Starting over

Before you read this post read Note to Readers

My dear Anne,

So my dearest Anne, first of all let me tell you some things about myself. I am in grad-school and it is my last "traditional" semester of Grad school and in the fall I will be writing my thesis and doing a long internship. I am looking forward to doing research (as I actually find it fun) but I feel like I am trudging through this semester. It is like grad school senioritis. I'd rather be doing anything but my homework. Actually what I want to be doing is writing my own stories. I sometimes wished I had pursued creative writing instead... though maybe if I had pursued it in school I would not like it so much. Writing is my escape... but right now I feel like I want to escape a lot. Not that anything is seriously going on, I just don't want to be doing school work. I know school will soon be over and I will be able to write and read whatever I want (oh what a glorious day that will be).

Glorious
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Some other things about me that you should know are my obsessions. If you want to get close to me you should know I get very passionate and hold somethings close to my heart. I love being an aunt and probably might have a little unhealthy addicted to my niece and nephew. I don't think it is unhealthy but I am sure my friends/co-workers who I talk to do.

Some time being an auntie over Christmas

I am also a hopeful romantic. I not only love love stories but I have idealistic views of the ideas of chivalry and  men purely pursuing a woman. I think in that I have a deep love of historical fictions. I get very swept in the idealistic view I have of the past. As I mentioned in my post below I just love the idea of wearing fancy dresses, going to balls, and attending eloquent dinners. I think I want to crawl inside and live in a Jane Austen novel or Downton Abbey. Of course having read Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict... I know it is not so glamorous as  I think. Also Mary Crawley talked about how women don't have a life and that they are just stuck in the waiting room for marriage. So maybe the past is not as great as I imagine it to be but I still hold this idealistic view of the ages gone by.

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Sometimes I think if I were to be a character in a Jane Austen or Downton Abbey-ish story I would think I would be an Edith (but nicer) or an Anne Elliot from Persuasion (maybe that is where I got your name). I am the middle daughter with both sisters married and I the useful aunt. I feel that is a role I could do well... if I wasn't a 1,000 miles away from my niece and nephew. I have tried writing a story like that but it seemed "too woe is me" so I didn't want to continue it. I think I am Elinor but I want the passion of Marianne but heck if I could get a man like Dan Stevens to marry me that would be great.

Dan Stevens as Edward Ferras
in the A&E version of Sense and Sensibility
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I do think it is quite obvious that I have a love for the idea of love. As Carrie Bradshaw once said "a deep consuming, can't live with out you love" and that is what I seek after. So I will probably fill my letters with my hopeful romantic ideals and all that is entailed in that.

Besides my niece/nephew, grad-school, and my romantic ideals I will also use this time to write about my faith. To fill you in lately I have felt somewhat of a void in my life with grad-school, going home for Christmas and then having my mom visiting I could cover it up but then when things slowed down a bit I felt empty. As much as I felt I was keeping God in my life somehow I had floated away from Him. I don't think I was letting Him in to the real stuff and keeping our relationship at a very surface level. I am also trying to keep remind myself that no matter how I feel He is here with me. To do this I am trying to memorize scripture I did not do so well last week so my verse is the same...

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

-Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV 1984).

I think this has been a pretty good letter so I will let you go. Thank you for reading my letter Anne. Please write and tell me how you are doing.

Yours,

Blaire

P.S. I will write more and share with how my writing is coming along. Sharing my writing with you on my last story kept me quite motivated in finishing it. Thank you for your support.

Fictional Obsession and Confession

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Dear Readers,

I will admit I get emotionally attached to fictional characters. If you can relate please let me know if  because sometimes I feel alone in my obsessions. For example I get overly happy every time I watch Emma and the scene where Mr. Knightley proposes to Emma and she says "Now I need not call you Mr. Knightley, I can call you my Mr. Knightley." Oh it just tugs at my heart strings. And I lost it when Matthew proposed to Mary on Downton Abbey.

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While yes I do like happy endings and I am totally a hopeful romantic. I look to these books/movies/shows as a way of escapism. I like the idea of getting lost in fancy gowns, balls, and I guess my idealistic view of chivalry. I think that is why I got into history, I wanted to escape into the past and live in the times and places I could only live in my imagination. 

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But it is not just historical stories I mean when Peeta confessed his love for Katniss I hugged the book to my chest because I was so happy. And today when I watched the newest episode of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries I cried... Maybe I am just super emotional. 

