Taking some time to reflect

From previous post... the last we were all together in May
Sadly we did not take a picture this time

In my last post Blogging Break  I wrote how I was feeling burnt out and how I was out of words to write... well that was and sort of true. Not to dish all my private information on a blog but I had just ended a relationship (and while it was a short one it is hard to walk away from it and when I wrote that post it was hard to even think of what to do or say but I had to walk away).

Left pic: E and I in hospital
Right pic: E at home feeling much better 

So after this I was so happy to have this vacation to look forward to... well it wasn't the vacation my sister and I had planned. My nephew had to have surgery because of a neck infection. So he spent 5 days in the hospital and I was at home taking care of my niece while both my sister and brother-in-law were spending time in the hospital. It was a hard week because the doctors kept giving conflicting messages about rather or not he would not need surgery or when he would be released. One doctor told them on Monday he wouldn't be released till Saturday while another was saying in a day or two. I was on the sidelines while I was taking care of my niece but I could tell it was a big struggle for my sister and brother-in-law. Personally I was happy to be so busy I didn't have to focus on what I had just left behind in Boston.

One on one time with niece was awesome.

Well then sadly vacation had to end and now I am back in Boston... and life hit me before I even took off on my flight home. I have a lot on my mind... my upcoming move (which I am excited about living with my friend I just hate moving), some expenses that seem to never go away, my thesis and some other things. 

As I posted on my Blogging Break post I have been reading through passages on the word trust. That has been hard topic to take in. As much as I think I trust in God, I still worry and I still get anxious over little things. I am currently re-reading The Princess by Lori Wick and there is a section about worrying. Prince Nikolai is worried about his marriage to Shelby and at the same time his pastor is giving a sermon on worrying and calling it a sin. The pastor says "When we worry we say to God 'I can't trust You. You're not doing Your job, so I'm going to step in and take over'"(p. 134). Then today in my quiet time I was reading Luke and I read Luke 12:22-34, where Jesus warns about worry (isn't it amazing when things like this all come together.) I think God is really trying to tell me to let go of my worries and truly trust in him. 

In Matthew 6:25-34 (similar passage to Luke) Jesus says "Are not much more valuable than they?" "They" are the birds of the air who do not sow or reap but yet God takes care of them. He is saying then won't God take care of you if you are more valuable to God than birds. Yes... of course! I believe that God will take care of me so why do I worry, why do I let myself get consumed with worry... I am honestly not for sure. Maybe it is human nature to worry, but I don't want my worrying to get in the way of my walk with God or let it block me from awesome things in life. So since worrying comes as a second nature to me... this might be a life long struggle but I hope to get better at it as I go. 

With these thoughts in mind and others... I want to keep writing but I don't know if I can be as consistent as I tried to be this summer. But don't worry I will come back I love writing and in writing I find peace.