Monday, June 29, 2015

Can't Just Sit By

Hello lovely readers,

I have had a few thoughts on my mind about this weeks "My World Monday" and I want to let you know what's going on in my life but before I start I want to say "thank you" to you guys my readers. I know I have gone back and forth on this blog from posting a lot to not posting at all. I know I have changed my mind on the focus of this blog a few times and I have probably left you wondering "what is going on in her head" so thank you for staying with me through all my transitions.

Second I want to say that as much as I love this blog... it is going through more transitions. I want this blog to feel comfortable and personal. For people who know me in real life I want this blog to sound genuine and true (I don't want this blog to be a false persona). For the people who don't know me in real life I want you to feel connected. I am trying to blog about the truths in my life from the highs to the lows and all the in between. One transition you might notice is that I am trying to set up a blogging schedule (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I am not a professional blogger so I am sure I will miss some days but I hope you guys will stick with me. Another transition I am trying to make is getting my blog more professional (at least in looks). There a few blogs I follow closely and I would love to have more their style, but I still want this blog to be comfortable.
I don't know why but for some reason I picture a big comfy reading chair when I think about how I want this blog to feel. So I will still be posting about my faith, my obsession with period dramas, my writing, the books I am reading and other various things I enjoy. But I have added advertisement to this blog in hopes of getting a little bit of money while doing something I enjoy. There might be some other changes a long the way but as I am not a professional blogger it might come in bits and pieces.

Third, I want to say "I am sorry". I feel sometimes I hide behind my books, my stories that I am writing and even this blog to hide what is really going on in my life and in my heart.

I think I hide because it is easier to share only part of the truth, the truth I like, than to share some things that hurt me to write out. But a blog seems safe, minus a few people I know who read my blog for the most part my readers are anonymous. So in that way I feel I can express myself better with you my readers than sometimes my own friends. But in other ways I can't... I know many readers are anonymous and we will most likely never meet but I still hold myself back because I fear judgement. I fear that if I say to much you may not like what I say and stop reading. I fear that if I speak out for things I believe in I will be called a hypocrite.

I have made mistakes, I have held grudges and I admit I let those grudge fester inside me that they have turned to hate. And I feel like a hypocrite in that way because I claim to love God and Jesus and the Bible talks endlessly about loving people. Yet somehow dislike and bitterness are easier for me than love. I love my family and my friends but the Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself" and I fail miserably at this. So I am sorry.

My church has been doing a series called "Forward" about the story we are moving forward with our money, in our families and in our community. As much as I pretend on the outside to be fine, I know with my thoughts and actions I am not moving the Good News forward.

One thing I have noticed in both my prayer time and in this blog is I talk a lot about changing and doing things but I don't really move towards change. So I can't just sit back, I can't just hide behind my books, or my stories anymore. If I want to change things I am going to have to get going. So this will probably be the biggest transition this blog and my life will be going through. For example: I can't just say I want to be a writer I have to actually get writing. And I can't just say I want to make an impact on this world and do nothing. So the first thing I am going to do is make to get invested in my community around me (not sure exactly what that means but I am keeping my eyes open). 

So I can't just sit by anymore... I hope you will stay with me as I go through this journey.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Frivolous Friday...Happy Anniversary

Hello lovely readers,

Today for my "Frivolous Friday" post I am giving a special shout out to my younger sister and her husband on their four year anniversary.

Photo Credit: Kristina Gaines
I love their story: They were friends for years and she even had quite a crush on him for a bit. I remember that she liked him more when she found out he wanted to missions in Africa, which was something she wants to do. Eventually they started dating and I felt he was instantly welcomed into as a part of our family and every time I see them together he always appears to be supporting her. I think they are an awesome couple.


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Dwelling in the Past

Hello Lovely Readers,

I love to dwell in historical fiction in most everything in my reading, the TV shows and movies I watch, and my own personal writing. I am personally still a romantic about history and probably idealize it too much even though I studied history I know it is not clean cut and glamorous as I wished it was. One time I hear a quote "we study the past to know how we got here" (sorry paraphrasing so might be a misquote) and I think it is accurate. I like studying the past to know the struggles, the battles and the times of glory and hope people went through to get where we are now. Even though the stories I read are set in the past, if the book is written well, I feel I can relate to them and I wonder what I would do if I was in that circumstance?-- I know you can do this with really any genre of literature but there is something about historical fiction in that pulls me in.
I think I owe my love to early 20th century upon seeing Biltmore.
For my own writing there is a comfort in knowing the outcome. For example: In my story I am currently writing it is about WWI and I know what happens and I know who is going to win the War. But then there is this weird comfort in not controlling the outcome. I know what is going to happen in the grand scheme of things and I just put my characters in those events and seeing what happens to them and how they are changed by their circumstances.

