Things are up in the air

Hello Lovely Readers,

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It is Monday afternoon and for some reason it feels like a good reason to sit down and blog and I have plenty of thoughts but I can't seem to find the words so this post may not make much sense (sorry). It is the end of the March and supposedly the beginning of spring though we are expecting more snow this week.

First, I have posted in the past that this semester I am working on my thesis. It is not an easy process, I have had a mental set back as talking to my adviser she was not happy with my work, I have thought many times about quitting, and when people try to talk to me about my thesis (even though encouraging) I have shut down. I don't know what is going on but its been draining and I think people around me have noticed (at least my co-workers have). I feel I have gone from my usual "Leslie Knope-self" to feeling more like April Ludgate.

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Leslie vs. April

Well I am still not very talkative about my thesis most because it still is a bit overwhelming I have made some progress in the research... needless to say I am not going to get it done this semester and will be taking an extension with it and will be writing it and hopefully finishing it over the summer. So eventually I will have my masters but it is a long draining process.

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Second I have felt a little lack luster about life, I mean with me doing research all day in my apartment I consider the day a triumph if I get out of my PJs and in to yoga pants. Last semester my friends who work with GoCorps came to do a presentation about going into the Missions field for the next two years and I instantly sparked something in me and I was all gung-ho about applying for a teaching position in Northern Africa. But now I am not so sure...

I am not so sure if missions is right for me or what I should be doing with my life.

I feel there are a lot of doors open but instead of being able to decide what door to choose I just feel stuck. I also feel like just running away.

When I was a junior in high school, I suffered from minor depression,  I remember sitting in my Spanish Class (because it was my only class with windows), staring out across the San Francisco Bay and planning to go to Oakland, get on an Amtrak train and just go away. I thought somehow then that if I ran away all my problems would go away to. I sort of ran away. I found a college on the opposite side of the country from everything I had known and moved to Boston. Even though I was on the other side of the country the problems didn't disappear.

I remembering that now because I feel like running away. I don't know where I would go according to Buzzfeed quizzes I either belong in Cape Town, South Africa or China. If I could I think I would run away to England or Paris. Or crash on my sister's couch (if she would let me) and get in some necessary Auntie Blaire time. Sadly I can't just run away, I have responsibilities of rent, taking care of my cat, and other adult things.

So I feel I am just waiting for things to make sense. However I can't wait too long because here in Boston people are already looking for September leases and I don't know where I will be living yet. So yeah things are up in the air and I am just wanting to escape.

So things are pretty up in the air...

For some escapism
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Having just finished this post, I don't want you my lovely readers to think I am all "boo is me", I just sometimes feel writing out my thoughts is easier than actually saying them.