I guess I just love getting lost in stories. I hope to one day be an author that writes stories that people will get lost in and will fall hopelessly in love with my characters. I mean I get lost in my own stories but sometimes I think they exist better in my head. (Is this common for writers?)

Any way I just wanted to share my obsession. Hope you, my lovely readers, will understand my posts when all I want to do is escape the realities of grad-school.   

Just a pretty picture of escapism
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Attempting Jane Austen

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I have been trying to write a story much in the way of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, as it is one of my favorite stories, but I have taken some creative liberality with the story. I do hope that my readers will be okay with that. I want to stick with the basic idea but in order to stay true to my voice have decided to change some of the plot points.

This scene is one of my creative liberalities... Laurel, the eldest gets sick, this is to motivate Emmy growing up a bit. In this scene Emmy has gone back home to fetch mother with Ethan Foster's help.

I love the picture below (even though it is the wrong era for my story) it reminds me of Emmy sneaking off into her woods.

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Emmy could not recount all the word she said to her mother she just remembered falling into her mother's arms weeping. They had arrived after dinner so it was too late to start back to Boston but Mrs. Pembers had the cook make them a light meal but Emmy ate only two bites before she felt sick to her stomach. The next day Fiona spent the day making arrangements for Gloria to stay at a friend's house and she made sure a nurse and doctor were on call in case anything happened to Grandma Danford. Mrs. Pembers said she could handle everything but Fiona felt better knowing the house was well maintained. Emmy still didn't eat much of any meals and went to bed right after dinner exhausted from not being able to sleep the last couple of nights. She still could sleep though and until the sun rose. She just paced the floor. Once the sun was up she got dressed, did her hair and snuck outdoors to her woods, the only place she felt she could get peace.

            "Ah Miss Emmy there you are," Mr. Foster said finding her in the woods.

            "What are you doing here?"

            "Your mother sent me looking for you. She said you would be here?"

            "Is everything all right?"

            "Oh yes. She wanted you to know she would be ready in the hour and then after lunch we should take off."

            "Who can think of food at a time like this?"

            "You must stay healthy Miss Emmy, you will be no good to your sister if you too are ill."

            "I am no good here."

            "Yes you are, you are bringing her mother to her."

            "Yes I am a good messenger."

            "Miss Emmy you are much more than a messenger."

            "Not much more."

            "What would your sister say if she heard you talking like this?"

            "First she would be upset I was walking in the woods and getting my dress dirty. She hated these woods."

            "Really? When I was here last she seemed rather fond of them."

            Emmy remembered that conversation from what she overheard, Laurel had spoken more to Ethan than she had to her own sister about her desires. Then she remembered what Laurel had said about her being so naïve. Emmy couldn't help but giggled when she thought about she had acted.

            "What are you giggling at?" Mr. Foster asked.

            "I overheard one of your talks, when you and Laurel walking out here once, she called me naïve and how I had my head in the clouds most of the time. I guess I was, I guess I am naïve and a silly dreamer. You see, I never had to grow up Laurel was always grown up for the both of us."

            "I think you are pretty grown up."

            "Only because I have to be, if Laurel was healthy and strong , I would still be in my ignorant ways, but circumstances have charged and the world feels so different now."

           

            "But still you find comfort in these woods? Miss James, I mean Mrs. Danford can dress you up in fancy clothes and teach you how to do your hair and your sister's sickness might have forced you to grow up but don't ever lose what makes you, you. These woods, your stories and your heart for adventure that is truly who you are and all the rest is just additional."

            "You were not here for Miss James' trip, who told you that?"

            "She did, she boasted about how she had dolled you up but I rather prefer you with your hair down and rather unruly then a doll who looks too perfect to touch."

           

            Emmy turned around feeling a flush upon her cheek. "You shouldn't talk that way."

            "In what way?"

            "It is almost flirtatious and anyone who didn't know you were in love with Laurel would question your loyalty." She had said it faster than she could think and now that it was there she couldn't take it back.

            "What?"

            She turned back around to face him. "I am sorry Mr. Foster, I should not have accused you of flirting you are only too kind. Please don't tell my sister about any of this."

            "I won't."

            "Especially not about-"

            He cut her off "Don't worry Miss Emmy, I will not say a word, discretion is my greatest flaw. But I am surprised for a girl who lives in the clouds how well you notice things here on earth."

            "I do not mean too."

            "It was all right, " he turned around and walked away leaving her in the woods by herself.

