A Thought for Thursday

This post was inspired by a conversation I had with my roommate last night.

If you have been reading my blog you might have seen a real emotional change from my post A Page From my Diary to now A Sap at Heart and you might be thinking 2 things (if you are thinking something else let me know). 1) What happened to make her change? or 2) She is not being real in her writing?

Well after writing my post "A Page from my Diary" I got some people concerned so at first I thought maybe I should delete that. Then I thought no.... this blog is titled "A Journey through Writing" and that is a part of my journey. So to delete would be false. While I still feel like some of my dreams are on the other side of the country from me, I have decided instead of sulking and moaning about it to enjoy the journey.

On the one hand I think it would be nice if God gave us straight roads and flat lands.

But I then again I have driven through parts of the country that are flat and there is usually not a whole a lot to see.

Even though I am not an outdoorsy kind of person.... I think mountains are way cooler.

And the roads to get up those mountains are loopy and sometimes you may not be able to see where you are going. But isn't what makes life fun... the unknown?

So maybe I can't get on a plane and fly to California to meet my dream (read "A Page from my Diary" for this to make sense), maybe I can't even drive there, maybe I have to walk there but I know one day I will get to the end even if that end is not what I imagine it to. I might just have to walk through a few valley's and mountains to get there.

So yes I am being real with you when I write about my obsession with sappiness, I have just decided to enjoy the journey that life is taking me on.



You can find these pictures on Pinterest

Right now I feel I am walking through a fog of not knowing really where I am going but I see lots of open roads ahead of me and soon the sun will come through and show me where I am suppose to be.

Hope you come a long the journey with me. 

A Pre-Weekend Post

Hello readers,

Usually I write about my weekends on Monday but I am starting this weekend with a pre-weekend post.

As you guys have probably gathered I have been captivated by the mini series Downton Abbey (I know a little late to the game). But I have decided to take my new love of this show and actually use it in class. What, how can this be? No I haven't switched studies to film or creative writing (though both very cool). I have decided when ever I am able to explore more into the Edwardian life style. Even though I love the romantic drama between Mary and Matthew it has been her sister Sybil that actually captures my attention. She is so independent and wants to change the world. (Don't worry I am not revealing anything from the second season).

Lilly Elsie (Edwardian Actress)
Lady Sybil (Downton Abbey)

So in my history class we have to take a secondary source's footnote and track down the primary source to back it up. My topic is going to be Edwardian women... I would really like to explore Edwardian women who do not get married and the up rising professional girls. 

For example why did women take on professions as librarians? As a future librarian and historian I'm really interested in how that became a woman's job (though I do have male class mates). Just a curiosity of how it is now primarily women. 

The Music Man

These are just some thoughts but I do hope to explore them more.... I mean after all one day I will have to write another thesis. Woo hoo!

My Oasis

 If you have not discover Pinterest I really recomend it...I didn't know what was all about when I joined but I love it now because I get to look at fun and artsy pictures. Also I find it a great resource to collect photos for this blog, photos of fashion I like, I even collect photos for my dream wedding, and things I want to learn how to bake, basically I collect photos of the eclectic, hopeful romantic, girly things I love.

I have made one board titled "Eight O'clock at the Oasis"- inspired by an episode of Gilmore Girls. The board is suppose to represent if I could have my dream space what would it include...



All found at Pinterest



Lots of flowers... even though I don't have a green thumb I love flowers

Pretty little tea sets so I can unwind an relax

A cork board wall... I have always wanted one so I can pin up pictures, ideas, and inspirations for the novel I was working on.

Lots of Jane Austen.... really just lots of books and a comfy chair to read the books.

A little garden... though some one else will have to take care of it for me as I said I don't have a green thumb.

A little writing desk... that has a great window to look out (so a nice view).

A comfy bed... I love random nap times.

And a wall with lots of frames holding post cards I like and family members I love.

What would your oasis have?

A page from my diary

Found at Pinterst

I am writing probably more honestly about my emotions then I have ever written.

But I can't keep it bottled up inside any more.

I am burnt out.

Yes, I am juggling going to school and working a full time job,

which is wearing me out

but if that was all I could trudge through to winter break and rest then

but it's not.

