Turning 40: 40 fun facts about me (part 4)

The big day has come and gone — and honestly? I wouldn't change a thing. I was busy visiting my boy in Tennessee, soaking up the good stuff, and I decided that working on a blog post could wait.

24. Ever since I was a child, I have always had a close friend with a "K" in her name. It started with Katie, my very first friend. Then came Karen in high school, two different Kates in college, and in adulthood — the Kates are still going strong, plus my last roommate in Boston was named Kyra. (I also had wonderful friends named Caroline, Liz, and Sarah along the way, but the K's are clearly a pattern.) Maybe "B" and "K" just go well together. I'm not questioning it — I'm just collecting them.

The Kates and I 

25. One truly stupid thing I did as a kid was staple my own thumb. In my defense, I had just received the most adorable Noah's Ark desk set, and the stapler was shaped like a hippopotamus. Naturally, the only logical way to test whether it had staples in it was to press my thumb down on it. It did. I pulled it out myself — without crying, I might add — because I didn't want to frighten my younger sister. I then went to find my parents via my older sister, who, unfortunately, cannot stand the sight of blood. Let's just say her reaction was... dramatic. (Or at least, that's how I remember it. 😄)

26. The first book I remember loving: Ella Enchanted... it is a retelling of Cinderella, but don't judge a book by its movie because the book is so much better. 

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27. Continuing my book theme- Favorite author (besides God), Kate Morton, Jane Austen. I have liked Susanna Kearsley, Fredrik Backman, Ann Vosscamp, and others. 

28. If I could meet a fictional character: Emma M. Lion, Katniss Everdeen (though she would probably think I was weak), Mr. Knightley. 

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29. Submitted by a friend: What is your favorite book from the last 10 years? This is hard to answer... 1) because I can't remember every book I have read over the last 10 years, and 2) it is hard for me to choose a favorite. 

Audio Book: Homecoming by Kate Morton, because it is narrated by Claire Foy, and she has a really great voice.  

Christian non-fiction: Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund, The Broken Way by Ann Vosskamp, Seeking Allah Finding Jesus by Nabeel Qureshi. 

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Fiction: hmmm? That is hard. 

30. Favorite books of the Bible (if you are allowed to have favorites): John, Ephesians, Deuteronomy, Psalms (I mean, it just covers the wide range of emotions). 

31. What Bible verse has shaped your life most? Can I list a few? 

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. - Ephesians 2:10 (NJKV)

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. -2 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

And what does the LORD require of you, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God? - Micah 6:8b 

For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness. -Psalm 26:3 (ESV)

32. A favorite line from a TV show that I quote a lot:  "Life's tough. Get a helmet." - Boy Meets World. 

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Turing 40: 40 fun facts about me (part 3)

21. Submitted by my aunt: "Have you ever daydreamed about moving to Kansas?"

Sorry, I can't say that I have. Okay, maybe when I was a kid, and my cousin and I would play dress up and act out stories together — maybe then. In high school, I dreamt of becoming a writer in New York City, but I fell in love with Boston instead. And for a while, I dreamt about working at the Library of Congress, because the main building is so beautiful. But dreams have shifted. I am now fulfilling my dream of being used in God's kingdom, working with immigrants and refugees, and fulfilling a heart's desire to love on kids so they know they are loved — not only by me, but by God.

22. Submitted by my cousin: "Did you know about PLI before you moved to Houston?" 

Simple answer: "No."

Long answer: I moved to Houston to be closer to my family. I loved Boston, but every time I visited my sister and her family, it was getting harder to get back on the plane and leave them (my niece and nephews have me wrapped around their little fingers — and they know it). Also, at the time, I had a roommate who was taking amazing trips by herself and with her best friend, and I was getting a little envious — okay, a lot envious — because she lived so close to family that she spent her vacation time and money traveling. And I would love to travel.* So I moved to Houston.

The kids and I, the fall after I moved here

In the winter/early spring of 2020 (before the world fell apart), I joined a Bible study focused on sharing your faith — something I really struggle with. I had done some campus ministry in college, but most of my grad school and adult years were spent with people simply knowing I was a Christian and hoping that if they had questions, they would ask. I especially struggle to share my faith with those closest to me without getting on a soapbox, so I felt convicted to join. Through that Bible study, I heard about the nations in Houston. Did you know Houston is one of the most diverse cities in America? "Houston is the 2nd most diverse major American city in 2025"

After the Bible study ended, one of the group's leaders and I went for a walk. She was trying to pull me into another Bible study, gearing people up for overseas missions. I couldn't imagine doing that. 1) In my head, I thought overseas missions were for the "Super Christians." 2) I didn't have a specific people group my heart yearned to reach — I had a heart for children and vulnerable populations, but I hadn't found a people group I wanted to invest in. 3) And probably most importantly at the time: I had just moved to Houston to be close to my family. I told her as much, so she pivoted and told me about PLI. After about the third mention, I had to stop her and ask what those letters stood for — Prestige Learning Institute.