A naive writer's advice

I am not a published author, so you can take my advice with a grain of salt and I won't be offended. But in my years of writing I have discovered a few things.

1. Writing is a lonely job. So I say find a group of writers to hang out with, not just bloggers but people in real life. A few weeks ago a woman from my church started a Facebook page for people who go to my church who want to be writers. While yes it is a Facebook page, I see these people at least on Sundays so it is great to have them in real life and virtually give me advice and support. I think for our sanity writer's need support, while friends are great, a little group of other writers is great. So if you are a writer- find other writers, take up seats at a coffee shop and just be there for others. 

2. Be okay with crossed out pages. I don't know how people write by looking at a computer screen. I can only be inspired when I am hand writing stories... I know it takes me a long time to write because of this but I love to write in journals. For a long time I hated when I written something then crossed it out, I am slightly a perfectionist and I didn't like the way it looked to have it crossed out, but now I have embraced it. I would rather cross things out and make them better than be stuck with something I don't like. 

A page from my story notebook

3. Just write. Sometimes easier said then done. Lately I have really been pushing myself to write and finish my story but sometimes my brain is stuck so I give myself time to go for a walk, read a book or just watch TV but at the hours I know I think best creatively I "force" myself to write. Find the hours you think more creatively, find a spot you like to sit and write. For me it is 10PM to 1AM (I don't know why is late) and the corner of my bed. I have a day bed and I find the top corner of my bed the best place to write. Also make sure to give yourself time to not write, if needed.

4. Embrace your voice. In school teachers always said that they can know when you plagiarize because it doesn't sound like you. I think this is very true in all writing. We are each given our own thoughts, our tone and our own writing style. As much as I would love to write like Jane Austen, where paragraphs could last for pages, I am not Jane Austen and that is not how I write. So instead of pushing myself to write long paragraphs I have to write my own way. Also embracing your voice is writing what you are passionate about even if you think you are the only person who will like it.

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Chinese Food and Jane Austen

Left to Right: Edward Ferras, Colonel Brandon,

Willoughby, Elinor, and Marriane

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In a totally lame way, well lame to others, perfect for me, on Friday night I got Chinese Food and watched Sense and Sensibility, the TV mini-series by BBC in 2008. I was practically raised on the 1995 Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet and Alan Rickman and I love it but when I heard Dan Stevens, aka Matthew Crawley from Downton Abbey, was in Sense and Sensibility I had to watch this film. Fortunately for me my school library had a copy and I just awaited a good time to watch it. This weekend I knew I was going to be anti social, even though it is St. Patty's day. I have had a long week getting back in the swing of things and I have worked long hours, so Thursday I checked out the movie and got excited for Jane Austen night.

It is sometimes hard watching a new adapation of something you love so much. So this post will mostly be a comparing and contrasting of my old love and my new love of Sense and Sensibility. There are some major differences just to start off. In the beginning it starts off quickly showing the affair between Willoughby and Colonel Brandon's ward. It was a little surprising how quickly we learn of Willoghby's bad behavior when Jane Austen lets it unfold late in the plot line. But it does explain Colonel Brandon and Willoughby's disregard for each other, when we first see them interact, it is much more blunt then in  1995 version, and I could sense the hatred that loomed over them.

This minni-series was three hours long, unlike that the 1995 version that was 2 hours long, so it had more time to develop the plot, which was nice because not only did it show more of the longing of Colonel Brandon for Marianne, when they first met and how he tries to court her, it also shows their relationship develop after she recovered. I liked having this because it seems their relationship is kind of rushed in the 1995 version. 

Colonel Brandon, Marianne, and Willoughby
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Two things that happen in the book that don't happen in the 1995 version but do in the mini-series are Edward Ferras comes to Barton Cottage for one day. At first he seems happy but as soon as Mrs. Dashwood notices the ring with a lock of hair in it, he gets out of sorts. He says he has just come from Plymouth, where Lucy Steel lives (of course in the story we don't know that yet) and I think he is either trying to determine rather he still loves Elinor, which he does, or he is going to tell her about Lucy.

Edward at Barton Cottage, chopping wood to work out his anger
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Elinor and Edward
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The other thing that happens in the book is that Willoughby comes to see Marianne when she is sick, and tells Elinor, he really did care for Marianne. I have a friend who hates that this was left out of the 1995 version, I never liked this part of the story so I am glad it wasn't included. It is included in the minni-series but I still don't care for it because Willoughby throws himself a pity party, being stuck in a loveless marriage, but I don't feel sorry for him and I just want him to go away. Also Mr. Willoughby is not very handsome in this version and he doesn't seem to charm any one but Marianne. But I do think you can see his deceitfulness right away.

