Can't Just Sit By

Hello lovely readers,

I have had a few thoughts on my mind about this weeks "My World Monday" and I want to let you know what's going on in my life but before I start I want to say "thank you" to you guys my readers. I know I have gone back and forth on this blog from posting a lot to not posting at all. I know I have changed my mind on the focus of this blog a few times and I have probably left you wondering "what is going on in her head" so thank you for staying with me through all my transitions.

Second I want to say that as much as I love this blog... it is going through more transitions. I want this blog to feel comfortable and personal. For people who know me in real life I want this blog to sound genuine and true (I don't want this blog to be a false persona). For the people who don't know me in real life I want you to feel connected. I am trying to blog about the truths in my life from the highs to the lows and all the in between. One transition you might notice is that I am trying to set up a blogging schedule (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I am not a professional blogger so I am sure I will miss some days but I hope you guys will stick with me. Another transition I am trying to make is getting my blog more professional (at least in looks). There a few blogs I follow closely and I would love to have more their style, but I still want this blog to be comfortable.

I don't know why but for some reason I picture a big comfy reading chair when I think about how I want this blog to feel. So I will still be posting about my faith, my obsession with period dramas, my writing, the books I am reading and other various things I enjoy. But I have added advertisement to this blog in hopes of getting a little bit of money while doing something I enjoy. There might be some other changes a long the way but as I am not a professional blogger it might come in bits and pieces.

Third, I want to say "I am sorry". I feel sometimes I hide behind my books, my stories that I am writing and even this blog to hide what is really going on in my life and in my heart.

I think I hide because it is easier to share only part of the truth, the truth I like, than to share some things that hurt me to write out. But a blog seems safe, minus a few people I know who read my blog for the most part my readers are anonymous. So in that way I feel I can express myself better with you my readers than sometimes my own friends. But in other ways I can't... I know many readers are anonymous and we will most likely never meet but I still hold myself back because I fear judgement. I fear that if I say to much you may not like what I say and stop reading. I fear that if I speak out for things I believe in I will be called a hypocrite.

I have made mistakes, I have held grudges and I admit I let those grudge fester inside me that they have turned to hate. And I feel like a hypocrite in that way because I claim to love God and Jesus and the Bible talks endlessly about loving people. Yet somehow dislike and bitterness are easier for me than love. I love my family and my friends but the Bible says "love your neighbor as yourself" and I fail miserably at this. So I am sorry.

My church has been doing a series called "Forward" about the story we are moving forward with our money, in our families and in our community. As much as I pretend on the outside to be fine, I know with my thoughts and actions I am not moving the Good News forward.

One thing I have noticed in both my prayer time and in this blog is I talk a lot about changing and doing things but I don't really move towards change. So I can't just sit back, I can't just hide behind my books, or my stories anymore. If I want to change things I am going to have to get going. So this will probably be the biggest transition this blog and my life will be going through. For example: I can't just say I want to be a writer I have to actually get writing. And I can't just say I want to make an impact on this world and do nothing. So the first thing I am going to do is make to get invested in my community around me (not sure exactly what that means but I am keeping my eyes open). 

So I can't just sit by anymore... I hope you will stay with me as I go through this journey.