It was COVID, and I wasn't quite ready to leave my house, but by January 2021, I was done with my life being just working from home, going for walks, and watching TV. I needed to do something. I looked up PLI again, applied to volunteer, and got completely sucked into the After-School Program 😃.

When the world opened up a little more, I started looking for full-time work — but I didn't want a full-time job that would take me away from the kids I had come to love. Around that time, one of the women I'd connected with noticed that PLI had an admin position open. I applied, and my now-friend in HR pointed me toward a communications position in development — but it required support raising. As an introvert who wrestles with insecurity, that gave me serious pause. I brought it up with my therapist, and she asked, "Would you do it if it wasn't for the support raising?" I said yes. And I think that was my answer. So I applied — and that's what brought me to PLI. I'm sure there are more details I'm leaving out.

*If I could do anything (other than what I'm doing right now), I would turn this blog into a travel/Bible study/lifestyle blog and somehow make enough money from it to live, save, and get by. Not that money is a driving factor — but enough is enough.

23.  If I had a superpower, it would be: teleporting or speaking any language. 

24. TV series I have watched all the way through more than once: Gilmore Girls, MASH, The West Wing, Ugly Betty, Downton Abbey, The Office, Parks & Rec, Crash Landing on You.

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📖 Psalm 8: How Excellent Is Your Name

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Dear Lovely Readers,

I don't know how many times I have said it on here, but one of my dreams is to use this blog as a Bible study that maybe one day will become a book (dream upon dream) — but if I don't start somewhere, I will probably never start. So here I go.

First, let me explain that I go through something like a Discovery Bible Study (DBS) (to learn more, click here). In this, I go through questions:

1. What does it say? Or what happened? Who, when, where?
2. What does it say about God? His character or His promises?
3. What stood out or made me question something?
4. What does it say about people/me?

I write out the verse, and if it's cross-referenced, I look it up. So it can take me days to go through a section, or weeks to go through a chapter… but I don't mind. I had a friend tell me once that it took her 10 years to do an inductive study of the whole Bible. And I figure the time is going to pass anyway, so I might as well use it to get deeper into the Word.

This post is dedicated to my boyfriend. A few days ago, I was really struggling, and I couldn't stop crying, so I called him and asked him to read a Psalm to me. He pulled out his favorite — Psalm 8 — and read it over me.

📖 The Passage: Psalm 8

v.1 — "O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth, who has set Your glory above the heavens."

v.2 — "Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, because of Your enemies, that You may silence the enemy and the avenger."

v.3 — "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have ordained..."

v.4–5 — "What is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, and You have crowned him with glory and honor."

v.6 — "You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet."

v.9 — "O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth!"

What Does It Say? (Observation)

Psalm 8 is a song of praise — a bookend psalm, opening and closing with the same declaration: "O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth." It begins and ends in worship, and everything in between is wonder. 

A quick note on the very first verse that stood out in my study: the first word is the divine name Yahweh. The second Hebrew word, translated "our Lord," carries the meaning of "Our Sovereign." So right from the start, David is not just praising a faraway deity — he is crying out to the God who is both transcendent (above all the heavens) and intimately personal (our Lord, our Sovereign).

Does it stop you, too — that He is both the God of the universe and somehow, personally, yours?

💖 What Does It Say About God?

God's glory surpasses the heavens (v.1). Cross-referencing with Psalm 148:13: "Let them praise the name of the LORD, for His name alone is exalted; His glory is above all the earth and heavens." And Psalm 113:4: "The LORD is high above all nations, His glory is above the heavens." His name and His glory are inseparable — and both are incomprehensibly vast. 

God uses the weak to silence the proud (v.2). The cross-references here are fascinating. In Matthew 21:16, Jesus quotes this very verse when the children are crying out "Hosanna" in the temple courts and the religious leaders are indignant. Jesus essentially says: Yes. This is exactly what this psalm is about. And 1 Corinthians 1:27 echoes it: "But God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things that are mighty." God doesn't need the powerful or the polished. He ordains praise from the mouths of babies. That's the kind of God He is.

And honestly, doesn't that just take the pressure off?

God is intimately attentive to human beings (v.4–5). This is perhaps the most stunning part of the psalm. David looks up at the stars — at the immeasurable expanse of creation — and asks: What is man, that You are mindful of him? The rhetorical question is meant to stun us. And it should. God created all of this, and yet He is mindful of us. He visits us. The Hebrew text of verse 5 reads: "You have made him to lack little of God" — human beings are made in His image, just a little less than the angels, and crowned with glory and honor. When is the last time you actually let yourself believe that about yourself?

What Stood Out or Made Me Question Something?

The note I wrote in my journal says it best: "The response to this rhetorical question creates stunned awe."

Man — made of the earth — starts out at the summit of God's creation. That's not arrogance; that's the biblical vision of human dignity. We were made for something. We were made like Someone.

And then there's verse 6, which pulled me into a cross-reference rabbit hole (the best kind): "You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet." (See also: Genesis 1:26, 28; 1 Corinthians 15:27; Ephesians 1:22; Hebrews 2:8.)

