Some wanderings....

Dear Anne,

My mom read my last few letters and she said it sounded like I was "lost", I responded quickly that I am not lost, I am just trying to seek out the best God has to offer and I have a lot of thoughts and questions. 

I still don't think I am lost just hazy on where to go and what to do with my life. I am guessing that is pretty typical, after all I am soon to graduate grad-school, and is making me think of what to do and where to go. 

I have been going through this 30 day challenge, recommended to me by a friend, it has no strict guidelines just 5 out of the 7 days to be in the Word and praying. I made up a schedule of switching between the Old Testament (which I need to read more of), the New Testament and a devotional I have.  But the main point of it is just to listen to God. She read my post Spiritual Jealousy and knew my desire to grow in God. So after I got back from my time in Newport I set out on this challenge. 

As of Friday (6/14) I am on day 15. I thought by now I would have some big revelation of what God desired. The only thing I feel sure of is that I think too much of myself and that I knew going into this. I have written about how I want to make an impact on the world but how can I do that when all I think about myself  and find more comfort living in the world of my novels than I do in the real world. I feel more comfortable writing this blog than actually talking about my feelings with my friends. 

I wrote in my journal: "How do I continue to put others first?" Then I wrote "I am so selfish to even  have to ask that question. " First thing I know is my heart must change, I must focus on other people's needs. How do I do that? That seems like a weird question to shouldn't that be just instinct. 

After I wrote that I reflected over the last time I felt really useful  and it was in Honduras, last August.

one of my favorite pictures from my trip

I so want to be of use in this world. But I am not sure of the next step I should take. Once again I leave this letter with no conclusion. I guess that is okay because a life of faith is not about coming to conclusions is it about the process of being transformed. 

Yours wandering,

Blaire 

P.S.- My friend, who challenged me, sent me a quote who she thinks is by CS Lewis..."Spiritual growth and maturity comes when we start to realize our sin and shortcomings." I tried to look it up but could not find it, I did find a blog called Desire Spiritual Growth  that I will have to check out in more depth. Also I found this... 

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A new to heroine love...

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I have found another heroine to love. It is Molly Gibson from the novel Wives and Daughters, by Elizabeth Gaskell. Molly Gibson is an only daughter of the strong headed and odd Dr. Gibson and she has made it her life's work to serve her father very unselfishly. At the beginning of the story a Mr. Coxe has fallen for her but her father, kind of selfishly, keeps Mr. Coxe's feelings unknown, and sends his daughter off to Hamley Hall. This is where the real action starts. At Hamely Hall we truly see Molly's sacrificing soul as we see her take care of the ailing Mrs. Hamely. Also during this time Dr. Gibson gets engaged to a silly woman. But what is most important for this blog post is we meet Roger Hamley, the second son of the Squire.

Molly and Roger
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I have watched the mini-series a few times and I have fallen in love with it. Plus I know from the comments on YouTube it doesn't have the great romantic ending that the mini-series has because Gaskell dies before she finished the book. So I was intrigued to see where the novel ended. I began reading the novel and I have fallen in love with Molly Gibson.

Molly, Cynthia, and Mrs. Gibson
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Molly is frequently compared to with her step-sister, Cynthia. I feel Gaskell stresses Cynthia's beauty because it is seems to be only outer beauty. Cynthia wants to be good but her mannerism is prone to trouble and while she talks a good deal of goodness she doesn't really improve. Also Cynthia knows she is a beauty, she likes to flirt with men, and use her beauty to get men's attention. Any way Molly is all goodness and everyone around her can see her sweet nature but the man she loves hardly notices her. In fact he sees her only as a sister. And Molly is so sacrificial that she never says one word of her love to Roger Hamley and actually encourages Cynthia in her relationship with Roger.

I am right now at the part where Molly is in pain because she is realizing that Cynthia does not truly love Roger and it breaks her heart. I am happy that have watched the mini-series to know that there is a happy ending for her because right now my heart is breaking for her. 

