Beginning again...

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I know I should be doing school work but I can't help escaping to my creative writing. This story has gone through a few changes...

Rewriting and Enjoying the Process

A Touch of Elegance and Refinement

Getting back into the story

So my story begins

Once I get some writing done my favorite thing to do is to think of a title even if it is just a working title and a potential cover... 

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Ever since I posted, Finding peace in Escapism, I have been wanting to post parts of my story. I have a friend that told me to not share my story on my blog, but I find it so motivating for my writing to share it.

~~~~~1921~~~~~~

My life begins with a letter. Maybe I should say my life changed with a letter since I received a letter when I was twenty-three. My new life began with a letter.

My dearest hope, 

If you doubt the words I spoke to you the other day, do not. I have made you the promise of my love and my devotion forever.

I have ordered us a simple room on the Northern Star liner, it leaves from Liverpool on Wednesday and we will sail to New York as man and wife. No one can stop us not even the King. I promise . If you love me meet me at Euston Station  for the 6:15 train. I will be waiting to take you into my arms and away from all the things long ago.

Believe me when I say, all my love. 

In all the ways I pictured my life I never imagined I would be engaged to one man and being forced to run away with the man I loved. I had also never imagined love would cause so many knots inside my stomach. As a child I imagined falling in love with a prince and having the fair tale ending. However, my prince ended up being my best friend and stable hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Mattie Harrington could not believe what she had done that fateful day, of course it would be many years before she talked about it. Parts of this narrative Mattie could still remember as if they had happened years ago. Some parts of this Mattie had to conjure up out of her imagination to make sense of all outcomes. Therefore, it is hard to call this a true account of the Harrington family but it is the truest account you ever hear.

No matter how many times Mattie Harrington told the story she always started the same way...

There was a time when we were all happy and innocent to the ever changing world. Before the war and the destruction on that followed in its wake. The war had changed our family in so much ways as it had many others. Before the war it didn't matter that Parker was heir to Cranston Court and best friend with Shane Gray whom was the eldest son of Cranston's head cook. Daphne was happy to wear daisy chains and Marcus dreamt of exploring the deep jungles of Africa. Back when we were children we would spend the summers in back woods, wade in the creek that divided Cranston Court from Southerton Greens. I remember here we could be a thousand miles away from everything and everyone with only our dreams to play out. Though, that was before the Great War that killed Shane and wrecke Marcus and made our poverty known. It was all due to the war. It was the reason why our lives and countless other lives that would be forever altered. 

Have no fear I have lots more pages written up I just have to type them up... 

Motivating Song

Song: Astonishing 

From: Little Women the Musical

Performed By: Sutton Foster

When I first heard about the musical Little Women I kind of took as a joke but now I want to see it so much. Here in Boston we have an awesome radio station 88.9 WERS (through Emerson College) that on Saturdays has a show called "The Best of Broadway and Beyond." It was here I heard this song and now it is one of my favorite motivational songs. 

I hope you like it...

"Astonishing"

Who is he? 
Who is he with his marry me? 
With his ring and his marry me, 
the nerve, the gull. 

This is not, 
Not what was meant to be. 
How could he ruin it all 
With those two words? 

I thought I knew him 
Thought that he knew me 
When did it change? 
What did I miss? 

A kiss, 
When I thought all along, 
That we were meant to find frontiers, 
How could I be so wrong? 

And I need, 
How I need my sisters here 
If I can't share my dreams 
What were they for? 

I thought our promise 
That we would never change and never part. 
I thought together, 
We'd amaze the world. 
How can I live my dreams or even start when everything has come apart. 

I thought home was all I'd ever want 
My attic all I'd ever need. 
Now nothing feels the way it was before 
And I don't know how to proceed. 
I only know I'm meant for something more 
I've got to know if I can be 
Astonishing 

There's a life 
That I am meant to lead 
A life like nothing I have known 
I can feel it 
And it's far from here 
I've got to find it on my own 

Even now I feel it's heat upon my skin. 
A life of passion that pulls me from within, 
A life that I am making to begin. 
There must be somewhere I can be 
Astonishing 
Astonishing 

I'll find my way 
I'll find it far away 
I'll find it in unexpected and unknown 
I'll find my life in my own way 
Today 

Here I go 
And there's no turning back 
My great adventure has begun 
I may be small 
But I've got giant plans 
To shine as greatly as the sun 

I will blaze until I find my time and place 
I will be fearless, 
Surrendering modesty and grace 
I will not disapear without a trace 
I'll shout and start a riot 
Be anything but quiet 
Christopher Columbus 
I'll be Astonishing 
Astonishing 
Astonishing 

At Last

Lyrics found here

For those of you not in the Boston area but want to hear "The Best Of Broadway" you can listen online at 

WERS.org Saturdays 10-2 (EST). It is a nice way to start the weekend. 

Finding peace in escapism

Hello lovely readers,

I know in my last post I write about wanting to escape... well I haven't run away (so no worries). Also after my last post my cousin told me "Find something that brings peace to your soul and wallow on through."I think I have...

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Lady Adelaide from
"Lark Rise to Candleford"

In all this I have found myself wanting to escape into my story (still untitled). In the summer and over last semester any free time I had was spent working on this story. I have made many changes to it over time for one I was originally writing it in first person perspective, and I have changed some of my characters name. One character was originally named "Lady Elizabeth" but over the summer I fell for the series Lark Rise to Candleford and there is a character Lady Adelaide and I found her very inspiring. Sometimes I hated her because she seemed so cold but I think deep down she was just hurt and her coldness was her protective wall. I think she got into my mind and I changed the character Lady Elizabeth name to Lady Adelaide. When I first started writing this story she wasn't suppose to be a major character, but now I have her almost as a second mother to Mattie. She is also suppose to have a deep hurt that makes her hide from the world and it is not until Mattie comes into her life that she truly comes to life. As a writer I am always happy to explore the paths my characters take me on.

