Showing posts with label mountain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mountain. Show all posts

Monday, October 26, 2015

A Quick Little Update

Hello lovely readers,

Since it has been a while since I have updated this I thought I would give a fun update on my life...


The biggest news is my life is that my mom and step-dad have moved up to Burlington, VT!
My step-dad has a new job up in Burlington which is awesome because we haven't been physically close to each other in ten years. I don't know if I expressed this but over the summer I was feeling a major amount of homesickness and a major urge to be close to my family (even thought they are spread out)... I even thought about moving away from Boston that I love to be close to them. While, that may happen one day I am so happy for now I can stay up here. 
Any way the weekend was lots of fun... We went to Stowe, VT which is a picturesque New England town and we experienced the first snow of the season, and yes at this point it was exciting. 
Snow up in the mountains over Smuggles Notch Junction

A very picturesque church
Trying to get a picture with the church sadly the power lines got in too
Event though seeing Burlington and Stowe was fun, I liked seeing my parents and it is nice to know they are so close. 

I feel I have not read much lately... I have been using my usual reading time (my commute to work) to get some writing done. It has been beneficial to my writing life but not to my reading. However I have finished my 25th book in my reading challenge... A book about "A lion, witch or Wardrobe" 
I don't usually read "magic realism" novels... so I thought if I am going to read a novel about witches, Halloween season would be a good time. Besides I found a book about the Edwardian/WWI time period so I felt it would fit nicely into my repertoire. For more about the book, click here.
 I was reading the book Fever Tree about a girl who goes to South Africa in 1890, for the requirement a book about a place you have always wanted to go. However, I found parts of the book too sexual and I thought it best to move on. 
I am on the waiting list at the BPL for the book Circling the Sun about Kenya in the 1930s. I have wanted to go to Africa (well South Africa, Kenya, Egypt, and maybe Morocco) but I understand they are unstable and I cannot afford to pay for that yet. So I am reading about it. 
While I am waiting for this book... I just picked up Chronicle of Youth at the library and can already tell I want to buy a copy as there are so many passages I want to underline. 
Over the winter I read Vera Brittan's Testament of Youth, her autobiography of her time in WWI. And while the book was great for facts and  some thoughts it is not very feeling. I think she was trying to sound like a scholar and not like an emotional woman. So reading her diary will be an interesting view of her life.

My work in progress cover

As I said above I have been getting a lot of writing in, but I am gearing up for National Novel Writing Month... where you try to write 50,000 words in a month. This is my first time that I am not in school since I first learned of this. I am going to bend a rule that I want to continue working on my current story. I really feel my story is coming into focus and shape so I want to continue writing it. I have read some blog post about this and it seems really intense... so I don't know if I will actually be able to write 50,000 words but as this my first time trying I am going to do the best I can but won't beat myself up if I don't get there. 
Getting my November calendar ready

Before I went up to visit my parents I went through a major binge watch of Glee. When the show was on I watched the first season, half of the second season, and then just watched episodes occasionally of the 3rd and 4th season but nothing really of the 5th season (minus The Quarterback episode) and none of the 6th season. But YouTube clearly tracking my interest (cheesy musical numbers) kept suggesting videos... finally I got hooked and decided to go through the show on Netflix. 
Song: "Don't Go Breaking my Heart" 
 Okay I will admit that sometimes the performances are a little cheesy and maybe a little over the top (I noticed this more in the 4th season) but hey who doesn't want to go to school where you get to perform a music video walking down the hall...
Song: "Wanna be Starting Something"
And not only did they cover classic songs they had a few original songs 
 Song: "Loser like me" 

