Lovelies for Monday

I know Mondays are not the best day so to hopefully make your day a little brighter here is a sweet song featuring one of my favorite shows... 

Song: Arms 

By: Christina Perri

Clips: Parks and Rec

I used to never spend anytime on YouTube. I had friends who would always ask me if I had seen a video and my response was "Is it on YouTube? Then No." But now I love YouTube, especially when I need a quick study break. I really appreciate these fan made videos.  

It is a beautiful song, I hope you like..

"Arms" 

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

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Working through some things

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I pinned this pin to my "A Novelist at Work" board on Pinterest because I think it is an interesting concept as an inspiring writer but in my personal life this quote has hit me...

I am struggling. This semester I am writing my thesis, well I am suppose to be writing my thesis... but I am not really motivated to do the research for it because right now the research seems like an overwhelming mountain that I will never be able to climb. Also 2 weeks ago my thesis adviser was discouraging. So I spent all last week sulking and watching The West Wing. I don't regret it because I needed some time to just do nothing... but now it is hard to get back up and do some work.

One of my favorite scenes from The West Wing

A lot of this week and weekend I have thought about giving up and just not doing it. I have a ll the credits to get just my Master's in Library Science, but unless I finish my thesis I will not be able to get my Master's in History and I would have felt that all this time would have been a waste. But giving up would be so easy.

Looking back on my life... I think I give up a lot, when things get tough. I mean I gave up soccer because one time a ball hit me in the stomach (I know I was 5 but I think this is a good pattern of things to come). 

Going back to the picture on the top... I think if I was an Austen heroine the short come would be my giving up when things got tough an then living with regret.

As for the man, she would write for me... I am not really thinking about that. However, I think what ever man comes into my life will have to be strong as I can be stubbornness. He will have to understand that when I am quiet and I don't want to talk that I am weak and he will have to know to just sit there and be with me. I think he will also have to encourage me to be my best and not let me give up on myself. But according to Buzzfeed.com,  I belong with Edward Ferras. Having always felt like an Eleanor... I am happy with this result. 

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Shy and sweet, Edward can give you a simple, happy life. You can count on him to do the right thing, even if it’s not always what he wants to do. While you might face hurdles on your road to Happily Ever After, it will all work out in the end.

Right now still working through some things. 

Faith is bigger...

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My friend and I on Thanksgiving

Hello,

In my last post I couldn't believe it was Thanksgiving and now I can't believe it is December, however I am very much look forward to going home for Christmas (I always look forward to that).

A few years back I did a study on the word "hope" and what it meant when I say "I hope in the Lord."Well lately I have been questioning my faith, I don't mean to I don't have faith, but just questioning what it means to say the word "faith" or "I have faith." Faith is such a small word for all the meaning it has.At the heart of the word faith is believing in something we can't see or in our limited view understand. Last year my co-worker asked me "why do you believe in God?" and I answered "at the end of the day He is the only one  that make sense." Since then I have though how many time God (from my very limited perspective) doesn't make sense, like I can't understand why natural disasters happen, or why there are diseases that can't be cured. So sometimes God doesn't make sense. If I say that does that mean I doubt God? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I am not expecting God to make sense from my view point. So maybe at the end of the day I don't have faith because He is the only one that make sense, but because He is the only one that has kept my life together.

Let me go back and explain... Have you ever felt you got everything together? That you are in control and things are going well. I usually feel this when I have been good in my bible study, strong in having spiritual conversations and I feel I can sit back and cruise, and for a little bit... just enjoy life. Well that is when I start to falter because when I feel I can cruise problems erupt (okay that might be an exaggeration), but I do have a feeling things are falling apart. I have used the analogy of first swimming along just fine, then feeling like I am treading water, then potentially drowning.

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So back to faith, as I feel myself like I am treading water, I realize something is not right, and I know immediately I have tried to take control. Why do I do this? Because I am human with arrogance and pride. Depending on how much pride I have at the momen. I either keep treading or try to turn back to God. God is good about reminding me how small and weak I am without Him... to be honest I am okay that. Then He usually sorts things out, and I am saying my life gets better, but He reminds me who and what should be the true focus of my life. Who should be the focus? Is God. What should be the focus? Is His Will. I am not saying I understand all this over night, sometimes I spend months where I feel I am treading water and sometimes I feel I am trying to get back to God but I am blocked. It is not easy to let God break me down and let myself sink until I give up my ideas of control... but it is always worth it.

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So why do I do this? More and more as I go through this journey of faith, that having faith in God is believing He will work it out... even if you are not sure what the "it" is. As I am wrapping up this semester and facing my last semester of school, the future is really looming over me. Right now my "it" is the future. I have faith in God because He is working out my future, He has had a plan for me (even before I was born) and I know His plan for me is perfect. In this His ideas of perfect and my ideas of perfect are different, but I know His ways are right and true. Therefore, I have to constantly remind myself to give up my control and give it to Him. I am learning more and more I have faith in God because He will never let me go and I am never on my own, He is always with me, He will always be with me, and I needn't worry because he is taking care of me.

Right now my life seems pretty up in the air as I pray and think about my future, but I am totally eager to see what God has planned for me. I will keep you posted on this journey.

Happy December!

Thankful For!

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Oh my goodness I am still in shock that Thanksgiving is this week... of course today it feels like January.

Anyway today in church we were talking about being Thankful and my pastor quoted the passage...
"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."- 1 Thessalonians 5:18. 

Then he encouraged us to make us while we are going throughout our days to make a list of things we are Thankful for, so here some things on my list.

Thankful for being an aunt...
it is my favorite role

1. I am thankful God is in control... Most of my life I have always tried to live by a plan, for example in college I knew I was going to take a year off and then go to Grad-school, well a year turned to a year in half (because of personal circumstances) and for awhile I felt I was behind in my plan. Now I am preparing to graduate in May (hopefully) and I have no idea what I want to do with my life... you would think it would be Library Science, but I don't know, I have a lot of passions and I want to do a lot of things so I am not forsure. The awesome thing is I am not in control, He is and He has a perfect will for me. So I am praying God to guide me in my future.

Song: Your love is strong

By: Jon Foreman 

2. I am thankful for God's love... I am single, and sometimes I wish so hard I was in a relationship with "the one" and that I would be looking forward to my wedding day, and sometimes it hurts to be single and feel alone. But God's love is bigger than my singleness and He is giving me this time to really be nurtured in Him and learn how cherished I am to Him.

3. I am thankful for my singleness... as much as I want to be a wife and mother I am thankful for my singleness because I am still uncertain what God has in store for me and being single I can be more open to His desires and callings.

Thankful for my friends who have become a second family 

4. I am thankful for all the support and love I have been given, rather it comes from parents, my sibling, my friends (who are my second family) I am never at a loss for support and love.

Darcy and I snuggling last year during Nemo

5. I am thankful for the hope I have in God. I don't know how everything is  going to work out but I continue to put my hope in God and He continues to see me through even when I feel things are falling apart.

6. On these cold days I am thankful for my apartment, my cat who snuggles on me, and hot tea.

The next thing my pastor encouraged us to do is to "Fix your eyes on the truth." I know for me it is easy to wish my life was different and be discouraged that its not the way I want... but for us to be truly thankful we have to be thankful for what we have instead of wanting something more. What we choose to focus on can make all the difference.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer, and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."- Philippians 4:6-7

I wrote a post last March very similar to this and I shared this collage...

I'm thankful for the people in these pictures.