The Willoughbys... you decide
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Some things I did like about this version was that the characters look more age appropriate. Marianne is suppose to be sixteen going on seventeen, and no offense to Kate Winslet it is hard buying her as a sixteen year old girl. Also I think it was interesting that in this version Marianne wears her hair either down or in a looser style, I think it shows off her more "wild" or "passionate" side. 

Marianne
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Kate Winslet and Charity Wakefield
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But my favorite thing about this version was Dan Stevens playing Edward Ferrars. As much as I like the awkward and blinking Edward played by Hugh Grant; I absolutely adore Dan Stevens. I love him as Matthew Crawley in Downton Abbey and he made a wonderful Edward Ferrars. While he wasn't as awkward as Hugh Grant he did a good job of capturing my heart.

Edward Ferrars
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Some things I did not like is that there was no Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon and I love Alan Rickman. If they had a movie with Dan Stevens and Alan Rickman, I would be very happy.

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Also there is no Hugh Laurie as Mr. Palmer and he has some great one liners.

Great scenes of Hugh Laurie. 

I just love him

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Jane Austen stories never get old so it is great watching other adaptations.

Jane Austen and Faith

In my last post, A Jane Austen Heroine, I wrote that... I am ready to say I want to be a Jane Austen heroine, I know a lot of girls say that and they mean they want to have a Jane Austen love story... well that might be true but I want to be is an Austen heroine who spends some of her life living in an ideal world with big dreams but then learns through mistakes and errors the life she really wants.

Well last night I was praying I realized I am a Jane Austen heroine and I have a perfect Jane Austen hero... God. I know, I know it sounds corny but hear me out. The number one thing I like about Jane Austen novels is all her heroines are flawed... they all mess up.

I mostly like Emma she is a hopeless romantic, she speaks without thinking and meddles in other people's business but Mr. Knightly loves her anyway. He sees passed all her flaws and loves her. God is like that he loves me when I am mean, inconsiderate, and when I judge too quickly. He wants me to admit my mistakes, learn from them, grow in Him and change my ways. But no matter what God loves us. To me that makes him the greatest Hero. I have to thank Him for seeing beyond all my flaws and not only loving me in spite of them but saving me from my flaws so I can have a beautiful future.

God is better then Mr. Knightly, Colonel Brandon and Mr. Darcy combined. 

A Jane Austen Heroine

In my post Re-Reading Jane I talked about the new book I was reading and how much I loved it... well I just finished it and I still love it. I have learned Austen's novels are not just love stories they are life lessons. William Deresiewics talks about how in each book we learn life lessons. In Emma the life lesson was not to take the small moments for granted, in Pride & Prejudice we learn that we will make mistakes it is a part of growing up but we have to admit we make mistakes and learn from them.

Then he goes further how in Northanger Abbey we learn how to learn, not just to answer questions but to experience life and he challenged us that we can still learn to love things. I will admit Northanger Abbey is not my favorite book so that chapter didn't really resonate with me as the chapters on Emma and Pride & Prejudice did. But at the end he captured me with this sentence We can never reach the end of what's inside us, never know the limit of our own potential. I am still mulling it over what that means for me. But I remember in high school my guidance counselor always telling me I had great potential. I wanted to laugh in her face because I could not see much potential in me. But I like this line because we don't know what potential we have, we can stop our potential if we stop trying to be better selves or just think we are only good at one thing and that's it. But I think we all have more potential in us if we are willing just to risk a bit more. I don't know if Jane Austen wants us to risk things but I know she wanted us to keep learning. William wrote that in Northanger Abbey, the heroine Catherine learned to love a food, and we can learn to love something too we just have to try.

The next chapter was on Mansfield Park. When I first read Mansfield Park I didn't like it because the heroine was too mousy, she was quiet for most of the book the only time she got attention was when her cousins went away and Henry Crawford is only paying attention to her as a game for himself. Then there is Mary Crawford who is opinionated, passionate, and attractive. But we aren't really suppose to like her because she seems to care little for the people around her (if they aren't doing things her way) and she is unwilling to marry the man she loves because he wants to be a simple clergy man. But you also don't like her because she and most of the characters in the book are only out to seek their amusement. Fanny Price is different she is always serving her aunts, even when no one notices and holds on to her values even when it is not popular. Austen makes her the heroine of the story because she is good to all those around her even when no one notices. Choosing Fanny-ness over Mary-ness does not come naturally and is not particularly pleasant, but, Austen was telling us, it is what we deed to do. 

