Book Blurb... The Storyteller

After Easter dinner some friends and I went to the book store Brookline Smith, if you live in Boston it is one of those local places most people love. I like going because they have a great used book section and they usually have a good collection of $5 books. I love books but my budget is better suited for checking books out of the library.

Any way, I was drawn to this book, The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult, I have never read one of her books though I know she has written a lot. I had kind of casted her off as airport bookstore author; you know one making the top sellers list but books lack substance (sorry I might be a book snob). Going back to my story, I was drawn to the book about a baker, Sage who tries to hide away from the world, and her unlikely friendship with an older man, who has a dark secreted past. This drew me and the fact that it was called The Storyteller, made me wonder why the title and what was going to happen.

I thought after reading The Nightingale (link to book blurb) that this would be a good light read... however this was not a light read at all. I was too far in when I discover the older guy, Josef Weber, was a former Nazi SS Guard (Goodread.com states this, so I don't feel this is a spoiler).  "Ugh!" I thought to myself, I had just read a book that left me breathless with Nazis and now this book has Nazis. "What is the book universe trying to tell me?" There were moments in the book we went into Josef's past and had I not been on the T, I would have cried.

Before I rehash those details and give spoilers away, I will say over all it was great story. I liked because it was written almost from 5 different view points. There is Sage Singer, who is trying to block out the world after her mother's death. There is Sage's grandmother, who is a survivor of the Holocaust, Josef the Nazi, Leo the federal agent who is trying to find out if Josef is truly a Nazi guard and then their is a tale woven through of Ania and Alek. The book actually starts off with Ania's story... "My father trusted me with the details of his death"  is the first line of the whole book and that chapter ends with "My father trusted me withe the details of his death... but in the end, I was too late." I was impressed Picoult was able to weave these five different narratives to make a good story, I have always wanted to write a multi-narrative story so when I find that is well written it is awesome. I liked how the book gave each one of these characters different type so you knew who it was in reading their words.

Also there were other great lines, in the book about telling stories and discovering what sharing your story truly means. As a aspiring author I found those lines to be great and I wish I could have underlined them. There is one line that I loved and took a picture of it with my phone... "History isn't about dates and places and wars. It's about the people who fill the spaces in." As someone who studied history and is frequently teased about loving history I want to remember this quote.

Though you don't have to be a historian or a wanna-be-novelist to appreciate this book.

The only thing I did not like about this book was there were moments it felt a little too rushed. For example Sage calls Leo about the Josef being a former Nazis and he seems to be able to work a little too quickly for it be practical (kind of like a crime solving show where DNA test happen instantly). But mostly it was the violence that affected me the most, and even though it is a work of fiction, knowing that it is based on reality and this violence truly did occur left me a little heart broken.

Currently looking forward to some lighter reading.

Rethinking some writing

Hello Lovely Readers,

This probably won't effect many of you (as I am not sure who was reading it) I have decided to stop posting my story The Secrets of our Past Days. I know I only got five post in so it might seem as if I am jumping ship well in a way I am but for good reasons. One, I am not so happy with the title. Two, I want to take some time to do better plotting of my story. I have never been a big plotter usually I have an idea of where I want the story to go and then I see what happens, but this story I feel needs some development. Three, I have gone back and looked at my draft and I have realized some historical inaccuracies so I want to fix them up and make it more polished. 

I do want to share parts of my story with you my lovely readers as I feel it is great motivation for me but I am not sure what that looks like. And my fourth reason is, I would one day like to be published (though right now that seems a pipe dream) and do not want my hard work to copied by some one and stolen away from me.

Please if you have any advice or encouragement I would appreciate it... I am still figuring all this out. 

Thank you

Story time Saturday... Letter #4, #5

For letter #3

Dearest Aunt, 
I fear this letter will cause you quite amount of pain. 