My love of WWI might be owed to Downton Abbey
As I stated I am currently working on a story that will go through WWI. And while I studied early 20th century history in school I know vague details about WWI. I have read various novels, biographies and other non-fiction books and I sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the amount of information I am learning. I felt so overwhelmed I thought "maybe I should put this story aside while I research." But then I thought "I am never going to know enough to be completely accurate." This is true of all historians... we take the sources we have and as best we can we put a narrative. However, the thing about history is that unless we build a time machine we will never get the full story, which give historians and writers some freedom. So when I saw this post on Pinterest I was highly intrigued:

And I felt it was okay for me not to know everything about WWI, that doesn't mean I can't attempt to write a fabulous story. So I will keep pressing on through my first draft. If I find out anything interesting I will keep you updated.

Monday, June 22, 2015

I am not a photographer

Hello lovely readers,
As I posted last week I took some time off to visit some family and meet my newest nephew and I planned to take lots of photos but I came back with only a handful of photos... so I have come to the conclusion I am not a photographer. So sorry there are not many photos of my trip but here is a glimpse of my time back home.
The main reason I took this trip was to meet my newest nephew... even though it was mid-June in Houston. This is my first time holding him.

This is my niece and I doing arts and crafts together... really drawing dresses.
I could do this for hours with her.
On our road trip making a stop at Buc-ee's.
Only in Texas do you see a gas station as big as most grocery stores.
We did get in a visit to the zoo but I can not even take credit for this photo as my dad took it.
Niece and sister are the only ones looking at camera. I am looking at my nephew.
Oh yeah and that is a lion in the background.

See not many photos... but at least I got some great time being Aunt Blaire which is the best memories I can have. Hope you have a good Monday. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Words of hope...Not so Frivolous Friday

Hello lovely Readers,

I am sorry I don't have a "Frivolous Friday" post for you with things going on in Charleston, SC and other things happening "Frivolous Friday" was kind of trivial. Then I remembered "Frivolous Friday" was meant to post whatever what I wanted. Here are some lovely words of inspiration and messages of hope:

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Author Happiness... 40,000 words

Hello Lovely Readers,

I know I have shared this before so forgive me for repeating myself.

The way I do my creative writing is by writing by hand and then transcribing it into Word. I know this takes awhile for it all to get gone, but I am okay with that, and to be honest I like it. My stories are historical fiction and something about typing on a keyboard feels like a disconnect from the way my characters would actually write.

Also (minus this blog) I don't usually feel inspired when looking at a blank word document with that little bar | flashing at me. So I have to write by hand. But I do enjoy going back and typing up my story when I get stuck in my writing and I don't know how to move the story forward. Sometimes just typing it up gives me inspiration. I think inspiration comes the more and more time I spend with my characters.

Any way, as I have written about I am feeling stuck in my writing so I am taking some time to type up my story. Well I have reached a little mile stone of 40,000 word, which is 83 pages typed up. In celebration I wanted to share the passage that brought me to this point...

Kelby Foster had been out for a walk. He had not meant to head towards Southerton Greens. He was lost in his own thoughts and his feet lead him there. He stopped  when he noticed Mattie, he could not help but notice her even at distance she was beautiful. He observed she was on a bicycle, which he had never seen before and she seemed to be struggling on it. Then now knowing how she had been flipped from the bicycle, flying over the handle bars and crashing into the railing of the fence. Kelby sprinted over to her.  She looked so helpless and almost lifeless.

            "Oh Miss Mattie, my Mattie, my dearest Mattie," he called out to  her. "Are you hurt? Can you move? Miss Mattie, Miss Mathilda please be all right."

            Then she fluttered her eyelashes when he called out her name but just as quickly fainted again. He thought he heard her whisper his name . Without thinking he gently kissed her on the lips. He then swept her up and trying to keep her as still as possible laying her between his arms.