Then he discussed Persuasion, a novel I have always thought was one of Austen's darker novels. The novel's heroine Anne, is at the end of her bloom at the age of 27, she is basically an out cast from her family as she does not think like them, and she seems to miss the chance of her love when she rejected Captain Wentworth eight years earlier. Of course when she rejected Captain Wentworth she was was persuaded wrongly because her family and family friends thought she could do better than him. But in the novel Anne discovers that family might be the people we are born into but friends are the family we choose. While in some ways I feel myself as an outcast from my family as I have chosen to live in Boston while most of my family lives still in the mid-west, I sometimes feel I don't fit in to that world... but I am luckier Anne, as while I might feel like I don't fit into my family I still feel their love and I don't think Anne felt the love of her family. I am also lucky that I have made a great group of friends out here in Boston, some I call my second family. I have a great friend who is not that much older than me, but I call her my Boston mom, as she is protective of me and when I need to cry I go to her and she is there with open arms but also there to give advice. But Anne is the heroine of the story because she learns not listen to her family's negativity and because close friends with Mrs. Smith, a woman who needs Anne but her family doesn't understand her friendship.

William reading Persuasion learns that being a true friend means not just making sure your friends are happy all the time. To be a true friend it means admitting when you're wrong, but more importantly it means being willing to tell your friend when they are.True friendship to in our world is described by William as being about unconditional acceptance and support. The true friend validates your feelings,, takes your side at all times, helps you feel good about yourself at all times, and never judges you. But that is not the idea of true happiness to Austen for her, being happy means becoming a better person, and becoming a better person means having your mistakes pointed out to you in a way that you can't ignore. In that way it seems that a friend is like a mentor or in the Christian world we call that an accountability partner. In way a good friend is not only there to point out your mistakes but they are to help you through your errors and trials, looking back on the story of Northanger Abbey, I can see Anne sticking by her friends and family even when they are not perfect (and in reality who is ever perfect?)

The last chapter is about Sense and Sensibility and falling in love. In Sense and Sensibility there are two love stories the one between Elinor and Edward Ferras and Marianne and Mr. Willoughby. Elinor's love story is very modest and quiet but Marianne's is passionate and kind of in your face. I think if Marianne and Mr. Willoughby lived today you would be disgusted by their PDA. Marianne wants a passionate love story and doesn't think there is any other kind of love to have than the ones that exist in novels or plays (she sites Romeo and Juliet) but Austen points out that those passionate loves also die out quickly. Marianne was quick to believe that Willoughby was her soul mate (sometimes an idea I think I put too much hope in) but Austen had no use for things like fate or soul mats, second selves or other halves...or any other mythical idea which we try to turn love into something cosmic. A relationship is dependent, at least in it inception, not on destiny but on it very opposite--chance. But it William also notes for Austen love is not something that happens to you suddenly or otherwise; it's something you have to prepare yourself for... For Austen, before you fall in love with someone else, you have to know yourself.  

I am ready to say I want to be a Jane Austen heroine, I know a lot of girls say that and they mean they want to have a Jane Austen love story... well that might be true but I want to be is an Austen heroine who spends some of her life living in an ideal world with big dreams but then learns through mistakes and errors the life she really wants. I want to be a little bit of all the heroines serving generously and loving softly like Fanny Price, being a hopeful romantic who is not afraid to speak her mind and dream big like Emma Woodhouse and Marianne Dashwood but also know when to hold my tongue like Elinor Dashwood. I want to stick up for what I see is right like Anne Elliot but admit when I have made an error like Elizabeth Bennett. But over all I think I want to keep a little idealistic side to me, one that will always see the good in people like Catherine Morland.

There are two more quotes I want to share that really struck me near the end of the book, they fall in the chapter on Sense and Sensibility but I thought they were good over all lessons.The key to happiness is letting life surprise you. I love to plain out my life and have an idea where I am going to be in the next five years but I look back at the moments and the ones I hold closest to my heart are the ones that catch me off guard and shake up my life. The last quote I loved was true love takes you by surprise, and if it is really worth something, it continues to take you by surprise. I can't wait to feel that.