Uncle was here, which is why I called away at end of my last letter, and he begged me to come with him. Oh I would be at your side in a moment if my will was my own, but it is not. My mama says I will be able to come to you the Monday of next week and has given me leave for an extended visit. 

I am sorry I cannot be with you now.  
Love,
Molly

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Dearest Aunt, 

I do not if I will have the courage to send you this letter but I feel I must write my thoughts down, for I fear if I don't get them out I will explode and mama will shame me with my feelings. 

I completely do not understand my new mama, she knows how important you are to me, how you have been a second mother to me in these years since my own mother past away, and yet she forbids me to come to you. At least for a time. She seems to think an engagement of a dinner party is far more important. Oh how I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum at that moment when she refused to let Uncle to take me. I feel she must have known I wanted to throw a tantrum for she gave me a look to say "you poor child." I despise that look. It makes me feel so small and as if my feelings and wants don't matter. Perhaps to her they don't matter. She has never cared for me--not really.

I am frequently reminded of the day, I went to The Towers, when I just six or seven, and how she let me sleep in her bed when I was over tired. I am reminded that she was willing to let me share her bed when all the towns people left me behind, and they thought father would not come for me until the following morning. She states that this was a mark of her kindness. I have never seen it as kindness. I feel she put me in her bed and forgot all about me, not remembering to collect me before the towns people left, and I have a vague memory of she sneaking the food Miss Helene brought up for me. No matter what I remember, my mama infuriates me when she tries to pass herself of as generous towards me. I know I should not write those words, oh Aunt if you read his letter, please burn it, for I know I am quite wicked in saying what I just said. I should not even think it. 

Dearest Aunt, it is you I worry most for. My mama is saying I have not been good company at these engagements we have had, I do not know how to be good company when my thoughts are plagued by you and your illness. The one comfort I have is reading Cassandra's letter, I cannot wait to truly call her my sister, but mama thinks she will not come till Easter. Till then I am on my own with my new mama. I will copy her words for you to read them (if I send this letter) for I feel they will give you as much as pleasure to you as they have to me:

My dearest Molly,

I am sorry if my wording is a little too bold for I have never had a sister, and I do not know how to write a sister I have yet met. Perhaps I should write, "Dear Miss Gibson" but that sounds too formal after all we are related now.

I wish I had been able to attend our parent wedding, mostly to meet you. My mother writes that you are a kind girl, full of knowledge on various topics, and not afraid to express your opinions. She writes the last part as a fault, but I rather enjoy a girl who expresses her thoughts. I would not be able to call you a true sister of mine if you were not opinionated. And a true sister you will be. I feel bound to you already.

Please have a snap shot taken of yourself so I may have a photograph to picture you, while I wait and dream of meeting you. 

Oh my, I feel my words are a little true strong to be good. I would not have you thinking I am too overly sentimental, I might be a bit, but as I said I have never had a sister and you being my sister now makes me spill over with emotions. I have been on my own too long I fear and I have been left only to imagine sentiments. I promise when we meet I will be quite good with my feelings and the words I use to express them. 

Yours,
Cassandra. 

See my dearest aunt she is so kind, she is truly kind and warm, an apparent opposite from her own mama. I believe we will be true sisters and friends. Besides you, I long to see her most frevently. 

I feel I will improve my vocabulary as she has been educated in some of the best schools for young ladies. 

All my love, 
Molly

PS- I heard talk Ozzie is to be home soon, I hope that relieves your heart, I know your son was too good not to come home. 

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Book Blurb... The Nightingale

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I am continue through my challenge to read 26 books this year. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah fulfills the requirement to read a book published this year. When I first heard about this book I thought it was going to be about WWI (only because of Florence Nightingale). However, it was about WWII, I am not WWII buff and I was a little worried about not liking this book because of it (and I guess I am a little prejudice). Nevertheless, I loved this book, the plot kept me on the edge of my seat and there were moments I couldn't put it down.