This is where Psalm 8 connects directly to something much bigger — to the story of Christ. In 1 Corinthians 15:27, Paul quotes this psalm and applies it to Jesus. Hebrews 2 does the same. The dominion given to humanity in Genesis, echoed in Psalm 8, finds its ultimate fulfillment in the Son of Man. Jesus is the one in whom all things are truly put under His feet. 

That thread — from Genesis to the Psalms to Paul — makes me sit on my bed with a cup of tea and just... wonder.

What Does It Say About Me?

I am seen. I am visited. I am crowned.

Not because I earned it. Not because I am impressive. But because He is, and He chose to make me in His image, to give me dignity, to set His attention on me.

On the day I called my boyfriend crying, I didn't feel crowned. I felt like the dust I'm made of. And he read me this psalm. And somewhere in "O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is Your name" — I remembered that the God whose glory is above the heavens also bends down to be our Lord. My Lord.

That's the whole psalm in a breath: He is infinitely great, and He is intimately ours.

🙏 A Prayer to Close

Thank You, Lord, for Your authority, and for the authority You have given me. Lord, I am sorry if I have ever abused or misused it. You are holy, righteous, and good. You love wholeheartedly. You are my God, and I don't want dominion if You are not leading.

Amen.

🔎 Cross-references used in this study: Psalm 148:13; Psalm 113:4; Psalm 111:2; Psalm 44:16; Genesis 1:26, 28; Matthew 21:16; 1 Corinthians 1:27; 1 Corinthians 15:27; Ephesians 1:22; Hebrews 2:6–8; Job 7:17–18; Job 10:12

Can you sit with that for a second — that the God who made the stars is mindful of you, specifically?

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Turning 40: 40 Fun and Personal Facts About Me (part 1)

Dear Lovely Reader, 

It is now May... which is my birthday month. And as I am turning 40, I thought I would share 40 random facts/stories about me!

1. Born in Oklahoma City

One of my favorites from childhood 

2. Favorite drinks: tea, vanilla latte, Dr. Pepper

3. Favorite foods: Chinese, Italian, Pizza (though my doctor told me with some liver issues I have to go Gluten light -- not sure exactly what that means). 

4. Least favorite foods: eggs, seafood, cilantro (yes, I am one of those people that it tastes like soap) 

5. I have lived in 3 out of the 4 continental U.S. time zones, and have yet to live in the Mountain Time Zone. At one point, I thought about retiring to New Mexico (and while that still might happen... God can do mysterious things), but I think right now I want to retire in one of the Carolinas. Also, I have thoughts about getting a property (currently have no idea how to buy one), building a tiny home, another tiny home for a library and writing work area, and a third or fourth for ministry workers to come and rest. 

I don't know if this truly counts as a tiny home, but it is cute
Though not sure about the salmon color
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I currently reside in Houston. But I was born in Oklahoma City, then when I was 10 going on 11, my mom and I moved to the west coast, first living outside of Seattle for 2 years, then we (with my stepdad) moved to outside San Francisco, and for college I moved to Boston. I attended Suffolk University for undergrad and Simmons College (now Simmons University) for grad school. 

From my prom... I still love that dress

6. First concert saw (without parents): *NSYNC. Can't remember the first concert I saw. My mom worked at a college when I was growing up, and we frequently went to jazz performances, but when we lived in Seattle, we saw Bette Midler and Billy Joel, just not sure which one was first.  

7. First CD owned: Spice World, my Grandma PJ accidentally bought me the Spice Girls' second album. 

8. First Broadway Musical (On Broadway): Annie Get Your Gun with Bernadette Peters. I grew up watching musicals from Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, My Fair Lady, Gigi, White Christmas, and others. But seeing a musical on stage was very cool, but I remember thinking how small the theaters were in New York compared to those I had been to on the West Coast. First live musical (Off-Broadway) — my mom might have to correct me, but I believe it was The King and I. But I do remember once in one of the college plays we saw Our Town. 

9. Favorite childhood memory: playing dress up with a friend or cousins and sister

See, this is the level of dress-up I am talking about.
Yep, this is my grandparents' (probably) 1960's kitchen

More to come... 

If God is with you... (part 2)

Hello faithful readers,

In the first part of this reflection, I lingered in Gideon’s encounter with God, the questions, the hesitation, and the quiet reassurance of God’s presence. But as I sat with the story longer, I began to realize something: Gideon’s questions sound a lot like my own. 

For part one, click here. 

Part one

From this study, I noticed twice that God promised to be with Gideon. And this is not a promise limited to Gideon. God makes this promise in Exodus, Joshua, it is the last verse in Matthew... “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (28:20), Jesus is also called Emmanuel, which means “God with us,” and “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us...” (John 1:4).