Re-reading Jane

Do you like Jane Austen? If you do there is a book you NEED to read.  A Jane Austen Education by William Derseiwicz.

 I am only chapter 3 but the first 2 chapter really spoke to me. The first one is on Emma and how the novel taught him how to appreciate the small matters of life. At first William seems a highly snobbish guy thinking that he is above silly 19th century, women's literature. He hates the book because there is no adventure, no hero's journey, or big life lessons. Well little does he know there is. During the picnic where Emma criticizes Miss Bates. He then sees himself as Emma always criticizing those around him.

After that William realizes the point of Emma... Austen was asking us to pay attention to the things we usually miss or don't accord us to pay attention to the things we we usually miss... those small "trivial" everyday things, the things that happen hour by hour to the people in our lives...That, she was telling us, is what the fabric of our years really consists of. That is what life is really about. After that I found myself putting little post-its on quotes I liked (I would have underlined it but it is my roommates book). William points out that while Emma has big dreams and seeks out this ideal world she realizes her "daily happiness" was right there in front of her. I have read Emma 3 or 4 times... I love it, it is one of my favorite Austen's but I did not notice these underline themes. But William and Jane challenged me to pay attention to the "minute particulars" is to not your life as it passes, before it passes. This really caught my attention as it is one my challenges for the year to pay attention to the details of my life. Emma finally learned that everyday life is not only more joyful--and more dramatic--than she could have imagined, is is also more joyful and dramatic than anything she did imagine, and of her plots or day dreams. I hope I that I will be like Emma. Of course I ended the chapter thinking I want to now read Emma again but I didn't I continued reading a Jane Austen Education and as much as I loved the first chapter I loved the second chapter even more so.

The next chapter was on Pride and Prejudice and how it taught him to grow up. William falls in love with Elizabeth Bennett from the start he sees her as clever and witty. But beneath the polished wit that she flashed at the world like a suit of armor, Elizabeth was still scarcely more than a girl and like any young woman she makes mistakes while she is growing up. He writes Elizabeth was all of twenty, and her mistakes were errors of youth--the mistakes, precisely, of a person who has never made mistakes, or at least, who has never been forced to acknowledge them. But the most important part of growing up is to admit your mistakes. He claims that Lydia will never grow up because she does not admit her mistakes but keeps making them, even when she runs off an elopes with Mr. Wickham, she does not see it as a mistake.  

William and I guess always saw as growing up as going to school, getting an education, and learning what we wanted to do in life. But that really isn't what growing up. I have had some insights that growing up is more about the life lessons you learn through life. In Pride and Prejudice Elizabeth learns she makes mistakes but she either fixes them or changes her out look on life. William wrote that Austen did not see growing up as getting older  for her, growing up has nothing to do with knowledge or skill, because it has everything to do with character and conduct. You can't grow up with out making mistakes but it is not just about making the mistakes it is about learning from your mistakes (a lesson I really need learn). Austen writes to grow up you have to make mistakes and they will humble or humiliate you because if they don't growing up won't happen. Austen understood that growing up hurts--that it has to hurt, because other wise it won't happen. I have written as one of my New Years resolutions that I don't want to make mistakes, well that is impossible, so if I make mistakes I want to learn from them and not make them again. 

I am loving this book and the life lessons it is teaching me. So if you love Jane Austen and want a little insight into life I recommend this book, and I am only three chapters into it. I will keep you posted on my life lessons I learn from Austen. 

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. 

North and South

It took me since October but I have finally finished North and South!!! I am doing a happy dance only because it has taken me so long to read a book. Of course I have been attempting to read a novel while going to grad school and working a full time job. But still I did it. I finished it last night at 1:05 AM.

The biggest lesson I learned was if you are going to read a book in grad school make sure you can pick it up and be able to put it down again. I was only able to do this because I had watched the mini series of it a few months ago(for my blog post on that click here). I knew the plot and basically what was happening but sometimes I did get lost in Higgins dialect. I don't know factory workers actually talked back then but Elizabeth Gaskell did a good job I felt of being authentic. It wasn't until after I read the book I saw a little glossary in the back of all the slang.... so maybe that would have helped too.

