Yours faithfully... Letter #10, 11

Hello lovely readers,

First, I know last week I posted a snip it of a story idea that came to my mind but I have decided two works in progress was enough for me to handle. I have been loving these letters as a way to retell one of my novels Wives and Daughters by Elizabeth Gaskell. Second, I am happy and surprised that this story has lasted so long since it really just came out of a free-write in April, but I have been enjoying this project and I hope you have too.

Previous post

Dearest Aunt,
I am at a loss of what to say. I cannot breath. My heart is broken. How can you be gone?

Everyone thought you were on the mend and now you are gone. I wonder if you even hear my last letter and if it in any small brought you comfort. It probably came at the time when you were at your worse and you never heard it, and you will not hear this or read this as you are now gone.

People will think it is odd to write to you now that you are dead but you were my truest comfort and it only feels natural to write you even though you will never read this. 

Oh my dearest Aunt, I am at a loss. You were truer to me than my own late mama. I barely remember her, I was only three, and looking back on it I feel as though one day she was there and then gone the next. Besides the portrait of us taken when I was baby I have no remembrance of  how she looked or what it was like to be held by her. You were my second mother, no matter what my new mama tells me. 

I feel I cannot cry around her, she so hates to see grief. My one comfort at this moment is Cassie who lets me sit and cry on her shoulder. She is always so generous and loving. Her beauty on the outside reflects the pureness of her heart. I do not know how I would get through this moment without her strength.

I am being selfish. I wish I could be with Uncle, Ozzie and Hugh. I do not know how they are baring it. Uncle and Ozzie were quite tense with each other when I left, they did not speak of it but it was felt at every moment. They both depended on you so much. And poor Hugh to lose another mother. How will he feel this deeply? Oh my dearest aunt, I am sorry if we took advantage of your kindness, your love, and strength. If you can see us now, I hope you can see how desperately we need you. You were the cornerstone of our family. I do not know whats going to happen. 

I do wish my new mama would let me come to see them all but she claims that I would be a burden to them.  I hope I was never a burden to you. Mama also claims we have engagements that we are to keep, I do not know how I am to keep up appearances when my heart is so broken.

I will stay faithful to you and keep you updated on the events of my life. In that I feel I keep you with me. 

All my love.    

Dearest Aunt,

We buried you today. That feels odd to write. Unreal almost. The minister talked about your soul being in heaven and I do so hope you are at peace. 

The service was beautiful practically everyone in town attended.And my dear uncle stood as a rock not letting anyone see his heartbreak. You would have been embarrassed by the amount of tears Ozzie had for you, I think he feels your loss more than anyone.He told me you were always his biggest supporter and now he does not know how he will get on from one day to the next. I wanted to remind him of his wife and the support she will provide, but as I promised him and myself to never speak of it I did not feel right to mention it. The service was beautiful and I felt it truly reflected the beauty that is in your life. I hope you got to look down from heaven and see how much we down here love you. Hugh was so good to me and let me sit up front as if I was intimate family. Mama and Cassandra did not attend as Mama was called to The Towers this morning and Cassandra accompanied. I would have appreciated her company and have her meet Hugh, Ozzie and Uncle but I know when Mama puts her mind to something it is hard to dissuade her. 

Not much else to write, but I did want to copy down the poem Hugh read, he said it was your favorite. I think Hugh was the only one who could read a loud at the moment... 

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

I knew you liked Dickinson but I did not know that was your favorite. I will carry it with me from now on. 

All my love.  

 Poem citation 

Life seems but a quick successions of busy nothings

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Hello lovely readers,

I come here to say I feel a little guilty that I have not gotten much writing done for the blog. Usually I have 5 blog post waiting to get posted... this has kept me going through my schedule but life has gotten very busy. 

How wonderful would it be if summer felt like a "quick successions of busy nothings."Everyone pictures summer to be this relaxing time to kick back and relax and while in someways this feels true there are many moments when summer feels to be going by to fast. That is how I feel right now. Not that I can complain about my summer I have had good highlights.

If you have been following the Boston news you will know we just passed a major milestone. Up here in Boston we had a record snow fall this winter (well really in one month). And we have very little places to put the snow in order to keep our streets clear but our city government found an unused lot to put all our snow. Well as of July 14th that pile of snow has finally melted. Below a before and after:

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Since moving up to New England I have definitely had appreciation for summer with getting to wear flip flops, summer dresses and long sunny days. I think I even hold summer up as this perfect time and maybe that is not fair. I say summer goes by too quickly but sometimes it is just life going by too quickly...