The plot is quite intriguing and it has great lines that I wanted to underline. For example: In love we find out who we want to be; in war we find out who we are.

The story is about two sister Vianne and Isabelle living in France during WWII. Vianne is the oldest who is sent to war while she has to say home and is forced do anything to save her home and daughters life. Her younger sister is eighteen years old and more rebellious and joins the Resistance against the Germans. Both face life very differently as they explore their own strength and courage.

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As I said I am not a WWII buff so I didn't know many of the historical details about when the French surrendered to the Germans and the details of occupied France. The book jacket puts so well- "With courage, grace, and powerful insight, bestselling author Kristin Hannah captures the epic panorama of World War II and illuminates and intimate part of history seldom seen: the women's war... A heartbreakingly beautiful novel that celebrates the resilience of the human spirit and the durability of women."

If this should become a movie... I would highly recommend Benedict Cumberbatch to play Captain Beck, he is a German solider and while he has to do has he is told he watches out for Vianne and her family.

A litte updating

 Hello lovely readers,

I know it has been awhile since I have updated this blog about my life. Sorry about that, there seems to be a lot happening all at once. The biggest news is I have got a full time job. If you have been following my blog (or life) you know that I have been going to graduate school for my masters in history and library science. Since October I was working part time for a start up company doing research on mergers and acquisitions. Yes it is not what I studied in school and my dad teasing me about when I am going to go for my MBA. I joke back and say "I won't say never but not in the foreseeable future." I have been learning a lot and I am glad to have a full time job.

My nephew.

In other news I am happy to announce my newest nephew... I have not met him in person but I plan to see him over the summer and he can expect a lot of kisses. Thus far I have only enjoyed seeing in him on FaceTime and he has captured my heart like my other niece and nephews.

Besides the trip to meet my nephew I am looking forward to my first trip to Paris with my mom in May. My mom and I have been planning this trip for years --I am sorry to my friends who I have been talking about it a lot-- we even have a Pinterest board dedicated to our trip (though I will admit most of the board is full of pics of the Eiffel Tower and desserts I want to eat).

Also I am happy to announce that Spring has finally come to Boston. If you have been following the news you know that Boston was buried under a record snow fall this winter, and the thought of Spring seemed so distant from all us. Now the snow has melted away and there seems to be a refreshing newness to the world around us. 

In spite of this, this week seems to have a cloud over it. Here in Boston we remembered the second anniversary of the Boston Marathon bombing and in my heart I remember the Oklahoma City bombing. On the 19th, it has been twenty years since then. It is hard to think that both my home town and my new home have been rocked by destruction. But I like to think of the strength that has grown from these horrible events. I know I did not lose loved one in these events and I was not injured, but I think events like these can make us scared or they can inspire us and make us remember life is fragile and beautiful.

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Story time Saturday- Letter #3

Please read previous post for Letters 1 and 2. 

Dearest Aunt, 

I have barely had a moment to call my own since father's wedding. I apologize it has taken me this long to respond to your last letter. You are so good to think of me in your weakened state. I know you will be my confidant in all matters as you only have my best interest at heart. 

I am trying to do my best to look for the best in my new mother and so far all I can say is she is very refined. She has quite a structure to her life I worry that I will not be able to fit into. Usually father is gone making calls before the rest of the house is awake and she takes breakfast in bed, she says it is the way of married ladies, and while this time should be my own she frequently calls me to sit and talk to her. She says I have a soothing voice, however she does not share any of her breakfast with me and when she is changing I find a moment to sneak a bite or two. Then she receives calls in the afternoon, she has yet to make any calls as she states, that she is a new bride and the people should call on her. I feel she does not find Hollingbrooke desirable for she frequently complains about the lack of intelligent conversation. She also laughs at how people people put on airs when discussing the family at The Towers.

