Adulthood Angst....

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In my last post I wrote about how I related to Tris because of her angst... in the book she is dealing with first love and trying to find her place in her world. In the book Tris feels she has to make one choice and follow it wholeheartedly, but because she is Divergent she has multiple paths and that is how life is. Thankfully (and sometimes not so thankfully) we all have multiple paths.

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I am grad-school and I am almost at the end. I hopefully have one more semester... though I feel I have said this a few times because I had to delay my thesis a few times. This has given me time to think of what I want to do with my life.

When I was in high school I wanted to be Abigail Chase, Diane Kruger, character in National Treasure.  She was a confident, and though she was a history nerdy girl she was was also very sexy. Also, she knew everything about everything, which was cool. For like split second I thought about doing Political Science but then I realized I loved history and escaping into the past. So I decided to pursue history in undergrad. I moved to Boston, on an almost gut reaction, because from almost the moment I visited it felt like it was home. Plus it didn't hurt that it was one of the most historical cities in the US. And basically minus the really cold winters and spells of homesickness I love Boston and I have been blessed with a second family here.

Now I am grad-school, and thinking about my future I often wonder if this path I chose going into library science and history is what I am suppose to be doing. For awhile I thought about leaving everything I know and going on missions. But the more time I thought about it, it didn't feel right. I had a passion for it but over time I lost it and sometimes I feel I have no idea what to do...

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Sometimes, it scares me because I am usually a person with a five year plan, but I feel my five year plan has changed a few times. Right now I am embracing I don't have a plan, because right now I can hide behind the idea of just working on my thesis. I can put off real life and trying to be an adult. I guess this why I relate to Tris... she is still trying to make decisions of her life and figure things out.  Fortunately for me I am not also trying to fight a corrupt government (thank goodness).

Even though I am trying to figure things out I am glad I have some solid things to hang on to. I have my family, my second family, my friends, my faith... all these things have held me up and held me together and I a thankful for those. Also I am glad to figure out that like Tris we don't have one path and one choice. 

A previous post Figuring some things out...