            The next thing she remembered was waking up in her room with Dr. Gibson looking down at her. He was speaking to her but at first she could not understand what he was saying. Everything was hazy and the words were muffled. Mattie tried to sit up but Dr. Gibson gently but firmly kept her flat.

            "That is not a good idea Miss Mathilda. Do you know where you are?" Dr. Gibson asked.

            Mattie paused for a moment as she tried to understand all the words he had said. "Yes in my room." She swallowed as the words were hard to say. "How did I get here?"

            Mattie could only slightly see the rest of her body but she could see her arm was in a sling. She felt a gashing pain on her forehead and with her good hand she felt the bandage on her head.

            "Miss Mathilda please remain still."

            "How did I get here?" Mattie asked again.

            "That stable boy of Lady Welford's brought you here."


            "I believe so and you are very lucky, you were so far off the path you might not have been found for hours."

            "And Kelby found me?"

            "Yes Miss Mathilda. I think you should rest now."

            How could she rest she thought that was so much pain her whole body ached. Her arm and her head most of all felt as if they had been broken in half. Everything was searing as though it had been touched with fired.

            "Doctor," she mumbled as he left the room.

            Mattie closed her eyes maybe if she slept she wouldn't feel the pain. Within in no time she was back asleep. She wasn't for sure how long she slept but felt like a day passed by when she awoke. She dreamt that she woke up and found Kelby sitting in the chair next to the bed. He was folded over in half with his head on the comforter next to her. When she stirred he woke and smiled at her. His eyes were the perfect shade of sparkling silver.  

Thanks for reading. 

Monday, June 15, 2015

My world Monday... Time off

Hello lovely readers,

I am taking this "My world Monday" off as to spend some much needed time with my family.
Last full group picture I have with sis and kiddos... pre-newest nephew.
But have no fear I have a post all ready to go for "Writing Wednesday" so check back here Wednesday after 9AM EST.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Frivolous Friday... Favorite YouTube Videos.

Hello Lovely Readers,

As I am on vacation I will be posting while away but I didn't want to miss my "Frivolous Friday" post. I am trying to get better about setting a schedule for blogging and I like alliterations so I have made Friday my frivolous day to post whatever.When I get back from vacation I will announce other days that are in the works.

For today my post is my favorite YouTube videos... In undergrad I never spent on YouTube so I was months behind on knowing about "Double Rainbow" and I actually thought it was a big waste of time, but now I am addict. "Hello my name is Blaire and I am addicted to fan made videos." Here are some of my favorites...

Hope you enjoy!

Title: Period Dram- Breathe Again 
Song: Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles

Title: Leslie & Ben || Arms
Song: Arms by Christina Perri

Video below has spoilers for season 2
Title:The Last time | Francis and Mary
Song: The last time by Taylor Swift

Title: The Laendler- Romantic Period Drama Movie Dancing Montage
Song: The Laendler by Irwin Kostal 
Title: Mary & Matthew | We almost had it all
Song: Rolling in the Deep by The Piano Guys

Title: Katniss & Peeta|| Say something I am giving up on you
Song: Say Something by Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera
This is one of my favorite songs so I look out for fan videos with it being used- love that it is being used with one of my favorite fandoms.

There are more that I could share but I think 6 is enough, though it barely scratches the surface of my fangirlness

Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Yours Faithfully... Letter #8

Hello lovely readers,
I hope by now you have read my last "Frivolous Friday" post... I say that because Roger Hamley is the model for Hugh in my story. I don't think Roger gets a lot of credit as a great literary hero so in some ways I would like to boost his profile.
Dearest Aunt,

I was faithful in burning my last letter. I may not be able to let you read this letter now as you would probably ask why I burned the last letter and to answer that I would betray the trust of both your sons.

Today you have opened your eyes and what it was relief it was to see you again though you didn't recognize me and called me Rosie. I was later informed by Hugh that Rosemary was your daughter that died when she was a toddler. Oh I am sorry perhaps I should not write that, as I do not wish to cause you pain. Hugh in all this has been the rock. I do not know what any of us would do without him. It is sometimes hard for me to remember he is your stepson and not your own son for he is so faithful to you and bringing about the peace you are so consistent in. I fear I will never love my new mama like Hugh loves you.  

