Tune for Thursday...

Song: Who are we fooling 

By: Brooke Fraser featuring Aqualung

I have had this song in my head all day. It is kind of a sad song, I feel like it is a couple staring at each other and just wondering why they are staying together. Even with the sad message the music is beautiful. Brooke Frasier has been featured a few times on this blog and if my life was a musical I would totally break out into one of her ballads. Hope you enjoy...

So we're back here again
Tiptoeing round the edge of the end
Wondering who will be last to admit
That we're finally over

Turned twenty one on a day that we met
Terrible shoes, implausible dress
It's funny how sad the funny things get as you grow older

Better or worse
But what else can we do?
For better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

I learnt the art of biting my tongue
I tired of trying to guess what was wrong
Both agreed on where we should go
But not how to get there

We tried and tried to loosen the knots
Thinking once we're untangled we'll be better off
But it's these failures and faults that hold us together

Better or worse
But what else can we do?
And better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

This beautiful tangle that's bruising us blue
It's a beautiful knot that we just can't undo
Together we're one but apart tell me
Who are we fooling?

Cause real love
Is hard love
It's all we have
It's a break-neck
Train wreck
It's all we have

So we're back here again
Turning away from the edge of the end
Arm in arm

Better or worse
But what else can we do?
And better or worse
I am tethered to you
If it's not either of us
Tell me who are we fooling?

This beautiful tangle that's bruising us blue
It's a beautiful knot we just can't undo
If it's not either of us, tell me who are we fooling?

Together we're one, but apart tell me
Who are we fooling?

{lyrics}

Some wanderings....

Dear Anne,

My mom read my last few letters and she said it sounded like I was "lost", I responded quickly that I am not lost, I am just trying to seek out the best God has to offer and I have a lot of thoughts and questions. 

I still don't think I am lost just hazy on where to go and what to do with my life. I am guessing that is pretty typical, after all I am soon to graduate grad-school, and is making me think of what to do and where to go. 

I have been going through this 30 day challenge, recommended to me by a friend, it has no strict guidelines just 5 out of the 7 days to be in the Word and praying. I made up a schedule of switching between the Old Testament (which I need to read more of), the New Testament and a devotional I have.  But the main point of it is just to listen to God. She read my post Spiritual Jealousy and knew my desire to grow in God. So after I got back from my time in Newport I set out on this challenge. 

As of Friday (6/14) I am on day 15. I thought by now I would have some big revelation of what God desired. The only thing I feel sure of is that I think too much of myself and that I knew going into this. I have written about how I want to make an impact on the world but how can I do that when all I think about myself  and find more comfort living in the world of my novels than I do in the real world. I feel more comfortable writing this blog than actually talking about my feelings with my friends. 

I wrote in my journal: "How do I continue to put others first?" Then I wrote "I am so selfish to even  have to ask that question. " First thing I know is my heart must change, I must focus on other people's needs. How do I do that? That seems like a weird question to shouldn't that be just instinct. 

After I wrote that I reflected over the last time I felt really useful  and it was in Honduras, last August.

one of my favorite pictures from my trip

I so want to be of use in this world. But I am not sure of the next step I should take. Once again I leave this letter with no conclusion. I guess that is okay because a life of faith is not about coming to conclusions is it about the process of being transformed. 

Yours wandering,

Blaire 

P.S.- My friend, who challenged me, sent me a quote who she thinks is by CS Lewis..."Spiritual growth and maturity comes when we start to realize our sin and shortcomings." I tried to look it up but could not find it, I did find a blog called Desire Spiritual Growth  that I will have to check out in more depth. Also I found this... 

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A new to heroine love...

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I have found another heroine to love. It is Molly Gibson from the novel Wives and Daughters, by Elizabeth Gaskell. Molly Gibson is an only daughter of the strong headed and odd Dr. Gibson and she has made it her life's work to serve her father very unselfishly. At the beginning of the story a Mr. Coxe has fallen for her but her father, kind of selfishly, keeps Mr. Coxe's feelings unknown, and sends his daughter off to Hamley Hall. This is where the real action starts. At Hamely Hall we truly see Molly's sacrificing soul as we see her take care of the ailing Mrs. Hamely. Also during this time Dr. Gibson gets engaged to a silly woman. But what is most important for this blog post is we meet Roger Hamley, the second son of the Squire.

