Writer confession... I am a bad writer

{pic}

{pic}

Okay I saw this picture on Pinterest and loved it... Though it was a little out of date for the setting of my story I thought it was perfect for my characters. So I went to pin in on my "Lovely Inspiration" and when Pinterest asked me to describe the pin I thought "wait what are my character's name?" I mean I know my main character's names (Mattie and Shane) but I could not think of Mattie's sister's name... Daphne.

Whoa that's bad and I hung my head in disappointment trying to think of when was the last time I truly looked at my story. I could make an excuse of being on vacation and almost as soon as I got off the plane I was in moving mode. But still I have 100s of pins about how writing a daily thing... and for me its just not. I feel like a bad writer.

As I am transitioning back to school it feels like a good time to get a fresh start and I want write the promise that I will write every day... but knowing the reality of working and hopefully finishing my thesis won't leave much time for my creative writing. However, I know escaping into my writing will help me stay sane. So my goal is to make time to write and post parts of my story as frequently as possible. (I know that's vague but I am trying.)

Something to remember...

{pic}

To begin with here is part of my story of my working title "Grand Days"...

An idea for Cranston Court
{pic}

Cranston Court stood as relic to the Tudor era with an almost gothic feel to it. At least on the outside on the inside it looked more like a French palace, or so Mattie imagined, don in the Rococo style as if Louis XVI would come in any moment. Lady Welford was an American Heiress through and through and had mad made the talk of the country when she refused to move into Cranston when Lord Welford inherited it. She insisted for many modern improvements that were common in America. This included new pipes, better fitting windows to block the drafts and dumb waiters so food would be warm when it reached the dinner table. This was before Mattie was born but it was still gossiped about the village.

            

Daphne and Mattie followed Parker up the back stair case from the kitchen to the third floor. Mattie was puzzled where they were going to find dresses for her and Daphne for Lady Welford only had one son. Amongst the splendor of Cranston Court Mattie began to feel the shabbiness of their attire even if they didn't have any mud stains on them. She felt certain that she would never fit into the grandness of a place in this and she felt certain that whatever she did would bring shame to Lady Welford, and she did not want to do that after all Lady Welford was already being so generous to them. Even Daphne who far outweighed Mattie in beauty looked a bit faded against the grandeur of Cranston. After passing through a long corridor that took them to the end of the house and into a wing that was barely touched, Parker stopped at a door.     

He didn't open the door but spoke in hushed by very firm voice. "This was my sister, Aurora's room. I am sure my mother, Lady Welford, would like it to be left they way you found it. Get dressed quickly. Food will be in the nursery shortly."

            

When Parker opened the room, the creamy pink color that covered the wall almost made it shine against the dark interior of the hall. The room was so dainty  and sweet with comforter, the curtains, and the pillow all matching in a cheery flower print. Mattie quickly noticed the little doll with curly brown ringlets sitting in a high chair in the corner with a bassinet in the middle of the room all the perfect size for the doll. And in the bassinet there was light pink blanket that matched the colors of the with the initials APW stitched on it. The one thing Mattie noticed the most was the lack of dust, which seemed astonishing for the corridor looked as if no one ever touched this part of the house. Everything though in this room looked as if it had been cleaned all the time.

           

"Mathilda! Don't touch anything," Daphne snapped at her as she was staring at the doll.

For the story to be accurate it must be noted that even though no one was listening the girls spoke in a whisper as if someone was.

"I wasn't, I was just looking. Don't you find it a bit curious that we have known the Welford family all our lives, at least Parker, and we have never heard of this Aurora Welford. I always thought Parker was an only child."

"No Mattie, it was not curious at all. You only make things curious because you don't occupy your time with more important things. You read too many novels and it has affected your sensibilities. Now we have to find something to wear, we don't want to keep them waiting." 

Thoughts for Thursday*

{pic}

After my last post Body Thoughts I found this quote on Pinterest and I just really wanted to share it. I must say I am quite impressed by my readership on that post... I posted it around 11 AM and by 5 PM blogger told me that 36 people I read it. I don't think any of my post had been read that many times in 1 day except my Lots of Love post. I feel quite blessed and I have loved the responses I have gotten via Facebook. Thanks. 