Sorry to be a bit of "Debby Downer." I shouldn't even complain about this summer I have made some good memories and maybe instead of blaming summer for going by too quickly I should think about the good things. Maybe Ferris Buller had it right "Life moves pretty fast if you don't stop and look around sometimes you might miss it." So here are some moments I have not missed:

Meeting my nephew (and seeing him rock some Boston gear), going to Gloucester an enjoying some down time at the beach, hanging out with friends (enjoying margaritas), and treating myself to some fun flicks.

Also I am enjoying getting lots of reading done, I am on book 19 of my 26 book challenge and I have found so many good books I may not have read had it not been for this challenge. Some have really inspired me in my writing. The Winter Sea for example is about an author trying to write a novel and just the way she talks about her writing has given me some ideas about how to write. Also I like her story for having a dual plot line being set in present day and in 1708. The book has also inspired me to thinking about going to Scotland. The current book I am reading The Steady Running Hour has also been inspiring, as a part of it takes place in World War I and it has been great to read about it from a soldiers perspective and think about my characters in my work in progress and how they think about the war.

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Speaking about my work in progress, lately have felt kind of stuck in my work. I didn't know where I wanted to go with my story and I felt I had lost the point of my story. I took a step back from the flow of my story and started thinking about the structure of my story and through that I started thinking about scenes in my story I wanted to write. And in doing that I got inspiration for some future scenes and I was working furiously away. Then I went back to the drawing board. One thing I am really bad about doing is outlining, usually I just start writing and let the characters take me where I want to go or I have some vague idea of what should happen but I haven't really planned it out. However, I realized I was spending so much time building up my characters that I had lost the pivotal part of my story which, is World War I. I though I really need to get an outline down so I can know how all the scenes in my head are going to work together. I am so happy I did this because now I feel my story has more structure. Also I realized my working title "Hope Deferred" didn't really work with the progression of my story so I have changed the the title again to "Quiet Hope."

 

This work has probably been the biggest struggle of my writing time. Usually I give up when I get stuck, but I really want to finish this project. This story has been floating around my mind for years and I don't want to give this up. 

 So there are some of the highlights of my summer thus far... I will try not to miss the moments.

"God gave you Something Special"... Music for Frivolous Friday

 Hello Lovely Readers,

While I don't watch ABC's Nashville as much as I used too I have a Nashville playlist on my Pandora (mostly because I like country music). Listening to Pandora (on my shuffle) I have heard this song come up a couple times and fell in love with it and was honestly surprised it came from Nashville (I can't really explain why). But I thought for this "Frivolous Friday" post I would share some music with you all...

Link

Lyrics: 

That same road that brought you here
Will sure as hell take you home
The life you left behind will have you back
You're tired of paying dues in worn out shoes
and Broadway blues
And any fool will tell you
the damn ol' deck is stacked

What if you're just a vessel
And God gave you something special

It ain't yours to throw away
It ain't yours to throw away
Every time you open up your mouth
Diamonds come rolling out
It ain't yours to throw away
Oh ...

And all of the players, the movers, and shakers
The star maker suits have gone home
You drew the last slot
You thought it was your shot
But now it's just one more chance blown

What if you're just a vessel
And God gave you something special

It ain't yours to throw away
It ain't yours to throw away
Every time you open up your mouth
Diamonds come rolling out
It ain't yours to throw away
No ...

I would also like to give a shout out to my friends who are celebrating their anniversary this weekend... 

Photo by: Deborah Zoe Photography

Too many stories in my head

Hello lovely readers,

This is a little venting... It is not a really problem but it is a problem in my writing world. I currently have two working stories. One is my major work in progress (or WIP as I have been informed) and the other is my postings of Molly's letters to her aunt in my "Yours faithfully" project which I am enjoining.

Then a couple of weeks my roommate told me about this "question of the week" her co-worker posts (sorry if I am getting the information wrong). The question was "If you could go back and live in anytime period, what would it be and what two celebrities would you take with you?" Both these questions were hard for me to answer, because of course it would be awesome to live in the Edwardian times (or at least what I imagine), but I am also drawn to living in Jane Austen's time but I think only if I knew for sure that I was going to meet Jane Austen. Though after reading after Confessions of Jane Austen Addict I am less inclined to do that. Right now my heart and mind are in Edwardian times so I think I would go back to that time.