Speaking of my mama, she writes that Cassandra is coming home sooner than she expected and she wants me to return home. I don't want to leave you but I do want to meet my new sister, she was so loving in her last letter I cannot imagine she won't be absolutely splendid in reality. My mama has said she was quite a beauty, and that Cassandra took after her in that regard. I would never say my mama was gorgeous but she is very genteel looking and seems very well portioned in her looks. 

Oh my dearest Aunt Hen, what shall I do without you even in these latest trials this home has been such a comfort to me. I do not know if my own home will ever be the same... with my mama there it hardly feels the place of solitude I once knew. How I fear her dictates have greatly changed the environment. She wrote me she has dismissed Miss Carter, Miss Carter was my care giver all my childhood, she knew me better than anyone. I relied on her when father was away into the night and she would always allow me into her bed when I was scared of thunderstorms. Of course it has been many years since I needed her in that capacity, but still it seems disloyal that she should be dismissed so suddenly, and I was not even there to say goodbye to her. 

 Sorry, I just returned from a walk in the garden with Hugh. He wanted me to accompany him while he picked some flowers for you as I knew your favorite flowers. When you were asleep we picked very fragrant flowers for you to smell... Hugh says that scent is the most powerful sense. He said that smell can trigger more memories than any other sensor. We picked you a lot of flowers with an array of colors for you to enjoy now that you are awake. He is always so knowledgeable he not only know every flower's English name but Latin name as well. He also is quite skilled in knowing about Entomology and whole bugs have never been a favorite subject of mine, he has away to describe things that make it interesting. He knows I enjoy ancient history and today he showed me a type of beetle that has been around since the Romans invaded. I couldn't believe it myself. How could someone know that. Right now he is with uncle looking at some plumbing works that uncle is implemented in the cottages for his workers. Uncle truly seems more alive in Hugh's presence, which is quite a relief since Uncle and Osborne have been quite distant. 

Perhaps it is not right to think it but I do wonder if Osborne's marriage could have anything to do with their distance. Frequently I catch them looking at each other and it appears they both want to say something but they can't. Something holds them back. I wish I could have your voice, you would bring some reconciliation between them. 

I am sorry to be leaving this house at such a moment, but as I am reminded it is a daughter's duty to follow her mama's request. I do not know why a new mama trumps a long time serviceable niece. If only you would speak and know my name I feel I could convince her I am needed here. As it is I must leave.

All my love,
 I know I just went on vacation and took a break from blogging but I am happy to say I am leaving again to visit my sister, some family, and meet my newest nephew. But have no fear I will not leave you without a "Frivolous Friday" post... so check back here on Friday 9AM (EST).
My newest nephew and now he is 2 months old

Monday, June 8, 2015

Books, travel, and other thoughts...oh my

Hello Lovely Readers,

Probably one of my favorite pictures of my niece and I
I am working on a new schedule of blog posting one: I love schedules and two: I love alliterations. So here are my thoughts so far. "My world" Monday where share whats going on in my life whether it is the movies I like, the books I am reading or if I have really deep and insightful thoughts. "Wednesday Writing" where I share my letters project (link to letters) or my thoughts on the writing process as I try to write my first novel. Then I "Frivolous Friday" where I get to share really what ever I like but mostly be pictures or YouTube videos. I am excited to have a schedule although I know next week I will be off as I will be vacation. I know I just got back from Paris and I am jumping on a plane again. Yep! And I am super excited as I will be off to see my sister, hanging out with my niece and nephew and meeting my newest nephew.

First I just finished my 15th book for my 26 book challenge. I read After the War is Over by Jennifer Robson. I read this book as being in the category of "read a book by an author you love" last summer I read her novel Somewhere in France and loved it so when I saw this book in the book store I knew I had to read it. It was good to get back into reading WWI novels as I am still working on my own WWI novel. From the inside flap description:

After four years as a military nurse, Charlotte Brown is ready to leave behind the devastation of the Great War. Moving to busy Liverpool, she throws herself into her with those most in need, only tearing herself away for the lively dinners she enjoys with the women at her boarding house. 
 Just as Charlotte begins to settle into her new circumstances, two messages arrive that will change her life. One is from a radical young newspaper editor who offers her a chance to speak out for those who cannot. The other pulls her back to her past, and to the a man she has tried, and failed to forget. 
As Britain seethes with unrest and postwar euphoria flattens into bitter disappointment, Charlotte must confront long-held insecurities to find her true voice... and the courage to decide if the life she has created is the one she truly wants. 