She definitely feels an intimacy towards them, I guess being a governess for them all those years ago and being the Mrs. Chemsworth's  special guest makes her feel such ways. Though I hardly understand what she did except to be at Mrs. Chemworth's beck-and-call when the Lady was in the area. Although she must have a been a good companion as both Mr.and Mrs. Chemsworth were at the wedding and their daughter Miss Helene was a bride's maid with me. After the ceremony Miss Helene and I became fast friends though she five years old than me,and she is far wealthier than I could imagine. She sometimes teases about the people of Hollingbrooke, over all she is very kind. She promised as soon as my new mother was settled she would call on both of us. "Mama", as father is trying to get me to say, does not like when I talk about Lady Helene, she thinks I am presumptuous, but I can tell you about her and how I think she is going to be true to her word and call on us. 

Sorry my dearest aunt, a few days have passed, since I wrote the last part. Oh I wish I had a moment to call my own. Mama has had frequent visitors and we have been called to attend dinner at neighbors homes. Mama thinks it is due to her providence of freshness in the town, but I think it is a greater compliment to father. Everyone in Hollingbrooke knows he is best doctor in the county and he is so favored by many families. While the invitations are for mama and father, father is more frequently than not able to attend and I must serve as a substitute. I don't mind much but I do so hate to hear her criticize our always generous host and hostess on the return trip. I am going to own it to the fact she is far more refined than any of us.

Father, told me my new mama had a daughter named Cassandra, about my age, she was suppose to come to the wedding but was unable to make it. I wish she had come she might have softened her mother up. I do not remember my own mother, but I know the way you speak about Ozzie and what a joy he is to you, I feel certain it would have been the same for Mama. However, today I received a letter from her. Mama didn't think it was right that she write exclusively to me but she is so kind in her letter I think if words can prove a person's character I will love Cassandra forever. 

Have to go mama is insisting I come to the drawing room.
Yours faithfully,
Molly

I honestly don't know where this letter writing is going to go but I find it interesting in trying to reconstruct the story of Wives and Daughters by letter writing. If you know the story I have changed a few character names and the town names. Though I love Molly Gibson and the way she is portrayed in both book and film, it is not how I see my Molly, at least not in looks. I want to keep the characteristics the same but I might modify the description (if this continues on). I hope you enjoy these letters and if you have not read the original source please do. 

Free Writing Wednesday

In my last post I wrote I had the desire to retell the story of Wives and Daughters, I sat down to do a little free write and this is what came out. In Wives and Daughters, Molly is sent off to visit Mrs. Hamley as her father, Dr. Gibson, has learned one of his pupils is an admirer of his daughter. Like most dads he freaks out over his little girl, who is seventeen, having a suitor, so he sends her away. In that time she is away Dr. Gibson convinces himself he needs to get a new wife and new mother for Molly to protect her from men. This is kind of the telling of that.

Not a screen shot from Wives and Daughters

Dear Aunt Hen,

I hope you do not mind that silly nick name as you know it has quite stuck since my childhood days when I could not say Henrietta. 

I write to thank you for the wonderful time I had with you and uncle at your home. It was so generous for you to take me in for the entire summer especially since I know you were quite distracted with all the anxiety of my cousin Ozzie's time at Harvard. I am sure he will do quite well and will come home as soon as his time with his friends in New Port is over. Please keep posted on any updates. How I long to hear from you. I wish I was there for I could write your letters for you as I know you have been so very distressed in not in the mood to write.

I do so miss you and the walks in the gardens and even picking flowers for you, I know they always cheered you up. I made uncle swear he would pick flowers for you in my absence, but you know men can never be left to do a woman's work. I miss sitting by your window and letting the summer breeze brush over us.  Oh dear just thinking about it brings tears too my eyes, but I am an easier crier as you know. 