Yes there were moments of annoyance where I couldn't stand Rachel and her need to popular, and there were moments when I thought "come on let them be happy," and thought "this is so not logical" but over all I liked it. They fought, they sometimes had pointless breakups, but they still came together as a team to support each other, and they embraced their differences.
 The only thing that made me truly upset is they way they acted like everyone in high school was having sex and if a character didn't have sex it was a fault of theirs. 
And even though I knew it was going to happen I did cry during The Quarterback episode, where they deal with the death of Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith) because it wasn't just them writing off a character he actually died and as a cast they had to deal with that pain. 
 Recently I started re-watching Gilmore Girls. Yes I am excited for the revamp of it on Netflix (whenever that happens) but lately I have been feeling like life is not going the way I want and I have been trying to decide what to do with my life. And whenever get in this mood Gilmore Girls always cheers me up. Because this is just great life advice:
Right now the only show I am watching in real time is Reign. 
(Historical Spoiler):
Sadly, they have already announced that Francis is going to die this season, though I don' t know what episode. I mean I know in history Francis died a year after becoming King, but last season took place almost entirely in the winter, and they have changed so many historical things why do they have to stick with this. Also (Season 2 Spoiler) last season Mary and Francis spent so much time apart that now they are together and happy it hurts to know soon they will be forever apart. 
Other Things in My Life
 I have been actively volunteering with Horizons for Homeless Children. It is probably my saving grace every week as being able to play and interact with the children is my biggest stress reliever. I can't take photos of the kids but they are some of the cutest kids.

Looking Forward To
I know it might be silly but one thing I am really looking forward to is Mockingjay part 2 coming out.

Okay I think this was a good update on my life but before I go just wanted to share one more song from Glee... there were so many good performances but this was probably one of my favorites. 
Song- Mashup: "Rumor Has It/Someone Like You"
The last 30 seconds probably won't make sense unless you have seen the show. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Facing some truths in my life

The Ten Commandments

I have been reading through the Old Testament and there is a big stress on idolatry and I guess this is easily thought to be bowing down to statue and maybe I have seen the movie The Ten Commandments too much because I sometimes picture that when I think of idolatry. While the commentary in my Bible always mention that idolatry can came in forms of wanting power, money or sex and I thought then I am good I don't really think about those things at least not in an obsessive way. So in some way I thought I was exempt from idolatry but in reading the Old Testament I have come to see myself more and more as an Israelite.

Let me go back, I am a child of divorce, and while I never thought my parents divorce was my fault, I felt the ripples of their divorce and believed that I could lessen the pain of it if I made them both happy with me. So from a young age I was a "people pleaser" so much so much that I felt like people wouldn't love me unless I made them happy. In that I never felt good enough to be loved because no matter what I did I didn't feel like it was good enough. For example one time my dad and I were at the hardware store and he mentioned something about wearing make-up (at that time I didn't wear make-up) and I just started crying because I thought "Really, really. I had just finished high school and gotten into college and was trying so hard to be the 'good daughter' and you are concerned about my make-up." I now know my dad made that comment only to be helpful but I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back. And my dad was just there so confused by why I was crying. Anyway needless I have often felt like no matter what I did I just wasn't good enough. It kind of felt like there was this hole in me that no matter what I did I couldn't fill and until it was filled I kept thinking people wouldn't love me.

At my church we are going through the book of Hosea and talking about how God pursued the people of Israel. If you don't know the book of Hosea was commanded by God to marry a prostitute and in the story she runs back to her former ways and Hosea has to buy her freedom back. Hosea's life was a symbolism for God's love to his people. Because while they were praising other gods and falling for idolatry, God still loved them and still called them his people. It really is an amazing story. Last week my pastor was talking about idolatry and while this thought had been floating through my mind he said something about when we have idolatry in our lives it might present itself in different ways but at the heart of is idolatry. He gave an example but the best example of this comes from my own life.

I will say, while I have never sought power or money I have sought love and acceptance to the point where I would say it was my identity. In fact when I was dating my most serious boyfriend, to date, I started putting the hope and trust I should have in God in him and when it ended, it crushed me. I almost felt I lost my world.Anyway, going back, to my example I feel my desire to be loved and accepted as become my idol... it has manifested in people pleasing and it has manifested in my insecurities and in my pride. But at the heart of it, I just want to be loved.

