I wrote two years ago in my post Things I am Afraid to tell you.

.... just a bit of my poem... 

There I sit

but there I hear a whisper 

it is very soft

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

"You must have me wrong"

I tell the whisper.

But it repeats

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

I open my eyes

see nothing there

so I doubt its existence.

"My child","my love"

"I am here for you

in darkness to be your light,

to be your hope

when you feel hopeless,

and to be your strength 

when you can't pick yourself up.

Remain in me 

and I will remain in you."

I admit I surround myself with noise to an addicting level and then in my quiet times I wonder why I can't hear God, and why I can't feel God's presence in my life. I know He is here, but I wish I was in better place spiritually that I could feel His presence, His comfort, and His guidance. Right now I am holding on to the reassurance of knowing that God is with me even though I cannot feel him. Just writing that sentence just reminded me of the verse "being confident in this that he who began good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"- Philippians 1:6. I am confident that God is with me and will always be with me.

Just cute little sheep
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My week in pictures and song

Here are some highlights from this week hope you enjoy...

I have posted a motivational song as I prepare for the end of this semester... here is another one.

I have only seen Hercules a few times, but this song has made my list of motivational song to keep me going. 

Song: Go the Distance

From Hercules 

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Spring has FINALLY come to Boston, as winter felt painfully long, I have never had a green thumb, but I do love flowers starting to bloom. Since moving to Boston I have discovered that daffodils are one of the first flowers to bloom and I have grown to love them as a sign of hope.

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As it spring now I get to switch over to my spring and summer scent (and my favorite scent) of Marc Jacobs Daisy. Last year my Grandpa sent me money for my birthday stating that I had to spend it on something frivolous so I bought this perfume that I love. 

We are experiencing April showers here in Boston and in hopeful romantic, period drama watching way I have always loved the rain. Rain always brings out a freshness in the time. Today as I was walking around getting some errands done I felt like it was a perfect story book rain storm. 

Marianne from Sense and Sensibility (2008)
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Also I have had some hard times with my thesis and I have felt trapped not knowing what to do next, well today I had a meeting with my reader and she gave me some good advice and now I truly feel motivated to get re-started. I feel like a lot of my spring semester has been re-starting.

I believe Mark Twain is author of this quote
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As motivation of my writing, I have changed my computer background... 

Also as a fan-girl it has been a good week... First I am so happy that Parks and Rec has provided us with some cute Ben and Leslie moments. I have felt this season has been lacking some cute and much needed Ben and Leslie moments (and to be honest that is why I started watching the show). In season 5 they introduced the "Ben and Leslie Family Album" but since then nothing about that until this week. 

"Family Album"
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Also, I have been watching the Emma Approved series and have greatly enjoyed it, so it makes me even happier to know that the actors in real life are dating. They have great chemistry on screen on so this is wonderful for this fangirl. 

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Here is a short little preview of some of their on air chemistry...

Video: Emma & Alex Knightley | Into the blue

By: Thatfangirl 

I am also re-reading one of my favorite novels, I Capture the Castle, re-reading some novels to me is like snuggling under a warm blanket even if I am on the T. I know what is going to happen but I still enjoy remembering the details. 

I know this post has been rather frivolous, but I hope you have enjoyed it. 

Screen shot of Cassandra and Stephen walking through the blue bells.
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*I wrote this post on Tuesday and now having bragged about how glorious the weather has been here it has decided to return to a normal spring weather of close to 50s. 

My characters and what is to come.

As I am an aspiring author I have found motivation in seeking character inspiration from Hollywood or the BBC. These are my main characters for my new story "The Grand Days."

Kelby Gray, portrayed by James McAvoy, quiet and usually in his books cares a great deal for Mattie, but is careful to walk the line between friendship and wanting more than friendship. He also tends to the horses at Cranston Court, however he is smarter them. He wants to fight in The Great war but at his mother's wished stays behind. 

my ideal "back woods"
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Lady Adelaide Welford, portrayed by Amy Adams, is a quite a beauty to Mattie both on the inside and out. Though she seems tough and confident she is actually quite weak after the death of her daughter Aurora (before the novel). There always seems to be a twinge of gloom to her though she smiles the prettiest. 

Mathilda "Mattie" Harrington, portrayed by Imogen Poots (Miss Austen Regrets), thinks herself the plain daughter not meant to be very much in life. However, she is the protagonist of the story. She wants grand adventure and has a special bond with her brother Marcus because of this. She is often left behind because she is too young and mostly watches events unfold. That is until a wealthy widower takes notice of her and then she has to decide between love of Kelby Gray and following her mother's desires. 

Daphne Harrington, portrayed by Emily Blunt, the oldest daughter and the beauty of the girls. She is idealistic in her views on love, when it comes to Shane Gray. She also has very strong will and demands perfection. War crushes her when Shane is killed and she quickly engages herself to Parker Welford... No worries that is not a spoiler as it is written about with in the first few pages. 

