Writer's Feelings

I love reading blogs on writing... so here is my Friday's Feature for this week.

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Last year when I picked up blogging again the first blogger I came across was Sarah now at Well and Cheaply her blog inspired me to be a better blogger. So I think it is only appropriate to feature her this week. In her post "I'm a writer" she writes about the guilt she faces for not being a published writer.

So, I haven't actually talked about the fact that I'm a writer on this blog yet.  And while I like to consider this a "lifestyle blog," which sort of gives me the freedom to write about whatever the hell I want, I also hope for this space to be a writer's blog.  Before I start talking about my writing here though, I have something else I'm afraid to tell you:

The other day, my mom was asking me about my writing in a completely supportive and interested way.  And I just didn't want to talk about it.  Finally, she said, "why are you acting defensive?  Is it the question's I'm asking?"  And I couldn't answer her.  I knew she was right, I knew I was acting defensive and yet, why?

The conversation stuck in my head for a long time, and I was trying to figure out what was going on.  I think that I've come to a place where my relationship with writing -while I'm very passionate about it, is steeped in guilt and shame.  All of this guilt and shame has to do with not being published.  And I think I spend my time telling myself that I don't really feel this way.  And yet, when my mom asks me about my writing I get defensive because if I really let my guard down, I know I'd just start crying.

To read more click here

Since she came out about her guilt for not being published. I will come out about my feelings about writing. I feel ashamed about my writing. I have been writing stories since I was a little girl, I can't remember when I wasn't writing. But the truth is as much as I envision myself as a writer more specifically a novelist I have never finished a story. All my life I have filled notebooks maybe half way through then got inspired by another idea and I would drop the notebook and move onto another story. I think when I was in high school my mom got fed up with all these notebooks and started throwing them away (rightly so). Because I have never finished a story, I don't really come out and tell people I am a writer, it takes me awhile to feel comfortable with them to let them know that my passion in life is writing. Writing is a very vulnerable process for me, as I am sure it is with most writers, my stories are my own little world and letting some one in that space is very hard for me.

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For a long time I would write stories and never let anyone read them. I was embarrassed by my horrible spelling skills and grammar is hard for me as well. How can I be a writer if I can't spell or even properly construct a sentence? 

I guess I am also embarrassed by my writings. They are definitely written from a hopeful romantic perspective, who idealizes the past and wishes that first loves would be life time loves. I guess my writings always seemed a little silly or foolish in the world of serious literature but this is the world I escape to. It is my happy place, I guess if I was to put a picture to my happy place this would be it...

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But if I didn't write I think I would feel a void. With this blog and all the love and support I have gotten through writing it I am more willing to let people into my world. Though sometimes it is hard to let people in so sorry if I don't come right out and share my passion with you.   

Right now I am really pushing myself to finish my current story even if it never gets published I want to say I finished writing a story The Sisters of Pine Haven. 

I saw this on Pinterest and thought it was good inspiration to end this post...

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Writing Wednesday

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"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

-Hemingway

I got to a part in my story where I couldn't think of where to go next. I mean I knew what I wanted to say but I couldn't think of how to write it. In order to get inspiration I read back through what I had already written. One thing I noticed was that I left out some words, one time I used the word "hose" when I meant to write "host" and in my post Afternoon Tea  I realized I totally copied and pasted wrong from my word document. First I am sorry readers for this mistake. If you go to that post now it is all set up properly. Tonight I got through 3 post out of the 25 written for my blog is Sisters of Pine Haven but I will get through some more over the coming weeks before summer classes start. 

Here is a preview of the updated Afternoon Tea...

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It was in these woods Miss Pembers knew to look for Emmy when the household was expecting Mrs. Melbourne and her eligible son Mr. Melbourne for tea. 

“Miss Emmy you have been outside long enough it is time for tea and your mother insist you come outside.” 

“I don’t want to be involved in anything where Laurel throws herself at the boring man Mr. Melbourne is.” 

“I seriously doubt Miss Laurel will throw herself at anyone, it would be in-proper and your sister has a higher sense of propriety then anyone I know. Now come or I shall send Helena to get you.” 

Helena was Grandma Danford’s cook who had no problem disciplining the girls into good behavior with a wooden spoon, Emmy suffered the worst for it. She was hardly the a model of good behavior from her unkempt hair, dirty finger nails and stockings sometimes covered in mud. Mother would only allow Helena to give Emmy one or two hits but Emmy still felt the blows to be fatal. With the threat of Helena’s wooden spoon Emmy climbed down from her rock and dusted herself off before presenting herself to Miss Pembers. 

“And where are your shoes.”

“One can hardly climb with those little boots on, I would slip and break my neck.”

“Your Grandmother would break your neck knowing you walked outside barefoot. It is a good thing you have yet to wear long dresses you would ruin all of the with your childish ways.”

