Pin of the week

If you hang out with me for any given amount of time you will learn I love Pinterest. My friends make fun of me saying they I know it is my pin without even seeing who pinned it... usually because it is an old fashion dress. And while I love pinning old fashion dresses and I have found inspirations for my stories there, I love finding great quotes as well (and sharing them with you).

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As I posted in my Happy Easter ! post that my church is going through a series "I AM", when Jesus says "I am..." and on the first week we talked about how Jesus calls himself the Good Shepard and he referenced Psalm 23 and though this chapter is frequently referenced and because of that it is easy to skim through it and not take in what it really means. But my pastor challenged us to really try to memorize it. So I wrote it out and posted it to my mirror, that I look into when I am doing my make-up. During my prayer time I have been reflecting what it really means to have God as my Good Shepard.

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Lately, I have been feeling a lack of God's presence in my life and while I have not doubted God and I know He is here. I have been questioning why do I not feel him, then I look at my life and realize I do a lot to block him out. I feel I have some put up so many barriers around me that it is like a wall around my heart. Yesterday, I read James 4:15 "Instead, you ought to say 'if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'." And that got me thinking... what is the Lord's will. My dad and I were talking that sometimes we think of God's will as being a tightrope that we get nervous about falling off. And I thought, how true but I think God's will is wide enough to take our imperfections and make them perfect in Him. Which, personally find really awesome because God is not limited to a narrow pathway and we are not limited by fear of falling off.  We can make mistakes, wrong turns, detours, and U turns and God can work with it. 

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Today I read Psalm 51:10-12...

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit away from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I read the NIV Life Application Bible and it has awesome footnotes, the footnote for this passage said "God wants us to be close to him and to experience his full and complete life. But sin that remains unconfessed makes such intimacy impossible." 

I prayed to God about my pride, my doubts, blocking Him out. I have prayed forgiveness of these things before, and I keep asking for God to be able to feel His presence, but the thing is no matter how many times I asked it is hard to change my habits. I know they say it takes 21 days to change your habits... well I think today is day 1. Instead of turning on the TV right after my quiet time, I turned on some Christian music (yes I am still addicted to noise, but at least this send a positive message) and while listening to music I can do other things (like write this post) instead of wasting hours in a mindless TV show. I am not expecting a miracle overnight but I feel I have to start sometime. 

So what does this have to do with God being the Good Shepard? Well instead of listening to my thoughts "that I can handle this all..." or that "I got this..." I am going to try to find comfort in the knowledge that God is with me and leading me no matter what. I am going to try to put in practice more and more leaning on His hope. I am going to try to stop listening to my doubts and listen to my faith... and maybe one day I can stop saying "I am going to try" and it will actually be true. 

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Happy Easter!

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Happy Easter everyone!

When I was a kid I loved Easter, we got pretty new dresses, we got free candy, and it meant a nice family meal. However as I am now in grad-school unfortunately Easter gets lost in the craziness of end of the semester and I don't get time to really reflect on what Easter means and sometimes I even forget it is Easter till I see kids in nice suites and pretty dresses.

My dad and I one Easter

My church is going through a series about who Jesus says he is... the "I AM". Last week my pastor talked about how Jesus calls himself the "good Shepard" and referred to the passage Psalm 23 "The Lord is my Shepard, I will not be in want.." I know this chapter is highly used and might be over uses that you can kind of just scan through it without taking in the meaning. However, my pastor brought an interesting fact about sheep though they are ignorant animals they know their Shepard's call from a great distance and respond to the call. He mentioned that sometimes that a God's calling can be as soft as a whisper and how can we hear him when so much of our lives is crowded with noise. When he said that it made me remember this poem I wrote two years ago in my post Things I am Afraid to tell you.

.... just a bit of my poem... 

There I sit

but there I hear a whisper 

it is very soft

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

"You must have me wrong"

I tell the whisper.

But it repeats

"my child", "my love"

"my beauty", "my creation."

I open my eyes

see nothing there

so I doubt its existence.

"My child","my love"

"I am here for you

in darkness to be your light,

to be your hope

when you feel hopeless,

and to be your strength 

when you can't pick yourself up.

Remain in me 

and I will remain in you."

I admit I surround myself with noise to an addicting level and then in my quiet times I wonder why I can't hear God, and why I can't feel God's presence in my life. I know He is here, but I wish I was in better place spiritually that I could feel His presence, His comfort, and His guidance. Right now I am holding on to the reassurance of knowing that God is with me even though I cannot feel him. Just writing that sentence just reminded me of the verse "being confident in this that he who began good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"- Philippians 1:6. I am confident that God is with me and will always be with me.