Things are just not the same at home, since I left. Father had a pupil, who was preparing to go to medical school and he is now gone. I can't say Mr. Cox was a great conversationalist but he was pleasant and his wild red hair was quite an amusement. Now without him the house seems almost empty. But I keep busy, preparing the house for my new step-mother who is to come. I know her so little and yet I feel at odds with her already. Oh please do not tell that to anyone for I would hate someone to think I was uncaring. I do so try to do as you say and look for the good in others but it is rather hard sometimes. All I feel is a great separation between father and myself growing everyday. I guess that is what happens when a man is about to get married, a new woman has replaced me in his eyes and in his love for me. 

I shall not write more I fear I have said to said too much. Forgive me Aunt Ham for my wicked thoughts. Please know I had an amazing time with you and uncle and I hope it can be repeated over and over. 

All my love, 
Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Do not hold back any emotions on my account. Your happiness is my happiness, your sadness is my sadness. I did say to try to find the best in people but I do understand it is hard when you feel so uneasy with the situation. I am sure your father has found a good woman to be your new mother, he is such a good sound man and he would never think of a woman in such a way unless she was completely honorable. But I do know how grieved you were over the suddenness of this all and I cannot blame you for that. Do try to remember your own father's happiness though and how saddened he will be if he thinks you do not like his wife-to-be. No matter what please write to me and tell me all your heartache, sorrows, and happiness I will forever be your confidant. 

You are so kind, dear Molly, to ask after Ozzie, I do so hope his frivolity in New Port will end quickly. I do not wish to sound selfish but so much of my comfort relies on him, especially now that you are gone. Yes, while Arthur tries his hands at picking flowers, for my sake, he is not so nearly as clever at it as you were are. Oh Molly come back whenever you desire, I will keep your room just the way it was when you left. It can always be your oasis.

I am sorry I cannot write anymore I feel so weak, must rest.

Yours truly,
Aunt Hen


P.S-
 I am sure this phase will pass and you will be ever first in your father's heart. 

Too many stories in my head

Dear lovely readers,

I am writing mainly to the other bloggers out there who are writers... well I guess all bloggers are writers. But I feel like this is more a writing problem. I am in the middle of writing a story I love and it has been going through my mind for years, so writing it finally feels like I am accomplishing a goal. However, I am re-reading Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell (I know I have talked about the book and mini-series a few times on this blog...if you have not read it or watched it by now, you are missing out) anyway I love this story so much and I have thought about how to update it.

Roger Hamley and Molly

Or re-tell it in some way. I have watched a lot of vloggers updating stories on YouTube and while I feel this would be a great and easy vlog to do... I do not have any film experience. So if a vlogger is out there reading this blog can you please please make a adaptation of this story I would be eternally grateful.

For myself, I feel more comfortable with writing about the early twentieth century than I do in modern times. The last story I wrote was a re-telling of Sense and Sensibility but set in 1906 in western Massachusetts. It was lots of fun bringing the characters of Elinor and Marianne, who I love so much to life as Laurel and Emmy and trying to figure out what women in 1906 do when they are completely dependent on the generosity of family members. 

Molly, Cynthia, Mrs. Gibson

So now I my mind wrapped up in how to bring Molly Gibson up-to-date. The basic premise of Molly Gibson is she is very selfless, and always trying to please people, especially her papa. Unfortunately she is too selfless and in that has a hard time speaking up for herself and when she does some people think she is being selfish, especially her new step-mom. Her new step-mom frequently pretends that she is better than the station she lives in and acts in ways that are quite silly because she wants to be considered high-class. With her step-mom come a new step-sister, Cynthia, who is beautiful... I mean it is said about a hundred times how enrapturing Cynthia is. I personally think this is because she is actually not that good of person on the inside. But good Molly loves her anyway and goes to great lengths to protect Cynthia... even at the cost of ruining her reputation. Eventually her reputation is restored, thanks to Lady Harriet and she does find love (sorry spoiler). However, Elizabeth Gaskell dies before the actual book is finished so we just have to assume all ends happily for Molly.