I am trying to write post with meaning and not just have post for the sake of having post. I feel like the post I have recently written might have seemed like I was going through a low point. I don't want you, my readers, to think that at all. Yes, I feel things are changing in my life it feels like a new season with a new apartment and starting school again (hopefully for my last semester). Yes, sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by it so sometimes I get a little negative and a little down... sorry that comes out in this blog. Writing has always helped me understand better what is going in my mind. But I don't want people to worrying. 

{pic}

I have moved into my apartment and my roommate wants to decorate... she hates the blank white walls (me too). I like having motivational quotes or inspiring Bible verses around my mirror and so I asked her how she felt about that. And she liked it. So I have been going through my Pinterest board "You Just Have to Believe" and I found this one.

I know sometimes I do things and more often don't do things because my fears. I am trying to be open with my life and try to experience new things. But sometimes I know that I hold onto regrets and negative things closer to my heart than positive things (I don't know why that is but I wish I could stop).

A couple of weekends ago I was hanging out with friends and one mentioned that "faith is a verb therefore it is an action." As much as I like writing and talking about things I think I actually have to start doing things. I am not sure what that looks like but I am praying God opens my heart to what he desires... next step action.

{pic}

*- I like alliterations 

The Book Thief (Movie Review)... Get your tissues

{pic}

I watched The Book Thief  over the weekend and let me just say it is a movie that I think everyone should watch... with tissues that is. It is not a movie I could watch over and over again (so I probably won't be buying) because it is a really powerful movie. It stars Geoffrey Rush as Hans Huberman, Emily Watson as Rosa Huberman, Sophie Nelisse as Liesel and the voice of Roger Allam as Death or the Narrator. The movie is based off the book The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, that I read last winter but missed the movie. I was intrigued by the book because it was about WWII from the German perspective, this didn't seem to be a perspective I had been taught about much. Also from the back of the book I could tell Liesel loved words and the stories that could be told with words so much she was willing to steal them to protect them from Nazis destruction.

I actually liked that it had been awhile since I had read the book because I didn't remember all the details of the book so I could enjoy the movie itself without comparing and contrasting it to the book.

Liesel and Hans
{pic}

Liesel saving a book from fire
{pic}

The story starts off with Hans and Rosa taking in Liesel, because her mom is a communist and no longer safe in Nazi Germany. Liesel bonds with Hans more in the film. She has to call them "mama" and "papa" but you can tell the way she says "papa" she is happy to say it. When he discovers she can't read he helps her learn and they instantly bond over words. She makes a friend in Rudy (the boy next doors) and while things seem good there is a tension under it all... Hans doesn't like the Nazis politics, which is clear when it is the Fuher's birthday they have to find the flag buried in the basement. Then later in the story they take in and hide Max, a Jew. This she has to keep absolutely secret because if it was ever discovered they were hiding a Jew their lives would be in danger.

Liesel and Max
{pic}

I won't go to much into the plot as I don't want to give away spoilers about the movie (for those who haven't read the book). I would say though the story is told with the narrator being Death so not everyone has a happy ending however as he starts off the movie saying "everyone dies."

You can tell when there is a shot of a character touching books like this they love them
{pic}

What I liked- The story was compelling. Some reviewers said that it could have packed a better punch but I feel a story cannot do everything... it wasn't a story about over throwing Hitler. It was a story about a girl and her love of words and in that resisted the Nazis' ideals. What I loved about this story was Liesel's love of words. She started off the story not knowing how to read but even still she was protective of the first book she stole. When she is hiding from an air raid she starts telling a story to comfort her neighbors. I love stories where the main character loves books and stories and uses them to help the people around them.

Liesel telling stories in hiding.
{pic}

Also I loved the focus of the story being about the German perspective in WWII. There might be many books and movies about this and I might be clueless to them but I felt this was a fresh perspective. And it wasn't just a German perspective it was Germans who in albeit small ways stood against the Nazis regime.