In my life I have wanted to be many things

but my heart has only wanted to be two things

a wife and a mother.

I have placed so much time and energy thinking and dreaming about those two things

I lose my focus.

But right now I am no where those goals.

In fact they feel so far away from me that they might as well be in California.



Found at Pinterst

And I don't know what to do...

in fact I feel lost.

I feel all around me that people are getting the things I want

and as happy as I am

I wonder why not me?

I feel this lacking on my life drains me

like little drips from a leaky sink

Found at Flickr

I know, I know

you are going to tell me to "find my identity in Christ"

but is that it, is that all you have to say.

That's not enough.

What does it mean?

What do I do with that answer?

I feel like my pain was just pushed aside.

I need to know what that means, and how to do it.

I am not looking for rules or an A+B equation

just something that gives me more insight in to where I am to go from here.

Because right now I feel I have lost my way,

lost my path,

and my plan.

And I am not for sure where to go.

Thanks for reading.

When I Grow Up

When we are younger we have dreams of becoming doctor's or ballerinas. We all say "when I grow up I will be (fill in chosen profession)"... but when do we ever "grow up" in that context?

I think the first profession I wanted to be was a vet because I loved my dogs and I wanted to take care of other dogs. Of course my dogs were twelve pounds and also loved me and didn't mine me poking them or looking at there teeth. And I think I realized I that not all dogs were twelve pounds and being a vetI would have to deal with all types of animals and maybe not all of them would be so nice. So I walked away from the vet occupation. But I still love animals.

I think the next profession was a train conductor. When I was younger I watched "Shining Time Station" on PBS which is all about Thomas the Train and his friends. I loved it! I don't know if I ever asked or if I just knew my mom didn't have a lot of money back then so I never asked for a train set. I am not talking about electrical trains I am talking about a train set where you got to push the trains around yourself. But boy I wanted one... so what does a kid do... use their imagination of course! I took our movie booxes off the shelves and used the living room floor as my train track. I even remember my system. My Disney movie boxes were the engines because they were the biggest, the VHS we bought were the passenger cars, and the boxes that held recorded VHS stuff was the coal or freight cars.


Found at Justestuff.com

 During high school my mom, step-dad and I watched a lot of the show The West Wing and I wanted to be Donna. She was Josh's (Bradley Whitford) assistant and she she seemed so cool... she knew everything, she was depended on by every one but she didn't have any of the pressure to make the final call. I think even today I like that for a few months at my job I was a Manager on Duty and I hated those shifts because every one looked to me to make a call or be decesive... I am a great helper I am just not a manager. 

Donna played by Janel Moloney
Found at West Wing Beware

I have also wanted to be Abigail Chase from National Treasure. She worked for the National Archive and knew everything about everything, which seemed awesome (maybe if your a geek like me). This and my love for history might have been the reason I started pursuing my dual masters in library science and history. But after seeing the Library of Congress I knew I wanted to be able to walk through the Thomas Jefferson building every day... rather I was a tour guide, worked in the gift shop or actually worked as a librarian there.


A scene from National Treasure
Found at Aneesh Changanity

Found at Pinterest orginally pinned by Lindsey TePastte Kloeckner

This post isn't really about how what I thought I would be doing when I was young, that was to give you, my lovely readers some background into my life. I have wanted to be other things from TV producer to screen writer. I feel there are many paths I would like to take. I want to be an historian, I want to be an author, I want to be an archivist, I also want to go to culinary school and learn how to make fancy desserts like eclairs (I think there might be a fat kid in me wanting to get out). I guess my dream job is to be a full time mom and when my kids are at school take time write (mostly historical fiction, so I can use my love of history) and then bake yummy desserts on the side.

I guess one day I will have to stop saying "when I grow up" and actually do the things I dream about doing. When will stop saying I am a "wanna-be historian" or a "wanna-be writer" or a "wanna-be archivist" and just be those things. I don't know if there is an actual year or an actual date. I think I will stop saying it when I realize I am it. I am a writer... I may not be published but I write a lot and I will work on getting to the other two.



I found this while doing a google search for "historical research" thought it was funny.
Found at The Trades

  These are my thoughts for the day... hope you are pursuing what you want to be...even if its on the side from what pays the bills.