Wednesday, February 20, 2013

In need of some light-heartedness

Dear Anne,

When I started writing these letters to you I made a promise to you that I would not write any "fluff" post but right now I need some "fluff." Lots of things in my life seem to be crumbling around me and I cannot think of how to phrase them all. But I didn't want to not write this week so if you will pardon me... I am going to write some fluff. 

Reading the book on the T.
I just got done reading my friend Katharine Grubb's book Falling for Your Madness, which I highly recommend as a great read on the beach over the summer or when you are stuck inside due to a blizzard or like me and just don't want to think about grad-school. I started it on Thursday afternoon and finished it by Sunday and I got swept up in the chivalry of the story. It is great to have such chivalrous character like David to fall for and you know me I am a sucker for a chivalrous hero. 

Any way this letter is not to write you a book report but I wanted to write that blurb so you understand this part. In one of their dinners they discuss what five things they love and five things they hate. I will only share my five loves in this letter (as I need some time to remember the good things in my life). 

my nephew wearing the T-shirt
I got him for Christmas
1. I am going to break David's rule of not saying my family... he thinks it is virtuous to say but doesn't say anything about us (p. 37). I am sorry but I think if you want to know me you must know I have a deep love of my family. They shape me so much and  while I am at least a thousand miles away from them they are a constant in my life. And lately I have seen how important they are for me as a support team in my life. But more specifically you have probably seen from my other letters I do have a sort of addiction to my niece and nephew. Last week I was feeling lonely so I made sure to spend some time with kids. I skyped with my sister and through that I drew pictures of princesses with my niece. Then on Friday I spent the afternoon with my best friend's baby. It was what I needed. So I love kids. 

2. I love getting lost in a good a book. Even though I am in grad-school I try to make time to read a fun book on the side. I love when a story can completely take me away from all that is going on in my life and I can disappear into another world. I usually find this true about historical fictions but last year I read the Hunger Games and could not put them down. 

3. My first cup of coffee. I sometimes get up, switch my coffee pot on, and then climb back in bed and wait for it to finish brewing. My first cup always wakes me up. The picture is of my favorite mug. My best friend gave it to me for Christmas and it is absolutely my favorite. This picture is not good but it says "Creative Fuel" and I love my days off when I can sip out of it and actually do some fun writing, which leads me to my number 4. 

4. Getting time to write. It doesn't happen much from going to grad-school, working, and doing life but I love when I find a few minutes to "work" on my story. I put the word work in "" because it is not really work it is a pleasure.  Like my getting lost in a good book I also like getting lost in  my own stories. 

5. Umm... last thing. This is hard because I feel there are many things I love. But I would say this city of Boston. Since the first time I came here I felt like this place was home. While, I love going back home to Oklahoma for the nostalgic aspects. I think Boston was the first place I ever felt like I truly fit in. And even in the cold I still love it here. I also feel God has blessed me here with my school, my friends I have made that have become a second family to me, my church, and most importantly my walk with Him.  
Boston gets more snow. 
Okay thanks for listening to my "fluff" it was good to write this down and remind myself all the goodness in my life. There are more than five things I love but I want to follow David's rule. 

- Blaire 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Waiting for one day

Dear Anne,

In my last letter I wrote about my obsessions and how I am obsessed with my niece and nephew. Over Christmas my step-mom told me that as much as I love H and E I will love my own kids a thousand times. I don't know how that is possible since I would give my life for them but I am sure I will love my kids more so. I am just so far away from having that in my life and sometimes it hurts. Lately me having a baby has been a trend. A couple of weeks ago I had a bad day at work and to get some peace I watched a video of H dancing around. I told my co-worker this and she said I just need to have a baby. Then I was talking to another co-worker and he said I would make such a good mom. As great as a compliment this is... it also hurts. I know I want to have a baby so bad but there are a few things I need first. The most important thing would be a husband and I am not even in a relationship. So I feel like having a baby is still leaps and bounds away from me. 