Work in Progress: Hope Deferred

Work in Progress: Yours Faithfully

And now I have a new story in mind spurned from the question my roommate and I were discussing. I was thinking it would be about a girl who finds a journal from a hundred years ago only to discover it is was her journal and by the end of the book modern girl gets the choice to go back in time... but will she?

The cottage had clearly been abandoned with ivy entangling itself in the stone and covering the windows. It had been untouched for nearly fifty years and looked as though it came from of the Grimm's fairy tales with one expecting to see Hansel and Gretel running away from the witch at any moment. 

"Are you sure about this Caroline?" Janey questioned as she rested a box of my stuff on the roof of her car.
"Of course," faking more confidence than I actually felt.
"It looks like setting from a scary movie not where you can write your next novel." Janey Brick, my best friend from high school, really my only friend still from high school had gotten married right after college, had two kids right away, and lived a pretty cookie cutter life. For some reason she still hung out with me, who went to college on the six year plan floating between majors of Poly Sci, Psychology, took a year off to travel, and came back to major in Creative Writing with a minor in Women's Studies.
"It will be perfect, Janey. It is at the back of my Grandma's property, so I will be well fed and I will not have to work extra shifts at the Coffee Joe's or seek out employment at Charlie's-Ship-It store. I will just be able to write, work my usual shift at Coffee Joe's to pay off my student loans." I said it more to justify it in my own head. 
"Alright. You know Charlie's-Ship-It store is not all that bad."
"You're just saying that because your father-in-law owns it."
"I am and he has always treated you kindly."

I then profusely thanked Janey for how she and her family always looked out for me, but I told her I had to write. I had written one novel from my years in undergrad but it hardly sold more than a hundred copies, and my editor was going to drop me soon if I didn't have another piece. I had to write, it was the one thing I knew I was suppose to do, but it was hard to manage it between two jobs, paying rent, paying off loans, and still managing to buy groceries. So with all the certainty I could muster at the moment I reassured her I would be fine. 

I wouldn't have even thought of this cottage to hide out in, had it not been my mom's suggestions a couple of months back. Grandma Wallis' health had grown worse and worse over the last few months and mom was getting concerned about her well being. Grandma Wallis had lived on this farm since the day she was born and with no brothers or sisters to care for it, it was up to her to make sure it survived, and she would never leave it for the suburban lifestyle my mom had adapted to. I always looked up to Grandma Wallis  for how strong willed she was. A couple months back my mom and her sister were discussing bringing in a nurse to help her, but they knew she would never accept a stranger to take care of her. Everyone who worked on the farm had worked here for almost forty years and if they were no longer able to work their children would pitch in. So my mom asked me, since in her mind I was doing nothing with my life, if I would help out. I actually agreed to consider it once my lease was over on my current place. Though pitching the idea to Grandma Wallis was harder than I thought, she didn't like the idea of me thinking she was an invalid, so I rephrased the story of me being hard on my luck and just needing a place to squat for a bit as I got my life back on track. Being from the generation of the Depression Era, my grandma agreed to that easier and offered me the cottage at the back of her property. She insisted that we both keep our independence and I complied to her condition telling mom I would check up on her multiple times a day. That appeared to make both of them happy. 

"Are you sure there are no bugs or mice?" Janey asked.
"Positive, Joe came over here the other day to clean it out."
"Good an almost blind gardener was here, that makes me feel comfortable."
"I am sure he had his son with him," though I wasn't sure at all. "It can be no worse than my place I had on Kelsey St."
"You moved out of that place in a month," Janey was quick to remind me.
"I will be alright."

Now that Janey was a mom she was quick to mom me, which I never minded as I knew she was just looking out for me and as a friend wanted my best in life. But like any mother daughter relationship I had to show her I was self-sufficient.I was going to make this cottage work,  I was going to start and finish my novel here before long and then figure out the next step. That was my life always figuring out the next step. 

This is as far as I had gotten in thinking about it... I don't know where it will go from here, but I will keep you posted. I do like this of this story as I have always wanted to write a multi generational story (or a dual timeline story) so I think this would be intriguing. Right now though I think I have enough stories on my hand for my mind to work out. I have a very bad habit of writing one story and then when another idea comes I put my first story down and switch gears. So far all that has done has left me with notebooks of unfinished stories and I really do want to finish my WIP of "Hope Deferred."

I have to stay focused and continue on. That's all for now from this naive writer, will keep you posted on all my works in progress in my next "Writing Wednesday"