Things Seem Up in the Air

Hello lovely readers,

Last week on Facebook, I shared I was struggling in my quiet time and that "It has been hard for me to get into the word and really feel connected to God's word. I read my Bible usually as I eat breakfast but it doesn't sink in and I feel leave the moment with no difference to my day. I feel I am kind of drifting away from being connected to God. If you have any suggestions of routine, books (in the Bible) or Devotionals to read, that would be great. Also prayers (I know there are bigger things in the world that are happening) would be greatly appreciated because I know this drifting feeling and it is very isolating." And I was overwhelmed by the support I got from my Facebook community, people who haven't talked to in years provided support and I felt blessed to have the support. So first I want to thank the people.

I have recently felt things have been in the air with my life and I seeking God's direction for life... And I am not sure what that is but I feel change is in the air. During one of my quiet times I prayed "Lord give me guidance. I feel so many things are up in the air... bu my desire to do what you want. Oh Lord I wish I had a vision for what you wanted from my life, but oh God, and I might never have a clear vision for my life. I pray Oh God you lea me no matter what may com. Be my God. Lord I know I have strayed from you. I know I have not kept you a top priority and I have fallen away from you. I know come in desperation because I want my life to make sense, and right now it doesn't. Lord but I also know my life depends on you... Lord be with me, guide me, take my by the hand and show me your path." Then I read the passage "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"-Psalm 27:14. 

Sometimes when I have these moments of dryness I feel God has left me... but in my truest heart I know that hasn't true because I know my life depends on God. Over the years I have learned that when I try to do things on my own that my world feels to begins to crumble and that I feel I drown with no hope of being saved... but God is my true savior. Though I will be the first one to admit that it is hard to hold on to these truths, especially when things aren't going the way you imagine.

Right now I am in a time of waiting and knowing that no matter what I am going through that God with is with. While things seem up in the air I know I can rely on God to guide me. That is what I am seeking God's guidance through these times. 

Book Blurb...The Rose Garden

Hello lovely readers,

I cheated on my 26 book challenge, I just read The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley. Back in June my friend introduced me to The Winter Sea by Susanna Kearsley and I fell in love with it so I wanted to read more books by her. So I cheated on my challenge and read The Rose Garden. Kearsley writes very well and intriguing plots that it is is easy to read her books quickly. Both The Winter Sea and The Rose Garden are a nice mix of modern day stories and historical fiction...which I like. Also both historical stories take place in the early 1700s. I know I might be off but I can't help thinking of Ross Poldark when I picture the male character (he is stuck in my head).


In this story Eva comes to Cornwall, England, the place of her childhood summers, to scatter the ashes of her sister. Then she ends up staying in Cornwall in order to help her family friends start a new business. In the mean time some weird things start to happen, she starts hearing voices of men who are not there and she believes she sees a man standing a field that had been empty. She thinks she is hallucinating but then she realizes she is traveling back in time and meets Daniel Butler. Soon she realizes that this time of 1715 feels more at home than her own time period.

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It takes of just believing that time travel is possible but it wasn't that hard to believe in Kearsley's writing. I actually really liked the idea that love was not bound by the idea of time... and that a feeling of home was not just a place but people. Also the scenery of the story was beautiful. It makes me want to go to Cornwall. 

Over all I enjoyed the book and it was a nice bit of historical escapism. But one thing I liked about The Winter Sea more so was the fact it was dual line story, and it really involved more historical detail. My friend who introduced me to the writer confirmed that Susanna Kearsley loves the Jacobites history... which I am okay with because it has opened my eyes to a period of history I knew nothing about (read more). While the Jacobite history seemed crucial to The Winter Sea it did not seem so crucial to the plot of The Rose Garden. I felt Eva could have been transported back in time to any century and the story would have still been the same. I like when the historical elements are crucial to the story. Though this fact does not take away from the intrigue of the story.

I think one lesson I got out of the story was...

"Life is always uncertain. 

We cannot let the fear of what might happen stop us living as we choose." 

- The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley

Yours Faithfully... Letter #12

My dearest Aunt,

I am sorry it has been so long since I have written. Ever since Cassandra has come my new mama has kept us all quite busy paying calls, going to dinners and spending our times out and about doing frivolous things I am not used to doing. However, I cannot complain too greatly the busyness keeps me distracted and distraction is what I most desire now.

I regret to write that I have failed to visit Uncle and your boys, mama states that I am not suppose to make calls on people in mourning. She said people in mourning are best left alone and they wouldn't want to be interrupted in their grief. I don't remember such exclusion after my mother died... father went right back to work as he had to and I was surrounded by Miss Browning, Miss Phoebe, and you. I didn't like to be alone then. I guess my uncle has Hugh and Ozzie to be with him and I guess that must be enough. I do wish to see them though mama says impossible.