Going back to my writing- as I said I feel more comfortable with the early twentieth century. So I am trying to configure a way to bring Molly into that time period. However, as much as I am enjoying those musings I must stayed focused on my story at hand. Ugh to be a writer with too many stories on my mind. I guess it is better than not having any stories.

If I do write this story I must use this line.

Webseries love Wednesday

Dear Lovely Readers,

If you have been reading my blog you know I easily "fan girl" for certain things, especially literary things. And I must commend Pemberly Digital and other online Vloggers (video bloggers) for recreating great fiction into modern telling. I have written about my love of the Lizzie Bennet Diaries (a retelling of Pride and Prejudice).

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However I don't think I have told you about my love of  Emma Approved (a retelling of Emma). Emma is my favorite Jane Austen novel, even though I know many people called Emma selfish. And maybe she is but I think she learns a great lesson in the story and though she makes many mistakes I believe she always the people she loves best interest at heart. Also I love the idea that no matter how many time she makes a mistake that Mr. Knightley loves her (sorry spoiler).

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These webseries are amazing not only are they videos on YouTube, they have twitter accounts as characters, tumblr accounts, and even pinterest accounts. So they really reach all levels of multimedia.

There are others out there The Autobiography of Jayne Eyre which I have not watched as I am not a fan of Jane Eyre (I know shocking). And there is East and West which is a retelling of Elizabeth Gaskell's novel North and South. However, it is on hiatus and I really want it to come back on. I mean I know how it is going to end I have read the book and I have watched the mini-series four or five times, but still I am excited to see how they do this and I want to see who they cast as Mr. Thorton... he will have big shoes to fill.

This leads me to my most recent webseries I have fallen for called "Classic Alice." It tells the story of a creative writing/lit major who at first criticized from a professor for not being able to relate to the characters. So relate to the characters she decides to take books and her own way live them out. She is filmed by her friend Andrew who is a film major. She reads such books as Crime and Punishment, Macbeth, to Wind and the Willow. I found the story adorable.

I also found Alice very relate-able. She is a book geek who likes to read classics...Yep. She also is doing this project to experience new things she can be a better writer. Yep I want to be a better writer. She also is very timid and has a hard time putting herself out there... Yep. Plus she is a red head... Yep.

If you have not watched these webseries... I recommend you do. If you know of other webseries out there, please post your suggestions on the comments below.

Thanks

From the Lizzie Bennet Diaries

Finding my passion

I want to blog more, I do I really do but right now I feel I am stuck and I feel I have written the same post over and over.

Today in my quiet time I read Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.. I know I have talked about this book before and yet again I am amazed that in reading it that chapters hit me and speak to me in certain ways. I believe there is almost like a power behind reading a book, article or blog post at just the right time. This chapter was about "love" not romantic love but about loving God and others. The greatest commandment is "Love the Lord God with all your heart and all your mind" the second follows "Love your neighbor as yourself." These two ideas sum up the entire ten commandments.

The chapter focuses on we show our love by our time. When I type it out it sounds simple but is it? I am the first one to admit when I am overwhelmed by life I back away from my relationships and just want to focus on my work. Last semester when I was finishing my thesis I felt I had no life besides my thesis and my relationships with my friends and family took a back seat. I thought this was necessary to get through things. But when I finished my thesis I realized how miserably isolated I had become. I also realized I had true friends and family who supported me through all of it and were so ready to rejoice when I was done.

Some of my support team 

When I first started writing this post I thought about saying I was going on hiatus from blogging while I figure things out. Hence, the "under construction" sign because I feel like my life is under construction... being newly graduated and thinking about what to do with my life.

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Going back to love: I keep saying I want to make a difference in this world. If you have read my blog long enough you are probably getting annoyed with this phrase. Anyway, as much as I say it... I don't do anything. Which, when typing that out seems ridiculous. If I want to do something I should just start. I guess my question is where?

