Finding peace in escapism

Hello lovely readers,

I know in my last post I write about wanting to escape... well I haven't run away (so no worries). Also after my last post my cousin told me "Find something that brings peace to your soul and wallow on through."I think I have...

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Lady Adelaide from
"Lark Rise to Candleford"

In all this I have found myself wanting to escape into my story (still untitled). In the summer and over last semester any free time I had was spent working on this story. I have made many changes to it over time for one I was originally writing it in first person perspective, and I have changed some of my characters name. One character was originally named "Lady Elizabeth" but over the summer I fell for the series Lark Rise to Candleford and there is a character Lady Adelaide and I found her very inspiring. Sometimes I hated her because she seemed so cold but I think deep down she was just hurt and her coldness was her protective wall. I think she got into my mind and I changed the character Lady Elizabeth name to Lady Adelaide. When I first started writing this story she wasn't suppose to be a major character, but now I have her almost as a second mother to Mattie. She is also suppose to have a deep hurt that makes her hide from the world and it is not until Mattie comes into her life that she truly comes to life. As a writer I am always happy to explore the paths my characters take me on.

I have also find escapism in reading. I know my life should be all about my thesis and class work (and I feel I give it enough) so when I am on the T, I allow myself to read fun novels. I am currently reading my friend's novel The Truth About the Sky... to be honest it is not my typical read as I mostly read historical fictions, but I don't know anyone in real life that has been published so got support my friends. Plus it is good to read outside of your comfort zone.

Plot...

As a Pastor's kid, Kim has been told her whole life that God can see every mistake she makes. Now that she's a college dropout, unemployed and in a questionable relationship with a party guy, her mistakes are all the more obvious. (Especially to her demanding mother, who, apparently, thinks wearing jeans on a commercial flight is a sin.) If only she could move away! Then she could hide from gossip and no one would see her mess up.

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There is suppose to be a scandal to arise testing Kim's questioning faith but so far none has come up... so I am looking forward to reading that and how it is handled. 

Next I want to go back and re-read some of my favorite books, that have set on my shelf too long. I find going back and re-reading some favorites is very soothing like eating comfort food or a nice cup of tea. 

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On the thesis front I have been progressing with research, mostly right now I transcribing records of working women's reports on their expenses into excel in order to gain insight into how much money they spent on clothes and on recreation vs. what their income was. Excel is awesome for this as I can do percentages and averages with very little actual math. (Of course I had to call my dad to ask him how to do it). Of course while I have been doing this I have been marathon watching some of my favorite shows, just as back ground noise but quite amusing. This has been kind of comforting as well.

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Of course nothing beats hanging out with friends. I am not always good about asking to hang out (I know it sounds backwards when I complain about loneliness) but it is. But the last 3 weekends and some other scattered days I have hung out with friends... mostly just crashing and watching TV but I have also gone bowling, tried on my bride's maid dress for my friends wedding, and all 3 weekends had Chinese food. (I have discovered I like scallion pancakes and crab rangoo). 

Not to go against Ron Swanson but I have to say most sadness can be cured with Chinese Food. 

Things are up in the air

Hello Lovely Readers,

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It is Monday afternoon and for some reason it feels like a good reason to sit down and blog and I have plenty of thoughts but I can't seem to find the words so this post may not make much sense (sorry). It is the end of the March and supposedly the beginning of spring though we are expecting more snow this week.

First, I have posted in the past that this semester I am working on my thesis. It is not an easy process, I have had a mental set back as talking to my adviser she was not happy with my work, I have thought many times about quitting, and when people try to talk to me about my thesis (even though encouraging) I have shut down. I don't know what is going on but its been draining and I think people around me have noticed (at least my co-workers have). I feel I have gone from my usual "Leslie Knope-self" to feeling more like April Ludgate.

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Leslie vs. April

Well I am still not very talkative about my thesis most because it still is a bit overwhelming I have made some progress in the research... needless to say I am not going to get it done this semester and will be taking an extension with it and will be writing it and hopefully finishing it over the summer. So eventually I will have my masters but it is a long draining process.