I know this might be kind of silly but sometimes when I see pregnant women I feel a little empty because I feel my body is not doing what it is suppose to. I know God's timing is perfect but this is the one area I doubt God. I feel God has put this desire in me to be a wife and mother but for some reason it is not happening to me. So I wonder if God really wants me to be a wife and mother and if He doesn't want me to fill this role what am I to do with my life? I know it is wrong for me to doubt God so I have to remind myself that God's will is perfect and I hope I am not clinging to my desires too much I am not letting Him have His way. 

I know I am in grad-school and it is silly for me to think about having family but I would seriously give it all up if it meant I could be a wife and mother. 

Just having a low a moment. Thanks for listening. 


Dear Anne,
Maybe someday

I wrote that top part when I was having a low moment but I didn't send it because it sounded like a "woe-is-me" letter so I am sorry for not writing sooner. After I had written the top part I have had some good quiet times. I am going to share parts of my prayers as I know you will be worried about my heart and I want to be completely honest with you. 

(from 2/7-2/9)
Dear Lord,
Oh Lord I am sorry for holding to this doubt I wrestle with. Lord I am your ways are better than my ways, I know your timing is perfect and complete. Lord I know all that but yet I question you. Lord I question if you really will provide me for me a husband and children. I know I look to that so much to much I let it define me too much. Lord I see that as my absolute fulfillment and you oh Lord are the only one who can truly fulfill me. Lord that I thank you for. 

Lord I know your will is perfect. I pray for patience. Lord I know as much as I want a relationship I am not ready for one. Lord I know I would put that first because I put that desire first. Lord I prepare my heart. Mold me to be what you desire. Lord I know your will is perfect and I know I hold on to the details too much. Lord help me let go of the details so I can cling to you...Lord I think what I need is a change of mindset. I feel if I submit to you, I think I won't get my family I have been longing for. And I see that as the ultimate fulfillment. The ultimate way to say "I am good enough". Lord you are the ultimate fulfillment help me to rely on you. Lord my God you have blessed me and I know letting go of this you will continue to bless me.

Lord my God help me submit to your ways. Help me be part of the change you desire. Lord my God I know your ways are perfect and I know your truths are abounding. I pray I keep steadfast in you. Lord mold me for how you long me to be. Oh Lord my God walk with me on this path.

I do not write this because I am strong I write this because I am weak and wrestling.

Yours faithfully,
Always the hopeful romantic

Sunday, February 10, 2013

We found Nemo.

As most of you know the North East was hit by the winter storm of Nemo over the weekend. I spent most of the weekend inside with my fun writing, my novel and Pinterest. I don't have a fancy smartphone so I could not take good pictures of the storm but when the storm stopped I got some pictures. 
This is the view outside of my window this weekend. I know it is an alley so not very pretty. 
Darcy enjoying watching the snow though most of her weekend was spent curled up on my bed, under the covers or on my lap. 
I took this one from my computer... she has gotten in the habit to curl up on the crook of my arm/shoulder as I type on lab top or read my book. Nothing will stop my cat from cuddling when she wants to. 

From my kitchen window. 

After spending all day Friday inside I did venture out of my apartment and this is what I found. 
I loved this truck. 

There is a car buried under there. 

The garden across the street from my apartment.

My street it is still un-shoveled and in some places the sidewalks are un-shoveled too so I walk in the middle of the street.  

 Just pictures of the snow...

I was probably out for 30 minutes before my toes were so frozen in my boots they were in pain so I went back to my cozy apartment. 

Then Sunday I had to leave my cozy apartment and go to the library to get some actually work done. 
The side walk I usually take to school
Minus the porter potty the field was actually rather pretty and I kind of felt like a scene from Little Women, where they are walking through the snow. I don't think I would like to walk through snow in their big dresses. I was finding it hard just to stay stable enough in my boots... I think with hoop skirts I would fall flat on my face.