Also, I noticed how much I am like Gideon:

1) In asking God, why has all this happened? And yet I know (sometimes) the mess I am walking through is because of the mistakes, the sins I have done—I know God forgives and redeems, like God pulled the Israelites out of the hands of the Midianites, but also you have to deal with the mess (the consequences of sin). Gideon asks the Angel, “Where are all His miracles which our fathers told us about...” And I feel kind of blatantly put God on trial, saying “But now the LORD has forsaken us...” (v.13) And maybe it is not an accusation but a cry of his heart?

How many times have I felt forsaken? And I just have to cling to the promise that God does not abandon or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6, 8; Joshua 1:5; 1 Chronicles 28:20; and Hebrews 13:5). But then sit there and wonder if those words are true, and cry out again.

2) Gideon saying, “If I have now found favor in your sight, then show me a sign...” How many times have I wondered if I have favor with God? Am I worthy of asking for anything when I’m sure I fail a thousand times (a day)?  

But even in that, I have God’s assurances, “And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it” (John 14:13,14). I am not a name-and-claim-it kind of person, because there are passages that speak of asking according to His will. But in time of wondering, my dad sent me a card with the verse 1 John 5:14 written on it.

-Now this is the confidence we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  

3)Do I ask for signs? And am I confident that He will do the signs (if necessary)? If He does sign, do I recognize them, or like Gideon, do I ask for one more sign?

Wrapping this up, I will say in verse 34 it says, “But the Spirit of the LORD came upon Gideon...” Even in Gideon's flaws, God still gives him His presence.

I am reassured by verses like this and others that God grants me His presence.

-I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in Him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

-in whom you are also being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit. (Ephesians 2:22)

-But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. (1 Peter 2:21)

As I close this reflection, these are the questions I’m still sitting with:

• Where am I asking God for reassurance, even after He has already spoken?

• What promises of God am I struggling to believe right now?

• And maybe the question isn’t whether God is present, but whether I am willing to trust Him when He is? 

• Curious if you are brave enough to answer, where do you see yourself in Gideon’s story?

A terebinth tree

I guess this is how I imagine a terebinth tree in Israel, being this shady place to rest in the cool of the day, and since God would know where to meet us in the shade and in the cool places, and as God is to be our rest maybe this is why He hangs out in the terebinth trees to reveal Himself in the Old Testament.

If God Is With You… Why Does It Feel Like This?

Hello faithful readers, 

As I have said, one of my goals in life and with this blog is to write a Bible study... for this perfectionist, that is a big undertaking. Like, who am I to write a study? Where would I start? Am I even qualified? Well, after thinking, overthinking, and rethinking about it (a common habit of mine), I finally sat down and wrote one (well 2 blog posts), but I hope to write more.

Thanks for your support! 

Gideon with an angel... I'm assuming consuming the rock with fire

I have been going through a time of questions, and late in 2025 and earlier this year, I felt my prayers were going no further than the pages of my journal. I was left wondering, “Where is God?” “What does He desire?” And “Does He actually hear me?” This brings me to the story of Gideon (Judges 6).

The Angel of the Lord comes and sits down under the terebinth tree (v.11).* And the Angel says to Gideon, “The Lord is with you, mighty man of valor.” I highlighted that in green because it is a promise, and I wrote a “W” next to it, to remind me when God says He is with us. And Gideon asks if the Lord is with us, then why has all this happened?

The “all” he is referring to is that the Midianites have attacked and oppressed the people. It seems kind of a funny question because in verse 1, it is stated, “Then the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD. So the LORD delivered them into the hands of Midian. But God promised the Israelites in Deuteronomy 28:

-The Lord will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give rain to your land in its season, and to bless all the work of your hand...And the LORD will make you the head and not the tail; you shall be above only, and not be beneath, if you heed the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and are careful to observe them (v.12,13).

-But it shall come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you (v.15)

Now I am going to go out on a limb and say that with the Israelites doing evil in the sight of the Lord, they were not doing as God commanded. So God was punishing them — or, as I like to think of it, correcting them so they would turn back to God.

In verse 14, the NKJV states, “The LORD turned to him,” (not the angel but the LORD) and says, “Go in the might of yours, and you shall save Israel from the Midianites. Have I not sent you?” I highlighted that in green too.

Then Gideon says, “If now I have found favor in Your sight, then show me a sign it is You who talk to me.” (v. 17). If you know the story of Gideon, he is famous or infamous for asking God three times about the fleece, whether it would be wet or dry (v.36-40). This is not that part of the story. Here, Gideon prepares a young goat and unleavened bread, puts the broth in a pot, and sets them under the terebinth trees. The Angel of God tells him to take the food, put it on a rock, and from the Angel’s staff he touched the meat and the bread, and fire rises out and consumes it, then the Angel departs (v. 19-21). Now Gideon realizes he has seen an Angel of the LORD face to face (v.22). Then the LORD said to Him, “Peace be to you; do not fear, you shall not die.” (And yes, I highlighted that in green too). And Gideon builds an altar and calls it THE-LORD-IS-Peace. (YHWH Shalom)” (v.23,24). 