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Second I have felt a little lack luster about life, I mean with me doing research all day in my apartment I consider the day a triumph if I get out of my PJs and in to yoga pants. Last semester my friends who work with GoCorps came to do a presentation about going into the Missions field for the next two years and I instantly sparked something in me and I was all gung-ho about applying for a teaching position in Northern Africa. But now I am not so sure...

I am not so sure if missions is right for me or what I should be doing with my life.

I feel there are a lot of doors open but instead of being able to decide what door to choose I just feel stuck. I also feel like just running away.

When I was a junior in high school, I suffered from minor depression,  I remember sitting in my Spanish Class (because it was my only class with windows), staring out across the San Francisco Bay and planning to go to Oakland, get on an Amtrak train and just go away. I thought somehow then that if I ran away all my problems would go away to. I sort of ran away. I found a college on the opposite side of the country from everything I had known and moved to Boston. Even though I was on the other side of the country the problems didn't disappear.

I remembering that now because I feel like running away. I don't know where I would go according to Buzzfeed quizzes I either belong in Cape Town, South Africa or China. If I could I think I would run away to England or Paris. Or crash on my sister's couch (if she would let me) and get in some necessary Auntie Blaire time. Sadly I can't just run away, I have responsibilities of rent, taking care of my cat, and other adult things.

So I feel I am just waiting for things to make sense. However I can't wait too long because here in Boston people are already looking for September leases and I don't know where I will be living yet. So yeah things are up in the air and I am just wanting to escape.

So things are pretty up in the air...

For some escapism
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Having just finished this post, I don't want you my lovely readers to think I am all "boo is me", I just sometimes feel writing out my thoughts is easier than actually saying them.

Lovelies for Monday

I know Mondays are not the best day so to hopefully make your day a little brighter here is a sweet song featuring one of my favorite shows... 

Song: Arms 

By: Christina Perri

Clips: Parks and Rec

I used to never spend anytime on YouTube. I had friends who would always ask me if I had seen a video and my response was "Is it on YouTube? Then No." But now I love YouTube, especially when I need a quick study break. I really appreciate these fan made videos.  

It is a beautiful song, I hope you like..

"Arms" 

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go...

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home

You put your arms around me and I'm home

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Working through some things

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I pinned this pin to my "A Novelist at Work" board on Pinterest because I think it is an interesting concept as an inspiring writer but in my personal life this quote has hit me...

I am struggling. This semester I am writing my thesis, well I am suppose to be writing my thesis... but I am not really motivated to do the research for it because right now the research seems like an overwhelming mountain that I will never be able to climb. Also 2 weeks ago my thesis adviser was discouraging. So I spent all last week sulking and watching The West Wing. I don't regret it because I needed some time to just do nothing... but now it is hard to get back up and do some work.

One of my favorite scenes from The West Wing

A lot of this week and weekend I have thought about giving up and just not doing it. I have a ll the credits to get just my Master's in Library Science, but unless I finish my thesis I will not be able to get my Master's in History and I would have felt that all this time would have been a waste. But giving up would be so easy.

Looking back on my life... I think I give up a lot, when things get tough. I mean I gave up soccer because one time a ball hit me in the stomach (I know I was 5 but I think this is a good pattern of things to come). 

Going back to the picture on the top... I think if I was an Austen heroine the short come would be my giving up when things got tough an then living with regret.

As for the man, she would write for me... I am not really thinking about that. However, I think what ever man comes into my life will have to be strong as I can be stubbornness. He will have to understand that when I am quiet and I don't want to talk that I am weak and he will have to know to just sit there and be with me. I think he will also have to encourage me to be my best and not let me give up on myself. But according to Buzzfeed.com,  I belong with Edward Ferras. Having always felt like an Eleanor... I am happy with this result. 

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Shy and sweet, Edward can give you a simple, happy life. You can count on him to do the right thing, even if it’s not always what he wants to do. While you might face hurdles on your road to Happily Ever After, it will all work out in the end.

Right now still working through some things.