Thursday, December 5, 2013

Faith is bigger...

My friend and I on Thanksgiving

In my last post I couldn't believe it was Thanksgiving and now I can't believe it is December, however I am very much look forward to going home for Christmas (I always look forward to that).

A few years back I did a study on the word "hope" and what it meant when I say "I hope in the Lord."Well lately I have been questioning my faith, I don't mean to I don't have faith, but just questioning what it means to say the word "faith" or "I have faith." Faith is such a small word for all the meaning it has.At the heart of the word faith is believing in something we can't see or in our limited view understand. Last year my co-worker asked me "why do you believe in God?" and I answered "at the end of the day He is the only one  that make sense." Since then I have though how many time God (from my very limited perspective) doesn't make sense, like I can't understand why natural disasters happen, or why there are diseases that can't be cured. So sometimes God doesn't make sense. If I say that does that mean I doubt God? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I am not expecting God to make sense from my view point. So maybe at the end of the day I don't have faith because He is the only one that make sense, but because He is the only one that has kept my life together.

Let me go back and explain... Have you ever felt you got everything together? That you are in control and things are going well. I usually feel this when I have been good in my bible study, strong in having spiritual conversations and I feel I can sit back and cruise, and for a little bit... just enjoy life. Well that is when I start to falter because when I feel I can cruise problems erupt (okay that might be an exaggeration), but I do have a feeling things are falling apart. I have used the analogy of first swimming along just fine, then feeling like I am treading water, then potentially drowning.

So back to faith, as I feel myself like I am treading water, I realize something is not right, and I know immediately I have tried to take control. Why do I do this? Because I am human with arrogance and pride. Depending on how much pride I have at the momen. I either keep treading or try to turn back to God. God is good about reminding me how small and weak I am without Him... to be honest I am okay that. Then He usually sorts things out, and I am saying my life gets better, but He reminds me who and what should be the true focus of my life. Who should be the focus? Is God. What should be the focus? Is His Will. I am not saying I understand all this over night, sometimes I spend months where I feel I am treading water and sometimes I feel I am trying to get back to God but I am blocked. It is not easy to let God break me down and let myself sink until I give up my ideas of control... but it is always worth it.

So why do I do this? More and more as I go through this journey of faith, that having faith in God is believing He will work it out... even if you are not sure what the "it" is. As I am wrapping up this semester and facing my last semester of school, the future is really looming over me. Right now my "it" is the future. I have faith in God because He is working out my future, He has had a plan for me (even before I was born) and I know His plan for me is perfect. In this His ideas of perfect and my ideas of perfect are different, but I know His ways are right and true. Therefore, I have to constantly remind myself to give up my control and give it to Him. I am learning more and more I have faith in God because He will never let me go and I am never on my own, He is always with me, He will always be with me, and I needn't worry because he is taking care of me.

Right now my life seems pretty up in the air as I pray and think about my future, but I am totally eager to see what God has planned for me. I will keep you posted on this journey.
Happy December!