Hello Lovely Readers,
I have been excited to post as much as I have done lately, though I feel they have been kind of frivolous. I am all for frivolity but I need to get something off my chest.
I have been feeling rather distant from God lately, actually I can't remember when I felt close to Him.
I am a weird mix of feeling and wanting formulas. I base a lot of my life how I feel about things and how I want people to feel about me. But when it comes to my faith I would love a formula, like if I did A and B then I get C. And that is not how God works. I also pray frequently "God I just want follow you more, but I am not sure what that looks like." In that I am saying I wish I had a model a list of "to dos" to follow. But that is not what faith is about.
Right now I feel stuck, in wanting to move but not knowing the next step.
I read it because it fulfills my requirement of "reading a book you own but hadn't read." And while reading it I thought it was a cute story with a good message of forgiveness, hope and second chances. It was a quick read which I liked, but nothing really hit me. Until the end.
Through out the book various characters hear God telling them something. I know it is fiction, however I began to wonder does God really speak. If He does, He doesn't speak to me.
I have friends who speak to me and I feel it is God's truth. The best example I can give is I was questioning somethings in my life and I had prayed about them but I hadn't told anyone about my thinking. And then my friend just brought it up in random conversation. I thought that had to be God, there was no other way to explain it. But that hasn't happened in awhile. So I began to blame myself because I know I haven't really been opening myself to God.
I am not sure how to listen. I am not sure if I want to hear God, just for some reassurance that I am doing okay, or if I want to hear from Him because I want to know what He wants from me. I would love a formula from Him to tell me what do with my life.
Probably not to live life?
After reading The Chance, I thought I should read some more Christian Lit (maybe if I read enough books I will understand what to do). Also reading Searching For God Know What by Donald Miller fulfills the requirement of "reading a book you began but never finished." But this book has hit me more than I thought. I am 4 chapters in and I have underlined so much. I even begun to write some prayers in it. I also know I will be re-reading it because I know my reading on the T I can't get as deep as I like. So far the book talks a lot about how we seek formulas from God, we want the Bible to be a self help book, and how this is not what God intended. God wanted us to be in a relationship with Him, to know Him personally, and to know who we are in Him. To be honest I have been a Christian since I was twelve though probably not following it until after high school (long story). Anyway, I am still not sure what what knowing God personally means. I am hoping Miller will lay it out... but I doubt he will because writes:
I bring this up because life is complex, and the idea that you can break it down or fix it in a dew steps is rather silly. -pg.14
And if he laid out what it meant to know God personally he would be writing a formula. So I am sure I will finish this book with more questions than answers.
I am not looking for to-do list or formulas but if you have any advice and or Bible passages that have helped you please pass them a long.
P.S.- I am going to be taking a little break from blogging as I am going on vacation with my mom... will post pictures later.
|My mom in Florence (almost 9 years ago).|