I have a few friends going through job searches and when they say "I don't know what to do with my life," I ask them "what are you passionate about?" I think I need to turn the question on myself and figure out what I am passionate about and turn that into action. 

If my time is my love then I am showing a great amount of love towards Pinterest, TV, and other mindless things. And why? These things are not eternal. They are hardly life giving. So what is eternal? What is life giving?  

The basic and really hard answer is LOVE. 

So I leave this post with more questions than answers but I think I know my next step... find my passion. 

Happy Easter!

HAPPY EASTER!

Every Easter I love watching the wonderful musical Easter Parade. 

(Since I originally posted this back in 2012 the video I had shared has been removed here is another great scene)

When ever holidays come around it is funny what you remember, things I remember from Easter...

1. I am not sure if we watched it on Easter or not but I remember watching the movie Easter Parade at my Nana and Grandpa's house and now every Easter I want to watch it.

2. Easter dresses- I remember every year having to wear white tights and patent leather shoes, at least until I was in my teens and the first year I did not wear those items I felt so grown up.

Some Examples of my Easter Dresses:

My sister, Granddad and I

My dad and I. 

3. Bunnies -I remember every year my mom got us a stuffed bunny for Easter, one of them was rose colored and I named her Felicity. We put all our bunnies on top of our fireplace mantel and we called it bunnies on parade.

4. Easter Brunch- When we were at my mom's house we always went out for a special brunch, they were probably the nicest meals we ate growing up.

5. New York City- when I was in 6th grade my mom took my sister and I to New York City and we stayed in the Plaza Hotel.Sad to say I don't remember much about that trip. I went to the Disney store near time square and I begged my mom that instead of my Easter bunny to buy a vintage looking Eeyore. I know it might be silly but it is still the stuff animal I sleep with.

6. Easter egg hunts- I remember when my Grandma would put bible verses in little eggs... when you are kid you look forward to the candy so I always felt chipped getting Easter eggs with verses. Now I am glad that she tried to keep Easter still close to God, when so many people make it about the Easter bunny. Also I remember my younger cousin, who is at least seven years younger than me, enjoyed Easter egg hunts much longer than we did but I felt bad she didn't have some one to play with so I pretended to be excited about Easter egg hunts even when I was fourteen.

7. Peeps- I know a lot of people find peeps disgusting. But I love them. One year in college I put on Facebook about how I didn't get any Peeps that year and she sent me boxes of Peeps. But I am a traditionalist I only eat Peeps at Easter time.

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Hope you have a wonderful Easter!

The Finale

Wrong ladder?

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I was talking to my dad and we got to an awkward part of the conversation about my student loans and my work life. He never wants to put his nose in my business (unless I let him) but as I am his child he is concerned about me. But he knows I am struggling after being done with school with looking for a job and trying to make ends meet (which is true for a lot of fresh graduates). Any way, he said something "I just don't want you climbing up the wrong ladder only to discover it is the wrong ladder."

I wrote that last paragraph on Tuesday and if I continued it his post probably be a "woe is me" post and I have written enough of those lately. While I want this blog to be true to my feelings I don't need to keep writing "boo poor me" post. (Sometimes I am really way to self involved and think only of myself. But there is a whole big world beyond myself and this computer.)
I went to grad-school and got my Master's in Library Science and Master's in History. There were moments when I felt I was going to drop out, not because it was too hard but because I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted to do with my life. I have now finished my degree and I am happy to now have my masters under my belt but it doesn't help me know what to do with my life. I went into Library Science because I wanted to work for the Library of Congress and while that would still be awesome I am not sure if that is my life goal. So I changed my mind I wanted to become a reference archivist. I wanted to help people with their research. Now I have a job as a researcher for a start-up company and it is a good job and often when I leave my desk I know I have helped my boss.

Today, I read the verses:

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to us... If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously... (Romans 12:6-8 NIV)

I have a bright teal post-it in that page that I wrote years ago saying:

I really like reading that verse because I often beat myself up for "not being good enough" that just hurts my self-esteem and I cut down on God's creation. I'm not perfect but God made me beautiful work and I shouldn't be so negative. 