“I am not a child.”

“Well you are certainly not acting like a girl of sixteen. Playing in the woods, day dreaming and losing yourself in your world of make believe.”

“I like my world it is more interesting then this world.”

“Hush your mouth. You have all beauty and luxury around you. You are lucky to have such a fortunate family. There are girls in orphanages who dream of having what you have.”

Emmy wanted to remind Miss Pembers that none of the beauty and luxury was hers to do with what she would. If it was she would sale everything and explore the world. It all belonged to her Grandma and then it would go to uncle and the girls would receive nothing. She wanted to remind Miss Pembers of all that but know when Miss Pembers let her Irish accent slop she was about to let her hot temp out. So Emmy kept her mouth shut.

Click here to read more

Happy Graduation

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For all my friend's who are graduating here are some songs to celebrate your accomplishment.

The 2000 classic Vitamin C song  Graduation (friend's forever)

Now pour a drink and dance around you have worked hard. 

Kool and the Gang- Celebrate 

Black Eye Peas- I got a feeling

Have fun celebrating!

Can't wait till I can join your graduated ranks.

Love of Fashion!

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I love fashion history!  I am very picky too about my fashion history to be accurate. I mean I got upset at Barnes and Nobles because they had a cover of Little Women with women in Empire waist dresses and a copy of Emma in Victorian dresses those are backwards. Of course at that time I was in high school and none of my friends understood but this is example of how specific I like it to be. 

When I am writing a story I always want to make sure the way I describe dresses is historically accurate. I have a whole pin board on pinterest board dedicated to Edwardian Fashion. This part of the story was really fun as I not only got to look at Edwardian wedding dresses  I also learned about Edwardian wedding customs. Apparently they didn't have receptions like we do today usually the married couple were just escorted to the train station and then they were off on their honeymoon. (I might take some artistic liberties here).  


Here are some links I used for my writing
1. The Wedding 
2. Wedding Traditions

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The insert story below is from part of my newest post Kathryn's Wedding ...

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Friday passed uneventfully, Mrs. James threw a little dinner in Kathryn's honor. Mrs. James insisted that it end early to make sure the wedding party slept well. Truth be told no one slept very well. Kathryn woke up several time to make sure she had not over slept and she got up walk to the closet and looked her dress. They had found it last spring in one of the best shop in New York that imported directly from Paris. It was a beautiful cream white silk with lace cuff on the sleeves, lace around the neck and some subtle beading in the bust line and skirt that flowed into at least two foot train. Her veil came with its own tiara that fell half the way of the train of the dress and had the same beaded pattern along the edge. It would all be glamorous and while Kathryn longed for a quiet ceremony she loved this dress and felt like a princess when she stepped into it. Her mother told her face glowed when she first tried it on in that New York shop. She felt her face glow every time she looked at the dress. Looking at the dress now she could not wait till Nicholas saw her in it tomorrow.

            "Miss," a voice startled her.

            Kathryn flinched then turned to see her petite maid "Bea, you startled me."

            "I am sorry miss, I saw the light under the door and I was just making sure things were all right."

            "Yes Bea, things are wonderful. It is a pretty dress isn't it"

            "Yes Miss. You will be a princess in it."

            "Thank you Bea."

            "Do you need anything Miss?"

            "No Bea, you go back to bed, tomorrow is going to be a long day and mother will run you raged if you are not will rested."

            "Yes Miss, you need your sleep too, we would not want you falling asleep at your own wedding."

            "I won't Bea, I am too excited."

            "Yes Miss, good night Miss. The future Mrs. Nicholas Danford."

            The sound of her new name sent a thrill up her spine. She walked back to her bed and fell asleep till Bea woke up for good. The James house buzzed starting at sunrise. Mrs. James made sure everyone ate a full breakfast especially Kathryn. She was not going to have Kathryn gouge on food at the luncheon making her look wild beast on the biggest day of her life. Kathryn was then tugged into a corset. Kathryn could tell Bea was ordered to pull the strings extra tight, she could also tell that these orders made Bea uncomfortable as Kathryn winced. She took her last deep breath of the day and told Bea as happily as she could that it was all right. She tried to laugh it off that beauty was pain.

            The church was done to the tops filled with the fragrance of yellow and orange color trumpet lilies that made the air smell sweet for miles around and were the perfect color for autumn. Mrs. James thought lilies would be fragrant but Kathryn wanted lilies more than anything. They were no in season anymore, so they had to be specially grown for the occasion. No expense was spared and Kathryn used the fact that her mother wanted to prove to all of Boston that her daughter was worthy of the Danford name as leverage to get any lavish touch she wanted. Though the church was filled with yellow and orange lilies Kathryn just carried a simple bouquet of white roses that were the same shade of the cream that match her dress.

To read more of the story click here