Just cute little sheep
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My week in pictures and song

Here are some highlights from this week hope you enjoy...

I have posted a motivational song as I prepare for the end of this semester... here is another one.

I have only seen Hercules a few times, but this song has made my list of motivational song to keep me going. 

Song: Go the Distance

From Hercules 

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Spring has FINALLY come to Boston, as winter felt painfully long, I have never had a green thumb, but I do love flowers starting to bloom. Since moving to Boston I have discovered that daffodils are one of the first flowers to bloom and I have grown to love them as a sign of hope.

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As it spring now I get to switch over to my spring and summer scent (and my favorite scent) of Marc Jacobs Daisy. Last year my Grandpa sent me money for my birthday stating that I had to spend it on something frivolous so I bought this perfume that I love. 

We are experiencing April showers here in Boston and in hopeful romantic, period drama watching way I have always loved the rain. Rain always brings out a freshness in the time. Today as I was walking around getting some errands done I felt like it was a perfect story book rain storm. 

Marianne from Sense and Sensibility (2008)
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Also I have had some hard times with my thesis and I have felt trapped not knowing what to do next, well today I had a meeting with my reader and she gave me some good advice and now I truly feel motivated to get re-started. I feel like a lot of my spring semester has been re-starting.

I believe Mark Twain is author of this quote
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As motivation of my writing, I have changed my computer background... 

Also as a fan-girl it has been a good week... First I am so happy that Parks and Rec has provided us with some cute Ben and Leslie moments. I have felt this season has been lacking some cute and much needed Ben and Leslie moments (and to be honest that is why I started watching the show). In season 5 they introduced the "Ben and Leslie Family Album" but since then nothing about that until this week. 

"Family Album"
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Also, I have been watching the Emma Approved series and have greatly enjoyed it, so it makes me even happier to know that the actors in real life are dating. They have great chemistry on screen on so this is wonderful for this fangirl. 

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Here is a short little preview of some of their on air chemistry...

Video: Emma & Alex Knightley | Into the blue

By: Thatfangirl 

I am also re-reading one of my favorite novels, I Capture the Castle, re-reading some novels to me is like snuggling under a warm blanket even if I am on the T. I know what is going to happen but I still enjoy remembering the details. 

I know this post has been rather frivolous, but I hope you have enjoyed it. 

Screen shot of Cassandra and Stephen walking through the blue bells.
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*I wrote this post on Tuesday and now having bragged about how glorious the weather has been here it has decided to return to a normal spring weather of close to 50s. 

My characters and what is to come.

As I am an aspiring author I have found motivation in seeking character inspiration from Hollywood or the BBC. These are my main characters for my new story "The Grand Days."

Kelby Gray, portrayed by James McAvoy, quiet and usually in his books cares a great deal for Mattie, but is careful to walk the line between friendship and wanting more than friendship. He also tends to the horses at Cranston Court, however he is smarter them. He wants to fight in The Great war but at his mother's wished stays behind. 

my ideal "back woods"
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Lady Adelaide Welford, portrayed by Amy Adams, is a quite a beauty to Mattie both on the inside and out. Though she seems tough and confident she is actually quite weak after the death of her daughter Aurora (before the novel). There always seems to be a twinge of gloom to her though she smiles the prettiest. 

Mathilda "Mattie" Harrington, portrayed by Imogen Poots (Miss Austen Regrets), thinks herself the plain daughter not meant to be very much in life. However, she is the protagonist of the story. She wants grand adventure and has a special bond with her brother Marcus because of this. She is often left behind because she is too young and mostly watches events unfold. That is until a wealthy widower takes notice of her and then she has to decide between love of Kelby Gray and following her mother's desires. 

Daphne Harrington, portrayed by Emily Blunt, the oldest daughter and the beauty of the girls. She is idealistic in her views on love, when it comes to Shane Gray. She also has very strong will and demands perfection. War crushes her when Shane is killed and she quickly engages herself to Parker Welford... No worries that is not a spoiler as it is written about with in the first few pages. 

Percival Marcus Harrington, portrayed by Ben Aldridge (Lark Rise to Candleford), the oldest and only son knows what he is obligated to do but wants to be a new kind of explorer, a pilot. Goes off to fight in war, and is injured but mostly mentally.