 I think I listen to my negative voices more than anything else. I even told my dad on Monday night that I kept him out of certain areas of my life because I didn't want to disappoint him. He told me that I would never disappoint him. But it is still hard to let go of the voice of disappointment.

I think I am more disappointed in myself (I write that very carefully knowing my mom is a loyal reader of my blog). In high school and college I had a plan for my life... Once I got out of high school I had planned out my life in detail and now I feel like none of those dreams or aspirations are true anymore. And the truth is I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't write that in the "boo hoo" kind of way but just in a very matter of fact kind of way.

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Going back to the verses I read this morning, we all have different gifts that we should use to help improve our little corner of the world. The little notes in my bible said we can't change the whole world by ourselves but the body of Christ can.  

I wrote all that before I wrote my post, Not Forsaken pt.4

Lately I have been feeling passionless and I think its because I have not felt God's presence in my life. I believe God is using this time to help me grow in my patience as I wait till what comes next. I think He is also using this time to see if I will truly trust His guidance. I know I have quoted this friend before but the words keep coming back to me about God wanting our best. But I don't think He is just going to give it to us. He is going to make us wait, struggle and keep hoping for it. I say this not because I think God is cruel... not at all.

But imagine if we got everything we wanted the moment you wanted it. While that sounds great at first I think we wouldn't value the things we had, and we wouldn't appreciate the things we got. I know for example when I got my very first pay check and realized when I wanted to buy something how many hours I had to work to pay for it. It started to put things in perspective and if I really wanted something expensive I would save and wait for it. Then when I got it, it was worth the wait. Sometimes I would want a nice bag (for example) so I would save and wait. While I was saving and waiting I would find an opportunity to go visit my sister (a plane ticket). To me the visit to see my sister was more important than the bag and I could buy both so I would switch my priorities.

I think God is using this time for me to wait and save and to hold out for something better then just temporarily filling my life what might be good and waiting for the best.

I have more thoughts but I feel this post has become quite a tangent. I think I need to refocus my thoughts.

Don't forget what makes you happy

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Hello Lovely Readers,

I feel I have fallen into a trap.

I am attempting to write a historical novel, set during WWI. The only problem is minus a few books, watching Downton Abbey and following the blog Edwardian Promenade that frequently has post on WWI on Wednesdays... I know very little about WWI. It is not something they focus on here in America as much as they focus on WWII. And even though I was a history student I never took a class on the subject so I feel I am coming to my story with very little information.

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Any way, I am trying to read a lot on WWI but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by information. I want my story to sound historically accurate but I want it to feel like a novel and not some history paper. I am taking some artistic license having a girl fall for a servant (thanks Sybil and Branson for that inspiration)... which I know would probably never happen in real life. As Dowager Countess says "it is better in novels than in real life" (not the exact quote).

But while I am trying to learn so much I feel I have lost my motivation. I feel like someone has already written the story, some will do it better than me, or what if I get it wrong then I will be a fraud. Oh my goodness do these thoughts create other frustrations in writers?

So while I still love WWI and I know I NEED to read more about it and do some research I am going to take a little break and just enjoy writing. My brain is a little overwhelmed at the minute with trying to do research and with life thing, so I decided at least for my next few books I am going to read things that are a little light and fluffy.

I am recently finished Keeping the Castle, it is my 5th book in my 26 book challenge and I picked it because of its cover. But the story is suppose to be good for those who love Pride and Prejudice and I Capture the Castle both of those are on my favorite list.

I think as a writer we can research as much as we want but sometimes we just need to read a novel just for some fun and lightheartedness.

I also know as a previous history student you will never be able to tell the whole story of WWI (as it was pretty big thing) so I need to keep focus on my writing and the reason I was motivated to write this story.