The Fens all covered in snow

My school's sign. 
They actually did a good job cleaning off the main paths on our campus.. it is good Simmons is not that big. 
Then as I was leaving school I thought the sunset looked so pretty against the building... Sorry I don't think this picture conveys it 

A nice snow man in the field.

I thank you Nemo for coming because you gave me lots of time to relax but please don't come back. I am not a big snow fan.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Happy Birthday Grandpa!

I want to give a little shout out to my Grandpa on his birthday!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

So my story begins...

My life begins with a letter. Maybe I should say my life changed with a letter since I received the letter when I was twenty-three. My new life began with a letter.

My dearest hope,
If you doubt the words I spoke to you the other night, don't. I have made you the promise of my love and my devotion forever.

I have ordered us a simple state room on the Northern Star Liner, it leaves from Liverpool on Monday and we will sail to New York as man and wife. No one can stop us not even the King, I promise. If you love me meet me at the Euston Station for the 6:15 AM train to Liverpool. I will be waiting to take you into my arms and away from all things long ago. 

Believe me when I say, all my love,

So begins my story...
Somewhere I was told an author does not to share your work. It might have been when Norman Mailer was on Gilmore Girls and was talking to a reporter (picture above). He said he never talked about his work. I don't understand this. I mean I know I am not a real author and by that I mean I am not published (minus this blog). I don't know how not to share my writing... I love it so much and when you love something you want to share it. I mean If you follow me on pinterest you will see my love of Downton Abbey, Jane Austen, and other things. So why can't I share my writing? Besides this blog might be the only way I am ever published. I used to blog my story, the Sisters of Pine Haven, and it kept me motivated to finish. Then my friend told me a publisher would not touch my story if I kept it open for the public (that makes sense so I limited who could see the blog). Though I still long to share my writing. If I should never get published at least I would know the blogging world would see my story and know my passion. So I don't know what is better...

My new story starts in 1906, goes through WWI and then ends in the 1920's. The scene I shared is Kelby Gray (my hero) promising to take Esther Harrington (my heroine) away from their past. Then the story flashes back to summer of 1906 when the kids still have very idealistic views of the world but that all the ideals come crashing down during WWI. Marcus Harrington (oldest brother) is eager to fight but his father doesn't want him to go so he has to run away to join the military. Marcus' best friend Shane Gray comes with him and together they join up. After Shane is shot Marcus becomes a shell of his former self and is sent back home. Not long after the news of Shane's death Daphne (Esther's sister) marries Parker Welford (Lord Welford's son). This shocks Esther because she always knew Daphne loved Shane. This marriage pleases her mother as she knows it is good security. Some where in this Esther and Kelby fall in love which is not at all good because Kelby is the son of Lord Welford's cook and mother finds out. So now her mother sends her to London to stay with Daphne and Parker. In this time her mother promises Esther's hand to Lord Welford (Parker's father). Kelby and Esther know the only way they can be together is if they run away.

This is a story I have been playing through my head for a year or so and I really hope to finish this story. I have this brief outline but I am excited to see where the characters take me.

Found these images on Pinterest and thought they would be good settings for my story... 
Southerton Greens... The Harrington's home

Cranton Court... Lord Welford's home

Even if you guys don't know it this blog was a big support for me to finish my last story, which was a huge accomplishment for me. (It just needs to be edited and published... but I am working on it). So I wanted to share the starting point of this story. 

Thanks for your support. 