The other day I was walking down the street thinking about my outfit hoping that it was cute and it hit me "hey I think its cute and I only have me and God to impress." And God made me, He formed me and He knows all the details of me. He knows my ups and downs, my good times and bad times and he knows all my flaws and He still calls me "Beloved." The verse Psalm 45:11 comes to mind "The King is enthralled by your beauty honor Him for he is the Lord."

As I am writing this it sounds silly that I struggle so much with love and acceptance because God loved me so much He sent His son to live a perfect and humble life, die as an innocent sacrifice for all my sins, and conquer death so I can have a new complete life in Him. I would love to say that I got this now under control but these feeling have deep roots in me and it is a process to get to. But I am blessed to have God, my family and friends to support me in this. And slowly I hope to hear God's words of love instead of the words of fear in me.

So while I may not be bowing down to a golden calf like the Israelites I definitely need to work on not bowing down to other gods in my life.
Hebrews 10:23- This verse has come to me a lot in the last few weeks
*- I promise a lighter topic next time.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Discovering my Mountain

Dear Anne, 

I have just finished my 3 part blog posting on "Not Forsaken". If you have not read them I hope you will because otherwise this letter will not make a lot of sense. At the bottom of the 3rd post I wrote about how my friend keeps telling of me of a mountain that when God has something he wants to teach us and we ignore Him we will circle around a mountain but never actually able to climb it. As beautiful as I think mountains are I have never been an outdoorsy person. So I apologize ahead of time if I lose the analogy. 

Anyway, the idea of this mountain and circling around it comes from the Old Testament, the story of the Israelite's and their wandering through the desert as they wait to enter the promise land. (Sorry I am also not a big Old Testament scholar so forgive me if I miss quote something). But the Israelite's are lead out of Egypt (and their slavery) by Moses and Aaron and very soon after entering the desert they begin to complain and grumble about how God has abandon them. First they decide to build an altar and make an idol and say that Baal (the golden calf) brought them out of the Egypt. Then at one time they want to return back to Egypt and go back to their harsh life of slavery as they think it will be better than their lives in the desert with God. Because they are not following God they are left to wander the desert. But God has not abandoned them. It is written that a cloud of smoke by day and fire by night lead them (Deuteronomy 1:32,33). Even with having God's presence they still grumble and did not always trust in God. Before I go criticizing the Israelites I should stop, how many time have I grumbled and not trusted God? And so many times when I read the Old Testament I realize I am much like the Isrealites.  I may not have God's presence like a cloud of smoke but I definitely have God's presence in my life. So let me move on...

As I was working on my 3 post for "Not forsaken" and reflecting on all my post I have already written I discovered something. As much as I write about hope... I still don't know what it means to hope in the Lord and in that I don't know what it means to truly trust in the Lord.  I know to trust in the Lord in the grand scheme of things. I know that the Lord has a perfect plan for me and in that I trust. I also know when I try to take control over my life it feels like it falls apart. But on a day to day basis, I don't know what it means to Trust in the Lord, so I keep circling this mountain. 

how I imagine letting go
I will admit that I have a fear of not being "good enough." So sometimes I feel I have to watch every step to make sure I am being "perfect" (even though I know perfection cannot be reached). I fear that I am not "good enough" people will see me as the wreck (I feel I often am) and they will stop loving me. So when I think things are going bad in my life, I try to take control in the situation, and fix myself. Though when I try to take control of the situation I slip, I fall and world seems even worse off than when I started. I know it is because I have pushed God away because I want control. So I go around the mountain again. I feel this is a constant pattern in my life. But I am going to change it... so I can go up the mountain and experience all of God's goodness and grace.

As I said I am not an outdoorsy person so I don't really know how to climb a mountain. In fact the last time I climbed a mountain was almost 6 years ago and there was a marked path and I had a group of friends and leaders. While I have no marked path here, I know I have God. I have friends and I have lots of people who speak great truth in my life. 

So I hope to learn how to climb this mountain.