The wise words of Max: 

Liesel sneaking into Mayor's library
{pic}

What I didn't like- I know there were some details from the novel that were left out of the movie, but I didn't think this detracted from the story. However, I think the relationship between the Mayor's Wife and Liesel could have been developed more. The Mayor's Wife witnesses Liesel saving a book from the fire and lets her come in to their library and read (very much against the preaching of her husband). Then when they are caught reading Liesel starts stealing or "borrowing" books from the Mayor's library. In the book the Mayor's wife actually leaves the window open for Liesel to sneak in and out of... and I think a detail like this would not have been hard to have in the movie.

Also there was one scene that was violent and threw me. I know the movie's subject is about WWII and an Jew running away for safety...so this would naturally lead to violence but there is a difference between reading it and seeing it. Sometime when reading violence (since I can't really imagine it) I can sort gloss over it. While the scene made sense for the story I guess I don't like seeing the brutality of man towards others. It just hurts my heart.

Over all- Loved this film, though probably won't be watching it over and over again because I like to breathe and there were many moments while watching this film I held my breath to find out what was going on. The film is rated PG-13 and not so much for language because all the bad words are in German (though they are translated in the book) it is more for content. When I told my friend I was going to be watching it, she said "let me know if you think my daughter would like it?" Knowing her daughter and how emotional she can be and I fear this book would hurt her idealistic view of human kind.

If you watch it... I recommend having tissues close by. Though the narrator is Death, I am happy to say what Liesel lives to an old age. And I like the way Death closes the movie..

{pic}

{pic}

Body thoughts

From the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty"
{pic}

I am a modest person... I do prefer to cover myself up and I have always thought that modesty was more beautiful. But lately I have been wondering if I hide behind the idea of being modest because I am not confident in my body.

my cousin and I... last summer

I don't have an amazing body and I am okay with that. I don't consider myself sexy and I am okay with that. I cast myself as a Plain Jane and no matter how many times my friends and family tell me I am beautiful I have a hard time believing it. I don't know why this is but sometimes I think I use my ideals of modesty to try my body. There are many moments in my life when I don't feel comfortable in my body or knowing that people are looking at me. One of those moments are when I am in a bathing suit... yep I wear a one piece and wear shorts over them. In one respect I like wearing a one piece because my husband will be the first man to see my belly button (I know that might sound odd.) This pays off because I don't have to apply additional sunscreen but the number one reason I wear the shorts is I don't like my legs or at least my thighs.

I also have a friend who keeps asking me to work out with her. And I know I should it is healthy. But the gym I work out feels like a fashion show with women wearing the newest lulu lemon and don't even sweat. When I think about working out I think about hiding away and no one seeing me. Even still my mind just goes into negative mode. I know I am not in shape, I know that is bad however I don't feel comfortable with the idea of working out. 

It actually makes me feel mentally paralyzing and a hatred of my body.

I know that is bad thinking and it hurts my heart thinking that way. In the Bible it talks about in Genesis how God made us in His image. And there is scripture about how the body is the temple of God. "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own"-1 Corinthians 6:19. I know these verses are talking about sexual morality... but its true, God has called our bodies his Temple.

From all my readings The Temple in the Old Testament was a sacred spot where the presence of God lived in. Then after Jesus the Holy Spirit (the presence of God) was to live in our hearts, and in that our bodies are temples of God. That is a powerful statement... but what does it say about me that there are times I hate my body?

Before I go to far-- let me say these feelings are not everyday. Most of the time (with a bit of make-up) I think I am pretty. So I don't want my mom (my most consistent reader to be concerned about me). These are just passing thoughts and writing them out helps me think about them more and get to the through and muddle through them. Also I hope in my idealistic way that I will write these post and maybe get communication going about things people may not usually talk about. 

I started off this post thinking that hide behind my modesty because I think I lack confidence in my body... but now I am wondering if it is a deeper issue. I am still muddling through these thoughts. If you have any thoughts please let me know... THANKS!

Just thought it was funny
{pic}