Gideon’s story doesn’t end with answers; it begins with a question: Is God really with me?

In Part 2, I want to explore why I see myself so clearly in Gideon, and how God meets us when our faith wavers, our confidence is thin, and our questions feel unanswered.

*Side note: Someone could probably write a whole Old Testament study on terebinth trees; they seem to be very important. The Lord appears to Abram by the terebinth tree in his tent (Genesis 18). And Isaiah compares Israel to a terebinth, as from Israel’s stump, God would produce a holy seed (6:13). 

A terebinth tree 

As I was looking for the above picture found a quick YouTube video about terebinth trees

... then the sun came out

 Hello faithful readers,

In my last post (click here to read), I shared a glimpse of my struggle, how disconnected from life I’ve been feeling. I’ve also shared more with some of the prayerful women in my life (I’m sure I have prayerful men too; I’m just usually better at sharing my heart with women). Along with the disconnect, I’ve been wrestling with familiar fears: that I am unworthy of love, unlovable, a burden, or that I will always be alone. These are lies I’ve battled on and off for years. Most of the time, I can keep them at bay, but lately they’ve been loud.

I’ve also felt as though my prayers only reach as far as the journal page on which I write them.

And yet, I’ve actively tried to remind myself of the gospel: God who created the whole universe, wants a relationship with me, not because I am great, but because He created me and loved me, and proved His love by sending His Son (Hello Christmas!) who lived perfectly and on mision to restore people to His kingdom, died as the innocent lamb of God in my place, conquering death for me, and covering me by His blood, for me to have a relationship with Him, and rose from the dead so I no longer have face eternal death.*

I’ve prayed through the Psalms of Lament (Psalm 5) and the Psalms of Praise (Psalm 16). Still, my prayers felt as though they had little impact, and I continued to feel blocked.

If you’re an imagery person, it feels like I’m surrounded by ghostly figures. I can see through them, but they block my vision from truly reaching God or seeing what God desires for me.

One of my prayerful friends sent me a clip of Josh Howerton from Lake Pointe Church, sharing the story of Corrie ten Boom and her sister thanking God for the fleas. Yesterday (12/15), I tried that—thanking God for the “fleas” in my own life.

"Thank you for this low, distant feeling that keeps pressing me deeper into You.

Thank you for Your glory, hope, and strength.

…

Holy Spirit, search my heart.

Give my heart a new song of praise.

Lord, I know You hear my prayers, and that they are not stopping at the pages of this journal. You have me. You know my life. You love me, and You are faithful.

You are glorious, righteous, and secure.

…

You hold my heart.

Thank You, O God, that You hold my heart.

Thank You, O Lord, that my life is in Your hands— my future, anything romantic, finances, any mountains that come my way, any valleys that seek to hold me down, any work, all work for Your kingdom.

…

Thank You, Lord, that this moment, this season, and this earth are not the end-all, be-all of life. I have a home in heaven. One day, I will honestly sit on Your lap, hear Your whispers of love, and worship You face-to-face. While I long for that day, let me be of use. May I keep saying, “Here I am, Lord. Use me.”

Now to the moment that inspired the title of this post.

On Sunday, as part of my job, we hosted a large outing for our clients at a Christmas tree farm. It was a cold and windy day (in New England, it would’ve felt like a great December day). Sometimes our clients won’t attend ESL class if it’s cold, so I prayed that the sun would come out—that they would have a good day and hear loving truth.

About 10–20 minutes later, I was talking with a volunteer when my boss came up to me and said, “God heard your prayer.” Honestly, I had forgotten what I had prayed and asked, “What?” He reminded me that I had asked for the sun, and it came.

I’m not saying that everything suddenly feels better, or that I’m no longer struggling. But I wanted to share the renewed confidence I have in God. He is my hope, my anchor, and most days my sanity.

What “small answered prayer” might God be using to remind you today that He is near?

*I know that was one long run-on sentence. If you have questions, let me know. 

Searching for Joy in a Season That Should Be Bright

Hello faithful readers, 

The “cold” has finally reached Houston, and honestly, I’m delighted. I’d be happy if it stuck around for three more months! Of course, in true Houston fashion, by the time I finished typing this newsletter, we were already back in the 70s, which I suppose is still better than the 80s in December.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and are feeling the joy and anticipation of Christmas drawing near.

Over Thanksgiving break, I loved the extra sleep and slower pace, and I’m hoping Christmas brings more moments of rest and time with family. But I’ll be honest—lately my heart has felt a bit distant from the thankfulness and joy that usually come so easily this time of year. It feels like I’ve misplaced some of the “magic” I used to sense as a child. More deeply, I’ve felt somewhat disconnected from life, though I can’t quite pinpoint why.

This morning (12/5), during my quiet time, I wrote:

“I want to feel connected to life. I want to be done with this half-life. I long for joy, hope, security, peace, completeness… not out of doubt, but because something feels missing.

I am struggling.

What is it?

Lord, is it You I’m missing?