I cannot decide if this is a spoiler alert or not... but for the most part the love story between Mr. Thorton and Margaret Hale is a lot like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett. They both have assumptions about how the world should be. Margaret is kind of idealistic but her life has been kind of sheltered so it makes sense that she is shelter. Mr. Thorton though now he is on top, he has a hard life and that has made him hard. But Margaret's beauty, her idealism and even the way she stands up for the things that she sees as wrong make Mr. Thorton attracted to her. Then when she stands up to the crowd of picketers for Mr. Thorton every one is convinced she loves him. So he goes and proposes to her, like Mr. Darcy, she refuses him but still Mr. Thorton can't stop loving her. But both are very wrong in their perception of each other. Of course North and South is not as rosy as Pride and Prejudice, Margaret must go through a lot of heart ache before the end of the story. But some how through it all she still has her ideals intact. She also learns to love Milton, a place she thought she would never love. She also discovers she loves Mr. Thorton.

Since I have already written about this story in my Love some Melodrama post you can read the plot there. Plus I don't want to give too much away.

Over all while I enjoyed reading the book I think the movie is a must watch before trying to read. As a lot of things happens, there are a few different characters to keep track of and there are a few twist to follow. I can't yet tell if this a book I will read over and over again (like I do with my Austen's) or if this is a one time read. Maybe one day when I am not in grad school it won't take me so long to get through it.

But now on to my next book A Jane Austen Education. It was recommended to me by roommate who shares a love of Jane Austen. It is about a guy reading Jane Austen and discovering life truths in her novels. So far he is anti-Jane Austen but from his first paragraph he seems to turn into a Jane Austen fan (more proof that men can like Jane Austen). It is not a novel so I look forward to some non-fiction.

" I was twenty six, and about as dumb, in all human beings, as any twenty-six-year-old has the right to be, when I met the woman who would change my life. That she'd been dead for a couple hundred years made not the slightest difference whatsoever. Her name was Jane Austen, she would teach me everything I know everything that matters."- William Deresiewics (first paragraph).

I enjoy being a girl

Okay minus all the drama, that just seems to happen because we are girls, and girls just have drama... if you are thinking "nu'uh" you have been lying to yourself.

This will be my only mention of the show Gossip Girls on this Blog.



Last night through a conversation I remembered why I love being a girl

1. We can wear dresses/skirts/ carpi's or pants to the office and still be good...

guys can only wear pants no matter how hot it is outside.

2. We can cry and everyone ask if we are all right...

guys need to be tough and if they cry we are confused.

(though for some odd reason I love when my dad cries... he shows me he is sensitive).

3. We can be sensitive...

guys have sensitive sides but hide them.

4. We can also be tough...

guys are sadly told to only be tough.

5. We can dance stupidly...

guys have to be cool.

(Come on we have all seen the movie Hitch).

But my favorite reason...

6. We can like girly things, for example Jane Austen

and still like boyish things, for example football...

Guys are told to only like boyish thing and if they do like girl things

eye brows are raised, or they have to hide it.

 I know there are more reasons but this is what I thought of.

A Sap at Heart

I was going to write and post this Tuesday but I had to get some actual work done..

Does any one still love Dawson's Creek?... Well even though I haven't watched it in years and my copy of the 4th season that I own is buried in my guilty pleasure pile, Monday night while I was procrastinating doing my homework I found my self watching sappy YouTube videos of Pacey and Joey. Yes I openly admit I like Pacey over Dawson. Basically what I am saying is I am a sap at heart.

I know most people will not be surprised when they read this but I kind of am...just writing it. I am sappy romantic person deep down. Some times I feel I try to be independent and tough on the outside. But deep down I believe in soul mates, I believe you can find some one that compliments you so well it was as if you were made for each other, and I can't wait till the day I walk down the aisle to the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

But I can wait because I know the Lord has it all planned out for me and I love being on this journey of seeing what God brings next to my life. I have no reason to doubt it, even though I might get upset and impatient, God has giving me so much...Boston, a great church, a great group of friends that are like family, a supporting family, and into the Grad school I have dreamt of going to since I moved to Boston. I have to remind myself when I get impatient or annoyed that he has given me so much why would he not take care of this too. So I am waiting and right now enjoying the life of a single girl.

Until then I think I will keep watching shows like Dawson's Creek, Gilmore Girls and reading books from Jane Austen or Jennifer Donnelly. Where I think the heros and heriones with all their flaws teach us to fight for love. And honestly that's the kind of fighter I want to be.


You can find all my pics at Pinterest

I will also be praying for my future husband and praying for our relationship that we will have together.


In case you were wondering this is my dream dress