Honest Advent: Paying Attention in the Waiting (Part 2)

Dear Reader, 

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In my previous post (link), I shared a few passages from Honest Advent that met me in my unease and questions. As I’ve continued sitting with the book, more words have surfaced — quiet invitations to trust, to wrestle, and to remain present in the waiting.

Moving on to a later chapter called "Virgin," Erickson writes, "Your transformation throughout life will be a paradox. One truth is that you have agency to make decisions to change and transform the parts you wish... Gratitude and thankfulness are choices you can make to transform your perspective in every situation” (pg. 85-86).

Lately, I have been feeling stuck in life. As I mentioned before, I have let my struggles have a big voice—and I have to be reminded, often, to “take every thought captive to God” (2 Corinthians 10:5). That reminder takes a certain amount of strength. For me, it feels much easier to bury my mind in scrolling, watching TV, or getting lost in distractions than to turn my thoughts to God—even though He already knows them.

In the chapter “With,” Erickson writes, “There is so much we don’t have control over, and it will change us no matter what. What we do have is agency to respond to these forces. The ability to decide how we are going to let them change us—for better or worse,” (pg. 139). In this, I need (and I think everybody) to let go of control and depend on God—I just wish I knew better how?

Later in the chapter about the magi (”Attention”), he states, “The deep desire of the magi was to connect with the creator of the world, and they trusted the creator to reveal the interior journey of the soul in the exterior world around them... but because of their deep desire to know God, they were willing to trust the signs in the sky to go and see” (pg. 175). Erickson mentions that the magi looked at the patterns in the sky and knew the star pointed to God. He uses this illustration to show that when we pay attention and seek God, we notice patterns in our lives and in the world pointing to God.

It reminds me of a quote: “the place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet,” by theologian Frederick Buechner in his book Wishful Thinking (I might need to add that to my reading list). (And if you want to go down the rabbit hole, I welcome you—Click here). The point for me, I think, is paying attention to and seeking God, and looking for patterns in your life; you will find life-giving things. Sometimes I look out for non-life-giving things and cut those out. So I can focus on God and life-giving things.

Ultimately, this season is calling me to pay attention to the patterns, the invitations, and the gentle nudges that point me back to God. I may not always have clear answers, but in the waiting and the wondering, I want to remain open to what God is revealing. Maybe the real invitation is simply to trust that, even in uncertainty, presence and attentiveness are enough.

I leave you with these questions:

Where have you noticed patterns or gentle invitations in your own life that might be pointing you toward something deeper?

What are the distractions or non-life-giving things you might need to let go of in order to pay closer attention to God’s presence?

In what ways is waiting or uncertainty inviting you to trust or remain present?

Thanks for reading. 

Honest Advent: Lingering with Uncertainty, Faith in the Waiting (Part 1)

Dear Reader,

From Amazon

Over Christmas (and let’s be honest and a little bit beyond (I’m a slow reader)),  I read Honest Advent, by Scott Erickson, and while it is post-Christmas, I find it interesting that Advent means “coming,” and we are still waiting for Jesus’ second coming, it is okay to share my thoughts on this. I will admit most Christmases just pass by, and I’m unchanged by the fact of Jesus’ arrival and His life, death, and resurrection. And my co-worker/friend, knowing these struggles, perhaps gave me this book to speak into my emotions. I will not harp further on my feelings, as I have written previously: “Searching for Joy in a season that should be bright.” As I stated in previous posts, I’m in a time of wandering, and the things I underlined and reflect on speak to those questions, though I am not sure I have answers. 

To start, in the chapter “Unease,” Erickson wrote, “But when you say to the Giver of your life, ‘I want my life to be meaningful. I want to serve you with my life. May it be so, according to what You desire,’ you have no idea what secret cosmic strategies have been put into play to answer that request” (pg. 55). I’ve often echoed the words of Isaiah, “Here I am, use me” (6:8), and yet, at times, I still feel nothing.

Continuing in the next chapter, Erickson writes, “I just know that the Divine is really really really really really detailed in Its working with us—and anytime I’m awakened to the intentionality, I’m filled with wonder” (pg. 60). I, too, know God is intimately detailed in our lives—He understood how our cells had to divide for us to grow, and how our hearts formed first as we were being knitted together in our mother’s womb. If God is so detailed and if He is moving in cosmic ways to answer my requests to be used by Him, why am I still lingering with uncertainty?

Sometimes, even when I trust that God is attentive to every detail and my requests are heard, I find myself waiting in the quiet spaces of uncertainty. Perhaps faith means continuing to say “Here I am” even when the answer is not immediately clear, trusting that what feels like silence is part of a much larger, unfolding story.

Erickson says. “The process of growth is always uneasy, because growth never comes through ease. It comes through stretching and expanding of one’s own capacity to push on ahead” (pg. 54). He also writes, “It is for love that you have been broken open so a larger capacity of faith, hope, and love can be built inside you. For love. It’s because you are loved” (pg.56). In that I can see, today in my prayer time today I wrote about my struggles (insecurities, doubts, feeling like I am a failure, finances, my pride, and feeling like I’m not doing enough.) Lord, I need you. You are sovereign, you know my ways, but what are your ways? ... You have a plan and a purpose. And maybe a purpose in these struggles is for me to depend on You, to lean on You, and maybe explore [remind] myself what I love. I love writing, both fiction and blog posts. I love to journal in that feeling close to You... How can I be of use to you in this? I don’t know if God will use me specifically in writing. I’m waiting for God, but also moving forward in writing, and if God uses this passion, it will be a wonderful outcome. Erickson did give questions about things to think about when you are uneasy. 

1. What is the conversation I can have only by being in this situation?

2. What parts of my life have I been able to uncover only by finding myself here?

3. What unexpected place might God want to meet me in during this uneasy time I’m experiencing? 

I will leave them here for you to ponder. 

As these questions linger, I’ve found myself returning to the pages of Honest Advent, discovering even more passages that speak into the tension and hope of this season. In Part 2, I’ll share more quotes and reflections that have challenged and encouraged me along the way—inviting you to wrestle and wonder with me.