Monday, February 4, 2013

Starting over

Before you read this post read Note to Readers

My dear Anne,

So my dearest Anne, first of all let me tell you some things about myself. I am in grad-school and it is my last "traditional" semester of Grad school and in the fall I will be writing my thesis and doing a long internship. I am looking forward to doing research (as I actually find it fun) but I feel like I am trudging through this semester. It is like grad school senioritis. I'd rather be doing anything but my homework. Actually what I want to be doing is writing my own stories. I sometimes wished I had pursued creative writing instead... though maybe if I had pursued it in school I would not like it so much. Writing is my escape... but right now I feel like I want to escape a lot. Not that anything is seriously going on, I just don't want to be doing school work. I know school will soon be over and I will be able to write and read whatever I want (oh what a glorious day that will be).
Some other things about me that you should know are my obsessions. If you want to get close to me you should know I get very passionate and hold somethings close to my heart. I love being an aunt and probably might have a little unhealthy addicted to my niece and nephew. I don't think it is unhealthy but I am sure my friends/co-workers who I talk to do.
Some time being an auntie over Christmas
I am also a hopeful romantic. I not only love love stories but I have idealistic views of the ideas of chivalry and  men purely pursuing a woman. I think in that I have a deep love of historical fictions. I get very swept in the idealistic view I have of the past. As I mentioned in my post below I just love the idea of wearing fancy dresses, going to balls, and attending eloquent dinners. I think I want to crawl inside and live in a Jane Austen novel or Downton Abbey. Of course having read Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict... I know it is not so glamorous as  I think. Also Mary Crawley talked about how women don't have a life and that they are just stuck in the waiting room for marriage. So maybe the past is not as great as I imagine it to be but I still hold this idealistic view of the ages gone by.

Sometimes I think if I were to be a character in a Jane Austen or Downton Abbey-ish story I would think I would be an Edith (but nicer) or an Anne Elliot from Persuasion (maybe that is where I got your name). I am the middle daughter with both sisters married and I the useful aunt. I feel that is a role I could do well... if I wasn't a 1,000 miles away from my niece and nephew. I have tried writing a story like that but it seemed "too woe is me" so I didn't want to continue it. I think I am Elinor but I want the passion of Marianne but heck if I could get a man like Dan Stevens to marry me that would be great.
Dan Stevens as Edward Ferras
in the A&E version of Sense and Sensibility
I do think it is quite obvious that I have a love for the idea of love. As Carrie Bradshaw once said "a deep consuming, can't live with out you love" and that is what I seek after. So I will probably fill my letters with my hopeful romantic ideals and all that is entailed in that.

Besides my niece/nephew, grad-school, and my romantic ideals I will also use this time to write about my faith. To fill you in lately I have felt somewhat of a void in my life with grad-school, going home for Christmas and then having my mom visiting I could cover it up but then when things slowed down a bit I felt empty. As much as I felt I was keeping God in my life somehow I had floated away from Him. I don't think I was letting Him in to the real stuff and keeping our relationship at a very surface level. I am also trying to keep remind myself that no matter how I feel He is here with me. To do this I am trying to memorize scripture I did not do so well last week so my verse is the same...
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
-Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV 1984).

I think this has been a pretty good letter so I will let you go. Thank you for reading my letter Anne. Please write and tell me how you are doing.


P.S. I will write more and share with how my writing is coming along. Sharing my writing with you on my last story kept me quite motivated in finishing it. Thank you for your support.

Note to readers

Dear Readers,

I don't know who is actually reading my blog... but I am changing it. I have decided to write fictitious letters to a girl name Anne whenever I want to write about my life. I do not know why I decided to name my character Anne. But I have decided I have wanted to change my blog around a bit so now all my "Dear Readers" post I will write write to this Anne character. In some ways it seems more personal. I don't know if this makes sense but last night instead of falling asleep I was thinking about this blog and how I want to make it more personal more about my life and not just fluff (as I feel it has become). As I was thinking about it an idea came to my head that I should write these as letters. I have tried to be a pen pal once and I love the idea of writing long handed letters but it didn't last long. So I want to write letters. But instead of writing letters to this unknown group of readers(as I am not exactly sure who reads this) I decided to name my readers Anne. I don't think actually know any person named Anne so I am not writing to anyone in particular.

Hope you enjoy the letters,

My first letter to Anne {click here}