📖 Psalm 8: How Excellent Is Your Name... Do I believe (Part 2).

Dear Lovely Reader,

I wrote out my study of Psalm 8 (link), but I keep coming back to it. It was a good start, and I loved sharing what I learned, but I don't want my blog post to be just intellectual; I want to share life and start discussions (if possible on a blog). So I came up with some thought-provoking questions I will answer, and maybe you can answer in your journal or in the comments below.

1. Do you actually believe you were made in God's image? How would your daily life look different if you truly did?

I know the verse "Let us make man (man and woman) in Our image according to Our likeness…" (Genesis 1:26), and while I used to think it meant we were made like how God looks. But a few years ago, I heard when it says "according to Our image," it really means we were called to bear His image, to carry out His image and ways. I think it changes my idea on the question… Do I believe I was made in God's image?

Yes! Absolutely.

Do I live it out daily? Probably not.

How would my daily life look different if I truly did?

One, I think I would have more confidence, not just in myself, but in showing love to others (not being prideful or selfish). I think I would have more trust. I frequently pray, saying, "I trust God, He is the maker of the universe. He stepped down from heaven, walked among us, dwelt with us, died on the cross for us, and rose again." So I do not struggle to trust Him as God. But sometimes I feel like the man who said: "I believe, but help me in my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). I say, "I trust, but help my untrusting."

Something I love about my boyfriend is that he is so trusting that God will work things out, and he is absolutely certain that God's got all this. I'm certain too, but there is a difference in our attitude. I have to start off with things going nuclear and then work my way back from there. I feel conditioned to start with the worst-case scenario and make plans A, B, C, and sometimes D, just in case. My boyfriend is conditioned (though he might correct me on the wording) to believe that everything will go all right and that God's got this (Matthew 6:34).

If I truly lived out carrying God's image more, I think I would just truly have deep certainty, a hope or peace surpassing all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

2. Where have you been looking for worth God has already given freely?

Not lately, but in the past, I have struggled with just the idea of being good enough — I know I am only good enough by God's grace, love, mercy, and salvation, not by my own efforts. But I struggle with this. There are moments when I feel completely inadequate in my job, in a relationship, and at low times, just walking on the face of this earth. I have to consistently remind myself of God's truth. He created me, He loves me, He chose me, delights in me, and saved me, and there is nothing I can do to change it. My sister frequently tells me to rely on His facts, not my feelings, and I hope I will eventually live it out.

I think this leads to answering another question:

3. What is one thing about God — His greatness, His gentleness, His attention — you have taken for granted lately?

I couldn't think of just one, so here are three:

1. His acceptance. God accepts me for who I am. I am not saying He won't transform me; I want to be renewed, refined, and restored in His holiness, but He will never abandon or forsake me when I mess up. He accepts me and loves me because I'm His cherished daughter; I am His beloved. And I need to lean on His acceptance, His grace, and mercy in my life.
2. His forgiveness. I spent a lot of time beating myself up for things He has already forgiven me for (1 John 1:9). I'm still figuring out what this genuinely looks like and what it means moving forward.
3. His faithfulness. He always provides. He doesn't hold back. He holds me, and I need to walk in security and confidence.

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Bonus questions for you to ponder:

1. When you look at creation (the sky, the stars, the sunset, or maybe if you can see mountains (we don't have mountains in Houston)), does it make you feel small in a scary way or small in a safe way?
   For me: safe.
   
   
2. Who in your life points you back to God when you're falling apart? Have you told them what it means to you?
   For me: my dad, my sisters, my boyfriend, and my friends.
   

I hope to do more Psalm studies, so stay tuned, and please let me know your honest thoughts. 

Thanks for joining me on this journey. 

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Turning 40: 40 fun facts about me (part 5)

Now that it is the final facts, I will say this has been a fun and interesting reflection on my life. 

33. First country I ever visited outside the U.S.? France, well, technically Spain, but all I did was get off the plane, get in a car, and drive on the highway to the cruise boat. So I am sticking with France. 

In a town where I got to see Roman ruins outside of Marseille
(Sorry, can't remember name)

34. Most random anecdote: I have been licked by a giraffe... my best friend in high school, Karen, and I were visiting Six Flags Marine World, and they had this opportunity to take a picture with a giraffe. Well, from what I remember, my friend held the salt stick to get the giraffe to come over to us, but she held it closer to me, and it licked me. Not sure why, but I freaked out, and somehow their telling me it was good luck to be licked by a giraffe calmed me down (I wasn't a Christian yet, so maybe that really did calm me down).

35. Favorite Boston memory: Going to John Lester’s no-hitter on my 23rd birthday or doing the Freedom Trail with visitors and stopping for some cannoli. 