The only good news is soon it will be Easter and most of the town is eager about the ball at The Towers. It s truly my first ball and I am very nervous. Cassandra is so kind, when I told her I was nervous she started giving me dance lessons. Mama calls silly girls, Cassandra says it is good for us to practice as dancing is a sure sign to a man that we are true ladies. I don't think I am a true lady, I have been practicing my dance steps for weeks but I am still step on Cassandra's toes and I get the counting off. I wish Hugh or Ozzie could come to the ball, they are like my brothers and I know if I was dancing with them I wouldn't be so nervous. Actually, I don't know if they dance. I figure Ozzie does as you would not let him go through his childhood without teaching him, and he is far more poetic then Hugh and all poets must dance, for dancing is poetry in movement. I don't know it that is a quote from a book or not... it feels like something I have read.

I wish I could see Hugh, I finished his newest recommendation and I would love to discuss with him. There were a few passages I did not understand about the Arabian desert and I thought Hugh would help me make sense of them. He is so well educated and I am sure from the way he speaks he has been all over the world or at least read up on every part of the world. Sometimes when I speak to him I feel so uneducated. Not by his words or actions, he has always made me feel at easy, but yet I know how more he has learned than I have. He seems to understands faster than I could. And though he is far my superior in education he has such a warm and generous heart. He has not become cynical in his learning. He still believes the best in people, well he sees the best in me, always encouraging me to read far beyond what I am used to. Last time I saw him he said I had a mind far superior than most men he had met. I will take that as a compliment, even if I struggled to follow him and Ozzie's conversations. 

I must leave now, mama calls me, we are to attend the dress makers and I am to have a new dress for the ball. Oh how fabulous that will be. 

All my love.

P.S.- I will keep me posted on Uncle and your sons as soon as I can.

Previous Post

Maybe its a Bit Morbid

Post: I Press on Towards the Goal

Hello lovely readers,

I am not usually a person who thinks a lot about death, but lately I have...

In Honduras

After my grandad passed away a couple of years ago, quite by surprise, we had to plan his funeral and besides where he wanted to be buried, it felt like none of us really knew what he wanted. I then began to think if anything did happen to me I would want people to know what passages and songs I liked. So I wrote them down and put them in the back of my Bible (just in case). Then when I went to Honduras I had a weird feeling of peace that I may not come back, so before I left I decided to write a quick note of how I wanted some of my things divided (not that I have much)... but silly things like I want my niece to have my Mary Cassatt prints that I have had since I was a little girl, I wanted my friend to look after my cat (if she was able to) and I wanted my mom to have my Bible. (By the way this note is still in the back of my Bible if anything should happen to me).

So these are as morbid as my thought went, until recently. I blame the last two books I have read... both of them have dealt with death in someway. In The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery (author of Anne of Green Gables) Valancy Stirling has lived a life with very strict regulations and always trying to please her family, until she is 29 years old and she goes to the doctor and he tells her she only has at max one more year to live. She decides she is no longer going to live in the confines of her strict family and decides to actually live... it is over all a very sweet story.

But it has got me thinking... what if I only had a year to live?

I would of course like to spend as much time with my family as possible. I think immediately I would like to spend any time I felt well I would want to be with my niece and nephews and soak up enough time with them. I don't think I would want them to see me when I was truly sick... as I would hate for that to be the last image they had of me.
 

Me at Windsor Castle

I think I would also like to spend time finishing my work in progress (at least in first draft). I have wanted to be a writer all my life but I have many works that I have not completed and I would like to have at least one work done. And then maybe hand it over to some one to see it through to be published.

I have also made a second family up here in Boston, so I would like to be here as well. I have some other thoughts of maybe traveling to England one more time as it is my favorite place outside the U.S. but if I didn't get to it I wouldn't mind. Being around the people I love the most would be most important.

Not to leave you on a completely morbid thought... and having you think I am a morbid person.Valancy's story is not just about what she did with her time it is about how she faced the idea that she was dying. Instead of just sticking too routine she decided to go out and actually live her life. The book is called The Blue Castle because whenever Valancy is sad she dreams up this blue castle to escape to. In the story she decides to chase after her "blue castle" the place she is most comforted. In doing this she speaks up for herself and even finds love.

I understood a lot where Valancy come from...She feels trapped in a life that is not her own. I don't feel trapped bu sometimes I wonder if I hide myself too much. No one likes being vulnerable, but I sometimes fear letting my guard down so much that I feel paralyzed at least mentally. As I was typing up this post, I found this quote on Pinterest:

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And it really struck a chord with me. It tied to this post, in my mind, and I thought instead of using time on what I would do if I only had one more year to live, what I should do with my life now?

I will keep you posted. 

Sorry to start the week on such a morbid note. I just wanted to share some thinking.

Have a good day.