Molly and Roger
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I have watched the mini-series a few times and I have fallen in love with it. Plus I know from the comments on YouTube it doesn't have the great romantic ending that the mini-series has because Gaskell dies before she finished the book. So I was intrigued to see where the novel ended. I began reading the novel and I have fallen in love with Molly Gibson.

Molly, Cynthia, and Mrs. Gibson
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Molly is frequently compared to with her step-sister, Cynthia. I feel Gaskell stresses Cynthia's beauty because it is seems to be only outer beauty. Cynthia wants to be good but her mannerism is prone to trouble and while she talks a good deal of goodness she doesn't really improve. Also Cynthia knows she is a beauty, she likes to flirt with men, and use her beauty to get men's attention. Any way Molly is all goodness and everyone around her can see her sweet nature but the man she loves hardly notices her. In fact he sees her only as a sister. And Molly is so sacrificial that she never says one word of her love to Roger Hamley and actually encourages Cynthia in her relationship with Roger.

I am right now at the part where Molly is in pain because she is realizing that Cynthia does not truly love Roger and it breaks her heart. I am happy that have watched the mini-series to know that there is a happy ending for her because right now my heart is breaking for her. 

Molly is the kind of person who is sensible, good hearted, always caring for others over herself, and while she does not speak of it much she has a deep and passionate heart. In some ways I feel she is the heroine I wish I could be and in other ways I feel very much like her. By this I mean, I am not always good at expressing my emotions but I do have a deep heart to love. Molly is written off as plane and I sometimes when I look in the mirror I see a plane girl. Also Molly is noted for spending too much time in her books. But I wish I was like Molly in the way she is always caring for others above her own self and this in the end gives her a happy ending.

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I used to get annoyed with characters who are seen as behaving properly all the time, they seemed too perfect, and a good heroine has flaws. Though the more I read the more I find the more I love these heroines who are sacrificial in the way they act, do not always let their hearts known, but yet they do long for passion and a soul mate. I would count Elinor Dashwood, Fanny Price, Amy Dorrit, and Anne Elliot even though I am not a big fan of Persuasion.

If you love Jane Austen or if you are looking for another heroine to fall in love with I recommend Molly Gibson. I hope she is the kind of heroine I can become and write about in my stories for I feel she is a great role model to live up to. 

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Besides my love for Molly Gibson, the whole mini-series is great with some great one liners...

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To read more on other heroines I have fallen in love with... A Jane Austen Heroine

Happy Father's Day!

Last year I did a mother's day post so this year I am doing a father's day post...

Song: The Words I would Say

By: Sidewalk Prophets

Link

I heard this song through some random search on Spotify a couple of months ago and loved it. At that time I was going through some hard emotional things and spent a night crying on the phone with my dad. God has truly blessed me in my relationship with my Dad and my Step-Dad, though they are far away... they love and support me. So this post is for them and all the dads in my life. I have other great examples in my friends, brother-in-law, and grandparents on strong and loving men. Thank you for being men to look up to.

my dad and I

my Granddad and I

My dad was always good at hanging us upside down... and we loved it. 

my granddad, my sister and I

my grandpa, my sister, and I 

 

my grandpa and I 

my grandpa visiting when we were living in California 

my step-dad and I on our cruise

my dad and I, just having fun

my dad and I dancing at my sister's wedding

my step-dad and I at my college graduation 

my brother-in-law as dad and my dad as Pops 

(yeah I cut my sister and I out of this pic)

Step-dad and I last Christmas decorating cookies

On vacation in May 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

I tried to put these pictures in chronological order oddly going through my computer/facebook I couldn't find any pictures from my middle school/high school years...maybe it is good not to have my awkward teen years documented.