At John Lester's no-hitter

But in all honesty, I mostly just hung out with my friends and watched movies at their apartments.  It was here I lived life, grew in my faith, and found a support system. 

36. Favorite Houston memory (not family related): Seeing Reba McEntire at the Houston Rodeo

But I would not have gone to the Rodeo if it weren't for the wonderful friends I have made at PLI... so I should give them a little shout-out. 

37. Favorite comfort food on a bad day: This is going to sound random, but when I am feeling really crummy, I like to make rice and eat it with butter and sugar. We ate a lot of rice when I was growing up because it was cheap and easy to make. 

38. What has been the hardest season of your life, and what did it teach you? I have struggled with depression on and off since my junior year of high school. The time that stands out most was after grad school, when I searched for a job, and nothing happened. Whenever friends asked about it, I wanted to cry or shout—I felt useless, disappointed, discouraged. Other friends seemed to get job offers right away. I cried out to God, “Why?” My quiet time became a checklist. I remember walking home from the train and wishing a bus would hit me and end it all.

I felt like dirt—worse than dirt.

Moving to Houston didn’t magically fix things; my problems followed me. I still scrambled and called out to God. One day, driving to a babysitting job, I thought a pickup truck would merge into me. I swerved into an 18-wheeler. Somehow, I only damaged my bumper and had a headache. I walked away knowing God must have a purpose for me. I’m still living in that truth.

39. Do you have any irrational fears or phobias? Yes, ants, and my roommate thinks it is hilarious that I love Ant-Man. 

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And falling out of a roller coaster. 

40. Favorite role in life (thus far): Being "Aunt Blaire," if you spend any time around me in real life, you will know my niece and nephews are my favorite subject to speak about (after Jesus). I'm always so proud of them; they hold my heart, and watching them grow up has been one of the biggest blessings in my life.

After putting all of this together, I'm already thinking about what comes next. A friend in Boston had a beautiful birthday tradition... every year, she would ask two questions: What was your favorite thing about the last year? And what is one thing you want to accomplish in the next year? I love that. Simple, intentional, and worth sitting with.

I think that deserves its own post... Stay tuned. 🎂

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Tune for Thursday: From Going Through the Motions to Going Deeper

 Dear Lovely Reader,

I don’t know about you, but I have been very blessed over my years of my Christian walk to have consistent quiet times. If I could have my way, I would probably spend an hour and a half to two hours in prayer and Bible time… but life happens, so this amount of time is usually reserved for Saturdays. However, lately I have felt my prayer life has been a bit surface-level, which has made me wonder why.

A couple of weeks ago, my church did a sermon on “The One Thing that is Necessary” using the story of Mary and Martha. {Link to Sermon on Youtube skip to 34:55}

But at the end of the sermon, Brad, one of our pastors, gave some practical tips:

1. Daily read, fix a time and place.
2. Pursue accountability
3. Confess: how many times do you talk to Him per day?
4. Attempt to share something that you read in your quiet time.
5. Memorize Scripture
6. Post Scripture where you can see it.
7. If it feels too intellectual, try including worship songs.
8. If your mind wanders, write out your prayer/meditation.

I wrote them down, but in my arrogance, I thought, “Just do it anyway.” There have been seasons in my life when my quiet time has just been a checklist duty, but in that, I know God blesses my obedience and that it will be fruitful.

Well, today I took some time to ask “God, why am I just feeling surface level?” Yes, I am busy, and there are a lot of moving parts, but I am walking through a season of basking in God’s love, feeling redeemed, restored, hopeful, and content. So why do my prayers seem so surface?

Was I just focusing on myself? When I do this, I turn to this prayer:  

From my prayer wall

"Heavenly Father, I thank you for the gift of life and the beauty of this world. I pray that you would fill our hearts with new hope and joy, especially for those who are struggling. May you bring healing and strength to those who are sick, comfort to those who are hurting, and peace to those who are weary. Bless all those around us, that we may know the power of your love and the strength of your grace.

May we be a source of light and hope to others, and may your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen."

And I try to break it down line by line and list out people who need prayers for in each part.

But still, while there are always a lot of people to pray for, my prayers seemed surface-level, so I asked, “Is there something —a thought, and influence, a power that is not of YOU?” I couldn’t think of anything… but I went to Brad’s #7 tip “If feels too intellectual; try including worship songs.” And I searched for “Repentance songs” and found this playlist: Link. On it, it had one of the songs I have on repeat a lot, so here I am sharing it with you:

"Underdressed" by Gable Price and Friends

So I'll leave you with this — like Martha, are you so busy doing good things — even good spiritual things — that you haven't stopped long enough to ask, 'God, why does something feel off between us?' When was the last time you set down your checklist, sat at His feet, and simply listened?

Thanks for reading, and if you have any songs you like to listen to, to draw you closer to God, please share them with me.