Lord, I have You—You are my Savior. How much I need You. You are my hope, my security, my sanity. I’d be nothing without You. You created the heavens and the earth… and somehow decided the world needed me, too. You sent Your Son to live, die, and rise again so that all who call You Lord would have life in You.

Thank You—though these words barely feel adequate.

Lord, You are gracious, loving, trustworthy, and complete. You go before me and behind me.

I have You, but I need You more. I’m asking for Your wisdom, Your joy, and everything You desire to give me on this side of heaven.

Lord, capture my heart.

What do You desire from me, in me, and through me?
What do You want to teach me?”*

As I wrote, the lyrics of “In Christ Alone my hope is found” came to mind, and I prayed that those words would be more deeply true of my life.

I’m not entirely sure how to wrap up this blog post except to say: would you join me in that prayer?

Thank you, truly. And here’s to the cold weather lingering a little longer… and to the hope that God is already warming the places in my heart that feel a bit chilled.

Holding onto grace. *

*I feel the need to say the em dashes were not Chat GPT but how I actually wrote my prayers

From Pumpkin Spice to Prayer Time: A Little About Me

 Hello, lovely readers,

I enjoyed revamping my “About Me” page so much that I wanted to extend it into a post. As I was trying to come up with ideas for my “About Me” page, I searched the internet for good get-to-know-you questions, so here are a few of my answers (maybe I’ll add more later).

What is something that always makes you feel at home?
In my life, I have moved about 10 times, sometimes across the country, more often from dorm to apartment, to another apartment. But I feel settled at home when I have my books and pictures hung up. In particular, pictures of my niece and nephews, as well as my two Degas prints, which I’ve had since I was a little girl (when I thought I was going to be a ballerina). My dad bought them for me, and I am not exactly sure what he said, but I remember him telling me that when I saw them, I knew I was at home. And when I moved into my first apartment, he brought these to me. I think besides my panda stuffed animal (that I got when I was 1ish, or so I’ve been told).

Coffee order or go-to drink order?
I’m not a pure coffee drinker; I need a lot of cream and sugar to enjoy it. I drink tea, and I’ve found one that I can take without sugar [plug for Blue Lady Zest Tea]. But I would never say no to a vanilla latte, maybe with a bit of cinnamon (or a Pumpkin Spice Latte).

What Bible verse is anchoring you lately?

What’s one fear or insecurity you have to surrender to Him?
There are two things: One is my finances — not that I’m struggling to make ends meet —but a huge part of my job is support raising (which I discuss more in my newsletters). But sometimes I am disappointed, I am not where I wish I was. One reason I moved to Houston was that I didn’t want to spend my vacation time and money on travel, and I haven’t traveled as much as I'd like. Also, I wish I had more set aside in my savings (I’m sure that's everyone), but I am focused more on paying off my student loans. And in doing support raising, I feel it attacks my insecurities.

Two: A desire for a relationship. A BIG desire of my heart is to be in a relationship, get married, and be seen and known for who I am. In that, I surrender my sense of security.

Actually, I am going through a Bible Study on the theme of submitting, can’t wait to share more on that.

What inspired you to restart this blog?
I am more of a written processor than a verbal processor, but I do want to share my life and thoughts with others. Also, I would one day love to write a Bible Study, and as I ponder this, this is the outreach I have.

How do you stay grounded when life feels busy or heavy?

• My quiet time, as mentioned on my “About Me” page, is sleeping in and having a long, quiet time (about 2 hrs) with a good cup of tea.
• Music: while I like an eclectic mix, it depends on my mood; I find it grounding.
• When stressed at work, I like to step outside for a Vitamin D break.
• Going on walks
• Or private dance party

Early bird or night owl?

If I could sleep late, I would be a night owl, so probably a mid-day magellanic peguin (I’m not sure that is a term, but penguins are one of my favorite animals).

Speaking of favorites:

Favorite drink- tea, vanilla lattes, sun joys aka Arnold Palmers, Dr. Pepper

Favorite food- Chinese or Italian

Favorite snack- granola bar, goldfish crackers

Favorite fast food- Chick-fil-A, Whataburger, MOD Pizza, and if I am back in Oklahoma, Braum’s

Favorite book- not sure. My favorite living author- Kate Morton

Favorite type of books - usually ones with a dual plotline where the past and present are interwined.

Favorite books in the Bible- Deuteronomy,  Ruth, Psalms (if it is not too cliche to say), Luke, John, Romans, Ephesians, and Hebrews. 

 
Favorite movie- Ever After, Clueless, Pride & Prejudice (1995), Bride and Prejudice, Sound of Music, most Marvel movies, Tangled, Muppets Christmas Carol, While You Were Sleeping, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Roman Holiday, (and more)

Favorite song- changes moment by moment

Favorite place to relax- my bed

Favorite hobby- writing

Favorite animal- Sea otter, giraffe, elephant, penguin, and koala bear

Favorite thing to do before bed: sipping sleepy-time tea and scrolling YouTube —should be praying, and reading a book. 