I have also find escapism in reading. I know my life should be all about my thesis and class work (and I feel I give it enough) so when I am on the T, I allow myself to read fun novels. I am currently reading my friend's novel The Truth About the Sky... to be honest it is not my typical read as I mostly read historical fictions, but I don't know anyone in real life that has been published so got support my friends. Plus it is good to read outside of your comfort zone.

Plot...

As a Pastor's kid, Kim has been told her whole life that God can see every mistake she makes. Now that she's a college dropout, unemployed and in a questionable relationship with a party guy, her mistakes are all the more obvious. (Especially to her demanding mother, who, apparently, thinks wearing jeans on a commercial flight is a sin.) If only she could move away! Then she could hide from gossip and no one would see her mess up.

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There is suppose to be a scandal to arise testing Kim's questioning faith but so far none has come up... so I am looking forward to reading that and how it is handled. 

Next I want to go back and re-read some of my favorite books, that have set on my shelf too long. I find going back and re-reading some favorites is very soothing like eating comfort food or a nice cup of tea. 

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On the thesis front I have been progressing with research, mostly right now I transcribing records of working women's reports on their expenses into excel in order to gain insight into how much money they spent on clothes and on recreation vs. what their income was. Excel is awesome for this as I can do percentages and averages with very little actual math. (Of course I had to call my dad to ask him how to do it). Of course while I have been doing this I have been marathon watching some of my favorite shows, just as back ground noise but quite amusing. This has been kind of comforting as well.

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Of course nothing beats hanging out with friends. I am not always good about asking to hang out (I know it sounds backwards when I complain about loneliness) but it is. But the last 3 weekends and some other scattered days I have hung out with friends... mostly just crashing and watching TV but I have also gone bowling, tried on my bride's maid dress for my friends wedding, and all 3 weekends had Chinese food. (I have discovered I like scallion pancakes and crab rangoo). 

Not to go against Ron Swanson but I have to say most sadness can be cured with Chinese Food. 

Things are up in the air

Hello Lovely Readers,

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It is Monday afternoon and for some reason it feels like a good reason to sit down and blog and I have plenty of thoughts but I can't seem to find the words so this post may not make much sense (sorry). It is the end of the March and supposedly the beginning of spring though we are expecting more snow this week.

First, I have posted in the past that this semester I am working on my thesis. It is not an easy process, I have had a mental set back as talking to my adviser she was not happy with my work, I have thought many times about quitting, and when people try to talk to me about my thesis (even though encouraging) I have shut down. I don't know what is going on but its been draining and I think people around me have noticed (at least my co-workers have). I feel I have gone from my usual "Leslie Knope-self" to feeling more like April Ludgate.

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Leslie vs. April

Well I am still not very talkative about my thesis most because it still is a bit overwhelming I have made some progress in the research... needless to say I am not going to get it done this semester and will be taking an extension with it and will be writing it and hopefully finishing it over the summer. So eventually I will have my masters but it is a long draining process.

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Second I have felt a little lack luster about life, I mean with me doing research all day in my apartment I consider the day a triumph if I get out of my PJs and in to yoga pants. Last semester my friends who work with GoCorps came to do a presentation about going into the Missions field for the next two years and I instantly sparked something in me and I was all gung-ho about applying for a teaching position in Northern Africa. But now I am not so sure...

I am not so sure if missions is right for me or what I should be doing with my life.

I feel there are a lot of doors open but instead of being able to decide what door to choose I just feel stuck. I also feel like just running away.

When I was a junior in high school, I suffered from minor depression,  I remember sitting in my Spanish Class (because it was my only class with windows), staring out across the San Francisco Bay and planning to go to Oakland, get on an Amtrak train and just go away. I thought somehow then that if I ran away all my problems would go away to. I sort of ran away. I found a college on the opposite side of the country from everything I had known and moved to Boston. Even though I was on the other side of the country the problems didn't disappear.

I remembering that now because I feel like running away. I don't know where I would go according to Buzzfeed quizzes I either belong in Cape Town, South Africa or China. If I could I think I would run away to England or Paris. Or crash on my sister's couch (if she would let me) and get in some necessary Auntie Blaire time. Sadly I can't just run away, I have responsibilities of rent, taking care of my cat, and other adult things.

So I feel I am just waiting for things to make sense. However I can't wait too long because here in Boston people are already looking for September leases and I don't know where I will be living yet. So yeah things are up in the air and I am just wanting to escape.

So things are pretty up in the air...

For some escapism
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Having just finished this post, I don't want you my lovely readers to think I am all "boo is me", I just sometimes feel writing out my thoughts is easier than actually saying them.