Molly is the kind of person who is sensible, good hearted, always caring for others over herself, and while she does not speak of it much she has a deep and passionate heart. In some ways I feel she is the heroine I wish I could be and in other ways I feel very much like her. By this I mean, I am not always good at expressing my emotions but I do have a deep heart to love. Molly is written off as plane and I sometimes when I look in the mirror I see a plane girl. Also Molly is noted for spending too much time in her books. But I wish I was like Molly in the way she is always caring for others above her own self and this in the end gives her a happy ending.

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I used to get annoyed with characters who are seen as behaving properly all the time, they seemed too perfect, and a good heroine has flaws. Though the more I read the more I find the more I love these heroines who are sacrificial in the way they act, do not always let their hearts known, but yet they do long for passion and a soul mate. I would count Elinor Dashwood, Fanny Price, Amy Dorrit, and Anne Elliot even though I am not a big fan of Persuasion.

If you love Jane Austen or if you are looking for another heroine to fall in love with I recommend Molly Gibson. I hope she is the kind of heroine I can become and write about in my stories for I feel she is a great role model to live up to. 

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Besides my love for Molly Gibson, the whole mini-series is great with some great one liners...

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To read more on other heroines I have fallen in love with... A Jane Austen Heroine

Happy Father's Day!

Last year I did a mother's day post so this year I am doing a father's day post...

Song: The Words I would Say

By: Sidewalk Prophets

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I heard this song through some random search on Spotify a couple of months ago and loved it. At that time I was going through some hard emotional things and spent a night crying on the phone with my dad. God has truly blessed me in my relationship with my Dad and my Step-Dad, though they are far away... they love and support me. So this post is for them and all the dads in my life. I have other great examples in my friends, brother-in-law, and grandparents on strong and loving men. Thank you for being men to look up to.

my dad and I

my Granddad and I

My dad was always good at hanging us upside down... and we loved it. 

my granddad, my sister and I

my grandpa, my sister, and I 

 

my grandpa and I 

my grandpa visiting when we were living in California 

my step-dad and I on our cruise

my dad and I, just having fun

my dad and I dancing at my sister's wedding

my step-dad and I at my college graduation 

my brother-in-law as dad and my dad as Pops 

(yeah I cut my sister and I out of this pic)

Step-dad and I last Christmas decorating cookies

On vacation in May 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

I tried to put these pictures in chronological order oddly going through my computer/facebook I couldn't find any pictures from my middle school/high school years...maybe it is good not to have my awkward teen years documented. 

Lessons from Jane Austen

I found this post through Pinterest and loved the thoughts behind it.

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1. Turn your hobby into your career

As a young girl, Jane Austen wrote stories and plays for her family for entertainment. She presented a different and very honest kind of voice during a time when more books were coming out, but they were of lesser quality. Austen was clearly giving the world some quality work (I mean, does quality work get turned into a modern day rom-com?).

To see more click here

An example from the movie Becoming Jane of Jane Austen's writing as a hobby. 

I love seeing how much Jane Austen  has inspired people around the world. She is not just an author of love stories but if you give her a chance she brings out the best in people.  I love the first lesson from this post of turning a hobby into your career.

On Friday I was getting coffee with my friend, we come from different back grounds and we have different passions and I think our passions bring us together. We admit we are both geeky but I think everyone as there geeky parts... some people geek out over video games, others geek out over Broadway musicals, and a lot people geek out about sports. But the point of it is to find a passion and pursue it.

So many times I consider her my inspiration for my writing. I mean I literally used her story of Sense and Sensibility as a basis of my story Sisters in Pine Haven. She had a heart to write about every day things or interactions and make them special. Her stories have lasted through generations and have been re-made and updated. For Example:

Jane Austen and the modern girl 

I know I can only hope to as inspirational as her... but I do so want to make an impact in this world, rather it be in my writing or doing my best to live out my faith.

To read more on how Jane Austen has inspired me read A Jane Austen Heroine