Hello Again!

 Hello, lovely readers,

I have not sat down and looked at this blog in over 9 years. The two biggest pieces of news since then are that I have moved from Boston to Houston and that I have been working at a faith-based nonprofit serving the immigrant and refugee community in Southwest Houston for over 4 years.

I will try not to do shop talk here, but it will bleed in as I am restarting this blog. I want to discuss my faith, my life, and all the randomness.

Despite what this blog shows, I have always liked writing since I was a kid. I used to fill (or half-fill) notebooks. I really started journaling in eighth grade and haven’t stopped, though now my prayers are filled with prayers and personal Bible study reflections. My love of blogging really began in middle and high school, when I would send long emails with updates about my life. My Grandpa once said, “Once you got through the list of sent emails (because I didn’t know about bcc back then), they were nice to read.” Then I started an Xanga page and then moved to Blogspot. I think I am more of an internal written processor, but I have a desire to share my thoughts with the world. And now, in my job as Communications Coordinator, I get to write both organizational and personal emails.

So why am I getting back into blogging?

I took a short sabbatical back in July and was encouraged to reflect on what gives me life. Writing. I will always come back to writing, being in God’s word, a good cup of tea, and being with people (but as a quiet introvert, it is a certain number of people within a safe place for me). Also, at that time, I thought about how I would one day like to write a Bible study... though I am not sure what that will look like.* So I am coming back to blogging to share my prayers, things on my heart as I go through my personal study, and maybe other things (I love books, TV, and movies). So that is what I hope to write about here.

So, here’s to a fresh start—dusting off this corner of the internet and seeing where it goes. I’m trusting that God will use this space for His glory and, maybe, even to encourage someone who stumbles upon it. This is a work in progress (as most things in life), so there will be a few tweaks here and there. Hope you stay tuned to see what comes next.

May the grace of God go with you till I see you again. 

What happened to January?

Hello Lovely Readers,

I did not mean to ignore you for the last half of January... I feel like I spent most of January settling into a new year and then without even realizing it half the month had gone by and I was spending most of my days in jury duty (the case is over now so I can, I just don't want to talk about it). Up until now while I have been called 4 times but this is my first time serving and my only knowledge of jury duty was 12 Angry Men with Henry Fonda and Runaway Jury (both book and movie) and both these were far from the realities. My own personal take away is 1) I am surprised listening to a case for about 4 hours a day can be very mentally draining and 2) I am surprised at how (for the most part) we all agreed we wanted to give the plaintiff money but yet we still had very different feelings on it.

{Twelve Angry Men}

I didn't want you all to think I have forgotten about you because I haven't. Lately I have been feeling mentally stuck and it is leaking into a lot of aspects of my life. I don't really want to go into the reasons why I am stuck on social media and all that (sorry). One of the major aspects in my life that have been affected by this mental stuck-ness is my walk with God. I have spent pages and pages in my prayer journal moaning and complaining about what is going on. (God is probably getting sick of it).  Awhile ago my friend shared with me that she was reading verses on God's faithfulness and God's promises. Let me just say she is going through harder times than I am and she seemed way more positive and encouraged than I could be. So I thought reading passages on faith and faithfulness might help... I realize I need to have more faith in God that He will get me through this time and He is faithful towards me (even when I am not always faithful to Him). I have a Life Application Bible which a nice topical index in the back and it has little notes that help the reader understand how to apply it their lives (I call them cliff notes)... so I have been going through passages that talk about faith.

Through this study I came across a passage in 2 Kings 7 that had a cliff note that said- "Sometimes we become so preoccupied with the problems when we should be looking for opportunities. Instead of focusing on the negatives, develop an attitude of expectancy. To say that God cannot rescue someone or that a situation is impossible demonstrates lack of faith."*

I am still no sure what it means to "develop an attitude of expectancy" if you do please give me some guidance. However, the next night  I wrote in my prayers... Lord you have blessed my life so much. Lord I have a job, I have a warm apartment, I have my volunteer work, I have Reunion (my church), and my family. Lord I am so thankful for all the blessings I have. Lord you have provided for me this much and I know you will continue to provide for me. Lord help me to change my attitude to focus on your goodness and await with expectation. Lord I know you are are going to do something amazing. Lord you have done something amazing, you sent your son to this earth, you created this earth, you created me and you call me child and beloved. You gave up your life so I may have eternal life in you, Lord only you who are truly perfect could save the world. Oh Lord my God you are master and creator, you are hope beyond hope. You are abundant in love and mercy. Your grace and love know no bounds. Your timing, your will, and plans are perfect.

Lord I do pray for your help. Oh Lord, for I know I can spout these words and I know I can really want to mean to mean them but I feel my so little reflects that. I feel I keep burying myself in negatives and sorrow. Oh my Lord my God, forgive me for my doubts, forgive me for my lack of faith. Lord I am weak and I stumble. Lord I so desperately want to live in your glory and to succeed in following you but it is to do that. I feel loss and sometimes hopeless. I question oh Lord my purpose and my reason for being here. My mind and focus are lost. Lord help me to cling to you or I know you have a plan and purpose for my life. Lord, I am sorry I dwell so much in negativity when you oh God are so wonderful. 