Idea for new cover
I liked the structure of the story, because it starts with her working in 1919 and every few chapters it has a flash back. It also has me thinking of the structure of my story. Thus far I feel I have written so much back story that it might be draining. I feel I just need to throw Mattie and her friends into WWI and then have flash backs to the back story. Though thinking that is huge because it feels like starting from square one again, but I have given my story so much energy and thought that I want it to be perfect.

So going back to the book: I liked the story of Charlotte and it gave me ideas for my own book. However, I didn't really feel pulled into the story. I meant there were moments that I felt sorry for Charlotte but something about her I didn't relate to. Also I felt Robson threw so many characters at me it was hard to keep them straight. I remember loving Somewhere in France so maybe I had too many high expectations. However it was fast read and I am happy to cross it off my reading list.

I just re-read the description of Somewhere in France and it is about Lilly Ashford and Robert Fraser, who are characters in this book as well so it is kind of sequel to that book but not because it can stand on its own as a book. Also no where does it say "sequel to..." (To read my description of Somewhere  in France click here).

Anyway I wouldn't highly recommend this book as a must read I would say it was a good read (probably 2.5 stars out of 5). Also it was interesting to read about the time between WWI and the Roaring 20s. I know it wasn't a long time but there was definitely a transition, I mean the Roaring 20s didn't happen all at once. It didn't go right from war to party there were deep political struggles post-war. So I liked how this book dealt with it even if it was the central focus. I also liked how the book dealt with the term "shell shock." And it was nice transition book after reading Mary Queen of Scots biography so probably what my mind needing.

I am ending this post with a music video of a song I have recently discovered through listening to Pandora. It is kind of a sad song but I like it... 

Song: Little Did you Know
By: Alex & Sierra 

With my new schedule in the works I will be trying to post Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 9AM EST. I will always try to post it on my Facebook page but sometimes I forget... so just in case don't forget to check back.

Have a good day.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Frivolous Friday... Period drama Heroes

Hello lovely readers,
I know I have made lots of post on Period Dramas... what can I say I am obsessed. I have probably written the most about heroines, plot lines or outfits. I have also written a lot about Jane Austen and Downton Abbey. So today for my Frivolous Friday post I am high lighting the heroes of the period dramas to hopefully shine light on other dramas besides Jane Austen and Downton Abbey.

1. John Thorton in  North and South
I put him probably because I have seen the mini-series North and South the most and I always squeal in the scene when he says "look back, look back at me." My friend me got me to watch this because she said it practically like Pride and Prejudice and she is right. Both Margaret Hale and Mr. Thorton have their pride that keeps them apart and both prejudge the other one. Also there is a great proposal scene. I would say that is not just a re-do of Pride and Prejudice but it deals with the very grim realities of the 19th century... think Charles Dickens meets Jane Austen.

2. Roger Hamley in Wives and Daughters
I have written a few blog post on Molly Gibson the heroine of the story but Roger is also great. I don't think he gets a lot of attention because he is quiet and steadfast and that could be considered boring for some stories. But he is not boring. I mean he goes to Africa to do some scientific exploration. Also he makes mistakes first he falls for Molly's step-sister Cynthia because she is charming and doesn't recognize Molly's inner beauty. I think it is totally fine for literary heroes to have faults because he who wants to read about person who is perfect... I mean that is boring. I also love Roger because he encourages Molly to learn more and thinks it is great she has such an inquisitive mind.

3. Prince Henri in Ever After 
In some ways he is very juvenile at the beginning of the movie, as he is running away from his duty. I mean I am not saying you should be forced to marry someone you do not love (though it happened a lot back then). I am just saying as a Prince he should have known that his life of privileged came at a cost. However it is Danielle that teaches him that yes his privileged life does come with a cost but he can use his power and influence to help others. He also learns his life is nothing without following his heart.


4.  Prince Albert in The Young Victoria

Okay another prince. This film has probably heavily romanticized the story of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. But from other things I have heard they actually fall in love but they both had tempers. In that I think the movie portrayed that well because they do fight. And though he married to the Queen he doesn't sitting idly by but actually wants to help her rule. And in the film after they fight he still puts himself in harms way to protect her. He is a great example of supporting his wife, encouraging her to make good decisions and ultimately putting her first. Of course he is so cute as he tries to pursue her.