Percival Marcus Harrington, portrayed by Ben Aldridge (Lark Rise to Candleford), the oldest and only son knows what he is obligated to do but wants to be a new kind of explorer, a pilot. Goes off to fight in war, and is injured but mostly mentally. 

Beginning again...

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I know I should be doing school work but I can't help escaping to my creative writing. This story has gone through a few changes...

Rewriting and Enjoying the Process

A Touch of Elegance and Refinement

Getting back into the story

So my story begins

Once I get some writing done my favorite thing to do is to think of a title even if it is just a working title and a potential cover... 

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Ever since I posted, Finding peace in Escapism, I have been wanting to post parts of my story. I have a friend that told me to not share my story on my blog, but I find it so motivating for my writing to share it.

~~~~~1921~~~~~~

My life begins with a letter. Maybe I should say my life changed with a letter since I received a letter when I was twenty-three. My new life began with a letter.

My dearest hope, 

If you doubt the words I spoke to you the other day, do not. I have made you the promise of my love and my devotion forever.

I have ordered us a simple room on the Northern Star liner, it leaves from Liverpool on Wednesday and we will sail to New York as man and wife. No one can stop us not even the King. I promise . If you love me meet me at Euston Station  for the 6:15 train. I will be waiting to take you into my arms and away from all the things long ago.

Believe me when I say, all my love. 

In all the ways I pictured my life I never imagined I would be engaged to one man and being forced to run away with the man I loved. I had also never imagined love would cause so many knots inside my stomach. As a child I imagined falling in love with a prince and having the fair tale ending. However, my prince ended up being my best friend and stable hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Mattie Harrington could not believe what she had done that fateful day, of course it would be many years before she talked about it. Parts of this narrative Mattie could still remember as if they had happened years ago. Some parts of this Mattie had to conjure up out of her imagination to make sense of all outcomes. Therefore, it is hard to call this a true account of the Harrington family but it is the truest account you ever hear.

No matter how many times Mattie Harrington told the story she always started the same way...

There was a time when we were all happy and innocent to the ever changing world. Before the war and the destruction on that followed in its wake. The war had changed our family in so much ways as it had many others. Before the war it didn't matter that Parker was heir to Cranston Court and best friend with Shane Gray whom was the eldest son of Cranston's head cook. Daphne was happy to wear daisy chains and Marcus dreamt of exploring the deep jungles of Africa. Back when we were children we would spend the summers in back woods, wade in the creek that divided Cranston Court from Southerton Greens. I remember here we could be a thousand miles away from everything and everyone with only our dreams to play out. Though, that was before the Great War that killed Shane and wrecke Marcus and made our poverty known. It was all due to the war. It was the reason why our lives and countless other lives that would be forever altered. 

Have no fear I have lots more pages written up I just have to type them up... 

Motivating Song

Song: Astonishing 

From: Little Women the Musical

Performed By: Sutton Foster

When I first heard about the musical Little Women I kind of took as a joke but now I want to see it so much. Here in Boston we have an awesome radio station 88.9 WERS (through Emerson College) that on Saturdays has a show called "The Best of Broadway and Beyond." It was here I heard this song and now it is one of my favorite motivational songs. 

I hope you like it...

"Astonishing"

Who is he? 
Who is he with his marry me? 
With his ring and his marry me, 
the nerve, the gull. 

This is not, 
Not what was meant to be. 
How could he ruin it all 
With those two words? 

I thought I knew him 
Thought that he knew me 
When did it change? 
What did I miss? 

A kiss, 
When I thought all along, 
That we were meant to find frontiers, 
How could I be so wrong? 

And I need, 
How I need my sisters here 
If I can't share my dreams 
What were they for? 

I thought our promise 
That we would never change and never part. 
I thought together, 
We'd amaze the world. 
How can I live my dreams or even start when everything has come apart. 

I thought home was all I'd ever want 
My attic all I'd ever need. 
Now nothing feels the way it was before 
And I don't know how to proceed. 
I only know I'm meant for something more 
I've got to know if I can be 
Astonishing 

There's a life 
That I am meant to lead 
A life like nothing I have known 
I can feel it 
And it's far from here 
I've got to find it on my own 

Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin. 
A life of passion that pulls me from within, 
A life that I am making to begin. 
There must be somewhere I can be 
Astonishing 
Astonishing 

I'll find my way 
I'll find it far away 
I'll find it in unexpected and unknown 
I'll find my life in my own way 
Today 

Here I go 
And there's no turning back 
My great adventure has begun 
I may be small 
But I've got giant plans 
To shine as greatly as the sun 

I will blaze until I find my time and place 
I will be fearless, 
Surrendering modesty and grace 
I will not disapear without a trace 
I'll shout and start a riot 
Be anything but quiet 
Christopher Columbus 
I'll be Astonishing 
Astonishing 
Astonishing 

At Last

Lyrics found here

For those of you not in the Boston area but want to hear "The Best Of Broadway" you can listen online at 

WERS.org Saturdays 10-2 (EST). It is a nice way to start the weekend.