I know in one little prayer I do not have this all down. Staying negative is easy because it puts no effort into trying to find the good in the situation and it allows me to focus on myself. At my church we had a message on generosity (not just with our money) and the more I talked about the more I realized generosity comes from a place of gratefulness. How grateful can I be if I just sink in negative thinking? And if I can't be grateful for what I have, how can I demonstrate God's hope and security that I know He gives to me? So I am trying. I am trying to change my mindset and know that God is in control and that He has great plans for me and look forward to what is coming.

As I was writing this post a short song came on my shuffle with the lyrics -"Hope means holding on to you, Grace means you're hold me too," I thought this was applicable for this topic so I wanted to share it with you...

Song: Painted Red

By: JJ Heller

Link

I don't really have a conclusion for this post...just I want to keep trying.

*- Life Application Study Bible: New International Version, Zondervan, 1991. 

A Mostly Picture Update

Hello Lovely Readers,

I hope this New Years is finding you well... I know its only been six days but if you are like me you are still writing 2015 and then doing your best to make the 5 look like a 6. A few of my last post have been about movies, books, and favorite Christmas songs so I thought it was time for a little update on my life. 

Cherishing

I know Christmas is behind us but I am still replaying the moments I had with my family...

 A morning selfie of my nephew and I (he loves me even if it doesn't look like he does in this picture)
... he is showing signs of having red hair so I call him "little ginger man"

This is us at the park... notice the short sleeves, yeah Christmas in Houston is hot and humid

Playing with my niece and nephew... they invented the game "Squish Attack Aunt Blaire"

Helping my "little ginger man" open his first Christmas gift from me... Yep its a book

Books was unintentionally my theme for gifts

So even though the weather did not feel like Christmas with the family and the kids it was very Christmas-y

Speaking of books...

Reading

I am currently re-reading Mansfield Park and it quickly topping my list of favorite Jane Austen novels. Emma and Sense and Sensibility are at the top of my list but this one is joining the ranks. It is not the typical Austen novel because Fanny Price is not like her other heroines who speak their minds or stand up for themselves... no Fanny spends most of the time sitting around and thinking about the people around her, she is also often ignored by her family, and she seems okay with this because she doesn't want attention. The very first time I read this I couldn't finish it because she was so quiet and so mousy that I couldn't stand Fanny Price... now with age I have begun to love her.

Great article "In Defense of Fanny Price" {link}

If you are looking for a modern update of Mansfield Park I recommend the YouTube Series "From Mansfield with Love" (link to channel)

Here is a short trailer:

It is told as a video letter from Franks (Fanny) Price to her brother who is in the navy (or something like that) and she is recording her life for him. Thus far I have enjoyed these YouTube series updates on classic literature... so good job media specialist on keeping us in love with classic stories.

Writing

With my progress in NaNoWriMo (I got to 35,000 words) I was able to finish the first part of my story and made a good start on part 2... so I am eagerly making progress on it. After November, I didn't get much writing done, and while I was away for Christmas I didn't get any writing done (I did do some minimal editing on the plane rides). That's okay, as my friend reminds me I am doing this for myself... and while I would one day love to be published I am not on any deadline. Though I do have the goal of finishing the rough draft this story and get to the editing process. Though sometimes after writing a scene I think "Oh this would be much better someplace else" so my outline has gotten a bit of editing to it... and I think I might have to go back and re-write some scenes. Oh well... I love this process and enjoying the moments.

{pic}

 Watching

 I don't have a lot of prime time shows I am watching right now. But New Year's weekend was a good TV/ Movie weekend for me.

{pic}

My friend and I went to go see Star Wars ep. 7 on New Year's day and then I watched the Sherlock "The Abominable Bride" episode. I don't want to give away any spoilers on either one of these things but I thought both were great... obviously for different reasons.

{pic}

Also this weekend was special as it was the premier of Downton Abbey season 6.

Uh once again I don't want to give out any spoilers but the scenes between Mr. Carson. Mrs. Hughes, and Mrs. Patmore were my favorite. 

{Scenes from ep.1}

 Also over Christmas the show When Calls the Heart, also released their special episode. 

When Calls the Heart, is probably one of my guilty pleasures but I don't care it is a cheesy Hallmark Channel on the frontier period drama.

{pic}

Needless to say my fangirl heart was very happy over New Years.

Usually I end these updates with a YouTube video I have recently discovered... and I don't want to break with tradition.

Link 

Song: "Hello" by Adele (cover)

Clips: Gilmore Girls- Rory and Jess

I think this song is actually quite fitting for their relationship and as the cover is sung by man, I think it tells the story from Jess's perspective.

I am eagerly awaiting for the release of the Netflix reunion episodes that last time I checked were to begin being filmed this year. YEAH!

Hope you have a good day.