5.  Alf Arless in Lark Rise to Candleford

I know I have not given this show Lark Rise the love it deserves. And Alf is not like the other heroes on this list. Spoiler he doesn't end up with the main girl, Laura Timmins, but who he ends up will make you happy (if you watch it). He does start off the show with a crush on Laura and though he has some jealously toward a boy Laura falls for, eventually he puts that aside and is the best friend Laura needs. He supports her and looks out for her best interest. He also works hard to support his family and no matter what he puts his family first, even if sometimes it causes him to sacrifice his heart. He may not be the main love interest but he is a hero.

I guess the most common theme in this whole post is these are all strong men standing next to and supporting the strong women in their lives. They might argue with them but at the end of the day they are pushing the women they love to be better people. I am not saying you need a man for this but its nice to have a support team.

This hard was hard to only think of five men. Even with my period drama board on Pinterest to look for ideas, it was hard to only limit it to 5 so here are honorable mentions:

 Dr. Harrison in Cranford
Cranfrord is a good light hearted mini-series and while Dr. Harrison is surrounded by strong willed women he a little too soft spoken.
Jack Thorton in When Calls the Heart
this is a new love but I binged watched the first season and now I am going through the second season. I am waiting to see what do to the story before I give my heart away to Jack. But I am totally on Team Jack not Team Charles.
  Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables
I could not have had this list complete without Gilbert but as I have only seen the movie once (my own short comings) I didn't feel justified in putting as a love of mine.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

"Yours Faithfully"... letter #7

Hello Lovely Readers,

I know it has been a bit since I posted a letter in this series. My mind has been full of getting back to reality after vacation, being wrapped up in some emotional stuff (I am fine but some very close people to me are struggling and I am hurting for them), and trying to focus my energies on my other story in progress. But I do like this little project and want to keep it going.

For letter #6 click here.

Dearest Aunt,
My heart is aching... I think I will burn this letter as soon as I write it. Now I am desperate for your voice and guidance, and yet I know you cannot speak to me. If you could, I would not be able to tell you for I swore to both Hugh and Ozzie I would not say a word, and I will keep my word. However, my heart aches and I know that you will never read these words as I swear I will burn this letter as soon as I write it.

Ozzie is married. I know no other details than that. Only I imagine he must be ashamed of this marriage or why would he keep it secret... but I cannot think that Osborne would something that would bring such shame to the family, he has always proved himself to be such a good son, brother and cousin to myself. I can only assume that he meant to tell you about this marriage but with your health he did not want to add any more burden to your heart. Though I have not configured in my mind why his marriage would add a burden. Marriage is suppose to be a wonderful event and surely knowing that your son was so happy would bring comfort to you. 

However, like I said I know nothing of the details of her, the marriage, or anything only that it is to be a deep secret. 

I promise it was not my wish to add this secret to my life, I was in the library reading when Hugh came in announcing he had a letter for Osborne from his wife.

It feels so wrong to call Osborne, Ozzie, as I feel there is a great separation between us with his secret. I don't know if I can even look at him the same way I did through all our childhood. 

Anyway I was sitting in the library and Hugh came in and announced he had a letter from Osborne's wife. Hugh must have been in on the secret as it seemed the words were natural on his lips. Ozzie  Osborne then scowled that Hugh should have looked around before saying such things. That is when Hugh's eyes caught mine. I must have looked terrified because his face went white and then he stumbled over his words. 

I immediately got up in and left the library. I didn't know where to go but I knew I could not stay there any more. Half an hour or so later Hugh found me in the garden and tried to explain the details. I said I didn't want to know them as I knew I could keep any more secrets in me. He respected my wishes. 

The thing that hurts the most is feeling so separate now from you and my Uncle as I cannot tell you the truth. I also cannot talk to Hugh or Osborne about this either as I swore I would not mention it again and that separates us too. If it was not for you and the hopes you would wake soon keep me here, otherwise I would rather be home and in sweet innocence. Does that sound horribly selfish? I will be by your side till you awake, I promise and will not leave you. Please awake soon, I know seeing your smile again all will be well. 

Yours faithfully, 
Osborne and Mrs. Hamley from Wives and Daughters.